taking a bath with tulips and seashells
by local destructive reactor
Summary: Yes. He can handle plenty of things in stride, Kagamine Len prides himself on that. "I'm pregnant." Or maybe not.
1. feb7

Dissecting a frog and each of it's bodily components is okay.

Having your brain purged enough until you've got to recite mathematical numerations while holding a tissue against your classmate's bleeding nostril without even a stutter or blink is acceptable even despite common belief.

But having that one girl you fooled around with _once_ (not once, but he'd think he deserves the chance to exaggerate after all this while) pull you behind the school covered in a mess of heavy tears and snot and all those revolting things that make you wince in disgustー

Well, that was alright too. He can handle plenty of things in stride, Kagamine Len prides himself on that.

"I'm pregnant."

Or maybe not.

/

/

/

He'd laughed in her face when she first told him.

At first it was just a solemn chuckle but then became full blown laughter - tears of disbelief running down and leaving wet streaks on his skin as _that girl_ looked on with those wide blue eyes that almost seemed as if they were screaming in pain.

"Good joke. Funny." His hand ruffled her blonde hair. "Well. I have to go to English now. Bye bye."

He was about to be shameless enough and add a _see you on the roof later?_

But her trembling lip halted his movements. She held onto the cuff of his white sleeve just as the boy was about to turn away and head to the next thing on his schedule. Their gazes were forced to meet once again; those challenging stormy skies of his own against her clear bluebells. He was pulled into the empty room behind them. The abandoned assembly hall, and she took place at the stage with her fingers drumming at the wooden surface as she sat across a tabletop.

He was standing between her thighs, mouth parting, chin tilting down to go into another full-fledged make out session that would leave them both heaving for more, but..

"Len. I'm not joking.."

Well, she doesn't have a strong sense of humour. He'll agree with her on that.

Len brushed that golden hair away from her eyes, attempting to give her a look with all the love in the world ー _he heard things like that makes girls melt, courtesy of his older brother who's proclaimed that he's had over nine different girlfriends when in reality has been stuck with the same routine of study, eat, show their parents his perfect grades, sleep, and everything all over again on repeat ー_ before bending in to steal another luscious kiss..

Those plans were stopped. She pushed against his chest and glared with dimmed eyes which made him stop all those advances. Alright. So this girl really wants attention, and not the sugar candy-eyed one that they're usually accommodating to. He can do that.

He's a master of manipulation after all, he's not about to fall to some little girl's tricks, especially not the one who can't even moan out his name correctly. Yeah, she sounds rather disgusting during it, like a dying mammoth who'd just gotten stabbed.. much unlike his own encouraging huffs that would put any professional lewd artist to shame.

Ha. Kidding. Probably.

But she's pretty. She's really, _really_ pretty; enough that how horrible the noises she makes during sex doesn't matter. Unfortunately for him, superficial things like looks really hit him deep in the guts. Unfortunately for her, he's still very immature in the mental sense. It'd be better to confide your feelings in a five year old boy who actively responds to Dora the Explorer than get Len to actually be understanding.

"Listen, Neru ー" He began, grabbing hold of her small shoulders.

"Rin." She corrected.

"Right. _Right!_ I knew that. Rin." His thumb brushed over a sticky cheek, and she sniffed a little more, allowing a revolting drop of tear stain the top of his fingertips. Len resists the urge to find the nearest sink and wash it all off. "Yeah. Anyways, I'll just get straight to the point here and ask _what do you want?_ "

She looked taken aback at the question, and Len smiled as he hit a bullseye. There was _nobody_ who could trick him into falling between the gaps of their fingers; now she was likely to demand something to soothe her demented _awry little girl_ mind, maybe a treat to that new cafe that opened uptown, or some new bags or skirts which he won't even bother to buy for her other than a false promise to keep this one in line. Yes. He's got it all planned, every situation, every order, every little knick and knack that would attempt at throwing him aloof.

What the young man didn't expect, however, was her hand gently grabbing hold of his own and pressing it flat against her stomach.

What? _What?_ What's this ー is she expecting him to compliment her weight gain or something like that, because he can certainly feel the additional extra pounds. A nervous laugh escapes him and he stares directly into her gaze, watching as she looks back unflinchingly.

And she responds, almost saccharine sweet. "I want you to look after your baby."

/

/

/

Pretty girls are a turn on. Pretty girls with milky ー _just_ bordering a golden tan, actually, she must've had a blast during summer vacation ー skin, flaxen hair that looks like pure golden honey, bright blue eyes, and beautiful pure red lips that make him want to stab a rose thorn through his chest just to gain a kiss is even more temptatious.

Pretty girls who insists they're pregnant with your kid.. uh, not so much.

He's fifteen, god damn it. _She's_ fifteen. This is impossible.

This girl is a sociopath, a complete high functioning sociopath that's thinking ahead to lock someone _who isn't even her boyfriend_ up to avoid a life alone with twenty five cats in the future. It's too bad he despises such beasts and harbours an allergy to them, being incapable to support any of these dreams. Rin pulls him aside after school, right at the gates where he's caught trying to run away, and the tears she presents in front of a dozen other students keep him locked in place so it'd seem like he's a horrible person had he enough guts to actually walk off.

She's thought all of this through, the genius. And he thought _he_ would be the one outsmarting it all.

The blonde ended up making him go into the city for some overpriced crepes in the tourist area as expected. He'd just began weeping the loss of this week's allowance and fishing his wallet out of his pocket when she'd went ahead and paid for it herself with the reassurance not to worry about it ー that bewildered him, but the blond supposes she has a different plan to trick him and this is just a momentary show of her feigned generosity.

"I need to get home early tonight, Rune."

She still looks rather tearful as she interrupts. "Rin. My name's Rin."

"And mine's _Cyber Diva,_ your point?" He retorts, and she flinches at the harsh tone of voice. How bothersome. "Look, can we just stop this?"

This little game of lies that she's playing to make him cower in the shadows of his previous confidence.

The way she looks up at him after throwing away her finished dessert wrapper is somewhat gut-wrenching to say the least, and Len has to admit it tugs at his heartstrings when she presses her thumbs together meekly, as if trying to find a suitable response that won't send him running away into the woods where he'll never be seen.

Metaphorically, of course, seeing as there aren't any forests around here for more than a good thousand metres.

There's that irritating dot of cream stuck on her bottom lip that she doesn't wipe off and he has to reconsider whether someone that seems as innocent as _this_ would actually have the mind to lie to him, especially about something so serious. But this could only mean she's thought this through and analysed each and every weakness to bring him barrelling down to the ground.

Still, he can't resist grabbing a tissue from his pocket and dabbing it over her mouth until it's gone, and she never once breaks that hold she has on his eyes.

"You don't believe me." And when he stares back blankly, she slowly nods. "Oh.. I didn't think you would."

Yes! Exactly! Thank you for understanding where he's getting at, now. Len nods his head and return, expecting her to drop the act, but when she suddenly wraps her arms around his waist and buries her head against his chest with a quiet wail, everything turns around for the exact worse. Len's jaw drops and he struggles to push her away, but her hold is stronger than the evening ocean tides.

He feels as if he's drowning in water. "Please believe me! I promise I'm not telling a lie! Believe me!"

Oh, disgusting. Len crinkles his nose and tries to push her away.

If only she didn't cling onto him further. Her blonde hair tickles his chin and he's struggling to stand up, but they're already drawing a scene that's already too far gone to had half a mind to treat her badly in a public space yet after a million reassurances that she'd do anything she could to gain his trust, the boy dragged her into the nearest pharmacy and tossed a few items on the counter while she was pitifully gripping onto his jacket and drenching it with salted tears.

She only discovered the contents of his purchases when they're dragged back across town into his quiet apartment building and dim bedroom, sneaking past his sleeping father that's covered beneath mountains of overnight paperwork above the dining table, and almost crying when one part of his mission was a success.

Pregnancy tests. More than two. She looks up at him like he's an idiot, and he glares back at her with an indignant glare while she takes a nervous seat across his mattress.

Rin wonders whether she should tell him that she's already done this.

"I need to see it in front of my own eyes. Take off your underwear."

Maybe not.

But she does as she's told anyways, stripping it down her skirt, below her knees and flushing a deep red when her light blue cotton panties is revealed, with a small little bow on the top. Childish, comfortable, and not at all her first choice of lingerie if she'd known he'd be seeing them today. The cloth is left abandoned like another plain rag on the carpet and he pulls her through the bathroom door, setting the female to sit down flat on the toilet as he unwraps one of the devices from it's package.

Horror fled her gaze. "Here? In ー I mean, right in front of you?"

Obviously. He's not stupid enough to let her fool him; there's a million of things she could do to cheat it's results without him managing a careful watch. Exchange the test, find a fake one, break it apart, and he'd be none the wiser.

When he looks towards her with a persistent glare, she takes a deep breath and deepens her blush when he situates the tip of the test beneath her area, where it's supposed to be graced with urine. His other hand is keeping a proper hold on the instructions manual while he sits with his knees on the ground in front of her, and the blonde feels some sweat trickle down the back of her neck at this boy's intense gaze. There's no way she can do something like this in front of him, no, she'd rather die.

She continues building up a resistance. "What if it accidentally touches your fingers?"

"Aim properly." No way! She can't do that! "Listen. We've done worse, literally ー my _mouth_ has been thereー you're already making a.. really bad accusation against me and I'd like to get this all over with by the end of tonight." His hand gently pries her thighs further apart, and Rin shrieks loudly into the palm of her hand. "Of course, I mean.. if you're telling the truth then that means there's really nothing here to hide, is there."

Well.. he's right. But it doesn't change the fact that she's still a normal high school girl who'd want anything than to cause herself this much embarrassment so soon. This type of casualty is something that's meant to be saved up, even long after marital life. If she's going to risk exposing this much of her shame then he's got to sacrifice something in return.

After all, that's only fair, isn't it?

But she'll think about the requirement later. Rin's too ashamed to worry about anything else so she took a deep breath, wriggled, and released with her head tossed up towards the white ceiling ー hearing not-too-pleasant sounds sprinklng at the water below. Like predicted, his fingers had been an unwilling target amongst one part, and she heard Len hiss a complaint.

His whisper likely wasn't meant for her to hear: "Gross."

But she did, and she forced that one stubborn tear that threatens to run down her cheek into staying right where it was.

/

/

/

Three different tests, and all three positive. Len thinks he's actually going mad.

"Then, since I did this, you have to marry me."

"What! No way!"

It's official. This girl is a lunatic. He'd been deceived by her angelic looks and smiles, but now her fangs are clawing out and draining his life at a rapid pace

Len's not ready to give up on youth so early in life, especially to a psychopath who's insistent on using him to reap all benefits laid out to take until the very end. The young man gags into his throat and when she lets a downpour of tears fall at the sound of refusal, it feels like they'd just taken away his shoes and forced him to walk on a burning morning's rock-littered beachshore. He doesn't know if he's about to cry himself.

You could grab a bathtub and he'd be able to fill that up with his tears alone.

 _Screw that,_ give him an entire ocean. No problem.

This has to be a lie, or an actual nightmare. He's lying flat on his stomach while moaning into a pillow and she crawls onto the bed beside him, curious eyes trying to steal a peek of his features, even though he's trying his best to avoid her gaze. _Marry_ her, Len chuckles darkly, _and to think he thought the physically appealing ones would be sane._

Absolutely not. He is not marrying anybody. Especially not at this age.

Apparently she's been like this for two months, with a barely noticeable stomach that can be excusable as heavy lunch. It doesn't look believable but at this point the young man is likely just making excuses to find an easy leeway for his aching mind.

But her large baby blue eyes insist, carefully landing on the same pillow beside him and tossing a leg over his waist with all the casualness in the world that he doesn't even have the energy to reprimand her for it. And she tries to push him into giving her the attention she wants. "But I did everything you asked.. I did all those tests, and I didn't say a word through any of it even when you told me to. I promise I won't be a bother."

He saw her _pee_.

Rin can't let something like that pass so easily.

She actually wishes she were committed to someone more understanding than this, rather than a boy who puts his personal priorities first before anything else ー already crawling across the other side of the mattress when she tries to do so little as touch him. It's not like she's the one who created this situation all on her own, he'd been horribly eager to indulge in her flesh just weeks before when she still hadn't known about this herself.

The young lady stares at the devices on the table, and then she rubs her knees together uneasily. Sorting her mind after this won't be easy, especially if he's not willing to help her. She hasn't even let her own _mother_ know yet.

She finally speaks after a long silence: "Fine.. I'll go home then. Sorry for wasting your time."

Len nods in agreement. _Yes, go, and never let me see you again._

But the way she sounds ー not at all resentful, but rather sad and resigned, breaks something apart inside him that exposes all that guilt and he holds onto her wrist before she can leave through the door. And he reaches down, smoothing slender fingers over her clothed stomach like a frightened bird and feeling her relax into that hold, however loose it was. She grins a little albeit carefully and he forms a weakened look in response.

Lunatic or not, the road is set out in front of him through time and maybe he will just have to take what he can get.

... Not.


	2. mar12

He's not ready to be a father.

Most would've understood that by then; he's fifteen, struggling to balance physical activities and academics with one hand while keeping his mind stress-free in the other, but then this girl comes along prancing with her heels beneath her feet without a care in the world while easily breaking his manageable routine down to the ground. There's that nagging, guilty reminder that it wasn't all _her_ doing and he was the one who dug this mess out from the earth.

It takes two to make a baby.

And _he was_ the one who complained about how protection itches, how he decided against ever using it after ten seconds of wear.. but god, when she agreed and let him do as he wished, Len had expected her to think of a different way to dull their chances. Stupid girl. And he's the stupid boy.

He was sitting by a chopped log at their local lake while she was throwing rocks into the water, attempting to somehow make them skid when she could only manage one bounce before it plops down, away from sight. Her cheeks were huffed and she found another stone to try again, not wanting to give up until she got the result she was searching for. His hands itched to come up and aid her but there were concerning matters in his mind that needed more attention.

"Have you considered just giving it away?"

"..." She seemed distracted with the ripples in the water. "Hm?"

"The baby."

It took what seemed like an eternity to pass before she finally turned to look at him, lips pursed, eyes solemn and freezing into a dark glare. Her hands wrapped around her stomach protectively as if his mere gaze could cause any harm and Len was forced to recoil in his seat with both palms up in surrender. Those actions made him feel cold threads of ice go up his spine ー the look on her face was answer enough and he had to find an excuse to back out of whatever horror she's become.

Admitting a fault would be idiotic. No, no, there's got to be something to gain her approval rather than adding fuel to a burning fire.

The blond awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "Because, y'know.. I don't think I ever could. Just wanted to make sure we're on the same track."

That was all it took for the young lady to lighten up.

"Oh! Good." How simple minded. He's got to figure out more and more of her thoughts to avoid any disputes, it doesn't seem like she's someone he'll really want to piss off. "I wouldn't give this child away for the world," She turned back to the water, but he could sense a determined stare from the corner of her eyes. ".. because it's _ours_ , you know?"

Something about her smile makes this sickening, revolting roll in the depths of his stomach. But he likes that.

/

/

/

/

They're kissing. Him and her. Len's not sure how it happened, but she'd somehow conned him into walking her all the way home whilst holding hands ー something he'd greatly protested against but watched her give no care to his wishes. Out of all the people he could've been expecting a child with in the world, it had to be a stubborn girl who wanted things to only go her way. Well, not necessarily ー but he's terrified to find out what would happen if he persisted an argument.

Once they reach her gate, Rin wraps her arms around his shoulders and he barely has a moment to think about how nice she smelt, like lavender flowers and roses, and how her lips curved into an adorable quirk at each corner.. before she pressed them firmly against his own.

He's not used to that. He's not used to gentle pressure, with her eyelashes fluttering gently on his cheeks like sweet butterfly kisses.

One of them should be opening their mouths by now, and the other should be forcing their tongue in to savour each inch of shared flesh. They're not supposed to kiss like innocent grade schoolers who'd blush the moment you mentioned a hug, this was wronger than anything he'd ever done in his life but at the same time he doesn't want to pull away. So he relishes it, and she keeps them in a firm lock before slowly moving away.

Her eyes glimmer. "Good night."

"Um ー good night." His cheeks are red and he's flustered to reply.

She pushes the gate open and walks through, blowing him another kiss as her feet moves to the doorstep. He's left stricken even minutes after she's gone and likely would've kept in the state for hours had the skies overhead not crackled with a flash of lightning and a deep roar of thunder, signaling the beginning of a storm. Len walks home alone, drenched in rain water and his own sweat, soaking up the carpet and wood he walks on.

This still feels unreal.

First of all: how is he even sure that the child she claims is their product is truly his?

He doesn't monitor every passing minute of her day, she could very well pull ten different boys into a closet for a quick screw while thinking she'd get away by forcing all the responsibility onto just one. And if the accusation is incorrect, and it's truly their baby and theirs alone, then why should he subject to this torture of losing his youth when she's the only one who seems like she wants to?

Alright, maybe the latter wasn't _too much_ of an issue. She'd already said she'd just leave (even after the sudden marriage demand) if he hadn't wished to take part.. but that thought doesn't sit too well with him either.

Peeling off his clothes and entering the bathroom for a very long hot shower, Len groans into his hands.

It seems that there are alot of things he'll have to think about.

Things he never once would've considered before.

/

/

/

/

"So, Shion, I've been thinking for a while.."

".. Rin. It's Rin."

" _Right_. Rion."

If she wasn't so determined to get to the end of this, the blonde likely would've been in tears.

She's been reminding him of her actual name for about fifty times now; if he makes another mistake she's just going to go along with it, whether or not it sounds horrible. They've got more important matters at hand, like the growing bud in her body.

They were inside another empty classroom, at fhe corner seat by the window. She was sitting on one of the desks, facing him, while he wss sitting on the chair and rubbing a fond palm up and down the flesh of her leg, allowing her skirt to ride with his actions.

Licking her lips, Rin pats her small stomach comfortingly before staring outside to admire the purple skies. It seems there's another early sunset today, and only at quarter til' six, too. How beautiful. Hopefully it will still be there by the time this little one leaves her body, it'd be a wonderful sight to show. Yes, she'll show everything, she'll show the entire world. It doesn't matter if anyone thinks she's an idiot for trying.

Len loudly cleared his breath to regain the young lady's attention. It seemed he was irked. "And I've come to the conclusion.. that we'll be raising this child in secret. We'll leave it somewhere and check up on it every day, after school.. but not during, because my education is very important."

Oh, how proud of himself, he is.

Sacrificing his own life for the sake of another that's not yet born, nearly giving up all of his ambitions and goals for the future so that Kagamine Rin and her baby can live with more ease. Len can already feel a smirk crawling up his lips, gaze shining down on her as if expecting the girl to look up at him with gratefulness and bless him for being so responsible, so understanding, so wonderful and that she couldn't have gotten someone better in this life.

Too bad nothing sticks to fantasy.

Instead she's looking at him like he's an idiot.

"That's.. no, that's not possible." She shook her head in firm refusal.

Len felt a tick in his forehead ー she must be looking down on him! Probably jealous that she hadn't thought of something so ingenious, and is now trying to find an excuse to spoil his plans so she can look like the better person.

"Len... Len, this is a baby you're talking about. He won't be able to stay half an hour without someone checking up on him, much less _ten_."

What makes her think it's _(that is, the creature)_ a boy?

Not that it matters too much now. "Why not?"

"He's going to need a change in diapers, a feeding, someone to swaddle and clean him, some warmth and love.. you can't honestly expect an infant to be able to take care of himself just fine. This is serious, he's a growing child, not a play doll. We're going to have to drop out of school."

Oh lord, a baby is so much work. Just hearing about it makes him want to thwart all responsibility and dive into a grave.

Just like that, all light in his eyes died.

His father is going to murder him in cold blood if he'd dared to do such a thing. Of course, he'll get still get murdered if the man discovers that his teenage son managed to impregnate a girl who isn't even in the same class, but one way sounds more appealing than the other. No, he already offered to give up his afterschool time for _this thing_ , he's not going to give up on his hopes snd dreams of getting a scholarship into a good university, where there are many intelligent beauties all huddled up in one place ー

Rin leant forward, kissing him again, just as gentle as she did the other day, and that easily distracted him from his thoughts. He'd almost melted and decided, _hey, maybe living the rest of my life with Kagamine Rin wouldn't be too bad, either._

But it _was_ bad. Very, very bad. Especially with the way she was able to manipulate him into thinking these thoughts.

"Please, Len, think about it?"

 _No way._

"Alright." He lied.

And then he pulled her down again to meet his lips.


	3. apr26

She'd fainted in the middle of class.

The only way he found out was through word of mouth. A few girls that shared classes with him and was supposedly in her friend group were talking about how she'd recently been arriving to school later in the day, and if not, spent a couple hours in the girl's bathroom flushing out her breakfast down the loo, murmuring something about menstrual cramps. He'd lost focus in studies after that, paying more attention to the chirping of birds outside the window rather than their nagging English teacher's rants.

He'd tried not to pay it any mind. He really did. He even left class early and tried to sneak out through the back gates, but she'd caught him on time, her body nearly collapsing right in front of him had his arms not stretched out to hold her fall.

"Help.."

Her eyes were beginning to close, and he was panicking. "Hey, hey, don't fall asleep here... wait a minute, hey ー"

But she was gone just a minute later.

/

/

/

/

He had to carry her on his back, looking all around the building for someone to take her off his hands.

"It's getting worse."

That's the first thing Rin says upon waking up. He'd offered to stay inside the infirmary with her and a teacher had accepted that, allowing him to draw the curtains shut around them and gently stroke his fingers through her golden hair.

Her breath was warm and gentle across his skin, and he'd pushed his seat closer to the bed so that he could lay his head on the pillow when she slowly revealed wide, blinding blues, peeking towards his own. In the depths of her chest, he could hear her purr ー no doubt in response to his gentle touches that couldn't help but lift the corners of her mouth into a smile.

"I'm trying not to let it bother me, but it hurts. Everything about me hurts." He nodded mutely to her words, urging the girl to continue. "My legs, my waist, my breasts.. and not to mention my _throat and stomach._ I feel as if I'm trying to live inside a corpse's body."

He really didn't want to offer, but seeing this girl sitting there on a bed, unable to do anything more than stare at the ceiling and curl in towards his hold.. it's pitiful, and there's nothing he hates more than knowing it's _his_ doing that made her become like this.

Guilt was always his most loathed emotion.

Len decided to continue his affectionate caresses on her head to widen that smile.

"Do you want me to do anything?"

"Mm.. just stay with me. That's all I need."

He couldn't do that for long, though, whether or not he had a choice. Something else would've been easier, like a light massage or a glass of water, even of she'd asked him to brew green tea. The sun was setting and their district had a strict curfew. Not to mention his house is a little distance away from school, he'd only be able to stay for thirty minutes at most.. but seeing the look on her face, pale and a bit of sweat rolling down the side of her cheek that he had to dab away, he couldn't find the heart to refuse.

It's your fault, _your fault,_ he had to remind himself.

He made a big mistake by involving himself with this type of girl.

The type he couldn't exactly say 'no' to, and couldn't even understand _why._ As if he was cursed by magic to obey.

"I heard your classmates say you had menstrual cramps.." Len spoke up, moving his arm down to brush a finger against her cheek. She hummed happily and dug her face closer towards his skin, almost like an affectionate cat. "What's with that?"

The young lady rolled her shoulders into the loosest shrug. "It's not like I could tell them what's really going on."

Well.. she had a point, there. He's a bit disappointed of himself for not thinking it earlier, but the look on her face didn't seem like she was looking down on him for not knowing.

"Can you hold my ear next?"

Len blinked at the request. He moved his hand sideways now, holding her lobe between his forefinger and thumb to rub the flesh, gently, and then he did the same treatment to her tragus. Her breathing came out in shallow noises of comfort.

"Right here?" Len wondered.

"Right here." Rin confirmed. "Your touches feel good... warm. I like them." Though he wasn't so sure what to say to that.

He took out a blanket from beneath her legs and layered it over her entire body, nice and warm, as if she was snuggling into her own little cocoon with the reassurance that he'd stay guard and protect her from harm. By the time their teacher returned, narrowing his aged eyes and wondering why the curtains were drawn so suspiciously, Len forced a half-baked excuse about how the girl on the bed complained about having too much light disturb her rest, as if he'd never even known her.

He was released soon enough. All through his walk home, he couldn't help thinking about Kagamine Rin, doing his very best to not get himself carried away nor let the frustration eat him up from the inside.

/

/

/

/

His father was fixing on some shoes near the entrance by the time he opened the front door.

In his hand was a bag of buns he'd gotten from the convenience store and a few glasses of chilled milk. The man stared at him, letting a few minutes pass before he'd dropped his boots to the ground and cried into his palms out of relief, soon going back to face his son with a deadly glare.

"Where have you _been?_ "

"Hm? Downstairs. Can I have some money? I got us more milk."

He dug into his pocket for the receipt before dropping it into the man's lap, then took off his own shoes and walked into the house without a care in the world, soon lounging on his bedroom floor to stare at the stars outside the window. There were important things for him to worry about, and the look on his father's face definitely wasn't one of them.

Thankfully he wasn't hounded for 'showing disrespect' and given an hour-long lecture about getting home on time and following orders.

When he was done taking a moment for himself, he went back outside to get some water from the fridge. The money he'd requested was left on the marble kitchen counter, atop the receipt, and he pocketed it into his trousers to store into a wallet for later.

Len walked in on his father sitting by the dining table once again, resting a heavy cheek against his netbook's keyboard, already fallen in a deep sleep. His eyes, albeit closed, were oddly red and tireless, and Len only had to spare one glance towards the calendar before he let out a sigh.

It's already this _time of year,_ isn't it?

The blond wandered towards the table, gently lifting his father's head away and tapping on the power switch to turn the screen off before grabbing the nearest piece of cloth in one of their cabinet's within reach, soon covering that man up to his shoulders. It seems that's all he's been doing lately, making sure everyone was safely wrapped up.

 _That woman_ always tucked him in the warmest blanket before bed to keep all those nightmares away.

He shook his head, walked fast to the fridge, got his water, and returned to his room without another word.

/

/

/

/

"It's so cold today!"

Her bright eyes are the first pair he sees all day. It was the truth; he'd woken up long after his father left for work, and had avoided looking anyone in the face while boarding the train and getting off at his stop, even on the road to the school building. He was surprised to feel her cold, small hands slink into his own, and his gaze immediately landed on the contrasting paleness of her skin.

His initial instinct was to force himself out of her grasp as quickly as possible to avoid any risk of bystander's speculation and the embarrassment of being seen holding hands at _this_ age, but when she looked at him in this type of hurt, horrified way, he complained about a papercut he got the previous night and interlocked their fingers with his other hand.

"You look like you haven't slept." Rin urged a response out of him.

 _And whose fault was that?_

Not that he actually said that out loud. Len was too tired to pick a fight. Especially with her, of all people. He barely even _knew_ her.

"I did." He left it at that. "Are you feeling any better?"

It's a stupid question.

Just one glance at her spoke a million words, and the answer was definitely in refusal. Her entire body felt paper-thin, like just one flick of his finger could send her tumbling down, and her normally plump vermilion lips were turning a deathly trembling blue.

But she only flashed him a determined grin. "Fine as ever!"

 _Liar._ And then she let go of his hand, rushing ahead towards the building, easily leaving him behind.

/

/

/

/

"She fainted again. Weird, isn't it?"

"Who? Rin?"

"Mmhm."

He walked in on a few girls applying lip gloss on each other behind school, apparently just returning from the females' physical activities and trying to freshen up until they could go home. He didn't linger around longer to hear any more news, instead moving his feet as fast as he could over the flights of stairs and into the infirmary, where she was leaning against the headboard of a bed and in conversation with both a nurse and teacher.

They were layering mountains of questions over her and she seemed to be holding back tears as it was suggested that they would contact a guardian to check after her health and perhaps even an official visit to the hospital.

She kept insisting that no, _no,_ her parents were fully aware that she only had a small fever that would go away in a week.

It took a long while before any one of them noticed his presence. "Oh, Kagamine.. did you want something?"

"Not at all, Ms. Megurine, just.." His teeth snapped down on his bottom lip. "Painkillers. For my headache."

"Very well, just take it and go." The teacher waved her hand dismissively.

He pretended to rummage through the cabinets for what he needed while the nurse was keeping a careful gaze on him from the corner of her eye. It seemed she didn't want anybody disturbing her stuff, so Len made a big show of downing the pill without any water before leaving through the door. Not enough to stop hearing all of their conversation, however.. he wasn't exactly an expert at being a fly on the wall, but he could try in moments of desperation.

Their teacher was already going on about how she'd soon visit Rin's home to confirm the sake of her health with the parents. Rin's voice made another weak protest.

It felt like she was going to be trapped with them for a long while so he left the building first. The sun was vaguely peeking through the clouds as the northern drifting wind blew past his skin.

When he boarded the train, the seats were all taken so he stood by the door beside a lady who was cradling a large bundle of blankets against her chest, lips turned into a coo as she hummed the gentlest lullaby off her head. It wasn't until he opened his ears did he notice the small wails hidden within.

"Ruby lips above the water, blowing bubbles soft and fine..."

A small hand peeked out of the blanket, and the mother took it as she smiled towards her joy.

"Hit her foot across a splinter, fell into... the foaming brine."

Len suddenly felt wrong for being here.

Watching this small family and their love for each other, watching a mother hold her child in a way he no longer will ever be held, watching the peacefulness when he'd left a teenage girl to fend for herself from a mistake that _he'd_ caused... vomit rose up to his throat and he only had one second of thought before swallowing the foulness back down.

The baby let out a cry that was loud enough to take over the entire vehicle, and a number of passengers turned their seats to glare at the mother and whisper insults beneath their breath. That woman had naturally panicked, rocking her child as desperately as she could in attempts to soothe it.

"Don't cry, my darling.. mummy's here. Mummy's here, okay? Mummy's here... you're safe."

With a closer look, he noticed she couldn't have been any older than twenty. Her eyes had aged lines and her body was frail, he had to doubt whether she could really birth a child, let alone handle one. And then his mind flashed back to honeyed hair, blue eyes, and the soft tugs she made on the hem of his clothes. The feeling of nausea returned.

Len made his resolve.

Tomorrow.

From tomorrow onwards, he'd look after Kagamine Rin, and he promises not to let her out of his sight.


	4. may30

"Hello." Is the first thing he says to Kagamine Rin's brother upon arrival on their very doorstep.

He'd combed his locks over a million times to get it out of the spiky, curly mess he called hair, and actually went out to buy an assortment of chocolate from the nearest convenience store, courtesy of asking an old friend what you had to do if you wanted to visit a girl's house for the first time. That friend immediately assumed that by girl, it meant _girlfriend_ , and while Len would've panicked and made a protest on any other normal day, today he just wasn't feeling it.

Len didn't bother to correct that the girl in question was only a school acquaintance and accepted the advice without thought.

Kagamine Rin wasn't exactly his girlfriend.

Was she?

They did.. do _that_. He never did want to consider himself bound to someone though. Now he was standing in front of a cream-coloured house with a patio and several varieties of leaves crawling around the windows.

Little pots and pans filled with dirt and sprouts were littered across the grass by the driveway and it was obvious that whoever lived here either held a large interest towards exterior design or simply loved gardening enough to cover their entire walls with grape vines and whatever herbs and beans they could find.

He'd hoped to see her greeting his presence to the home, maybe her mother, maybe an older sister, but not at all a man who towered over his head by more than a few inches that he had to crane his head just to see the sharp tilt of the man's nose.

"I'm ー uh, here for Rin.." Len accentuated. He'd asked her address from one of those girls she sat with at lunch and surprisingly succeeded. Now the next task in his quest was to either defeat or get around this monster. This tall monster, with harsh arrogant brows and sharp peach strands sticking out the top of his head, looking as if one wrong move could cause the blond to get beaten into a pulp. "Unless there isn't a Rin here..?"

The man crossed his arms and leant against the doorframe. "I'm glad to say there _isn't_. Scram, brat"

There was a gasp from somewhere in the house.

"Len! Yuuma, don't say that to him!"

A smaller, feminine body forced the older male away with just one smooth nudge of her shoulder. She looked absolutely horrible, he can't lie, with dark circles beneath her eyes and nearly blue lips. Her cheeks were red, however, even more so when she got to look directly into his eyes. The blonde turned her head down, skin effectively turning from a gentle rose to a dark crimson.

"What are you doing here?" Rin asked lightly, intertwining her fingers with his own. Yuuma stared at this with narrowed eyes. "Um ー sorry, you can come up to my room. My parents aren't home."

"But _I_ am."

They ignored Yuuma.

The man's body was pushed aside to make way for Len's entrance and Rin giddily dragged him up a flight of stairs until they reached the warm comforts of her bedroom.

/

/

/

/

Len couldn't help but feel uncomfortable when she ushered him over to sit on the bed with her after clicking the lock, and when the young lady leant in he'd almost jumped out of his skin preparing for another long smooch over the lips but instead of doing anything near the sort she took his hand and placed it above her ear, a silent demand for that same gentle massage he'd done before to soothe her.

She was much like a cat, he noticed with amusement.

A hint of a smile rose on his lips.

"That was my brother."

"Hm?"

"Downstairs. The annoying one."

"I could tell. You look alot like him." Almost a splitting image, really. Except for Yuuma's stiff shoulders that showed years of disciplinary exercise and the high probability of being able to snap Len's arm in one go if they ever went into one-on-one wrestling. He shivered at the thought.

The young lady noticed the chocolates still in his hands and took it under her own possession, grinning at him gratefully before shoving it beneath her bed. He briefly wondered whether it would melt, but she assured him that it was cool enough to survive. There was nothing else to do than to take her word for it.

He did get it for her in the first place. The blond snapped his teeth over his bottom lip. "Is he your only sibling?"

"Him? Nooo.. I have two more elder brothers. They've already moved out, though.. one's studying in university overseas and the other one is living with his girlfriend somewhere across the country.. if he doesn't get married within a month or two he's probably coming back soon, though, considering.." A pause. Her eyes flickered across the room. " _Mum_ doesn't approve of their relationship. Yuuma is still in high school, too, just a different one from us."

Rin flushed when she noticed she'd allowed her thoughts to get carried away and her mouth run off without thoughtful consideration whether he wanted to hear about anything in the first place.

Well.. not that Len really minds.

The only thing he's gaining paranoia for is that she's got brothers. Three of them, and if the other two resembled anything like the one he met downstairs with that cold glare, decent muscles and a taller height, he'd probably have to live his life on the run if they ever discovered he'd actually _impregnated_ their little sister. Especially by the way it seems like she's the youngest.

Fair warning, he supposes.

In the midst of his daydreaming he hadn't noticed when she pushed him down onto a pillow and slipped her tongue into his mouth.

He should've been the decent one between them and push away, he really should've. It's a pity the demon inside of him rears it's dirty head and prevails in the end to take over his entirety; mind, body and soul.

/

/

/

/

He was left staring at the ceiling whilst heaving for air half an hour later.

Her body was warm and knocked out on his shoulder while his arms spread out across the bed, and he did everything he could to grasp on sanity than toss her on the bed for another round. Not that it was possible with the soft snores leaving her breath and rapid heartbeat slowly decreasing from it's high.

Sweat decorated the sheets. His body, hers, mixing together until he no longer knew _what_ belonged to _who_.

Len didn't exactly have the time of his life suffocating all the noises that wanted to escape down his throat, and he spent most of the time pressing his palm over Kagamine Rin's mouth so that her monster of a brother downstairs wouldn't suspect anything was going on, but it'd be a blatant lie to say he hadn't felt good throughout it all.

Brilliant. He was brought to hell, then nirvana, and back.

He waited until sunset.

When it was clear she wouldn't be waking up anytime soon he'd pulled on his own clothes, made sure the blanket covered up to her shoulders and made his way downstairs, leaving through the front door as quietly as he could.

/

/

/

/

The first thing he realises when he gets back home is the state of his hair in the bathroom mirror. A complete wreck.

The efforts he'd spent earlier in the morning to seem prim was all for waste.

Kagamine Rin was the one to blame since she was the one who'd ruffled it into this mess through the efforts of their lovemaking ー he sniffed at his underarm and let out a small groan. That wasn't even what he intended to do when he decided to meet Rin today. Now he's got no choice but to take another long shower even if the only thing he wants to do was to bury his face into a pillow until the sun comes to rise over the clouds the next morning.

She was even more to blame because the reason for his visit was only to check up on her, not to spend an entire evening in her bed.

He stripped down his clothes, wrapped himself in nothing but a bathrobe, and eyed the sight of his father putting on shoes near the coat rack.

"Where are _you_ going?" He said, before he could stop himself.

Oh, sure, Len wasn't allowed to go out anywhere after sunset but because _Leon Kagamine_ is an adult he can drop in and out of the house whenever he wants.

The man turned around in surprise.

Apparently he planned to sneak out at a time where his son wouldn't even notice his absence. Len couldn't keep the scowl off his face.

Very mature. "Nowhere that concerns you. Go to bed, and remember to lock the doors. I'll be back late."

Len was speechless at his father's words yet before he could make a protest, the man was already gone, leaving him alone in the quiet apartment once again. He stormed across the hall towards the television, turned it on and put the volume on full blast before doing the shame with the shower head in the bathroom.

Anything to fill up the eerie silence.

Anything to make him feel, or at the very least pretend, that he wasn't alone.

The lightning flashed in the distance, and so did the beginning grumble of a storm.

/

/

/

/

Clementine was a good name.

The thought comes to him suddenly, while he's sitting over the windowsill and leaning his cheek against the glass to count the stars in the skies and the buildings of the city outside.

He eyed his keyboard in the corner of the room. It was covered in black cloth, protecting the keys from dust, and already he could remember the image of a woman sitting behind it with his body curled up on her lap. _The only person who would play it,_ and the only person who would guide his hands to the keys as his voice would gently sing along.

"Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine.." His throat choked on the last word.

Len tossed his head back, keeping any hint of wetness to spill from his eyes.

"You are gone and lost forever,"

Dreadful sorry, Clementine.


	5. jun27

This morning marks the one-month anniversary since the day he'd been notified of the results from their misfortunate.. endeavours, and also the third month of her pregnancy. Rin was fainting less often, though requesting for multiple toilet breaks in the middle of class with the excuse of a stomachache so she could spend entire hours flushing her breakfast palette down the loo.

She _had_ assured him that it was a mere case of morning nausea once they found time alone inside the nurse's office, but at this point he doesn't know what to believe. Her skin was pale, and her frame so small that it was impossible to wrap his head around the idea of this body carrying a child.

They'd drawn the curtains around the bed after being sure nobody was around and she untucked her blouse from her skirt to expose the skin of her stomach. Apparently, to Rin, she'd gained massive weight and her stomach grew to make room for the baby.

He found no difference whatsoever.

Apparently that type of opinion was not meant to be voiced because immediately after the words left his lips, her eyes narrowed into a stone-cold glare and she wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

/

/

/

/

The next day, however, was an entirely different matter.

They had an unspoken rule not to speak to each other in class in order to keep out of suspicion but she broke that very rule today, right after she returned from the restroom during lunchtime and waddled across the class with her thighs stuck together towards the row of desks he sat with his friends, conversing about the new mall reconstruction. She tugged on the hem of his sleeve, and he raised his brows at her.

"I need to talk to you about something?"

"Can we wait until later?"

One of the boys in his group snickered at the sight of a _girl_ trying to pull him away, and a few others joined in.

"Now." Rin demanded, and when his eyes turned dark, she softened her voice and her tone turned almost begging. "Now. It _has_ to be now."

Len forced the remnants of his red cheeks to stay away when he pushed his seat backwards and stood up. There was the sound of whistling when they left the class together, but she didn't seem so much as affected by it as he did, in her determination to pull him somewhere nobody could overhear their conversation. They ended up outside, by the large marble fountain in the courtyard where splashing water was loud enough to drown out everything including their noise.

He watched her toss a coin into the small pond.

When she clasped her hands together, closed her eyes, and said a prayer, he couldn't help but wince in confusion.

He questioned her about it once she was done and she just shrugged and said something about how she really needed good luck, especially for what happened to her today ー the reason she needed to talk to him.

"What do you mean you _bled_?" His words rushed out like rapid spitfire and she gnawed her bottom lip between her teeth. "You can't honestly expect me to stay quiet after telling me you fell, found blood in your underwear and _still_ decide against ー"

"It's for our baby. You can't tell anyone because it puts our baby at risk." _Our baby, our baby, ours._ She's somehow wrapped around the idea that he wants the same thing as her. He doesn't. He really doesn't. She's making all the decisions on her own.

"Are you insane? Keep this up and there won't be _any_ baby."

"This is the only option! If my parents found out ー Len, they just can't."

"You've got to see a doctor. Don't you get it? You _have_ to."

She sat by the rim of the fountain to bury her face in her palms and cry, while Len watched over Kagamine Rin's trembling shoulders, losing every idea on how to comfort her and struggling on deciding whether he should in the first place. He understood her desperation but at the same time she was going against logic. No teenage girl would be able to birth a child in secret while keeping up her facade of sports, home and school without a single person rising on the suspicion.

She was hoping for lost time.

No matter what she does, people will discover everything she hides and if her parents aren't amongst the first only chaos will rise.

He voiced that out to her, and she desperately took hold of his hand in herself.

"Five months. By five months, it's too late to get an abortion, especially by law ー"

"You don't mean to say you're going to wait an entire five months keeping this a secret!" He hissed, grabbing her wrist and tugging it upwards so she wouldn't have any choice but to look at him. She was absolutely insane, he no longer had any doubts about that.

He could see tears in her eyes, and dark circles from the lack of sleep and hours she has to spend throwing out the food in her stomach and keeping her head straight.

She was a child. Everything about her screamed the fact that she was a child.

The naivety of thinking she could handle an infant on her own spoke enough words about her maturity. Notifying someone of authority was the most reasonable option here; she was still learning about the world, and thrusting herself right in the front seat by choosing rash decisions over anything else was not the best way to age. His head is in pain, trying to spin around her logic.

"Please! I just need you to look after me for five months. You can leave me by the roadside or do whatever you want after that, I don't care, but right now you're the only one I have."

No matter how he protests against the idea, the guilt in him overpowers and he's left giving a shaky, albeit firm nod of the head. Her hands sling around his neck and his eyes scan the grounds desperately to make sure nobody would catch the sight and interpret it as Kagamine Rin being held in his arms.

/

/

/

/

Five months really only meant two more months. She was sitting on the edge of his bed when he locked the door behind them. His father wasn't home yet, and he took that chance for them to be alone.. especially for what she was requesting he do. Her skirt fell to the floor and when he looked towards her in impatience, she disposed of her underwear as well, just so she could spread her legs out right along the mattress with a hand reaching down for further assistance.

Lord, this was embarrassing...

The only times he'd ever came this close to her _privates_ was for completely different reasons and he barely had to look at in the first place.

But now..

Len eyed her undergarments over his carpet and eyed the light bloodstain. Well, she told the truth, for one thing.

"How did you fall?" He brought his hand over to move hers away so he could further the observation with his own devices, and she let out an embarrassed squeak. Rin stared upwards to admire his ceiling, not wanting to distract her thoughts with the sight of his face hovering right below her navel. Any other day, he'd be ashamed to be touching any of her sensitive spots.. right now, there really was no choice and letting petty emotions arise would only be bothersome. "There's no cut around your legs so the blood really did come internally.."

Since she refused to go to the doctor, he had to do the job himself.

"Um, forwards.. I was holding on the stair railings, but Yuuma's cat was standing in the way and it was dark enough that I couldn't see.."

"Yeah, alright, but how did you _fall?_ Where did you hit?"

Rin seemed to consider that question greatly, as if she wasn't so sure herself.

"A few places. Stomach, mostly.. I mean, I tried to cling onto the downstairs coffee table on time but I forgot my front was in the way and it was only miscalculation. Nothing hurt too much."

The blond cursed. "Fuck."

He pushed her blouse out of the way and exposed her stomach, breathing in relief at the sight of smooth skin and absolutely no bruise.

Her clumsiness was another major flaw. There was no way he'd be able to take care of her for the next five months without something bad or worse happening when he's not around.

A few open medical books lay on the ground beside his knees, some pages unread, while most already having received the treatment of being skimmed through.

He retrieved the panties off the carpet, tossed it over her thighs and told her to put it on while his thoughts rushed through his head: he could tell her parents about it in secret. But if that happened, they'd find out _he_ was the one who'd gotten her locked within this situation in the first place, and his throat would be hung on a string. And if he refused to take care of her, she'd likely do the same thing.

Fair, it was his fault, but there needed to be two people involved for this type of thing to work and he certainly didn't make love to himself. It just didn't make sense that sje was making all the decisions while he was the one who had to handle it.

Len waited until she was fully clothed before speaking up again.

"You should be alright. People tend to bleed slightly throughout their pregnancy, especially during the first trimester. Honestly I don't think you're that far along for something like hitting your stomach to be a risk for the foetus."

"So you think the baby's fine?"

" _Personally_. The only way to be sure is by seeing a doctor, and seeing as you're against that.. the one option you have is to take my word for it."

Her lashes batted thickly against her cheeks, and her voice came out, sweet and serene. "I trust you, Len."

He held in a breath. His heart thumped, but he blamed it on the cool breeze that floated through the window.

 _Don't_. That would benefit him well.

/

/

/

/

His father wasn't home again. Len took the opportunity to grab his schoolbag, rush around his room, toss it over the mattress and remove all the books inside before filling it up with his necessary toiletries and a fresh shirt. If his prediction was right, that man won't return until at least the end of the month, and that meant he'd have the entire weekend for himself to roam without anybody looking over him.

He had to work fast. Each moment wasted is just forgotten time.

He walked over to the keyholder, input the pin on the little antique keypad before the miniature wooden dollhouse opened to reveal small racks fit for keys. He took one from the pretend-attic, a rusty unused piece which likely hasn't been touched in years, and pocketed it into the slip of his jeans.

There was his father's spare wallet hidden beneath the drawer and he counted the cash within before taking it into his bag.

It took little struggle to escape the guards downstairs, especially when he was going out so early in the morning that it'd be difficult to see a teenage boy slinking around in the dark; a few minutes before the sun would rise. He had already boarded onto a train that would lead him outside their town when the skies lit up and showered them in the purple and crimson sun.

Autumn birds chirped beneath the trees as it sang of the fading flowers and bloom, but the constant worry only grew in his mind.

Winter vacation would be coming up soon, and if Kagamine Rin had a plan, she had to think it up and fast.

The risk wasn't what came during the break, but rather after.. and he still had to consider whether he'd leave once the five months were up or keep her under a watchful gaze until it was no longer needed.

As for now: he was going on a little trip.


	6. jul5

The door creaked of age when he slid it open, and the wood was dusty beneath his heels, effectively dirtying the whites of his socks.

Photographs of a young woman with eyes as blue as his own, and long blonde hair that trailed the floor could be seen everywhere. Lining the walls, standing on the dirtied coffee tables, Len found even more when he took a step in deeper to emerge within the untouched living room.

His grandparents' house. His childhood home.

He held in a sneeze to take in his surroundings. There was a baby grand piano in the corner of the room, and he forced himself to look away and instead towards the shelf above it, where the image of that same woman was captured within a frame. Rather, instead of long, endless hair, it was cut above her chin and she had a giggling child held to her chest as the blue skies shone above their heads. A child who looked exactly like herself, from the identical nose to the identical smiles, with dimples above their cheeks.

A child that was _him._

He walked over to another door and wrestled it out from the rust to reveal the garden. Where there once stood daisies and sunflowers popping from the ground, now there was only dry grass and an old pond that was empty of water.

The skies were no longer blue.

/

/

/

/

His jacket smelt of smoke and burnt paper.

An image of that woman's smile between the dancing flames flashed between his mind in a shock of pain against his chest. He couldn't identify what that emotion was, whether nostalgia, guilt, or an emotion that never before crossed his path until then.

It was too late to go back now. He adjusted his bag over his shoulder and took a sip of water from a bottle. His eyes closed and he forced his mouth to stretch into a grin ー a grin he hoped wouldn't look like _hers._

/

/

/

/

Len was back within two days. His movements were quick, depositing the key back into the dollhouse in the same position it was before so his father wouldn't notice anything out of place ー and in due time because right after he turned the lock, there were the telltale sounds of footsteps coming from the exterior corridor and a repetitive knock on their apartment door.

The young man took a deep breath.

One, two, and he fixed his clothes before opening the door.

He expected his gaze to meet the dark glare of his father's, expecting an explanation on where he'd been, only to stiffen when he met the surprise of Kagamine Rin standing outside his doorstep with something that seemed like tears in her eyes. His bag dropped to the floor, and she slunk her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest so she could release a soft cry.

"Rin?"

She cried louder.

He wasn't sure it it's because she's happy he finally got her name right, or if there was something else that happened and she was taking her own sweet time in telling him.

"Did something happen to.. _that?_ " Len urged gently. It was by luck that she'd dismissed his usage of _'that,'_ rather than ' _baby'._ He wasn't comfortable with the term yet and he doubted he'd ever be.

Rin shook her head, and he tried to consider a different suggestion.

Nothing came to mind.

"Take a deep breath. Do you want some tea?"

"I came..." She finally spoke up, words softer than a whisper. He had to feel the tenor against his chest. ".. I visited y-your house.. a while ago. _Yesterday,_ too. And you didn't ー you didn't _answer the door,_ so I thought.."

"That I disappeared?" No response. "That I got sick?"

He nearly fell back when she shook her head so aggressively, throwing them both off balance.

Len debated on pulling her to the couch, but with consideration that his father would more likely than not return home to find them in this situation _(if he was particularly unlucky, which proved right enough times that he'd do anything but throw caution to the wind),_ the blond instead dragged the girl to his bedroom, locking the door behind them so they wouldn't need to worry about anything unnecessary.

She hadn't let go of him even once, even after they sat down on the mattress. He tried another guess. "Alright. That I _ran away_?"

This time, she nodded.

"Oh, wow." It's reassuring to know she cares more about _abandonment towards her_ rather than _his physical health,_ it really is.

The boy his bottom lip. He cupped his own chin and leant back on a pillow, staring up at the ceiling with the calmest voice he could muster. "It's fine. I wouldn't do that. Stop crying, it's only for two more months, right?"

 _And for these upcoming two months, I promise I'll look after you with everything I've got_.

But he couldn't voice that out.

Not yet, at least, not until he's really sure she wasn't trying to get him to dance between her fingertips. Not until he's sure he can step away from the flames.

(Because somehow, the warmth of her smile can set him on fire.)

/

/

/

/

Albeit having previous confidence, the pressure really was growing onto him. He managed for a week, observing her when he could, and they way she can handle herself to the point of no longer collapsing in the middle of any corridors was a blessing to take.

The only problem was that she didn't bother making their relationship discreet.

Everyday, calling his name so casually as if they were _friends_. They weren't. He won't acknowledge her as one.

Not in this lifetime and most likely not even in the next. Despite those hands that were warm to the touch and sweet lips that drove him to to the sun, they clashed together like fire and ice. They weren't meant to be.

When he left class on the next Monday morning, she was waiting outside the door, bag held in front of her stomach tightly as if needing it for warmth. Her eyes lit up the moment he stepped out, causing Len to fight against the temptation to walk off with his friends and leave her standing helplessly on her own

A drip of sweat ran down his spine.

 _You promised,_ the words flash through his mind. _You promised._

He's had enough of broken promise. Len brought his feet towards her, and she glowed brighter than the morning twilight. His friend, Piko, stood from a distance with a knowing grin and he puckered his lips towards the air to _suggest_ something would happen between him and Rin.

Yet his thoughts were grim ー whatever was _suggested_ had already happened and there was nothing he would've wished for more than to reverse the clock.

She looked as if she wanted to grab his hand but when he gave her an impatient look that spoke enough words than needed to be said, the young lady moved her eyes down as if ashamed, and led the way to the nurse's office without a single word said between them.

On the way, he requested she tone down on the familiarity and she agreed without protest.

His hands spread her across the bed and they drew the curtains around them so she could lay back and pretend their moment was stuck in time. So he could touch her body with cold hands and wish for the exact the opposite.

They were _never_ meant to be.

/

/

/

/

He spent the evening with a friend at the beach. Piko was throwing rocks into the water, and he vaguely replaced the image of his friend with a particular young blonde with a petite figure, back towards him as she had pebbles in hand. Her feet would melt beneath the water like she was turning into foam, becoming one with the sea, letting him know that even if he soared through the wind, he would never catch her in time.

Len shook his head and threw those thoughts out of his mind.

It felt like he had sand inside his mouth.

Imagining she was something as stupid as a _princess mermaid._ No, imagining she was there at the beach _with him._ He was spending too much time with her.

He's nearly driven mad. They were waiting for their other friend to come around with popsicle sticks from the nearest convenience store, but it's been about twenty minutes and there was still no sign of an older teenage boy running forwards with sweet cool snacks in hand.

"Fukase got a girlfriend."

"He ー he has a what?"

"Girlfriend. _Ruby_ , or something.. though I think she's being used as a rebound. Don't tell him I told you, but.. he has feelings for Kagamine _Rin._ "

No matter how many times he tries to run from that name it'll cross into his path over and over again. It took him a minute to realise in what context it was mentioned, however, and his eyes widened to rival the moon.

"Rin?"

"Yeah. My _next-door neighbour,_ Rin. The one who always hangs around you ー she isn't your girlfriend, right..?"

"No!" He blurted out a little too loudly, and far too quickly. Piko raised a brow, and Len hastily recomposed himself. "No, that's _gross._ I mean, we only talk every now and then.. I'm tutoring her in History and I think we get along well. Except she's like a.. _you know._ "

".. _little sister_ to you?"

"Right. _Right._ A little sister."

Not at all. Unless the meaning of bonding with your siblings has changed somewhere along the current century, he's sure touching a girl in the way that he does won't make her anywhere near being his sister.

His friend looked off towards the sunset thoughtfully. "Yeah.. she was like that to me once, too."

The sun dipped beneath the waters like it was becoming one with the ocean. _Even the brightest sun could fade away into the dark._


	7. jul9

He hadn't noticed it before; the way his friend would just stop in the middle of his sentence, end up tongue tied and allow absent eyes to roam the hall in search of something.

Yet whenever Len turned to follow his sight, there was nothing to be seen.

Or that was what he thought. Instead, every single time, he failed to notice there was Kagamine Rin.

It didn't matter how much paler she looked, or how dark the circles beneath her eyes were, because the wandering gaze followed her no matter rain or shine. By each passing day, there was a shrieking demon in his chest that needed to be tamed. Or else it would grow, grow, grow and there'd be nobody left to clean up the wreckage.

But to calm it down, he had to understand what it was.

And he couldn't. Not one bit.

/

/

/

/

The winds blow as if to scratch at his ears and the ocean breeze sprays against the ledge with a lather of salt water and foam.

Friday evening ended with him standing knees deep into the cold water, heading deeper and deeper in, as if he were walking the road towards the dying sun.

There was just a little more time until winter. He had to work fast.

The clock was ticking and time wouldn't ever disgrace itself as to wait for anyone.

He already had plans for tonight. There were no longer any things to burn in that house ー the clothes were gone, from crimson gowns to ivory skirts. Each and every last photograph burnt with the laughter that came with it. The weight on his chest was heavier than the bag tossed across his shoulder, but he wouldn't wish for anything else. With freedom also came the looming reminder of loss, and Len was no fool to doubt that everything came with a price.

If this sacrifice meant his ease, then so be it.

Would burning the walls down be going too far?

No, no, his thoughts were becoming too reckless.

But he couldn't deny how he'd love it, he'd love the scent of ashes and the feel of flames biting at his cheeks.

 _Enough_. Enough, enough, enough.

The tides drew up to his waist and he twirled a pearl pendant thrice in hand before dropping it below the lifting water, fading into the unseen. Thin lips stretched by the corners, slowly, slowly, until it spread into an unpleasant grin. By now, he no longer has a choice.

/

/

/

/

Flowers would look nice.. to add some colour below the roof. Len stared across the room.

He made his way to the house, and it was the dead of night by the time he could shut the rusty door closed. Dust filled the corridors, though there were blank spots on the walls, replacing where photographs and picture frames once stood.

He hadn't thought about it earlier, but his way of sanitising the entire building hadn't went as well as he'd hoped.

The couches still existed. The antique television that wouldn't work anymore existed.

The piano.

Of all things that fled from mind, he'd forgotten the piano. A figure of a woman cropped up inside his mind, wispy blue eyes and blonde lashes fluttering against her cheeks. She would be sitting on the stool, and her fingers would sing more words than her lips ever could.

That angry demon let out a scream./

 _Burn it, burn it, burn it._

Don't.

 _Burn it immediately._

"Shut up." The young man buried his face in his palms. His throat croaked and begged for a sip of water, only to be ignored by his fear of his emotions overtaking him. "For _fuck's_ sakes, just once, shut up."

Len moved his hands away from his eyes and instead wound frail arms tightly around himself. His fingers latched tightly to his shoulders, enough to bruise the fair flesh with dark wounds. But he clenched harder, praying for a miracle, praying that those hands giving him warmth would one day be replaced with ones that aren't his own.

Or maybe go back in time to experience it all over again. "Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my _darling_ Clementine..."

The voice inside his head pleaded for him to stop.

/

/

/

/

He was smart enough to change into his school uniform when he returned home on Monday, meeting the sight of his father frantically ransacking through the entire apartment without a single word in greeting towards his entrance.

There was nothing else to do but walk to the fridge, pretend as if he'd been in the city the entire time and pour himself a glass of milk while idly watching his house becoming the aftermath of a natural disaster.

His body thanked him when the liquid ran down his throat. He must've only drank water _twice_ within the course of three days.

He should go and rest... yes, he should take a very deep sleep to recover. "What are you looking for?" The boy spoke through a yawn, pretending to seem interested.

"Oh, Len." His father looked up from his position below the couch. "Your mother's ー have you seen your mother's ー"

No, he should bathe before messing up the fresh bed sheets. His clothes smelt bad.

He still stenches of smoke. "Wedding ring's in your drawer, I haven't touched anything."

"Not that. Her necklace."

"Her _what?_ "

A few couch cushions were tossed onto the carpet. Whatever he was looking for, it definitely wouldn't be found there. "Her necklace. The one made to match the anklet you got when you were born? There's a pearl for a pendant. I was planning to go to the temple today and wanted to take her along with me ー"

The ocean and the sun greeted his memories. Len took another drink to hide his face. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop himself from smiling, or crying, or be revealing in any other way if he did anything else.

The blond shook his head.

"No, I haven't seen it."

He left for the bathroom without another word.

/

/

/

/

It was five in the morning when he awoke to find his father still searching the house, from the shoe cabinets to the wine storage, as if there'd actually be any chance to find any missing jewellery there. The desperation was overwhelming that after putting on his uniform, Len had to close his eyes to cross the minuscule distance from the end of his bedroom to the front door, deciding against having to see something that could place guilt over his actions.

A flash of red blurred his vision on the walkway. He was on a bridge across the river that led to his school building, having to squint to see who it was and why they was calling out to him.

"Hi, Len." The boy greeted, hair curling around the wind. "Up early?"

Oh, _him._ Len scoffed and looked away as a response.

The other boy stressed his brows. "What's with you?"

The reaction today was abnormal. Fukase couldn't comprehend the sudden hostility. His legs slowed down, and jumped off his bike to walk beside his friend. Cycling wasn't the best way to hold a conversation and it seemed like there was something he should be apologising for.

Nothing came to mind. As he slowed down to consider his thoughts, Len took this as an opportunity to speed ahead.

"Oy! Did I do something, or did you just wake up from the wrong side of the bed?"

He walked faster, catching up, and the blond's irritation was evident.

There were times that he wanted to be left alone, and this was one of them.

The young man whirled around, glaring his friend in the eyes: deep blue oceans fighting against the crimson skies, both boys tilted their chin upwards and neither wanted to allow their stance to waver.

Len knew _just_ how to bring it down.

 _Don't tell him I told you, but.._

"You like Kagamine Rin, don't you?"

Though he doesn't know whose confidence was defeated with those words, he certainly didn't feel anywhere near victorious. Fukase looked as if he was shot in the stomach. The nearing winter may be cold, but the blood pulsing through his veins must've frozen up without it's aid.

A crow flew over their heads, letting out a shriek, though they couldn't find the strength to pay it any mind.

The older amongst the two bit the inside of his cheek, stammering, "W..what? Who told.. who told you _that?_ "

"Doesn't matter. Answer the question."

"Piko did, didn't he?"

" _Just say yes_."

The blond started walking again, narrowly escaping the misfortune of stepping onto a cold puddle of water above the ground. It took a strong gush of wind to blow by and a storm of dried flowers to shower above their heads before realising that he was no longer being followed.

The other boy stood by the riverbank, eyes dull.

Unheard words were being whispered beneath his breath, and Len couldn't strain his ears enough. "... to _you,_ of all people." There was a loud, him kicking the kickstand with the back of his foot before returning to his seat on the bike, continuing to cycle. Len felt another whizz of wind slap his skin as the wheels moved past.

Another howl of crisp autumn leaves rained over the city.

None of it would matter tonight.

/

/

/

/

She wasn't looking at him. He expected her to be waiting outside his classroom, like always, after the first class of the day ended.

She wasn't there, so he sat back and thought of it as a little break from tending to her everyday like a hands-on nurse.

And then she didn't show up during lunch either.

Nor after lunch.

Or even when school ended and the bell rang, gates opening to release the hundreds of students fleeing the grounds. He considered the possibility of her taking a day off from school, but after the amount of times he saw familiar golden locks and gentle blue eyes floating across the halls to laugh with some friends, not to mention the way she blatantly ignored him when he stared her right in the eyes, hoping to usher her closer..

That girl didn't show up for their daily routine of check ups in the nurse's office in the early evening.

Len assumed she went home by the hours near sunset and tried to push any emotions for later, but when he took a stroll through the lower corridors and instead saw her sitting in an empty classroom, staring out the windows.. his temper couldn't help but flare.

He stormed through, locking the door and effectively making her jump from her perch on the windowsill.

He didn't waste any time to speak. "What have you been doing?"

"Nothing? I was just skygazing ー"

 _What's with him?_

She did as he asked; tone down the familiarities, don't do anything that would make anyone suspect them (and that meant not meeting him), don't look at him even once when they were in others' presence.

Rin was doing her absolute best to be obedient and understanding towards him because it's what she was expected to be.

"Nice excuse. _Skygazing_. How stupid do you think I am?"

"I really was!"

That's what she was doing when he walked in, and that's what she was doing until he interrupted her. Rin felt tears brim to her eyes, and both teenagers took a deep breath as she stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder.

He caught her arm before she could leave him standing alone.

He didn't want to talk anymore. He really didn't. "I bet you think you're so smart, don't you." _Stop talking, stop talking, you idiot, stop talking, you're digging yourself into a deeper grave._ His thoughts fought himself, but he's always been one to follow his heart, and never his head. _Just like that weak woman._ "Stargazing, pregnant.. oh, fuck, even if you were, I bet that kid isn't mine either, is it?"

Len regretted the words the moment they slipped from his lips.

She met his gaze. Her lips parted, gaping endlessly, like trying to figure out the words to speak.

 _How could you, how could you ー_

One perfect drop rolled down her cheek. _Deny it, deny it, deny it,_ he begged.

Her lips moved, cherry rose and from the distance, even he knew they were hot to the touch. "Maybe not."

His heartbeat pounded through his ears.


	8. jul12

"You're not actually being serious." He decided, a tongue darting out to wet his lips. His heartbeat quickened when she looked away to avoid his searching gaze. "You're lying again, you're _always_ lying."

Her own ears were disbelieving. He's doubted her from the start; from the day she risked her own sanity to pull him aside and expose her secret, to the endless times she'd walked in the spotlight of shame and embarrassment just to see the figment of his trust and hope it'd come within reach with the work of her own determination. She'd been delving in far too many daydreams to think that anything would change.

And she's _exhausted_ of telling the truth.

The bell chimed one last time, and he could barely hear her speak.

His eyes closed before he could see her mouth the words.

/

/

/

/

Cellphone set on vibrate, the several dozens of missed calls from a certain friend no where near ending, yet the young man couldn't muster enough energy to check, clear, nor listen to any voice coming out the speakers. It'd be doing more harm rather than good by forcing other things onto the moment when he hasn't yet recovered from what's already on hand. The phone rang again atop the bedside drawer, effectively drowning the entire floor in silent noise.

His fingers were shriveled and a trail of crimson led down from where he'd bit the skin.

Pale red tainted the piano keys, and the music pounded through his body as the apartment windows bathed his entirely in light seeping through the narrow blinds.

The moon cast a lucid spell over the sky and the entire town fell to sleep, drenched in silence and the cold glow from above.

But how can the one gasp of breath that left his throat seem nearly loud enough to be heard along the streets of the entire world..?

/

/

/

/

The familiar blur of red cycled past him without a single greeting on Thursday morning, and he kept his head low to avoid showing any expression that would expose him as not being able to handle life without 'attention', when in reality he wanted nothing of the sort.

He wasn't in the mood to go see the ocean the previous nights, but if his schedule was clear, this evening might do just fine with a breath of fresh salted air.

Maybe he'd be able to find the pearl again if he searched through the water.

Only, instead of throwing it deeper into the ocean, he'd toss it upwards towards the stars where nobody else could dream to reach.

He arrived late and sat at his usual seat in the classroom, first class of the day, pretending to stare at the geometrical formulas written across the board ー he wasn't surprised to see that Utatane Piko was shooting daggers into his skull, lips shut together as if sown through betrayal. _As if he wasn't already aware they were all against him._ Len rolled his eyes, stuck his tongue out tauntingly, and proceeded to look into his books to mind his own business.

Lunch was spent alone.

No searching for Fukase near the library, no pulling a chair up to Piko's desk to trade half of his melon bread for a tea egg, and he was forced to sit by the window and stare outside the grounds. A familiar young lady caught his eye easily, her skirt swaying daintily across the grass, swimming beneath the shade of trees with expertise to avoid the morning shine. She looked up, towards the building's windows, and he caught her eye.

Kagamine Rin looked away as if she was struck by lightning.

The next thing he knew, she was running back beneath the roof where she could keep out of his sight.

No matter.

No, it's completely fine. He'll be able to get out of this alone, he won't wander among those who submerge in pity and self-acclaimed tragedy, hoping to find a leeway instead of the piece to a missing puzzle.

Only an old fool would dig a cavern in hell and name it after eternal paradise, and he was no fool.

Or at the very least, not a _hopeless_ one.

/

/

/

/

 _Pair up with the person beside you for an assignment, have it finished over the weekend because you'll be presenting it in our next class,_ said their Literature teacher with the most effortless voice ever heard, grey eyes rolling to the back of his head as if strained to keep awake. He was elderly, and it's a universal wonder he hasn't retired yet. Len wondered vaguely if the man would even remember the task he'd given out if any of them came back to school on Monday without handing anything in.

He decided not to put the doubt to test. A drop in his grades wasn't a risk he wanted to take.

An irritated huff of breath left his lips.

It wasn't so much luck as misfortune for his partner to be _Piko_ , who stood up and joined their desks together with a loud _bang_. The foul glare and harsh slam of their shoulders together as he sat down followed. They had fifty minutes until the end of class and on mutual agreement, decided they might as well plan out what they'd write about instead of spending unnecessary time communicating afterwards when they already loathed being amongst each other's presence now.

He spoilt the thought of faking pleasantries early, murmuring beneath his breath. "Of course you'd choose Fukase's side."

Piko wouldn't look him in the eye anymore. "There aren't any sides. This isn't a competition."

"Fine."

" _Fine_."

And that was the end of that subject. "How about this: I'll write it out, and you present."

Or so Piko had hoped.

The blond was headstrong on his bitterness. "I don't trust you enough for that." Len wrinkled his nose. "I'm not _Fukase_."

The surroundings were quiet enough to hear the smack of a foot against a desk somewhere across the room and a pen fall fromit's impact. Someone else must be having unresolved issues with their partners and the reminder that it wasn't just _him_ was an immense relief. But ease in his mind didn't erase problems from reality.

The other boy leant an elbow on their conjoined desks, "I never said you were. By the way, Fukase's class got the same assignment as us.. he says he's going on well with his partner."

As if _he_ cares.

Ripping out a paper from his notebook, Len started to list ideas down ー they had to write a short biography for a prominent figure back in the nineteenth century, and he was set on being the one to write the presentation rather than be forced into the role to speak in front of the entire class. Not that he hasn't done it before, but right now he's hell-bent on keeping a grudge.

(But for what?)

"His partner's a girl." Piko tried again, brows raising and voice dropping below a whisper. Len wasn't sure what kind of response he was being searched for.

Oh, god damn it. The young man tried to close off his ears from entering his mind, hand scratching rapid lines across the paper to get as many ideas down before corrupted with indecent thoughts.

He wasn't curious at all. Of course not.

"His partner's _Kagamine Rin._ "

The pencil lead snapped in half.

A sudden smirk came to that boy's lips while he leant back in the chair with a exhilarating laugh, as if he was in on some brilliant joke that Len was far too silly to understand. That meant it irritated Len further, valor blue eyes seeming red beneath the seeping farewells of the sunset through their classroom windows.

He tried not to look at Piko's radiating smugness. Tried not to _wonder_ what it was for.

He didn't have to, because the answer came in a smooth drawl. "You like Kagamine Rin."

 _Absolutely not._

"I don't."

" _You like Kagamine Rin_."

"I've told you that I don't."

"You actually like Kaga-"

Len stood up, knocking his chair backwards from momentary anger.

That action gathered the entire class's attention and they stood in the middle of a spotlight. The young man took a deep breath, counted to ten, before he repeated it in a lower voice, "I don't. Alright? I don't."

/

/

/

/

She was surprisingly at the nurse's office when he went to search for more painkillers ー his head was aching worse and worse by each passing day, and she was sitting on the bed with a few bandages on hand. Rin looked up to meet his sight and like a deer on headlights, the girl stretched an arm out to draw the curtains around her so she wouldn't be seen.

It was far too late for that.

He considered minding his own business and turning away. He really did.

But his hand instead latched onto the cloth, yanked it open, and his feet walked towards her even through her shrill of protest.

He made sure nobody was coming and the grip he had on her arm was tight enough that she couldn't run away before speaking. "What have you been hiding from me?"

Her eyes were sharp like ice.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've been hiding from _everyone_ ー it's nothing personal."

It was so snappy he hadn't expected that tone, or even those words, to come from her lips. Any other girl, sure, but sweet Kagamine Rin that looked like she couldn't hurt a fly? His glare intensified and he tugged her wrist upwards so she'd be forced to expose her emotions to him without a chance to hide away.

And that was just another one to add to his compilations of regrets.

She was crying.

One, thick thread rolling down her cheek like liquid diamonds, and several more followed until he released her hand and took a step away.

He left her alone, drawing the curtains around the bed as she wished.. and even after he went to the corridors outside he could hear her soft sobs in the wind. Even after he's back home, in his bedroom, lying back to stare at the ceiling. He's not sure if it was real, if it were only the echoes of his memory that sketches her every being into his mind, or if she's forced her way into his imaginations that there's nothing he can ever hear but her cries.

/

/

/

/

Tulips were his favourite flower.

He's not sure why or how, but he could remember being no taller than the trimmed grass in the garden, prancing around while his grandfather yelled for him to be careful after five too many cuts on his knees due to recklessness. His scabs would be lathered in healing ointments, and his chubby cheeks full of bandaids, but he was stubborn on letting the adventure end.

Looking over the garden now, it really wasn't much.

The pond was immensely small and could only fit a few common fishes.. maybe his body if he squatted to his knees.

Though back in the days, he'd seen it as an entirely large body of water ー almost like an entire ocean.

Len sat on the wooden porch, feet dangling over the dry grass, an open notebook in his lap while a pen stood in hand. The crickets chirped, and the moon shone at it's brightest as he breathed in the night air. The baby grand piano stood behind him, begging for someone to pull the drape cloth away from it's body and let a hand dance along it's keys.

This house sang it's longing for _her_.

The walls craved to hear the sound of music.

/

/

/

/

"You're gone every weekend, aren't you?" Piko brought it up before the start of dawn. The boy was tightening his olive apron, rose petals standing out against the platinum white of his hair while Len stood outside the _house-slash-florists_ building with a bookbag tossed familiarly over his shoulder. "Sorry, wait for me a bit. Mum won't let me go until I've finished sprinkling the flowers."

The older amongst the two shrugged, golden hair framing his face in cold wet ringlets, still fresh from his shower. He was only here because he wanted to get confirmation on the assignment.

They didn't have much time left.

As long as Utatane Piko didn't start accusing him over having romantic feelings towards Kagamine Rin again, he'd be able to get through the day just fine. _Probably._ Likely.

"What makes you think that?"

"What?"

An exhausted sigh. His impatience was running thin. "Me being gone every weekend."

Piko blinked. It took him a minute to recover his lost memory and get back on track with the conversation.

"Oh. I went to your house on Saturday, to see if you were really making progress on the presentation but you didn't open the door ー of course, I assumed you were an idiot that slept in, so I called your older brother and he told me where your folks hide the key. You should _really_ tell your dad that it's unsafe to leave access into your home underneath a doormat, by the way. We used to do that when I was younger and some asshole broke in ー "

" ー Whatever," Len cut the sentence off. "He doesn't know we hide the spare key underneath the doormat. That's Yuudai's doing."

 _Is everybody visiting his house on weekends now?_

"Yuudai?"

"My older brother. _What the fuck,_ how can you have his phone number and not know his name?"

Len decided to finally step indoors, leaving his bag hanging over the coat rack and taking an apron and water bottle off the shelves out of his own volition. The next batch of flowers was just barely wrinkling, and he readied the spray nozzle before lathering the stems in a healthy coat of water. It was second nature by now, he'd been doing this ever since he was in middle school.

Go to Piko's house in the dead of the morning, help out with his mother's flower shop, and then walk to school together. Maybe it's because he didn't have many friends as a child and out of desperation, went to the only one who bothered entertaining him.

Len doesn't know why he stopped the moment he entered high school. It just... happened.

Many things have been occurring lately in just the blink of an eye.

He's not _ready_ for change. And yet earth spins, on and on, like an unending ride and all he has to do is look forward to the next sunset and wonder when is the last.

"Why would your parents name you Len and your brother something like _Yuudai_?"

"Don't ask weird questions."

A bell chimed and an adult man marched in, searching frantically over the lilacs. Piko groaned when he noticed his mother, who had been airing out the curtain linens just seconds ago, was suddenly no where in sight, leaving him to be the one who has to tend to customers so early in the morning.

Len mumbled quietly about how the man must've done something to upset his girlfriend and lose the comfortable side of the bed when he was looking through the singular selections of flowers where it was cheaper and simple, enough to be presentable but nothing to show off (he and Piko always played this game about guessing the reason a client would want to buy flowers) but then the man marched over to the left side of the shop, where an expensive assortment of luxurious bouquets were placed.

He decided to change his opinion from _upset puppy love_ to having _royally pissed off his wife,_ and Piko couldn't help but released a laugh of amusement ー garnering far more attention than needed.

The man stared at them with wide eyes.

It made sense, though. _What other reason would you need to come to a florists' at five in the morning for?_

"You didn't answer me on why you were gone... anyways, give me a second." One smooth stride towards the cashier, and Len followed. Piko put on his best heartwarming-florists-smile and tilted his head to the side, mimicking his mother's usual routine. "Hello, Sir, can I help you?"

"Please help, my daughter's thirteenth birthday was yesterday and I only remembered it an hour ago."

"Oof, that's _bad_." Len said a bit too loudly.

 _And far too insensitively,_ he supposes. The man looked horrified.

/

/

/

/

Utatane was no where near happy. They were running late, rushing over a bridge with orange leaves biting at their ankles and nearly making it on time when the bell rang loudly to signal the first class of the day. The gates were locked by the time they reached it, and it'd be at least two hours before any class representatives or teachers would come down to chec.

All _this_ because he reduced the earlier customer to a sobbing mess on the shop floor, begging them for help.

As if two schoolboys could hold the answer to the universe. They were kept there for fifty minutes until they finally founded a resolve ー which was a bit too intricate to go into detail. Especially under this much stress. Piko was glaring daggers at him.

Len to lighten up the mood by mentioning how they now have _two_ extra hours to work on the presentation.

Unfortunately, that triggered previous memories of the morning. "Like I was saying. I marched into your bedroom, and you weren't there." A solemn silence. "You did complete it, didn't you? _Not just write five words on the computer and call it a day?_ "

"I wouldn't expect you to _improv_ on something like that. It's in my bag, relax. You can read it out right now if you so desire."

"I'm sure you'd rather talk about Kagamine Rin instead."

"No, _thanks_."

And then he looked up, towards the glass windows, and saw two deep pools of blue directed towards him instead of the lesson she was meant to be focusing on. Her cheeks turned a furious signature rose and she looked away from him as if she hasn't been caught staring, flaxen locks of hair following suit.

/

/

/

/

No matter what he says, and no matter what someone else will tell him to do: his mind is already decided.

Next time, he'll catch her, and he'll say it:

It hasn't been five months yet.


	9. jul17

"So do you want to go Karaoke or to the cinema?"

"My dad will kill me if I'm not back home by six."

"He's going to kill you either way. Remind me how well you did on the French Assessment?"

Len felt his throat go dry. His father wouldn't be present at home until the next weekday and that provided sufficient time to burn the results before covering it's remaining ashes below layers of dirt and pebbles by a riverside.

It never mattered in the first place. The entire act of refusal was a little white lie to avoid spending time after school with someone who _wasn't_ himself. Not to mention how he already has plans for the night and considered each precious tick of the clock wastage, especially if only to revel in so-called youth and stupidity.. although, _it was tempting,_ he had to admit.

He heard a soft laugh behind him.

Kagamine Rin was leaving the school building, her jacket bigger than ever, falling beneath her knees and walking side by side with Kaito Shion and _Fukase,_ whose smile reached both ends of his ears at something the girl had said. He couldn't help but notice how her cheeks were fuller, with that familiar rosy hue that was lost once before, and he eyed her stomach through the material of her clothes.

Nonexistent.

 _Today marked the fourth month._

She wasn't looking at him.

He forced his gaze away, looked towards Piko's direction instead. "You've got tulips, don't you?"

/

/

/

/

So instead of going to the mall or the heart of the city in search of an entertainment centre, or anywhere where you could see people make a fool out of themselves for daring to sing their hearts out, they walked straight on the road that lead back home. Their destination was the flower shop, and Piko swam through a sea of bouquets with expertise while Len followed in tow, not once failing to get an untrimmed rose thorn or flower petals pluck at his skin.

It was only to get to the store room.

And now he was back in his grandparent's house, the flashlight from his cellphone illuminating the dark as his hands dug into the dirt.

The leftover flower bulbs sat beneath the wooden patio, covering the narrow stilts, and he took a breath to wipe a drop of sweat away from his brows.

The pond was refilled with clear water. There was not yet any signs of life swimming in it, no koi fishes or lily pads floating across the surface like his grandfather once kept maintained, and certainly no little boy squealing out delight while running away from his mother,. But he'd gotten rid of the dry grass and moss surrounding it. Len found warm dirt, and he'd search not to recreate the memories of his past but instead to form whatever's needed for a different future.

His chin tilted up, towards the skies, and he felt the moon and stars shine tonight, their glow dancing across his skin.

He wasn't sure who they were shining for.

But hopefully, hopefully, it was him.

/

/

/

/

It seemed she was doing well without him. If she desired so much care for the _'remaining five months'_ she should've went for Fukase from the start rather than bother him about the whole ordeal.

They were laughing together.

Smiling together.

Going to the library together, having lunch together, and neither of them would look him in the eye no matter how many hallways they pass or how close they would stand in the assembly hall.

Each day rose a hot irritation within him that urged him to storm up and demand for it to stop. Except that was impossible. He could never catch her alone. She would always walk around the school with somebody guarding around her, often more than one; sometimes in lines, sometimes in circles, making him feel like a weak predator hoping just to catch the scent of a prey.

And a week passed without any slightest contact.

He was going to make another trip to that house that night, and needed to catch her before the coming sunset.

He didn't have to find her.

He already knew where she was.

And by chance, the young lady was finally alone feet dipping into the edges of the mud while she threw a stone from her palms into the water ー counting the exact times it skidded, _three,_ before trying again with another one.

It repeated the same amount, leaving ripples across the surface and the irritated chirps of evening birds attempting a drink in it's wake. Her schoolbag was resting on the log behind her and coat fell in a pool around her ankles, no longer using the overlarge clothing to cover her petite frame. He took off his jacket, settling it next to her bag and taking one smooth stride to stand beside her so that he, too, could overlook the lake.

She didn't jump once.

Just turned her head tiredly in acknowledgement, dangling pearls on her lobes, then went back to the stones.

"You're not going to get more than three skips with the way you're throwing it."

"I know. I'm not trying to."

He took off his shoes, sitting down on the grass by her feet and watching the young woman's movements, each second, without blinking once. Nothing left his eyes: the suave motion of golden hair drifting through the wind like star-dusted thread, the stress of her brows when she'd pull her arm back to ready for a throw, and the relaxed look that comes once the pebble soars through the air.

He doesn't come to the lake often. He doesn't understand why _she_ does.

There was nothing amusing about still-water. Not when they have a river just miles away from school, and the calming push and pull of ocean waves at their nearby beach.

That was a wonder for another time. Len felt a cold breeze push against his skin. "You've been talking to Fukase often."

"Mm.."

"Why?" The word rolled off his tongue bitterly; he looked downwards.

She stressed her brows again. _Plop,_ came the sound of water, followed by her sigh. "School. We're in the same class.. so same projects, too."

Her responses were short and concise. Her entire form spoke that she didn't want to speak, just relax on her own and that he was ruining her reverie.

She assumed the boy must've gotten the message to leave her alone when he put on his shoes, stood up and moved backwards, away from where she was admiring the lake. It was likely so he could go on his own way to wherever needed be. Then there was the sound of items being shuffled on the log, her curiosity daring her to turn around. She saw her schoolbag slung across his shoulder.

Rin narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

Her voice was cold, speaking towards him in a tone he's never heard before.

"Bringing you somewhere."

Len only reached his arm out for her to take.

/

/

/

/

The sun was, once again, long gone by the time he reached the front door.

After turning the lock, the door pushed open with another creak. The walls were no longer stained with dust and his fingers were spotless when he slid his palm into her grip, bringing her deeper underneath the roof. Her eyes were large, baby blues, and he brushed a strand of hair that was on her cheeks away so that the girl could look around without feeling bothered.

Rin took her shoes off timidly by the entrance. Her bare feet padded against the wood gratefully.

He didn't have time to say anything.

Just walked forwards, both of her hands in his own, when they marched straight into the living room to slide open the wall that led to the garden. All he wanted to do was showcase the view of the stars, but then a lush of crimson and valencia rained over their heads, making her release a delighted squeal. He stirred, confused, but when he saw her sudden smile, he couldn't help but mirror it with one of his own.

And her _eyes._

Her eyes melted beneath the night sky.

But she shone brighter than any star.

/

/

/

/

"What do you think?" His voice was soft beneath the sound of falling leaves.

"I think it's gorgeous.." She decided, her eyes shimmering, "Everything about this town is."

The trees in the garden were aged nearly a hundred years old.

The last time he'd been at the house, those leaves were a dried pale green and towered over the roof.. he hadn't bothered about it much, listing it as another object that was a waste of space and would've been cut down had he enough strength and dedication to do something about it.. yet the moment she took a step out, Len instantly changed his mind. The leaves blossomed red enough that he nearly lost his breath.

And she jumped off the wooden platform.

A smile broadened her lips the instant her feet met the cool earth beneath her toes, and she rose her arms in the air as she danced beneath the autumn leaves through the night.

The foot of the piano was inches away from their toes. He rolled out a dusted futon from a back closet so they could rest their bodies on and huddle beneath the shared blanket. Her fists were curled on his chest and her head was a welcome weight on his shoulder.

She stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

Vivid orange pieces stuck to her hair but Len couldn't find the will to brush them out. Her face was close enough that he could feel those thick lashes of hers batting against his own cheeks.

And in that moment he could pretend. Pretend that it was just him and her, pretend that this was the entire world and it belonged to nobody else. There were no longer any worries, nothing that could spread distance between them. The coming winter was no longer threat because he couldn't imagine ever getting cold with warmth like this. His eyes were closed, nearing a slumber.

She spoiled the moment by pushing her palms against the floor, forcing him awake.

Rin sat up. "Len.." Her voice was finally timid, cautious, and he was relieved to know he finally recovered the _her_ of the past, "Do you ー um, do you want to.. feel him?"

" _Him?_ "

"It."

He followed her, straightening his back, and was not at all fast in understanding the question. The blonde brought one of her hands above her lap, resting on her abdomen, and realisation coloured his gaze.

His tongue was tied, arm stretching out hesitantly. "... can I?"

She wasn't sure.

"I feel him sometimes ー small flutters." Len looked up to notice her skin was a blossoming red, perhaps even more than the brightest leaf stuck in her hair, and she was stuttering through her words. "I mean, it ー it could be my imagination, but I think ー _ah,_ " Her words stopped the moment he laid his hand beside hers.

She shut away those blues and completely surrendered her soul to him.

Rin shivered, like another flutter soared through her, and he wasn't sure whether it was the light from the windows or seeping through the cracks on the roof or whether she really was as bright as she was, but she shimmered like another unearthly moon.

"There ー right there ー did you feel it?" Her eyes opened again, hopeful.

He didn't.

Not at all. Not one flutter, or beat against his expecting palm.

Even then, he couldn't find the heart to tell her the truth, so the young man nodded his head and watched sapphire oceans fill with delight. He didn't regret the lie, he couldn't, not if it would make her smile like that. Not if the truth risked taking even just one fraction of it away.

/

/

/

/

He brought her home early on Saturday, a large difference to how long he would've normally waited (until Monday morning) if he'd went alone. They were planning to part ways at the train station, both going on different lines. The next train wouldn't be coming for another twenty minutes, and he had to wait one hour for his.

They were sitting by an empty bench, a district away from the town they'd slept in.

More orange leaves rustled by their feet, but they weren't nearly as powerful in colour or crisp. No where similar to the crimson rain waiting back at his grandparents' home.

Cups of tea waited in their gloves, too piping hot to drink yet having the aroma that, no doubt, was brought down from heaven.

"Did you enjoy it?" He was the first to speak.

Rin dared a sip, and immediately pulled back from the liquid with a burnt tongue. She brushed it with a thumb before responding with her signature grin on her mouth. Months ago, he didn't think he'd ever miss it. _Or_ think that Kagamine Rin, of all people, could actually become pretty. No, no, that isn't right.. she was _always_ pretty.

 _Was she?_

The idea brought a roll in his stomach and a frantic beat to his chest. Why was he even doubting it?

"Honestly, I think I love the city. _I love our town._ " Rin tilted her chin towards him.

 _Oh,_ was the only thing Len could think. He figured she wouldn't want anything to do with that kind of ghost town. It was interesting for the moment, but remained a fleeting fancy. There were no shops nearby, no neighbouring houses, and the only sign of life would be their own. There was only so much the crimson-coated trees and night sky could do to lure a teenage girl into admiring the place. Any other person would tire of it by staying less than a week.

He almost jumped at the feeling of her head falling against his shoulder.

"But I love that house more. _I love it._ It's so peaceful."

The weight in him lifted. He almost forgot that she _wasn't_ just like any other person.

Len quirked a brow, as if in disbelief. "Do you?"

Her voice held a giggle. She grabbed his arm when he tried to smirk, pinching it, just gently. "I dooo.. is it _always_ as pretty as that?"

"Only in Autumn." And _Spring,_ hopefully, if the tulips decided to behave the way he prayed for it to.

A voice rang through the building, alerting the arrival of a train. Of _her_ train. Her weight finally left his side and he felt so eerily empty without it, like a lost child looking for it's mother's touch. She leaned back, stretched her arms over her head to let out a yawn, before leaning in close enough for the tip of her nose to touch against his.

Her hot breath was warming up her cheeks. He closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side to prepare for a kiss ー

It never came.

"In that case, take me with you next Autumn."

She was gone when he opened his eyes.

/

/

/

/

For somebody who didn't take sides, Piko has been choosing time with him over Fukase rather decidedly for the past few weeks. They finished up that history assignment a long while ago, exams were close albeit not at all being near the next corner, and the following days were strangely peaceful. He's always believed in the calm before the storm but it'd be foolish to spoil the moment with worries.

Not when days like these are increasingly scarce.

It was the peak of Autumn.

Winter was closer than ever, and Len adjusted his scarf higher up his nose at the thought.

He couldn't wait for spring.

* * *

 _ok so, ehem, hello. i don't usually put this.. a/n thing because i'm a socially awkward piece of shit who should be studying for finals instead of writing vocaloid fanfiction, but i wanted to apologise for posting the wrong chapter last time, and thank you so so much to the guest who pointed it out!  
and i'm going to address that i also read all the reviews and they're all much appreciated, so thank you to everyone who has taken their time to validate my writing :eyes emoji: :blows kisses:_


	10. jul24

Rest has become something foreign to him.

The circles beneath his eyes are worser than _hers_ by now, and there wasn't a single moment where he wasn't running down the lines of a physics book or entire hundred-thousand word articles on his laptop screen. The clock inside his head paced faster and faster, forcing him not to allow even one minute to pass away. He refused to blink, not if that meant he'd exhibit just the slightest behaviour of _that woman._

Because he wasn't her.

He was _him_ , and he was someone that nobody else could ever dream to be.

One mistake after another could pile up into a hill, and he'd rather blow up a minefield than create a mountain.

/

/

/

/

He let out a yawn. Cheek pressed up against a brick pillar, there was nothing worse than being crammed between a hundred bodies from all different angles, each person waiting for their train to come to a stop on the rails. If he had known he'd be stuck at the station during rush hour, he would've shot up the moment he heard the first ring of his alarm rather than putting it off for later.

Or maybe he really shouldn't have stayed awake until six in the morning.

It was nine now.

If he'd had enough time, he would have taken the usual shorter ー but slower route, by going over that walkway with the bridge instead of suffering shared air consumption like this. But _running_ wasn't exactly something he was in the mood for either.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the train down his line rolled to a stop and the doors slid open, releasing hundreds of college-aged students and office workers heading to the next place on schedule.

Len straightened his back, began to walk away from the pillar towards the border and shuffle amongst the sea of people ー when there was a sudden yank on the cloth of his school jacket that held him back. He fussed silently, assuming that someone had mistakenly grabbed onto him and tried to move on forwards.

But there it was again.

Another _yank_ , keeping him in place.

It took plenty courage to turn around, hoping to god it was just his bloody hem caught onto an object, somebody's bag or the metal barrier and not a pervert hoping to find a body to assault ー only to connect eyes with small ambers, hopefully peering up towards him. A little boy, no more than three years old, with hair as fair as his own had tear streaks running down those plump small cheeks. His tiny fingers was firm on Len's hemline and his lips let out an inaudible sniff, straining to keep a drip of snot from falling down.

The blond considered pushing him away and rushing into the train as fast he could. He did.

He doesn't know why he decided against it.

Len _despised_ children.

He took a deep breath. Bent down to eye-level. "Hey. Where are your parents?" He worked fast in pulling the toddler deeper onto the platform, back to that brick pillar where they'd be safely out of the crowd's way.

No answer from the child. Just a quieter sniff. His face was a mess.

Damn it, Len never carried around tissues.

The blonde wiped away the warm goo beneath that little boy's nose with a thumb, feeling an appreciative blow of air against his skin as response. Once he was done, he uneasily padded his fingers dry with the sleeve of his jacket.

He'd worry about whether that was sanitary after this situation sorted itself out. Because he had the luck of a torn umbrella during a rainstorm, the train doors slammed shut in front of them, rendering the money he'd paid for a ticket completely useless.

 _Why him, of all people._

The blond tried not to have a break down when the transport drove of view. The morning sun peeked through the overhead glass ceiling, shining across him like the spotlight in a theatre, as if the heavens were purposely insulting him for the sake of entertainment and didn't want to come anywhere near an ending. The dome was cold, though the heat of the bodies around him was too warm for anyone to breathe.

And the little boy's grip on him was stronger than anything else.

"Did you come here with your Mummy?" A shake of the head. "Alright, did you come with _Daddy?_ "

This time, a nod.

Len hesitated. The crowd was not dying down, rather growing by the minute, and he couldn't believe someone could be idiotic enough to keep eyes off their toddler during rush hour or even bring them out in public when there's the risk of this happening. "Did he leave you here?"

"Nooooo..." The little boy sobbed.

"So you ran away from him."

There was no need for confirmation.

He warily eyed the child's attire. A brown backpack in the pattern of a monkey, with peach skin and googly eyes that rattled with each move.

In place of an ordinary pop-out tail was a little loop at the end, resembling a leash. This was definitely not the first time something like this has happened. Suddenly he feels more pity for the parent than anything.

"Come on, I'll help you find your dad."

Amber eyes lightened up to sparkling gold, and the little boy reached out his small hand for Len to take. R _ight.._

The blond winced again, opting to grab the leash instead.

/

/

/

/

He reported a lost child to the reporting station before anything to avoid being accused, and an announcement rang out throughout the entire domed building, calling out for the guardian to come to the main kiosk. But five minutes passed, then ten, nearing twenty ー the worry that this was an abandoned child grew and he tried to push it off as generic hysterics.

After dropping him off, Len went to buy a new ticket.

But that strong grip latched onto him again, refusing to let go. Teary eyes resumed and guilt overwhelmed him.

The young man had to think about this logically.

If he'd personally lost a kid in a crowd he'd be too focused over looking for the child through the sea of bodies rather than paying attention to the surroundings, much less the overhead speakers when the most it would often talk about was which train would be arriving on what line.

So he went back to the place it all started (with permission from the security officials, who would broadcast if a parent visited them to claim the child so he'd know when to bring the kid back) leash in hand, even if that little boy kept stretching a palm towards him expectantly.

His eyes were open for anyone that might be searching through the lower area.

Len dropped back to his knees. "Get on my back."

The toddler seemed excited the moment Len dropped the leash and allowed both small legs to drape over his shoulders, lifting him up into the air. They couldn't see over everybody's heads ー Len wasn't pitifully short, but he was average and that was nearly not enough for this to work Results went to prove that they should've done this from the start. Just seconds later, a man weaved down the lane and came to a stop in front of him, sweat running down both forehead and neck.

"Oliver!"

" _Papa!_ "

/

/

/

/

As expected, the gates were locked by the time he reached the school compound.

That boy's father apologised profusely and offered him a replacement ticket, but there really was no point seeing as he'd just be stuck here the next few hours. It was an hour after lunch break and his safest bet in keeping what's left of his sanity was to go home.

And then he looked up again, towards the upper level windows, where first years' classes were taking place and it didn't take long for his eyes to find Kagamine Rin's figure, giggling with a figure sitting beside her. She turned towards the window, meeting him, and this time she blinked a few times before looking away.

Her arm rose in the air towards the front of the class. She jumped out of view a second later.

Len huffed.

The scarf around his nose wasn't thick enough to keep him warm. Orange and red leaves, no where near as vibrant as they were back at his grandparents' home, rinsed over the violet skies. He allowed his eyes to close only to feel nothing but the rustles of the trees biting across his skin. And then there was a gentle tap behind him.

/

/

/

/

"They think I went to the bathroom, so _hurry_."

"I'm hurrying."

"Hurry faster!"

His head went in circles, climbing up several flights of stairs. Rin was leading the way. She decided to do him a kindness, opening the school gates from the inside and sneaking him in before a teacher came to check. Now he has to rush for the nurse's office, going the guise of having been at school the entire day ー only being too sick to enter class so that they wouldn't write his name off the attendance list. The walls echoed with the sound of their bated breaths and clank of shoes against the floor.

And then there was the sound of glass breaking.

The girl in front of him stepped onto an object littered across the floor, and the heel of her Mary Janes' cracked in half when she was midway running up a step.

She let out a scream.

White flashed between his eyes, followed with red. He saw a blonde woman sprawled across the floor in a pool of crimson, pale blue eyes staring up at the ceiling, with rosy lips parted for her last breath ー

"Sorry.."

He blinked again.

She was sitting on his lap. He had held his arms out to prevent the fall. His elbows were bruised, but her head was against his chest and both of them had no real injury, safe for a small cut on her ankle that was beginning to bleed. It could be patched up later. Alright, alright, _alright_... they were alright, he could stop shaking.

It was all in his head. Only in his head. "Stop.. running." Len hissed through his teeth. His eyes were wild, like broken mirrors, and the young lady peered into them with a trembling bottom lip.

"Sorry," Rin repeated. "I think someone left their coke bottle on the ground. Stupid."

She stood up, brushing the dust off her skirt before resuming a march up the stairs at a slower pace. She skipped forwards, ignoring the mess of shards on the floor.

Pale eyes. Pale.

Kagamine Rin had eyes so blue and so deep, an entire ocean could never compare and be put to shame. No, those weren't her eyes that he saw, and he didn't want to _know_ whose it was

It took all his energy to follow behind without taking her hand.

/

/

/

/

One week went in the blink of an eye. It wouldn't even be two fortnights to the end of their promised five months. Rin didn't have time to wait in the corridor outside his class at the end of the day, and he didn't think she even would, considering their mutually agreed anonymity within school compound and lack of communication unless he takes the time out of his own schedule to visit her frequent spot by the lake.

And then he remembered it was him that caused this in the first place. She was never the one who didn't want to be seen with him.

That's why Len took it within his own hands to wait outside her class, instead of hoping she'd one day forget he didn't want her around his.

He saw her leave the room behind Fukase, and that boy was grinning at something she'd said. They didn't notice him. Neither were particularly touching or showing anything affectionate, though he didn't know how long that would last.

"Rin," Len called out.

Nearly the entire population inside the hall paused in their tracks at the sound of his voice.

He crossed his arms, leaning against the opposite wall with an impatient quirk of the brow. Fukase was glaring at him, Len knew, it was unsettling and he could feel it, but right now he couldn't care less.

Rin looked between them, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth to consider if this was a trap. She finally decided to walk forwards to his side.

The blond didn't say anything else.

Just took her bag in one hand, her wrist in his other, and began their walk to leave through the front gates. He could hear nothing but his heart beating through his ears and the feel of Kagamine Rin's warmth in his hold. Something inside his eyes spoke that this wouldn't be the last time something like this would be happening.

 _But it also wasn't in anybody's place to question it._

* * *

im tempted to answer reviews but i also don't wanna give out any spoilers so :thinkingemoji:x2 hhhhhahahha good luck guessing


	11. aug2

Raindrops drenched each strand of his hair and mud bit at their heels, but in the moment he couldn't feel anything but the feel of her pulse within his hold and the taste of her smile beneath the fading sun and rising moonlight.

And as she held him in her warmth, he wasn't sure whose eyes he was looking into.

Deep, deep blues, or the ones as pale as ice.

/

/

/

/

She was still overtaken by laughter by the time he pulled her beneath the roof and ruffled a towel roughly into her hair. It must have been the aftershock of running through a sudden storm, but it seemed such adventures delighted the young lady rather than scare her away. Her eyes were half-lidded, and her fingers grasped onto the material of his shirt.

Looking at her smile, by instinct, Len couldn't help but lift the corners of his lips into one of his own.

The crimson leaves rustled beneath them, some even managed to blow through the open door and into the home through a strong breeze, but he couldn't pay it any mind.

Not until this girl recovers from her laughing fit, which didn't look to be anytime soon.

"It's so _cold_." She blew warm breath into her palms before glancing towards him with pools of sapphire and a grin that reached both ends of her ears. "Aren't you cold?"

"I'm cold." Len agreed.

Rin reacted to the admittance by pressing both of her heated hands against his cheeks as if all he needed was her touch to keep protection from the cold. It was barely enough, it _shouldn't_ be enough, but the way his heart raced and skin rose to a light peach as if inflamed by her, as if he were a wilting flower and she the sun, it must've meant that even for just a second, this girl caused an imbalance to the world.

Her eyes twinkled like the universe and he vaguely wondered, if he searched her heart, whether he would find any stars.

But she bared her arms like the welcoming sun.

And to no doubt, she would be a star by herself because he had never before seen anything that shone as bright.

/

/

/

/

Rin, with a blanket around her shoulders, and damp hair rolled in curls above her chin, was staring at the blond with so much concentration as he unpacked the contents of his backpack and schoolbag across the wooden floor that he'd began to feel irritation beneath her gaze. He snapped his head upwards, meeting her eyes with an indignant glare.

He wasn't surprised to know she didn't bother glaring back.

Just tilted her head further, as if curious.

And she didn't try to keep the wonder to herself. She crawled closer, unleashing her entire weight against his shoulder as he unzipped another compartment to take out another towel to replace the ones around their necks. "Why did you bring me here?"

The young man quirked a brow. "Didn't you want to come?"

"Next Autumn."

"It's still Autumn _right now._ Enjoy it while it lasts." She wrinkled her nose at his response and Len felt an amused smirk grace his features at her actions. He brushed her bangs away from shielding her sight. "Last time you were here.. you stayed a night with me, didn't you? What did you tell your parents?"

A wind howled past in the form of a whistle and the heavy rustle of trees. Another lush of rain came in, tainting the floorboards with water and orange leaves. Len took that as a cue to slide the doors shut and check the durability of each window, quietly sending a prayer above that the roof would be strong enough to withstand the height of the storm.h

The girl behind him padded on her bare feet, following suit.

He nearly didn't hear her answer beneath the noise.

"I said I was staying over at my friend's house.. um, Gumi's."

He looked over to her. "Good. Tell them that again.. from now on, you're coming to stay with me here every weekend, so make that a normal occurrence and make sure nobody catches up on it."

Her stance didn't waver. "Why?"

"Because I said I'd take care of you, and I'm not one to hold back on my promises."

She blinked a few times, as if in disbelief.

For half a second he thought she would snap out of her frozen reverie to erupt with the strength of a formally dormant volcano, with flames blowing out of her ears and each and every gap between her teeth, prepared to give him a piece of her mind. Instead she closed another window, and Len followed suit by closing his eyes ー just in time to feel her footsteps vibrating beneath his own heels. She was bouncing, and then a pounce, right onto his body.

He doesn't know how he kept himself from falling forwards.

Her arms slung around his waist. He could feel her forehead against his neck, along with her breath, and he knew she was embracing him from behind.

"Okay.."

"Okay?" Len repeated, cautious.

She muffled her voice into his jacket. " _Okay._ "

/

/

/

/

By the time he'd set out a futon, she was changing clothes in the living room.

He'd harassed her into taking a bath to rinse off the storm from her body, resulting in her short-lived protests until she released a sneeze that proved his point. Her school uniform was hung neatly in one corner of the room to airdry, and she emerged from the corridor outside, donning nothing more than his thin bathrobe and a drenched towel around her shoulders. They didn't have electricity, and had to resort to using his own hands to get her hair dry.

Len had washed himself prior, and had to reheat the bath for her turn. She didn't make any fuss about sharing the same water and that he was eternally grateful for.

Then again, she supposedly had a child inside her womb.

A child who, again, supposedly, was his.

Bathing in the same water had to be the last of her worries.

He was drying the last of his own hair with the same towel, watching her struggle with poking her head through the collar of his overlarge grey tee shirt. The cloth fell down just slightly above her knees resembling a little dress. afterwards she held his pyjama pants away from her at arms length, as if contemplating on whether it'd actually fit her body. It didn't, of course, but he stood up and forced her to hold it above her hips so he could tie the loose ends together into a makeshift knot.

He didn't think he'd ever find something so enrapturing about seeing a girl wearing your own clothing, but standing there, seeing Rin Kagamine drown in his shirt that was honestly a size too big for Len to wear himself, and his pants that were so loose that it'd be restricting her movement if she pushed it lower down her body.

And the little tongue she'd stick out when he'd admit that, _yes,_ it actually looks really nice on her, nicer than it would on him.

His heart throbbed.

It's been doing that a bit too much lately. By now he had no doubts that he's got a heart condition that needed to be checked on.

Things like these supposedly only happen when you're in love, like in the movies and in the storybooks and in all those little tales his mother used to tell before bedtime.

And he was _not_ in love with Kagamine Rin.

He isn't.

/

/

/

/

He had to know. Lying back, staring at the ceiling and the small leak in the roof, the only thing he could think about was his hand against her stomach, the excitement in her eyes, and a crimson bloodstain. Her brassiere lay somewhere beneath his feet, but she likely kept on her bottom underwear onto her body. He could check that later. No, he _had_ to check that later. There was no other way to go across, he was standing in the middle of a crossroad and each lane drove to a dead end.

He had to know, his mind repeated, as he rested his cheek on the side to stare into Rin's sleeping face, the warmth of her breath mingling on his skin.

They were sharing the same pillow. Her limbs were woven around him, similar to thorns with tangled rose stems, and the blanket's small size forced them closer together in hopes of warmth.

It was a struggle to remove her weight from his body. He nearly regretted the loss of her touch when he managed, but the dreadful reminder gloomed over his head like a black cloud and he gently placed his legs on each side of her thighs, fingers inching beneath the material of his shirt. He hiked it up, higher, higher, and feeling more and more guilt rise up as if he was committing sin, revealing her body to his view without consent.

 _You have to know._

He exposed her entire torso.

Her breasts were exposed, stiffening to the cold, and she let out an uncomfortable whine in her sleep that he gently hushed by rubbing a thumb over the lobe of her ear.

The storm outside was getting heavier.

Breath laboured, his arms ran down her sides, observing each inch of her visible body. There was a single line down her chest which he hadn't noticed before, albeit jagged, and her swollen stomach stood out more than anything else. It was still small yet seemed abnormally large when standing out against her petite body, so he pressed a palm over the bare skin. Waited.

Waited.

Waited and waited.

Only to get nothing.

He didn't hesitate to pull the cloth back down, fall back onto the futon beside the young lady and drag her back into his warmth, his nose digging into the top of her head where he could kiss her scalp. The corners of her lips lifted in her slumber, unknowing, and he didn't know whether the wetness rolling down his cheek was a drip of rain from the leaked roof or the result of his own tear.

/

/

/

/

"You're staring."

"You're _staring_."

"Len, I said you're staring."

Utatane Piko must've said the words over a hundred repeats and he heard them each time. He was just too exhausted to respond. He'd returned to their town with Rin on Sunday evening, rather than waiting until the dead of Monday morning like he usually does whenever he was alone. Absence for one day was acceptable, but any longer than that could draw attention and with two people thrown into the mix, it took more risk than singularity.

Being with her meant making more careful decisions.. one wrong move could cause their entire weeks' worth of planning to slip on the ground and shatter from glass to sand.

They returned to their separate homes.

He met up with her on the school walkqway by the same riverside. Didn't hesitate to take her wrist again, dragging the girl forwards until they reached the school compounds. More than enough eyes landed on them but he didn't seem so affected as he would've been three months in the past. Now he was waiting for her again in the courtyard, to get any last decisions pass before they go separate ways home.

That's why, yes, when she emerged from the building holding hands with Kaito Shion, he definitely was staring. His eyes narrowed to slit daggers.

"Who the hell is _he?_ "

"Shion? He's been here the entire year. You're not the brightest person, are you?"

"No, no, I meant... why is he holding her," The blond gestured forwards. "Like _that_."

Piko clicked his tongue, deciding not to answer. Went back to leaning his head against the trunk of a tree, attention submerged in a book rather than commenting on where his friend's eyes should or shouldn't be.

Len lost his patience soon enough.

He stood up from the grass, gripped his hands into fists at his sides and was in front of Rin within fifteen seconds to grab her face while she was laughing in the middle of conversation, forcing his mouth onto hers. Kaito Shion widened his eyes, taking a step back, and Len was halfway into moving his tongue through her lips when he felt a harsh shove against his chest, nearly throwing him off his feet.

Rin had tears in her eyes, and he barely registered her small hand aggressively wiping the taste of his kiss off her lips.

"What.. what's _with_ you?" She choked out.

What's with _her_.

"You." He hissed. " _You_. You're driving me crazy."

"Don't touch her." Kaito took hold of her hand again, and Len saw red when she willingly let herself be dragged away.

/

/

/

/

There must be more than ten million pearls lost in the ocean, waiting to be found, and the dropped pendant was not one of them.

It could be somewhere off the coast of a deserted island, or it could've made it's way off the shores and into some parisian boutique among all other assortments of emeralds and gold.

Personally, Len hoped it stayed somewhere beneath the water, buried beneath sand where it will never resurface.

The evening tides pulled up to the height of his waist, and the scent of salt was calming to him. The ocean lulls him deeper, and he vaguely wonders if it will bring him to his home, if all he did was to answer it's call. His eyes close, and he fell forwards, only to be pulled back up at the last minute.

Rin Kagamine's wet breath was frantic on his neck and he realised her frail body was using all it's strength to get him on his feet.

"Len! Len! I'm sorry!"

"What are you doing ー"

"LEN! I can't swim!" She was shivering in the cold and her heel was losing balance with each push and pull. "Pleaaaase..!"

He didn't bring her back to shore. Just spun around, with the nastiest glare, while she cried by hanging onto his elbows. Where the water reaching his hips, it reached the middle of her stomach and her gasps for air were frantic as the ocean pulled higher, higher, until she could barely keep her feet on the ground. She slung her arms around his neck at the first opportunity and latched like a beetle on a tree.

Len sighed, tightening his hold on the young lady until she'd calm down.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to push you away," Rin sniffed. "Please get me out of the water."

When he saw her crying face, with each tear rolling down her cheeks and meeting the ocean like another pearl, he felt some of the brimming anger inside of him fade, as if a roaring flame dying with the mere touch of ice.

She says she didn't mean to, but she still did, and he was huffing beneath it. "Then why _did_ you?"

By this time he expected her to sort out her priorities. It didn't do well to think he was obligated to serve her every little will bent at the tip of her little fingernail, but she wouldn't do him the same favour.

"He can't see me with you.. _Kaito_. He can't."

That did nothing to satiate his fury.

"Why not? What's he, your _boyfriend_?"

The young lady shook her head in protest. "No!"

Len continued spitting out harsh words without relenting, and Rin pulled back, resisting the tightening grip he had on her body. "He is, isn't he? Why didn't you get him to _get_ with you instead, then? Someone like _that_ not good enough for you?"

"You're strangling me!"

"I should. I _should_ strangle you."

"He's friends with Yuuma!" She took a deep breath. "He's... he's friends with Yuuma. He takes care of me. He used to babysit me with my brother when I was younger."

The tides slowed down it's movement, as if to cry along with her, massaging their bodies in blood-curling water that's greeting the coming winter. Each gap of their skin was filled with what felt like ice-sharp needles, and the sunset's warmth was fading, warning them to make a run for refuge.

But he couldn't move. Not until he tilted her chin up, captured her bottom lip between his teeth and bit down until she'd return the kiss, even through her warm tears and her frozen fingers and everything that weakened her against him.

".. he'd tell Yuuma he'd seen you kissing me, and then Yuuma would _kill_ you..." Rin finally managed to whisper after being released from his searching mouth. His lips were pecking it's way up her neck, towards her jaw, and it took everything she had not to let out a giggle from the sensation.

Her hands dropped from his neck, falling to his chest.

His movements were muddy as he tried to march through the sand and water, and it took even more of his strength "You think I'm scared? I've _slept_ with you under the same roof as your brother during _broad daylight_."

She didn't hold back her laugh this time.

He helped her out of the water. If she'd thought being inside the ocean was cold, she had been a complete fool. There was nothing as painful as being exposed to the end of autumn air, with nothing on you for protection other than a soaked skirt and jumper that would most likely turn into ice.

"Isn't your apartment nearby?"

"It is." He grabbed his schoolbag off the sand. "Let's go."

Len didn't smile. Not at all. But she tried to keep the mood near the clouds with another one of her trademark grins.

The blonde took his hand this time, leaning her head against his shoulder the entire way.


	12. aug7

Autumn leaves continue to rain upon the skies, dyeing lilac visions in crimson and amber euphoria.

Those ocean eyes carried effervescence similar to bubbling champagne and seafoam above sand, each taste of her body an endless treasure, as if he were amongst the thieves that wandered along a gold mine or even a drunken man frolicking within a chamber of wine.

She was pressed against the wall.

His tongue caressed her lips, her teeth, everything within reach. Each gasp leaving her mouth becomes a drop of sunlight lost from the world, and he grasps it firmly within his fingers, just as he does with her smile.

/

/

/

/

She held fear towards the ocean.

The admittance was ironic, and he couldn't help but look into those twin pools that never failed to drown him in their tides, brushing a strand of gold from her cheek to lock behind her ears.

The breeze rushed through the open door, and the weight of his head dropped onto her lap wasn't only comforting to him, but Rin seemed to take great pleasure in grooming him with only her fingers.

 _Two weeks until the end of five months._

An open notebook lay beside her lap in a mess of scrawled writings and pink and purple ink.

He made an attempt to peer through it until the young lady held the paper out of arms' reach with great protest, her gentle look turning into a brimming storm.

She held her breath until he promised not to look through it.

 _She was childish,_ he sighed, and Len hardly ever had to handle someone more stubborn than himself.

Every moment spent with her, he wonders why he brushes everything that would normally bother him into insanity with nothing but a raised brow. He should be agitated. He should.

He should stomp his foot against the ground, throw a tantrum, and have everything done his way. Not just lean back, cave in, and allow this girl to dominate his every being in any way she wished.

Not just _try_ his best to hide a smile as her eyes glimmered and lips met his cheek in a tender kiss.

/

/

/

/

"Hey." She poked him until he was awake. Len groaned into his pillow under the persistence. " _Hey._ "

"Hey, yourself."

It was two hours to midnight.

They needed to wake early if either of them wanted to reach the schoolgate on time. She'd opted to stay with him until the early Monday instead of following the former plan to return home before the end of the week. With each momentary peace, a coming storm rose, the loss was not the duration but rather it's aftermath.

 _But those were worries for another time._

The blond was drained of energy, and the way she seemed interested with a late night chat did not amuse him at all.

He closed his eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

Len could feel her body shift beside him. Her words were suddenly so close and clear to his ears that it took all he had to not let the movements disturb him.

"No, really, _hey._ " The warmth beside him was gone a minute later, and the autumn night's breeze was so prominent it surprised him how he hadn't noticed it when he had her heat to accompany him through the night.

 _It's strange how much you crave something the moment it's ripped away from you._

He lazily reached out a hand to bring her back. Rin stepped out of the way, distancing from his grasp, and the young man knitted his brows together.

"Please don't sit on me." His plea came a second too late. His voice muffled into their shared pillow, and fingers clutched desperately at the blankets. " _Oh my god,_ you're so heavy. Get off."

"I'm cold."

"We've established this, get back under the blanket. You doing this isn't helping."

A cricket chirped beneath the moonlight.

There was a scuttle of sond rolling across the roof; Len insisted it was just a fallen leaf, but the girl didn't want to believe him. The theory of his late grandfather's spirit haunting the house was a persistent alibi albeit his assurance that the old man's grave was on a faraway island across the country. _All this just because she didn't want to go to sleep._

Kagamine Rin was annoying.

Her head pressed against his back.

He could feel her breath against his neck, _feel the fine hair on his arms rise._ "I want to hear your heartbeat."

It took everything he had to push the rising blush down into the pits of his stomach. "That's creepy."

He hid his face into the sheets as her voice followed, a teasing lilt unrelenting, "It isn't. It's romantic."

"No," Len concluded. The word followed by a long silence. " _You're_ creepy."

"I'm _romantic!_ "

A snicker, he wasn't sure whether it was his or hers- followed. _Romance_ and _Kagamine Rin_ were two things that didn't get along together, and both of them were very aware.

He couldn't seem too amused or else he'd fall right into her trap.

Len's eyes slowly opened when she sat up to balance her entire weight on his spine, deciding it would fit best to her desires by bouncing onto him until he'd lose motivation to go to sleep. He whined protests into the air, and she was hoping he'd waste energy into roll them around until he had her trapped beneath him.

Rin nipped his tragus between her lips, losing patience.

"Len, I think I saw something move in that corner."

"Stop trying to scare me, it's not going to work."

"Len! I think it moved again."

" _Go away._ "

Needless to say, her plan met success. Sometime within the next hour, he managed to get Kagamine Rin back to the spot she belonged with both of them facing the ceiling ー her head occupied the space on his shoulder with signature twinkling eyes, a cheeky grin, and rosy cheeks.

He refused to look at the corner the entire night.

Yet he stayed awake as she snored lightly on his arm. No longer out of fear but instead to stare at the way this girl managed a smile even through her sleep.

Len didn't want to know what could ever take it away.

/

/

/

/

They parted ways before the gates. He had to convince himself that the separation was for their own good, _that he was the one that situated this in the first place,_ that there was something undeniably odd about the sight of a teenage boy walking a girl home every so often only to disappear with her multiple days at a time.

He's been convincing himself each movement, each little step that he makes out of line, would lead to disaster.

But paranoia was destruction all in itself, and he was the fool for tearing himself apart because of it.

That he shouldn't mind when his hand becomes so empty, when it isn't holding onto her wrist.

That he shouldn't mind when she rushes up to a friend, with short layered hair and emerald eyes, giving the girl a brighter smile than the ones she's ever given him.

That he shouldn't mind at all.

But then, _then,_ with all those restrictions and rules that forces the bleeding lip he gnaws beneath his teeth in hopes of retaining sanity. If he couldn't do anything, then what was it that's meant to keep him _human?_

/

/

/

/

Physical education was never his strongest point. Partnering exercises were worse, especially with pushup squats.

The wind was cool and more than enough fallen leaves fell on his head, tickling his nose ー but Len couldn't get over the fact that he has to do push-ups while a certain younger boy is standing with his ankles in fists, doing squats with each time the blond lifts.

Utatane Piko was snickering beneath his breath.

"This must be the most inappropriate situation I've ever been in with you."

"Can you please _not_ mention anything." A drip of sweat rolled down his shoulder. "Let's just get it done with so I can take a shower."

"You're so _grumpy._ I never remembered you being this grumpy in middle school. You know, if I wasn't nice enough to offer being your partner, you would've ended up doing this with Fukase."

As he always does. The realisation is unsettling that, for once, Fukase was across the field doing a different kind of exercise with a boy likely from his own class, rather than standing between Len's calves in the same position Piko was in now.

Fukase now wouldn't even look him in the eye if their lives came down to it.

The memory of a bike cycling beside him every evening a year back rolled to mind.

Len let out a tired sigh.

Two more lifts, _two more... a_ voice broke him out of his thoughts. Piko was following his movement, seeming just slightly out of breath as he spoke.

"Fukase misses you too, you know."

Len scoffed. "What are you? Our middle-man?"

A shrug. "It's just.. _weird._ It's _weird_ not being the third-wheel for once, you know? It's weird when it's not Len, Fukase, and the _little florist-boy_ that follows them around."

The sentence was so soft that it caught him off guard. Len collapsed, cheek resting against the grass and almost knocking Piko down with him. Hoping nobody would notice their refrain from exercise, he wrangled his ankles out of the other boy's grasp before turning around, cold eyes seeming almost warm.

The blond finally sat up, shoulders slacking.

".. you were never the third wheel."

A weak punch against his shoulder followed as response.

But the meaning behind Piko's gaze didn't falter, and he didn't have to think hard to know what it meant.

/

/

/

/

Of all things, hearing a cry that _wasn't_ his own in the boys' shower room when he decided to head for a quick rinse before anyone else was finished with their exercises and the supervisor was too distracted to notice a missing student from the group, was the last thing he would've expected to come across.

Len contemplated on running away, pretending he hadn't heard anything at all, come back later ー

He's not certain why he chose against it.

The blond walked forwards, reaching the closed stall at the end, before gently pressing his hand against the curtains. The owner of the voice must've gotten aware of his presence because the sobs suddenly stifled, replaced with a hasty sprinkle of water from the inside as an attempt to drown any sound out.

But it didn't take away the fact that he was already _there._ "Are you.. are you alright?"

Silence.

The water got heavier.

"It's fine if you are, just wondered if you needed any help, but-"

"... Len?"

The voice.. _was uncannily familiar,_ of silk diamonds and warm clouds, yet at the same time it shook with a tremor he hadn't heard on her before. Len retracted his hand from the material of the curtain, shoulders strict, fists stiffening at his sides.

"Rin." It wasn't a question so much as a statement, worried brows knitted in confusion. "Kagamine Rin."

A clang of metal, followed with the halt of water. She must've turned off the tap.

The blond tried to calm his breathing. "What are you _doing_?"

Someone could've found her.

Someone _other_ than him.

"W-waiting.. for _you,_ " Her voice was strong, though he could tell she fought a struggle in getting each word out. The young man was one distance away from yanking the curtains away to reveal her. "It.. hurts."

"What hurts?"

"It _hurts._ " She repeated, vague. It sounded like she was straining herself to speak, each syllable getting softer and softer. ".. help me."

The blond couldn't wait any longer. One, swift movement was all it took to do what he needed to; the material of the curtain ripped through the air followed by the metal lock splitting into halves.

The sight he met was one he would never wish upon even his greatest enemy to see. Kagamine Rin was pale with legs curled across the cold floor, looking so small, encased within walls he once deemed had barely enough space.

Vomit rose up to his throat.

Water drenched each gap between her skin, closed eyes shielded from the world.

A dainty hand landed on her abdomen as the young lady came up for short gasps for air, doing the best she could to keep herself breathing. Doing her best to keep her gaze from looking at the pool of crimson that surrounded her, _drowned her,_ drenched her skirt, the white of cardigan, dotting every little inch of her skin like embedded drops of rubies.

Rin finally opened her eyes, towards him, and Len covered his mouth with a palm as she tried whatever she could to muster a smile.

* * *

fuck, dramatics are not my strongest point


	13. aug12

He stood for what felt like an eternity. Each and every little impossibility filtered through his mind, searching for a coherent explanation as if this were the overview of a million-word length novel, and he took the role of a reader.

It was surreal.

The sun must've risen from the west, moon appearing only during day, world filling with more colours than lilac, crimson, (the valor of Kagamine Rin's eyes,) and grey. Everything ー _everything_ , those thoughts, to Len, were deemed fantasies that would never come to existence. Imaginary little wonders that refused to connect with reality.

And this had to be another one.

Another foolish, incorrigible idea, planting odd thoughts inside his own head. Len fought to convince himself different as he bent down to look into her blue eyes and blue skin, pressing tender fingers against blue lips just so he could see nothing from her ethereal presence but deep, deep blue ー and yet, the crimson staining her skirt was anything but.

Her warmth was gone, replaced with an icy chill that threads beneath his skin, resembling fine embroidery. He's dancing on eggshells and needles, stretching an arm towards this girl, begging her to pull him to safety.

But she's fallen too far down.

If he was only beginning to sweat beneath the heat, then she was already melding beneath flames.

/

/

/

/

She shivered beneath his stare. What was left of a trembling smile was slowly fading. The colours in her skin faded away like golden clouds in the night sky. Her hands suddenly looked so frail and cold, mouth no longer exuding the heat he was accustomed to.

"Help me.." The silence ended it's reign only to pass on her true request, ".. hold me."

Of all things she could've pleaded for.

There were other things to consider; for him to end the pain, to nullify it, to, at the very least, _hide it away._

"I need you." She held his chin between her fingers, tenderly, blue eyes suddenly so soft and gentle, he could dream of paradise and delve into a world of lies. " _Please,_ I need you," Her lips repeated, quieter, albeit having those very same hands that were grasping at his jaw with urgency. "Hold me."

He didn't. He couldn't. His legs were lead, and his arms made of nothing but solid metal.

Her pleas turned desperate. "Len, hold ー "

The entrance door opened, a crowd of voices filtering in.

He could recognise a strong tenor which he distantly recognised, but couldn't register anything but the feel of her pulling him inside the stall, drawing what was left of the ripped curtains around them.

She let out a noise of pain as he fell against her, muffling it against the cloth of his chest as his hands bathed in blood.

Her blood.

His _child's_ blood.

He was dreaming, this was a dream, he wasn't _truly_ here. It's just that his eyes were still closed. He should be in bed, back at home, beneath his patterned duvet that smelt of roses and tulips with his mother's warmth wrapped safely around him. He'd greet the next day with morning kisses and the night with old lore and fairytales. He'd soon wake up from the nightmare, greet another sun with a smile, and he'd never have to meet the vaguest existence of Kagamine Rin ー only reality was very much stubborn, and looked in no way close to revealing everything as a cruel joke.

Tears were running down her cheeks.

Rin was holding her breath. The shower stall beside them became occupied and as the water began to run, easily drowning their voices beneath the noise.

Len bit his bottom lip. Gnawed it until the skin was raw. ".. stay here."

There should be many things for him to do.

He could head out, he could find a teacher, a nurse, call someone, talk to anyone. Anything. _Just don't allow things to stay this way._ She held onto his shirt, keeping his feet from moving.

Her voice was carefully quiet as she whispered to his ear. "No, don't leave me."

His voice shook more than he would've thought, "We need to tell a ー"

" _Don't leave me._ "

"You _can't_ stay here."

"And I can't leave either. I can't stand, I _can't._ " The young lady took a deep breath. Another metal tap twisted nearby, another voice ringing of laughter, and another rush of water from a hose. "Alright ー _you_ ー you can go, _wherever you want,_ " She nodded her head in conclusion, defeated. Her tone was raising just slightly higher with each occupied stall as if gathering more strength the less she could be heard. ".. but I'm trusting you to keep your lips sealed."

He looked away, towards the door and the ceiling, towards everywhere that wasn't _her._

That was all it took to convince the burst of life in her body to continue draining away.

Her hope faltered. "Len. Keep your.. lips sealed.. that's all I'm asking of you."

Len shut his gaze this time, refusing to look at her, refusing to comply to her wishes, refusing to see the hope leave her eyes the moment he speaks of reality instead of the rose-painted vision she sees the world in.

" _Len._ Len, _listen to me._ "

The pale colour of his shirt formed into a vivid red.

He's heard those words before. _He'd made a promise to them before._

He kept an oath the first time and there should be nothing to hold him back now.

Yet the same very reasoning takes a firm grasp on his mind, conquering his heart.

/

/

/

/

If she had offered him the path to leave, he should've turned his back on her and taken it.

「Only a fool persists in the dark when they could walk towards the brightest moon.」

But she was a sun to him.

「And for shame, if the fool burns, then so be it, for even a wise man would be foolish to choose passion over love.」

/

/

/

/

She was wrapped in his school jacket, thick enough for springtime, but only barely enough for the autumn night's cold.

Both arms looped around his neck as he struggled to hold her weight in his own hands. Once tan skin shone of sickly porcelain, a cold cheek pressed against Len's neck as he carried them through narrow winding streets after sunrise with only the moon's light to guide their way. His breath was bated, sweat pulsing through each gap between his fingers, and he wanted to see nothing more than the blue of her eyes.

He wanted nothing more than to pretend that her eyes were the only thing in existence.

Crimson turned to wine and mahogany, lips on his skin, whispering hundreds and thousands of apologies, pleading for forgiveness.

Len held her tighter.

/

/

/

/

They had to search for a gap in the fence once the schoolgates were locked. The only option was to wait until the sun broke below the horizon, avoid the common walkways where they would be seen, and reach his apartment without being caught under any wandering eyes. His grandparents' hometown was too far and the hassle and stakes of bringing her onto the train at night was too high for him to risk.

Len was giving her a week.

One week, to sort everything out. _One week to choose what she's going to do._

And once that week is over and the girl still hasn't come to a decision, he receives full permission to take everything within his own hands.

The apartment was empty as always, with cold floors and plain walls that lacked of life. His father's shoes weren't anywhere near the entrance, no doubt not having returned home.

The blond kicked off his boots, knocking the heater switch on with an elbow before carrying the young lady's weight into his bedroom.

He laid her against the mattress, pulled at his own hair, tried to think of a logical thing to do.

Following her plans mindlessly no matter how short the duration was careless judgement as well, even if she tries to insist on his trust.

His lips were raw, bruised beneath the strenuous grinding between his teeth, and his incisors coated with rouge. "Stay. I'm going to load up a bath."

".. _I don't wan-_ "

"No, you don't have a choice." He cut in, words spitting harsh venom.

Len felt himself falter when she recoiled. He took a moment to breathe and consider before softening his words.

"Just.. just stay and take off your clothes. _Please._ I'm agreeing to do what you want, _so for once,_ do what I want."

Rin didn't react to the words immediately, still hesitating, with her eyes glance turned down. She succumbed beneath his look soon enough to shake off the jacket from her body, soon after removing his spare shirt that she'd been holding between her thighs.

Not wanting to taint anything else into stains, the blonde held the cloth out towards him instead of crumpling it on the floor. (And yet he tossed it into the bathroom sink as if it was caught on fire.)

/

/

/

/

She'd stayed quiet throughout the bath, even when he ran a sponge across her body and soap through her hair. He blew her golden locks with a hairdryer. An old garment was held between her thighs for security and she had nothing to wear but another borrowed pair of clothing as they curled up beneath layered blankets of the cramped bed.

Her eyes faced the wall.

Len observed the girl's figure; the way she pressed her hands against her chest and pulled her knees up to her stomach.

For a moment he wondered if she'd already drifted into sleep.

Her trembling shoulders dampened the assumption.

"... you have to tell someone eventually."

He'd turned on the heater, piled them beneath seven layers of cloth, yet somehow her very fingertip still felt colder than ice.

The young man gently touched her waist from beneath the duvet. Rin stiffened for half a second. Yet the moment she relaxed, Len slunk his entire forearm across her body so they could ease together like fitting pieces to a long-forgotten puzzle. The bed was too small to be comfortable with staying apart.

He felt her palm caress the back of his hand.

She lifted it and Len thought he was just going to keep his touch in her own, only to feel her gesture forwards so she could guide his hold against her abdomen.

Her voice maintained to be nothing short of a whisper.

"He has a heartbeat.."

".."

"He does. He still does."

The moon filtered through the blinds, reflecting off both the black and white keys of his keyboard as if to paint the room in dissonance and melody. Her breaths were the softest thing he'd ever heard, yet that night, it echoed and bounced against the walls to embrace them in minuscule comfort that washed over him like an ocean wave, and calmed him like the gentle morning tides.

Len pulled her head deeper against the pillow, close enough where he could sniff the hair that smelt so similar to his own, close enough to hold a body that needed to be held.

"You don't believe me," Rin continued, in response to his silence. "You never do."

She rotated on the sheets this time, eyes locking into his own, he saw vivid cerulean glow with amber tears. The only colour that would never leave her.

The sight brought on a roll of nostalgia in the hearth of his stomach.

He doesn't know where he's seen it before.

She only had one last thing to say before closing her eyes, drifting to a doubtless fitful slumber. Her breath was getting warm, and he held her closer to preserve it's presence. "But I've never once lied to you."

* * *

i had a really bad day and amongst other things that happened, i failed my exam so i'm really sad right now but i don't want to be sad alone and that's why i'm dropping this horrible piece of literature here so you can all ruin your eyes bye


	14. aug16

Not one day has ever passed in his small apartment bedroom, twenty stories above ground, where he did not feel calm zéphyr floating across the open window to leave a kiss upon his cheeks.

The chill that would naturally comfort on any other day now only nauseated him from the pits of his stomach.

Rin woke up frequently throughout the night to clean the garment between her legs, and he had to assist her each time by standing guard near the bathroom door with a replacement cloth in hand.

It was four o'clock when he decided he'd had enough of waiting around with ears wide open for just the slightest creak of the door or padded footsteps across their frozen floorboards. Another day where his father wouldn't return home. Another day where somewhere meant to he his home, held no semblance of a living family.

The walls felt of yearning.

But Len refused to be the one to change it, for the better or for the worse.

He couldn't sleep, and once enough hours had passed, he chose not to slide into bed beside the young woman for the first time that night. The blond made a beeline towards the closet to count a decent pile of clothes whilst absently observing her tired stare over his shoulder. It seemed she'd been awake the entire time, merely closing those blue eyes to play pretend that she was lost inside another dream.

He doesn't know who her act was trying to convince; him or her.

She broke out of the act soon enough.

"You're not coming to bed?" Her voice was jittered, as if she was clenching her jaw to speak. Rin likely was.

Len didn't have enough energy to confirm the suspicion.

His movements weren't motivated, and he stashed more outfits into his bag than he would on any other day.

Feet padded against the ground behind him, gentle fists suddenly beginning to curl around his shoulders.

"Len, am I taking up too much space on the mattress..? I can move to the floor if you need me to. Your eyes look really dark.. it's like you haven't slept properly for days."

That's because he hadn't. Because he _couldn't_. And yet she has the audacity to stand here, in his house, ordering him on what to do when she'd built this mountain of struggle from the remains of a wreck.

And yet he was the fool that bent to his knees, trying to piece everything back together, even as his fingers bleed wine and his body bruises of stone.

"Whose fault is that?" Len grumbled coldly.

Rin retracted her touch from his warmth. She didn't say another word.

He wasn't looking for a fight or mere resistance against her wishes ー he didn't want either of them going back to bed for the matter.

Loomimg dread wandered over his head like dark clouds and a sandstorm. If a teenage girl was missing, any sane parent wouldn't think twice about forgoing sunrise to call the authorities, and she was sure the friend that often aided their weekly escapades wouldn't be able to create a defense from thin air in such short notice.

A few birds chirped in the air. To greet the coming sun, to find shelter from the rain, anything, anything, _anything_ and everything doesn't know and wouldn't bother to.

He moved away from his side of the closet towards his older brother's.

A long, thick jacket settled in his arms and he rolled it thrice in hand to check for any signature symbol or clue that could expose them.

The material was fully black, with a hood at the back, and he thought it was safe enough to reach in for a similar looking pair. There were multiple identical duplicates with nearly no visible difference save for the small odd knicks in the seams. Bad for hot weather, good for keeping identity beneath the radar. Not to mention it'd be a long while before the weather would get warm again.

Not to mention snowfall was expected to come sometime along the next week.

All those crimson leaves back at that quaint, quiet village, had falle and as with her smiles and smitten laughter that were long gone.

It helped that he'd been expecting it.

He caught Rin off-guard when he forced the jacket down her head, until a slender neck popped comfortably from the collar. The hood covered her eyes. She looked curious the instant he stood up and slung the backpack over one arm, the other stretching out for her own, but didn't dare to do so much as release a single question from her wandering lips as she'd down them together.

/

/

/

/

The fact that she couldn't walk was a primary concern.

Refusing to being carried should be considered a problem though as it takes more burden off his shoulders than causing any, he doesn't mind having to keep their strides a little slower in pace just to watch her limp through the same hidden alleys, one step behind him, small fingers clenched around his sleeve.

The weather was getting immensely colder, and her nose was a bright red that stood out against the snow of her skin.

A lightning struck above.

She jumped.

He let out a huff of breath, seeing the steam stand out against the chill wind. "Calm down, it was far from here."

"It's going to rain." Rin whispered. Her eyes were lowered and she kept her voice down to seem as if she wasn't being critical of him.

"It won't matter if we're going indoors." As long as they reached the train station on time. Len tugged on the bottom of her jacket, black lining falling just above her knees. "I'm bringing you back to Ooda. You're only going to cause more trouble if you stay, so I'm having you spend a few nights alone until you come to a decision."

At the statement the young lady must've turned paler if it was even possible.

Her blonde hair stuck out in all odd angles, sweat forcing the dip behind the tips to stick to her skin. Blue ocean eyes roaring as if the wake of the storm, and the warning to a tsunami that would soon wash him away beneath a flood of his own remorse. She ripped her hand away from his arm like she'd been shot, and her back pressed against the brick alley wall.

And she almost fell, too, hiding the pain in her hips by forcing her chin straight.

"You're leaving me?" She jarred her teeth over her bottom lip.

"I'm giving you time to _think._ "

"No, you said that I'd cause you trouble.. you think I'm a _problem_. You want to abandon me."

Dark clouds towered over their town horizon, from the sandy beaches to the heart of the city, and another flash of lightning flew overhead but nothing flashed as bright as the fire in her eyes. Her cheeks burned, and she stood her ground even as he'd thrown her an impatient look.

But through the wake of the moment he couldn't even find it within himself to fight back, to call her foolish, because he would be nothing but a liar the moment he denied it.

His arm felt weightless with no hand holding him to her side.

"If you don't want this, you can call your parents." Len kicked the heel of his boot against the ground. He wasn't binding her freedom, he merely offered her one path to go on her own, and another to walk down with him. "Go back to them. Tell them everything. I'm not stopping you."

 _And the risk? T_ he moon cast over her body like the heavens weeping for the return of their angel, and the grumble of the storm carried from far away.

She looked into his eyes, his cold, cold eyes, sharp like ice and nearly as white as frost had there not been the slightest tint of blue.

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

She decided to give him something that sounded like a warning. "If I told them everything, that would involve you."

He released grim laughter.

He knew it. He knew she was wrapped up in her bouquet of delusions from the start, swimming amongst oceans of roses and chocolate caramels, thinking every single one of his limbs were tangled along her little finger and all she needed to do was bend it to send him falling down. He knew it. He'd been an idiot.

"You're a bi ー"

"But I won't."

Her voice cut in, shivering and trembling, and he looked down to expect her with a smile resembling smooth butter as she held his neck up by a thin thread.

His presumption was wrong when he motivated himself to stare her in the eyes, his cold visage to her warm ones.

It was nothing like that.

"Because you don't deserve that." Her fists held onto the brick wall until they bled. "I already told you that you could leave. I _did_ ask you to take care of me, but forcing you to was never my intention.. so if you're planning to go now, _please,_ just do it here."

And it happened again; his habitual temper flared, and he took one smooth stride towards her, taking the collar of her hood in a hand.

Her breath flew in short heaves as he leant forwards, towering over this girl with his forehead pressed against her own.

"Are you _fucking_ with me? Day one, you had the audacity to grab me and say I impregnated you when the child you had could've been with the other hundred of people you've _done._ After that, you talked around and laughed and spent days with Hiyama Fukase and Shion Kaito for who knows how long without looking at me once, at the same time doing whatever you've done with me to a million different people behind my back, maybe for profit, maybe for something else, yet ー "

"Are you accusing me of sleeping around?"

Rin's voice was tender as she cut into his rambling.

The monsoon he'd saw within her eyes were long gone, replaced with gentle tides, begging to break free.

His shoulders relaxed.

Len took a step back, let out a deep sigh and covered his face in his hands.

Rin massaged the outstretched hoodie back into it's normal state, their breathing laboured and her feet across the damp cobblestone sounding louder than everything he'd ever heard in his life, like breaking a glass of wine and shredding the broken shards into her ear. But her voice followed soon afterwards as a gentle caress, the only glow he needed for survival within the the dark, and he briefly wondered how he could have suggested that she could have been anything close to resemble falling down a trench.

No, more so, saying _she_ was the one who turned off the light, when she'd done anything but. "Len?"

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said." He shook his head, refusing to look up. "I don't know."

"You don't have to stress yourself.."

"No. _No_ , I'm not stressing myself, I'm not." He felt her hand gently press on his shoulder. "I'm just angry. I don't know," He repeated again, speaking through strained tears. "I'm not sure what's happening, but everything is piling on me all at once and I'm just taking it out on you when you really don't deserve that either."

"I do."

He looked up.

Rin pulled her touch away, and it took everything he had not to beg for it's return. "I do." Her gaze was offset, and she grinded the heel of her flats against the ground.

He decided not to question her ー it appeared she didn't want to be.

Len gently took her hand. For the first time, of his own intention ー interlocking his fingers with hers.

"I'm not going to leave you," The young man inferred. He brought her frail hands to his lips, hoping to give it even the most miniscule comfort from the cold. "I won't do that; we're already this far in, I consider myself to have enough responsibility held over you. But you have to trust me.. can you do that?"

She was silent, giving nothing but a look into his eyes as an answer.

He understood.

".. good. Get on my back."

/

/

/

/

The baby grand piano attracted her eyes for what must've been just short of the dozenth time they walked through the living room archway. This time, they were both drenched from head to toe in rainwater ー another storm having caught them off-guard in quiet little village almost halfway across the country, where the amiableness of gorgeous crimson leaves had long gone with the replacement of empty branches that stood out from every tree.

Her toes curled onto the floorboards as he rummaged his backpack for a towel.

He went against the method of carrying her in his arms like the last time he had to rush them into his apartment, for good reason, because the pain on his arms were vastly lessened. The sun should have been shining above the horizons by the hour, but the dark clouds coated their area in nothing but multiple pellets of cold showers.

One week until her deadline for a decision.

One week until five months.

Unbeknownst to either of them, both teenagers dreaded the final date and the dead end that appeared to be waiting at the final road.

/

/

/

/

The rain didn't show any hint of pausing, although the streaks down her cheeks had made improvement and seemed long gone, her emotions stifled into nothing but a can of cold tea and the blanket covering their shoulders. "I'm sorry."

She's already repeated those very same words at least eighty times within the past twelve hours. It wasn't going to change anything.

Only made the weight in his chest heavier, like another burden to hold.

Len sighed. "It's better for me to carry you than having to help you up every time you fall."

They were resting beneath the very same futon.

Her hair was fresh from a bath.

She wasn't facing his way once again, and Len took a deep breath of rose shampoo before turning around so his back was pressed against hers. He hit the stool of the piano with the heel of his foot, and a wet pail stood just a few inches away from his head to catch the droplets falling off the leaked roof. It had to be patched up sometime or another, and although he didn't think something as simple as strengthening tape would be able to fix it to perfection, it was worth a try.

Just not today.

Her breath was heavy, reflecting his own, and he knew none of them could go back to sleep.

The blond shut his lids. Her voice made him open them again, though at this point, he'd feel disrespectful if he'd ignored it under the guise of sleep. Not when those words sounded as fragile as it did then. "You won't leave me, will you?"

He doesn't know what was louder.

The rain, the thunder, his heartbeat, or her breathing.

"I thought you said it was _alright_ for me to leave you."

"It was ー it _is_." He could feel her shuffling, and with the telltale breath against the back of his neck, he knew she was facing him one again.

Len mustered enough courage to pick up his weight and do the same.

Their noses pressed together.

"But that doesn't mean you _want_ me to." The blond concluded for her.

".. mm."

He brushed a hand through her bangs.

"No.. I'm not going anywhere." Not _now_ , at least.

Another thunder roared, this time much closer to their bodies compared to how distantly drowned out the sounds were as they walked near their home city. The only sounds here other than the storm was the splash of mud against the ground, the crickets seeking refuge, and the branches of trees snapping through the wind.

They were safe within the refuge of closed windows, locked doors, and the feel of his arm around her waist.

That was enough of an answer for her to close her eyes and succumb to peace.

/

/

/

/

He put on his dried school uniform hours later, watching her rummage through the closets in hopes to find anything other than dust bunnies in the corners.

"You don't have any umbrellas?"

"I got rid of them, they're all burnt by now." She blinked at his unusual response as if it were a joke, with a typical curious gaze and something that just bordered a smile. Len only looked at the light rain outside solemnly, knowing the forecast said it'd get heavier later through the day, especially back at home. "I'll grab another one when I'm on the way back if I remember. So ー pads, biscuits, and hot cup noodles."

"And underwear, please.. if you don't mind." No, he doesn't think it would be comfortable to keep a cloth between his legs at all times either, so going against that wasn't an option.

Len counted the things she requested off of one hand.

"I'll be back tomorrow evening. There's cereal bars and a water bottle hidden in the side pocket of my bag, you just have to open the flap."

"Is there a payphone anywhere nearby..? In case I need to call you."

"Train station. It's only ten minutes away if you sprint, and there's a convenience store along the road but that's only open after three. I think I've left some cash in the same place as where I put the food. If not, check the flowerpot outside." If he wasn't wrong, he'd hidden roughly fifty dollars worth of coins beneath the thousands of pebbles he'd filled the flowerpot with. It would look like an ordinary decoration to any other eye, but the weight was enough to pop his arms out of their sockets.

Len pulled on some socks by the genkan, while his companion watched idly after finally giving up the resolve to find something that would shelter him from the rain.

He could sprint through with getting just vaguely wet if he was lucky.

"Len.." Rin whispered just as the blond opened the door and caught a whiff of the salt and metallic air outside their walls. "Have a good day."

He tried not to look back the moment he walked away.

/

/

/

/

"You didn't come to school yesterday," Piko was holding a disconnected wire between his tweezers, hoping to every lord above that the circuit wouldn't shock him as he connected it to the other end. Len watched idly during the science project, leaving all the work to his friend so he could catch a few minutes of sleep. "It got me wondering.. have you been having more problems with your dad lately?"

It was rather the complete opposite.

He'd seen his father sometime during the last two weeks, but it felt like half a decade since they've actually held a proper conversation. One where the other wasn't searching beneath heaps of couch cushions for an insignificant piece of jewellery.

Then again, he never did get along with his father too well so this didn't come as much of a surprise to him.

Of course, that didn't mean he was immune to jealousy ー he was only human, and a very young teenage boy at that. It's just _knowing_ Utatane Piko returns every night to his home decorated by rosebuds and live grape vines and nearly all the flowers you could list in the world, to fall into his mother's smiles, and his father's hugs, and everything that lured him into the fantasy of what an ideal loving family should really be.

It felt like this boy's happiness came at an expense of another, and it could've very well have been Len himself.

But he'd once been told that god was fair.

 _Maybe being able to sleep in class while forgoing any sort of effort heaven's way of repaying him for his hardship_ , the young man thought solemnly. He prodded his foot against the foot of the desk.

"I've been busy. That's all there is to it."

"With your dad?"

"Not everything is about my dad. Jesus," Len grabbed his own pair of tweezers, idly poking the metal box. "Finish your stupid robot already. Class ends in ten minutes."

Piko shot him a foul look, leaning across the table to borrow a manual from one of their classmates before getting back to work.

/

/

/

/

The pharmacy left it's air-conditioning off, which was nothing short of a warm embrace upon his skin.

His nose was constantly runny from the cold and he followed his promise by going to the back of the building, where an array of folded umbrellas stood on the shelves. Len didn't hesitate to grab the cheapest one he could find before tucking it in the nook of his arm before heading to get the other items off his checklist.

Sanitary pads..

He took a deep breath, reached out to the closest one in sight, hoping it'd work out without fuss when a tap on his shoulder held him back and cancelled his thoughts.

Pretty green eyes, and a sunlit smile that could almost rival Rin's. And, ironically, the pair that he saw with those ocean blues the most frequently in their time.

Her eyes weren't trained towards him, however. "I wouldn't recommend those."

Len held in a breath. "You wouldn't?"

"Maybe if that's the only thing within your budget."

She shrugged, gesturing him to follow her downwards the lane. He noticed the shop's badge pinned to her shirt, signifying the girl's outfit as an employee uniform. His brows stressed at the thought. No average pharmacy would allow a high school girl to work part-time at their outlet.

Must've been a family company. Perhaps _her_ family company.

"It's cheap for starters but when the quality is something that came straight out of a nightmare, you tend to decide against it. It might say heavy flow even when it can't anything more than a teaspoon. You can't pin the blame on rotten luck once you're warned against it." The young lady squatted on her knees, careful not to let her skirt hike up her thighs.

A dainty, rose-painted fingernail pressed against a different packaging of products. "This one is nearly double the price but it's one of the best inventions ever brought to this city. Unless, of course, you're not against tampons.."

Her gaze looked him up and down slyly.

The blond felt his cheeks heat to a brilliant red. The umbrella almost slid from the loose grasp he had in his arms.

"It's-" He blurted, aghast. "It's not for _me._ "

Gumi narrowed her eyes critically. "You sure about that?"

"This isn't funny."

"No, it isn't." She agreed. The object was pushed off the shelf and twirled it thrice in hand before being forced into his arms. "Either way, you can take my word for whoever you're getting this for: mother, sister, _wife_."

".. thank you."

"It's comfortable for women of all ages such as yourself."

"Please leave me be."

For half a minute, Len thought of storming out of the pharmacy in the middle of a rainstorm, walking all the way across the city for a more suitable area to buy what was needed without being questioned and force himself into the torture of returning on foot because of the nearby train station.

When he turned around, however, Rin's presumed best friend was gone and he was left standing in the aisle alone, feminine sanitary products, an umbrella, and a box of mint biscuits in hand.

The young man decided to finish up as fast as possible.

Yet on the way, he found something to catch his eye ー something that kept him from moving one step forwards. The product was discretely hidden amongst varieties of facial tissues and sexual protection as well as enhancements which he merely batted an eyelash at, yet two, pink lines, standing out against the packaging was enough to make him come to a stand still.

Len took a deep breath, gently taking one box in grasp; this time forgoing his paranoia of taking three. He prayed to god that the results of this _one d_ _evice w_ ould blow away all his worries like the autumn leaves in the rain.

And, hopefully, nobody would question the sight of a teenage boy walking to the cashier with those items in his hands.

/

/

/

/

Kagamine Rin was standing by the lifted platform by the time he slid open the front door.

Her hands were gloved in small mittens, cupping her nose, and her soft look of worry transformed into another one of her signature smiles upon the sight of him ruffling away rain droplets from his golden hair. She clung onto the sleeve of his dark jacket until her companion dropped against her, attempting to beat his previous record of taking his shoes and socks off by the door.

Everybody in the country must've been desperate to get out of the cold by now. They've had endless rains for the past three days.

He saw announcements of a flood in the big cities when he was watching the television, but now..

No, their house was higher up in the mountains. They'd be safe. Len nodded his head to convince himself.

"Have you eaten?" Was the first thing he spoke upon entrance. The young lady was handed the full weight in his hand, and she ripped through the plastic bag to open the package of the biscuits she'd asked for. By the time he looked up, she was forcing one between her tongue and teeth. "I'll take that as a no."

She leant her head on his shoulder as he unlaced his boots, sighing through a mouth full of mint and crusted dough.

"I'm so tired.." The young lady spoke through a swallow. "I didn't leave the bathroom for two nights until.. _that_ was all gone."

He brushed his lips against the top of her head affectionately. "I have pads."

"I don't need them anymore."

"Oh." Len released a sigh. "Just store it, then."

He wasn't sure whether he should mention that he'd seen one of her friends on the way. Even if it was unnecessary, even if it brought her mind somewhere else, where they didn't sink in cooler weather and fresh air and somewhere safe from harm.

With the way she closed her eyes, reveling in the taste of mint icing and rock salt on her tongues, he couldn't find it within himself to break her reverie. They sat still in the dark, nothing but the moonlight and lightning shining through the glass windows as the skies further descended into night, that glow in her eyes giving him more than enough to see through her smile.

The young man took her hand in his. "Don't cry."

Rin turned away. "I'm not. I wasn't."

"No, look at me." He urged, and she forced herself into following through. "If you really need to cry, then at the very least, don't hide it away."

 _Because that's worse than anything._

So he looked into her pale skin, her blue eyes, and the flowery smile that fell from her lips wthe moment he spoke those words, and he closed his eyes and reveled in her warmth when she broke into a flood of hot, wet tears, slender arms wrapping around his torso and her forehead against his neck in a wave of emotions that she had never once allowed to see day.

And she whimpered and cried and begged him to make his hold on her tighter, as tight as he ever could, even as the tulips wilt and the ocean dries and the last autumn leaf falls to the ground.

And Len listened.

He listened.

* * *

reading the reviews made me do this really gross happy-slash-disgusting crying face that urges me to mention how you're all really so sweet?

thank you? please imagine me kissing each of your hands because i appreciate all your words so very much, thanks for acknowledging me. i'm graduating school soon so grades are really important for me, and constant teenage breakdowns due to hormones equate to nothing but a solid mess, so maybe updates might come slower but I'll try to keep a pace.

you might be wondering, hey, LDR, why the FUCK is your AN so long this time? well actually this chapter is TABITAS(taking a bath in tulips and seashells, sounds really stupid as an acronym but whatever) longest too as this marks the end of our first arc! we'll have two more arcs left but they're vastly shorter.. so that means we're already halfway to nearing our story's completion..

if you guys stick around, we'll get there together, slowly but surely! (maybe not so 'surely.' that is an example of poor wording choice. i'm rather sporadic press F to send prayers)


	15. aug22

"Light she was and like a fairy, and her feet were number nine.

Hit her foot across a splinter, fell into the foaming brine."

/

/

/

/

A familiar tune broke through his night dreams, filtering the sound of rain and the soar of wind from beyond the four walls into nothing but a memory of deep orange skies and valencia coats. The hollow roof echoed the longing howls of the melody as if begging for a never ending script; a story without conclusion.

He let out a sigh.

Spoken softly, as if drunk on wine, his words sounded like musical phrases to greet the air. "Don't play the piano when the rabbits are sleeping.."

The song continued ー a difference from what he usually would have expected. No apology, no kiss on the forehead and kiss on the cheek, no arm cradling him back to rest. Len had to knit his brows, doing his best to snap out of his slumber, away from the full lull of the seeping winter breeze and futon blanketing him in immense warmth.

"Mum.. it's noisy."

Another note, just slightly dissonant.

" _Mummy_." His eyes refused to open, and his ears impatient.

The moment the song ended he wondered whether he wanted to call it back.

/

/

/

/

"You're going to school tomorrow?"

"Yes, but I'll come back Friday night if my dad's still not home." He was dangling his feet by the hearth, rubbing two frail sticks together as if it would come anywhere close to resembling a fire. Rin laid her chin across his shoulder, her arms around his torso to observe the young man's aim. "You're restricting my movements."

"I'm keeping you warm." She left a gentle kiss against his cheek, soon unwinding her limbs from his. "Unless you don't want that."

Where there used to be grass and crimson leaves stood an ankle-length couveture of snow. It started late the previous night, a bit earlier than forecasted, and the difficulties of _making do_ doubled.

The scent of salt air was lessened with runny noses and frozen fingers. Kagamine Rin piled beneath what must have been at least six layers of his jackets, and she looked as if she hadn't enough. Her body trembled from the cold and yet she refused to board down the doors and windows in favour of roaming her eyes over the wintry wonderland.

And now they were stuck in a stilted home made entirely of wood and paper, with no heater and scarce lighting.

They had to figure out electricity soon.

Not being able to keep warm was one thing, but having no fire to boil water or cook up a simple meal was becoming more troublesome than they'd like to admit. His palms rubbed together, as if the additional friction would help speed up the process, setting back to work under the watchful gaze of the blonde beside him.

She decided to make small talk. "You called for your Mum yesterday."

 _Oh, hell. He'd mistakenly dwelt on the assumption that the previous night was a dream._

The blond steadied himself. "Did I?" His act of indifference wasn't sold easily to her.

"You did."

He decided to drop the subject even through the young lady's dissatisfied features. Len tossed the light wood against the ground before standing up to reach for a bag by the coat rack. "I give up. I'm going out to buy a lighter."

"Can I come with you?"

Half a minute passed in unbearable silence.

The risk of them being discovered was too heavy. His logical side forced over Kagamine Rin's expectant look.

Len didn't hesitate to give his answer. "No."

Rin bit her tongue as if in disbelief. When he didn't do so much as shiver beneath her glare, she had no choice but to soften those blue eyes and look downwards with slender fingers knitting together on her lap. He doesn't know whether that was an attempt to get him to succumb beneath her pressure, but the blond didn't look back once on his way out.

/

/

/

/

The moment he left the cold with more plastic bags indented in his hands from the trip to the next city over, the immense ease washed over him like warm water beneath a storm. He slid the door shut behind him to escape from the snow, deciding to call out for her name. When she didn't respond once, he tried again, and then again and again until his throat went sore in hopes she was just caught in the labyrinth of slumber or anything of the like.

He kicked off his shoes and bolted to the living room. Where there usually sat a young lady by the empty hearth, there was only an untended futon.

The large bedroom across the corridor that they barely ever went inside remained lifeless. He was beginning to panic.

The wind must have knocked out of his chest and came back with the remnants of his soul the moment he saw Kagamine Rin safely inside the bathtub, water covering up to her shoulders as she stared absently at the white wall.

He must've unintentionally tuned out hearing the sound of running water.

Len leant against the doorframe in relief.

She didn't turn to look at him, even though her stiffened shoulders expressed that she was aware of his presence.

"I was looking for you."

"I heard."

"Then why didn't you answer?"

Rin exhaled. Shrugged her shoulders.

The blond took a step closer, towards the rim of the bathtub where the liquid almost spilled from the top. He blinked in surprise at the sight of a familiar small device just barely hanging off the edge of the windowsill.

His throat suddenly went dry, lips blue. "You took the test?"

A feminine, albeit croaky laugh.

".. you didn't hide it inside your bag well enough, so I nicked it." Glowing strands framed her face like she was a portrait, and while her pale blush was paint and her eyes embedded sapphire, the locks were gold. Almost what Len considers the embodiment of a living deity, even as her spirit escaped each gap between his hands.. "I figured you'd get me to do it whether or not sooner or later.. might as well finish it up now, when I'm not the one being held beneath pressure."

At least she understood getting her onto a toilet seat was less than pleasant for both of them.

He eyed the object from a short distance.

"Results?"

She held up a few fingers.

Len understood. "Eight more minutes?"

Rin turned on her side to face him with an affirmative nod.

The action made the young man think she was going to speak more, maybe about the fire, maybe about how she'd appreciate if he reheated the bath into warm water ー but the only thing she did was to restrict her pretty blue oceans from the world and leave him wandering without a light in the sunless sky.

His lips hovered over her cheek, pressing gently, and after a few minutes he didn't have to check more than once to confirm that she'd fallen back asleep.

/

/

/

/

Two pink lines. Len had no idea why he even supposed on a different answer.

Her pruned fingers clutched weakly at his shirt as he brought her body out of the glacier-coated tub, bringing the young lady's weight into a dry towel by the lit hearth. His nose was a brimming red and he shivered from the cold he had to withstand in order to get her out of the water.

He wondered briefly, why, why he couldn't just leave her in the bath to suffer by herself, to learn from her own mistakes.

And that _brief wonder_ turned into full blown interrogation where he held himself at needle point with rose thorns around his wrists as chains, refusing to allow him to speak nothing but the truth; rip his lips from his mouth to knit it back for a repeat if he dared utter so much as one feeble lie.

In the end he found no response.

In the end, he he had nothing to say at all.

/

/

/

/

"You'll have to handle the mud the moment you pray for rain." Rin's voice broke through his thoughts as always. "That's what my _Da_ always said."

He turned around like a deer on headlights. His gaze caught her sight as if she was a ghost, and the pale white of the young lady's skin did nothing to defend against the claim.

A rustle of trees sounded inside. Far away, a twig fell from it's branch, and a wolf would howl to the stars.

But they _weren't_ far away.

They were here.

Len paused the rigorous tendency of poking a stick into the flames every few minutes. Instead, he crawled toards the spot beside Kagamine Rin, where she nuzzled the side of her cheek against a pillow and lived in the paradise beneath their futon.

 _He thought she was asleep._

By the looks of the strengthening winter, they wouldn't be doing any laundry anytime soon unless he brought it back to the city to another one of the million machine-operated stores. The cloud up in the dark sky accompanied the lonesome moon. Layered snow went from ankle-deep to knee-length overnight, and the thermal he wore barely aided shelter from frost.

"Then why pray for rain when you can pray for inexistence of mud?"

She was not amused. "Len, you're not making any sense."

"I'm sorry." He huffed his cheeks. She wasn't sure whether it was from irritation or to warm himself from the cold, but there was no time to ponder on it before he spoke again. "It's a well known quote, your dad probably rephrased it a little bit. I think it's more of a 'if you pray for the rain you've got to be prepared to deal with the mud,' or something like that.. I've read it in a novel."

"Am I pregnant?" Rin blurted out, as if she couldn't hold herself back any longer.

The shift in conversation made Len blink in confusion.

He steeled himself before looking around the room ー soon finding the device in a new spot after he'd moved if from the bath.

The blond tried to stretch it out towards her, and yet the girl promptly refused with a few backwards crawls of her own to distance them from each other.

"No, I don't want to see it. Just tell me out loud."

 _If that's what she desires._

He squinted his gaze warily. Len took his own time to hold the results at eye-level, as if staring at it would make the device change it's mind and fade two measly lines in no more than one. ".. pregnant, then."

It did no such thing.

Rin let out a loud breath before sinking back into the pillow. The snow outside coated the roof, the pavements, the unblossomed flowers and the fallen trees, but he felt no chill as she stretched her arm out for his hand. He brought himself beneath the blanket beside the young lady, limbs tangled together as both of their flesh flew a mixture of ivory and rose beneath the glow of the fire.

"I told you." She whispered. "I _told_ you."

 _But what was the crimson he'd seen the other day._

Len decided not to bring anything up that want in the present.

His hands brushed the bangs out of her eyes. Her only reaction was to yawn as he sent off a drowsy look in return. He hoped to get more than two hours of sleep tonight, so he could go back to his dreams with the chorus of Clementine. "Have you made a decision? Of all this, I mean."

A twinkle in the young lady's eye. Her hand trailed spirals across his clothed chest. "I have."

"Will you tell me?"

"It depends on whether or not you're planning to leave me by the roadside."

Len stressed his brows.

She only quirked the corners of her lips into a recognisable smile, her mouth pressing over his own, "Goodnight, Len."

He thought of a distant melody, of a woman's hand skilfully moving across the piano until his little legs successfully toddled towards the stool, with his teeth filled with candy and his eyes riddled of sleep as she lifted him up, into her lap, and he was sugared with more than enough love to last the night.

And the blond wiped it all away, replacing the vaguest idea with the sight of a single tear running down the side of Kagamine Rin's cheek.

* * *

welcome to ARC two! :eyes emoji: you know, like noah's, but this time it's mine. mhm. yep. hahahahaha i know that i'm not funny i'm sorry


	16. sep3

A classmate he rarely ever spoke with has been biting their nails loudly for the past half hour, and it took all Len had not to get a pair of clippers and trim it all up on the other boy's behalf merely because he was getting frustrated from the noise.

A field of police cars were crowded around the school gates the moment he returned on Tuesday morning.

They roamed the halls as they were in class, never speaking, and each eyes resembling cold daggers that split through your skin.

"You think it's a drug check?" Someone tapped his shoulder in the assembly hall.

The blond turned around, meeting gazes with familiar crimson-amber pools and a lopsided grin, causing his own tongue to inmediately go limp. For once in their life, Fukase narrowed his eyes into a glare as well and looked away, instead repeating the question to somebody else on his left. He must've thought Len was somebody else.

Or maybe it was out of habit.

"It isn't. They'd be more _private_ about drug checks. It's about a missing student." Piko, from the middle of the crowd, had multiple eyes land on him as he answered. The boy caught Len's gaze. "It's about Kagamine Rin."

/

/

/

/

"What do you _mean_ she's missing? Rin left me a note under my desk a few weeks back saying she was sick with a fever. I acknowledged it as noting an expected absence.. she's probably at home, lounging on her television couch, snacking on plates of chips, without any idea that this is going on."

Multiple students gathered in the courtyard for discussion.

He recognised a group of Rin's friends standing in a circle nearby while he leant against the branch of a tree to idly eavesdrop. The core members, it seemed, was her closest friend ー Kajima Gumi, and the so-called boy she _supposedly_ only speaks to because they share the same homeroom, Hiyama Fukase. Both seemed determined that the topic of conversation was safe and sound, despite the announcement of a possible abduction ringing from the open stadium.

White, white snow landed above the tip of their noses, coating the cold ice with further frost.

The school building was on lock-down for an hour until a lead was foumd, but as for now, the entirety of their student alumni had to stand outside and stare at the evening birds and the dark skies greeting an early sunset.

Piko joined in for the mere sake of having a conversation afted reaching the peak of boredom. "Logically only a parent or guardian could've filed a report that causes this thorough of a search."

"She's _not_ missing."

"There's a reason why the police are here."

"But it's not because of her. She's _fine_. She isn't missing."

Len had enough of holding onto patience. "When you can't find someone and have had absolutely no contact from them for at least two weeks, that's usually considered _missing_ , fuck-ass."

They haven't talked to each other in weeks and the first thing the boys decide to do is to engage in a debate. The blond buried his face into his hands, for letting the words slip, for drawing attention to himself of all times, maybe just because of his nervous impulse driving a skit in his system.

He mourned his action, even if it was too late to take the words back.

Those eyes glared at him with heat. "Oh? And how would _you_ know, Kagamine?"

"I don't know where you come from, but in this city, officials don't just drop by during school hours to check up if any kids are skipping school."

"Whatever. Can't you move a bit further away, please? Since this spot is for people who, you know, _actually care_."

"I'd like to think that I have as much right to be here as anybody else."

"Fine, alright, _do_ try not to indulge in our conversations when none of them _concern_ you." The older boy flashed his teeth and sharp incisors, snarling defensively enough that one of the girls in their group had to hold his shoulder back. "I'm fine, Miki, sorry. I tend to lose hold of myself whenever I have to share an exchange with an imbecile."

The blond scoffed loudly.

Piko shot the boy warning looks in silence, tugging at his sleeve, trying to keep him from committing any further mistakes he'd only end up regretting for the rest of the night. But when he was lost, he was lost ー there was nothing his friend could do to stop his brimming anger from fueling overboard.

Like oil in a tank. Set fire, and it becomes an explosion.

"Kagamine Rin doesn't even _like_ you."

"What's it to you? You've never given a single damn about Kagamine Rin," Fukase sniffed at the air. "Except for whenever you're _fucking_ her."

A few gasps of disbelief rounded in their small circle, scandalised. But at this point, nobody knew where to side on.

Something in him cracked. "Fuck off."

"Oh, so now _I'm_ supposed to fuck off?"

"Len, let's sit somewhere else." Their friend finally grabbed onto his arm firmly this time. "Come on. Save your energy, I need help at the flower shop today. Come."

/

/

/

/

A few teenage girls between the age of fourteen to seventeen have gone reportedly missing within the district, all in a similar pattern. Walk to school in the morning, visible at noon, and hidden by nightfall. The police have no leads on a suspect, but Kagamine Rin was listed as just another one of the many victims on their search.

Or so they thought.

Instead, when he returned to his childhood home long after sunset, he could see storming ocean eyes and a effervescent smile.

He could feel gentle hands trying to brush off the snow from his coat, not even hesitating about getting her own body cold.

He could taste those tender lips pressed against his own as a welcome home.

/

/

/

/

He was in the bath, the bubbles of heat floating around them. The fire had been set, and they used the glow from his dim cellphone flashlight and a few vanilla candles as her nude body sat less than gracefully across his spread legs. Her head rested comfortably beneath the curve of his chin.

He felt her cheeks flush the moment he massaged a handful of shampoo into her hair.

"You came later than I expected." Rin released a grateful sigh when he repositioned her higher up on his lap. "I was worried."

Len tried to laugh. It came out in an empty sort of chuckle, but he was grateful he held the energy to do so all the same. "That I left you?"

This time, she frowned. "No. That something might've happened to _you._ "

Those few words were all it took for his tongue to turn limp.

She felt her turn around, meeting his lips, a hand trailing down the curve of his neck and following the trail of his spine.

He could fall into her eyes, their warm breaths mingling with one another's, pretend there was no where in existence but the gap between her arms. He could revel in her touch and her taste and her heat, and he could think of nirvana, heaven, paradise, every book on the list, convincing himself that this was it.

But it wasn't.

Because then, it wouldn't hurt as much as it already does.

/

/

/

/

"They're looking for you."

Rin was in the middle of poking more sticks into the fireplace with one hand, while forcing a bite of tangy citrus and mint cookies through her lips with the other, when her companion stopped his assault of her damp hair with a towel to bring up the subject. He reused the cloth on his own head, and she idly wondered what it would look like if he'd gotten a trim.

Len saw her tongue dart out to wet her lips.

He doesn't think she's focusing at all.

"Did you hear me?" He grew impatient when she shrugged so carelessly without a single blink, repeating, "Did you hear me or not?"

"Something about somebody looking for me. Lennie, can you pass me the cookies? No, not those, I meant the chocolate ones."

"The chocolate ones are mine."

"I don't care. I want it."

Her indifference to his tone, from both possessiveness of the treat and the slightly worrying announcement of her search, exhausted him. Some times he thinks this is the reason he waltzes towards her like a moth to a flame, as he is a man and she is the sun, but at other times, dealing with this girl makes him want to claw his heart out.

He ripped open the biscuit packaging grumpily, thrusting it her way.

And then instead of eating it with her usual cheeky grin, Rin dropped her jaw and batted her thick lashes against her cheeks, expecting him to feed her.

She was going too far. But even if he frowns and glares and does every nasty look in the book, he still plucks the treat between his fingers, depositing it into this girl's mouth to see her blinding smiles. He felt her shiver as his touch grazed her bottom lip, and he pulled away the moment he felt her pucker in return.

It was too slow, however, seeing as she managed to catch his thumb with her tongue for a quick lick.

This girl was still dressed in his pyjamas, his shorts that needed a rubber elastic to stay in place, and his shirt that fell off the side of her shoulder. The blanket wound along her body, protecting her from the cold.

She finally swallowed the cookie. "You should just write the teachers an anonymous note saying that I was absent on holiday."

A dot of cream layered the corners of her mouth. He dabbed it away with an absent finger.

"The teachers aren't the ones looking for you," He took a deep breath. "It's your family."

Rin took a moment to register the sentence. "No, that's impossible."

"There were a hundred policemen surrounding the school, Rin. We spent an hour on complete lock down ー you weren't allowed to enter the building, and you weren't allowed to leave through the school gates."

"They wouldn't be able to find me even if they tried."

She laughed, emptily, once more. No sense of fear and no sense of courage.

He wasn't sure whether she was naive or if he was the naive one for assuming so decisively. The young lady stood up to eye the windows, perhaps in hopes of catching a glimpse about the outside world even through their rural little village, but Len pulled her down to watch her body tumble to the floor ungracefully even with the comfort of their scattered cushion and futon pillows supporting the fall.

He pinned her hands beneath one of his own, eyes dark, his other arm searching around the floor for something unseen. She briefly wondered if he was planning to murder her right there and then.

She did harbour too vivid of an imagination for her age.

In the end all he took out was another chocolate biscuit, forcing it onto her tongue.

Surprisingly, she munched on it obeyingly, making no sound of protests more than the small swallow of her throat.

/

/

/

/

She was rarely ever asleep. The only time he caught her in the midsts of slumber was whenever he woke up late after midnight to catch the nearest train to their city. Even then, she'd wake up from his movements and sleepily demand the answer on where he was heading.

So staring up at the ceiling, sorting out his thoughts, he wasn't at a shock to find Rin doing the exact same thing.

Except, of course, instead of staring above like he was, she was looking right at him.

Her finger poked his cheek. "We've already surpassed five months yesterday."

"I know."

"Have you made a decision?"

Len turned to his side, the tip of his nose pressing just slightly against hers. She slanted her head to the side, where her lashes could flush against his jaw.

He laughed, weakly, without humour. "We're supposed to be waiting on _your_ decision."

Her response continued where his dropped off. "I want to stay with you."

He closed his eyes, knitted his brows together, confused.

He didn't think that was an option. He never _offered_ that as an option.

"But you don't want that." Rin spoke again, a giggle entering her words like the weakened tingle of bells on a rainy Sunday morning. By the time he opened his eyes, the young lady was facing the other way. "So I've already got some other plans on what to do. Once I leave."

Her hair were threads spun from drops of sunlight, and he brought a hand up to weave his fingers through them, pretending he was the knitter and she, his masterpiece.

His nose was red from the cold, and he dug his nose into her neck for warmth.

"Without me?"

"Without you," She confirmed.

"What is it?" He wondered.

His heart thumped, carefully, carefully, and he could remember the sound of a rabbit's foot and a piano's note and the slightest remembrance of a little girl's laugh as the water bubbled in froth and fishes with the scent of summer leaves.

Kagamine Rin's answer did little to please satisfaction.

"I've decided that I can't tell. I _won't._ " She wouldn't turn to face him no matter how hard he tried to spin her, back into that safe spot on his shoulder, back where he could keep her in his hold. "As from tomorrow onwards, you won't ever be involved with me again."

Len gnawed on his bottom lip.

And her words ended at that.

The unmistakeable rise and fall of her chest alerted him that she was asleep. So he pulled the blanket higher up her shoulders, held the girl's body just slightly tighter against his chest, lacing an arm around her waist this time.

No doubt, hoping, that in some way, he'd be able to join her in her dreams.


	17. sep7

When he awoke, he felt the spot beside him filled with mere emptiness. Toes cold, the blanket thick, but his arms held nothing. No smile, no slender waist, no familiar warmth pressed against his chest or dug beneath his chin.

So he pulled an arm out, stretching, searching, _hoping_ to pull her back where he felt she belonged.

But he only held onto thin air.

And soon, nothing. The small blanket and narrow futon suddenly seemed much too large for him, so he sank into his own heat, imagining it felt like anything other than cold, cold snow.

/

/

/

/

Len ended up back in school, managing to get completely accustomed to the cycle once again; learn, study, sleep, learn, study, sleep. On and on and on without an ending.

But it was his _normal life._ It was what he wanted. He didn't have to worry about ever having to leave school, if he had enough money to last the month, and think about whether there was enough mint biscuits to bring back to that little rural part of their country with sheep running off the nearby mountains and the blinding crimson tree leaves cascading to the ground like everlasting snow.

 _And nobody to look after other than himself_.

He was glad.

He was relieved. As he should be. _He should be._

His fists clenched onto paper, trying to get his mind off from _elsewhere_ , and onto his schoolwork.

A rough voice interrupted his daydream effectively., carrying on without suave. "Pardon, monsieur. C'est possible, cette _gateau_ est pour moi?"

"Non, _ce_ _gateau_ est à eux.." Len copied the words off his paper sheet, brows knitting together. "Hold on, what the fuck are you saying? Ce n'est pas notre discussion."

The other boy scoffed. "What the fuck are _you_ saying?"

The blond buried his face in his hands from exhaustion. This was the first time he had to deal with a partner in French lessons all year, and _also_ the first time that same partner was anyone other than Hiyama Fukase. To sum up the entire experience, it was nothing short of a train wreck.

No, maybe even worse than a train wreck. Like standing barefoot, buried beneath a pit of snow, before a trickling shot of heat drives up your thighs. The next thing you know, you're burning deep in lava and the only way out was to drink a full goblet of poisoned wine.

Or perhaps that was mere over-analysation. They stood on reasonably solid ground, yet Len already was losing his patience with a classmate that refused acceptance between what was right and wrong, and instead insisted on wasting thirty minutes just to ramble about completely different ideas that went against the point. They had to write a script, play it out, and pray for a decent grade that's going on their report card.

Len thinks he's the only one breaking his neck for it.

"That wasn't what we wrote on the script. You can't just improvise something without telling me beforehand."

"Look, Kagamine. Maybe you should just leave the writing all up to me." Akasaki Minato, or whatever his name was, leant back on the seat with the most careless look in the world. "I've taken French for five years."

Len's been having lessons for _nine_. His brow twitched. "I'm not putting my grades at risk for someone who doesn't even know what the hell they're doing. Your grammar is off, your pronunciation is horrible, and at this point, my _half-arsed_ work would get a better score than something you'd be working your ass off on all day."

He could see Minato's temper flare.

The next words came in a string of curses. "Ton couilles est un boudin et tu est un.. branleur."

"Oui? Merci."

"Ferme ta gueule. Je déteste branleurs. Eh, non, je déteste _pourceau_."

Addressing your partner as _swine_ was never the best way to assert dominance over a situation.

The blond rolled his eyes, pressing a hand to his chest and feigning dramatics. "Est il vrai? Que faire, je suis sensible."

"You know what? _Bien_. Screw yourself, Kagamine." The pen was tossed towards his direction. "Do it your way. If we fail, it's on you."

/

/

/

/

There were still police officers wandering the corridors. Every so often they'd stop, stare at whoever was standing in their way, and then carry on by whispering through their palm-held radios.

The teachers acted as if this was a normal situation, as if you should be living every day of your life constantly monitored by the government servants, as if they didn't once have a teenage girl who was likely long gone and mauled to death, walking through these very halls.

He can understand these heightened surveillance are meant for _further_ prevention against more abduction cases, but they should be hunting down the missing girls rather than looking for lost clues.

Of course, Kagamine Rin wasn't one of the victims, no matter what they believed.

He laughed about it grimly last week.

They were spending all their time searching for a young lady that was safe on the brink of the country, in a house on stilts.

She was safe.

She was safe. She was safe. She was safe. She left, she was alone, but she was still safe.

Len focused on there, _rather than the then and now_ ; red autumn leaves and her smile, and their cold noses heating together by the warmth of the fireplace. He was there.

He wasn't in his city by the seashore, in a classroom full of twenty students, all preparing for their science finals. He wasn't. He was anywhere but. His shoulders began trembling, and he dropped the vial of sulfur on a paper sheet, glass splattering around them as Piko had to dash across the room, grab his shoulder and shake him back to reality.

/

/

/

/

Normal, normal lives. The thought strikes him so suddenly, he hasn't even begun to whirl.

A fifteen year old boy should be worrying about his examinations. About the end of school year, about graduation, about everything that keeps the _meaning_ of youth. And yet he was here, hovering beneath artificial warmth as he spritzed the soil with moisture, thinking about how he'd never get to show off any tulip bulbs sprouting from the ground.

Piko was sitting cross-legged, trimming off the thorns from a rose stem, preparing bouquets for Christmas day.

"Fukase is angry at me." He laughed casually. "Thinks I'm siding with you, or whatever nonsense."

The blond wiped his face clean of any tears before turning to look at his friend. "You should talk to him."

"For what? He doesn't even want to look at you."

"That means you _are_ siding with me."

".. ugh." The younger boy licked off some blood from his fingers, sneakily, before his mother could come into the room to catch him in action. She was safely outside, loading in more flowers from a delivery truck and working fast to bring refuge from the snow. "You caught me there. It's not double standards or anything, though."

Len moved away the spray can, moving to take a seat beside his friend so he could assist with the roses.

He spoke as a thorn cut through the pad of his thumbs. "Listen, I don't want to hold you back. You can be friends with whoever you want to be and there shouldn't be anything I can do about it."

The doors pushed open, and they could see Piko's mother walk in with a basket of sunflowers in hand, her cheeks bright and her eyes with an emerald glow. She was named the _flower_ of the district ー or at least, she was, twenty years back when she was still in high school. However it was still a proven fact that things such as beauty do not fade with age.

The woman released weight onto the counter to overlook the work that had been done, then ruffled her hand through both teenagers' heads on her way out with a careless _good job boys_ strewn through the wind.

Len felt his cheeks blush from the action.

Just a little bit.

It was more orange than crimson, but he was stable enough to focus, _and focus he did ー_ not stopping even as his fingers snagged on another torn and nearly got chopped off by a pair of long ー albeit blunt, scissors.

Piko scoffed at his actions.

"Don't ogle my Mum."

"I wasn't!" He defended. "I've got standards, alright?"

"Sure you do. But as I wanted to say, I'm not doing it for your own pleasure. Len, I'm worried about you."

 _Worried about him_. What an odd thing to say. His eye twitched.

The door opened again, a healthy stream of winter breeze slamming against their face to shove them into reality.

Piko finished up the last rose in a bouquet before kicking it aside to continue his rant. "You blank out in the middle of class. You don't talk to anyone unless you have to ー which has always been normal, but now you're openly avoiding people who had done absolutely nothing wrong to you. You're punishing yourself about something but I don't know _what_."

"Are you planning to go into psychology?"

"Irrelevant. Don't change the subject."

"I'm fine, Piko." He shrugged, as if rolling a weight off his shoulders. "It's just.. things piling up. School."

"You're lying, but okay."

"I'm not ー"

"I've known you for five years. I'm not an idiot." His gaze blinked of emerald gold and cerulean, and Len felt the shiver that he always does whenever this boy looks him right in the eyes. "There's something bothering you. And there's this helpless look you show off that tells me you know what you have to do, but don't know _whether you want to do it._ " He snapped, ending the subject, soon heightening his voice to a different pitch to grasp his mother's attention. "Mum ー we're done with the roses! You need us to work on the orchids next?"

The woman waved her arm beyond the glass window, shaking her thumb in the form of a yes.

The doorchime tinkled, and a little girl walked hand-in-hand with a teenage boy who was likely her older brother, whispering beneath hushed voices about their mother's birthday and what colour roses they should get.

Len closed his eyes. Brought him away from reason, once again, to that fantasy of crimson leaves and ocean eyes.

Then, like a minute struck by lightning and empty unseen hands pushing him forward, the young man blurted out words he'd never, in a million years, thought he'd have the courage to say. "Tell me everything you know about Kagamine Rin."

Whatever his friend expected, it definitely wasn't that.

But it didn't take away Piko's grin the moment they relaxed their shoulders. _"I thought you'd never ask_."

/

/

/

/

The young man tightened the scarf around his neck.

Where there used to be on flat ground, the snow surely would've reached his hips by then.

He kicked the ice off the doorstep and used all his strength to slide open the aging door, not at all awed to find it empty of all life. The futon he tucked away days ago was kept hidden inside a closet, there were still dust marks in the corner and on the walls where photo frames once hung, and he distantly heard the sound of a laugh in the back garden, of arms twirling around in song and dance, waiting to be scooped up into a pair of stronger ones for a safe embrace.

But that wasn't there. Not today. Not anymore. Not since a very, long, long time. So he closed his eyes and imagined.

Golden, long hair that trailed down to her waist ー no, no, short curls that barely reached her shoulders.

A mature smile, a mature laugh.

 _The one person he'd pined for years and years_.

All replaced with the image of a childish pout, a chocolate, cream-coated grin, and the taste of mint dough every time he bent for a kiss.

He had to follow the trail of footsteps outside the road. He had to. If this was hopeless, that was his only chance.

 _Rin_ , he called out. He stormed to the garden, praying his imagination would come to life, even just once. Empty.

 _Rin_ , he went to the toilet next.

 _Rin._ The small room where she'd gaze out the window, eyeing the rain, the sun, and whatever she hoped to see without going outside.

A tap on his shoulder made him skid to a halt.

And when he turned around, he saw all five feet, one inches of Kagamine Rin ー still dressed in that thick jumper of his she'd worn to sleep the other day, dark circles beneath her eyes doing nothing to shield the blinding smile.

For a moment, he thought she was another fantasy, another thought of a silhouette beyond the light, but when he stretched his hand out and felt the warmth of hers in his, he knew better than to believe in lies. Not when truth was so much sweeter, and danced across his tongue like a lovely melody.

She was here.

As her mouth parted to speak in response, voicing his name, just narrowly escaping her throat before it muffled into his lips.

* * *

(i only took French for like five years but it's OK. it's OK. what they say don't matter anyways, and if their grammar is off its because they are not masters of the lingual arts such as myself) tttthank you for reviews again! we've only got about less than ten chapters left, i think.


	18. sep12

_Where have you been,_ he demanded. His voice was hoarse, with the energy of an exhausted windmill, but he persisted.

The young lady didn't move from his hold. She did nothing more than to wrap her hands beneath his arms, tip of her fingers curling upwards to touch his shoulder, while her partner took a deep breath in response. And for once he hoped to see her secret smiles waiting for him.

When he hoped, he believed. And when he believed, he sunk into a dream, where everything went the way he needed without a singularity out of place. He was blessed with her eyes.

He was blessed with her kisses upon his cheeks, lilting his skin in heat such as the prayers to a thousand suns.

He was blessed with _her_.

He didn't need anything else.

/

/

/

/

lt was surreal to sit by the base of the tub, dry towel and clothes resting on his lap while he eyed Kagamine Rin sinking in silky sweet reverie, one pink loofah up and down the tender skin of her legs. She was here. She was actually, truly, wholly, here, and it took so long for his mind to accept difference from another list of fantasies.

He pinched himself even with hopes that it wouldn't wake him up. It didn't.

Her cheeks were flushed, as always, lips just slightly less paler than the last time they'd been together in the same room.

Rin finally spoke.

He thought her first words to him on that day would be a request to pass some shampoo, or the antibacterial soap he'd brought all the way from home, with the chemical scent of strawberries and lime, but it turned out different. She looked away with those same honey locks stuck to her cheeks, damp blonde bangs shielding her eyes.

"Could you.. could you not stare?"

He didn't register the question completely at first. When he did, however, the young man hastily turned around, blurting a rushed apology.

Rin grabbed hold of his elbow, drenching his shirt sleeve in warm water turnt-cold, but Len found he couldn't find it within himself to mind. "No, you can ー you can watch..!" Her teeth nibbled on her bottom lip, instantly regretting those words when he looked at her as if they were caught standing center-stage in the middle of an overhead spotlight. "I mean.. just don't... stare. It makes me uncomfortable.. but a little bit is.. okay?"

Her arms crossed over her chest. He could see the peaks of her little toes pressing together shyly below the water.

Len decided to suggest something else. "I think I'll just wait for you in the other room."

The girl looked simply aghast. "No. No, you don't have to do that."

"It sounds like the better idea."

"Unless.." She darted her tongue out, allowing him to catch onto her habit of licking her lips whenever she fought to think. Everytime it made his heart skid a beat, for better or for worse. "Unless you join me."

He closed his eyes as small, slender fingers darted in the direction of his collar, tracing down the buttons that kept the last of his morality est together.

But then that was gone too. He shed his shame on the ground, fingers locking around her neck so that the tendrils of those honey blonde hair locks his body around her like golden chains with platinum cores, a prisoner to the tower of treasure.

/

/

/

/

Their mutual agreement of unquestionable silence ripped into half. If it were paper, he'd burnt it to char.

"Where have you been?"

His voice wasn't angry. Just dull. Tired of repeating the same words, no doubt.

He was no longer looking at her.

Donning a damp bathrobe, hunched over his bag in search of a different set of clothes to wear, Kagamine Len eyed how the young lady in the room wore another one of his thick countless jumpers with the cloth lining falling to her thighs. Both of her legs were drying off by the hearth. The flames crackled roaring shadows where the light couldn't reach her skin.

He wasn't sure how much he adored the sight of the firelight dancing across her rosy cheeks until the second time he'd seen it.

She left her perch soon enough.

She stood up, and for a moment he thought she was going to walk out and admire the night stars outside once again. Maybe just gaze out the window longingly until a wish of hers would reach the heavens. Instead, she was considering no such thing, especially with the way she walked towards him rather than the paper doors.

He could feel her bottom plop happily onto his lap, head beneath his chin, by his neck.

Her hands reached past his, pulling out a pair of pink cat-printed boxer briefs from beyond the zipper of the bag. Youthful ocean eyes twinkled from surprise. "Lennie, you should wear these."

He thrust it from embarrassment. "Put that _away_."

She cooed. "Did you choose them out yourself? Such great taste."

"Shut up, it's not like I ever wear it."

His cheeks were blooming red and he knew this girl was swimming in self-indulgent amusement from the look on her face. It never once crossed his mind, in a billion years, that Kagamine Rin would ever be a sadist. She was cute, she was small, and she was likely only sixty pounds at most.

She was the least likely person he'd expect to taunt anybody over these types of things.

Yet there Rin was, entire body curled against his own, the one cloth brought down from hell settled in her hold.

It seemed devils truly do come in every shape and form.

"I don't think you have any other pants.. you should consider doing your laundry more often." She rummaged through the other contents of his luggage half-heartedly. Of course he would, but not when _every inch of their country_ was likely coated in snow. There was no time to let anything airdry. "Just wear these and your white tee. If it's too cold, I'll take off the jumper I'm wearing and switch with you. I won't mind."

At least the girl dropped her smirk for a more nonchalant expression this time. It made it slightly easier to look her in the eyes.

Still, he observed the boxers with distaste.

The crude garment dangled limply off the curl of her fingers. "I'm not wearing those."

Rin quirked a brow. She wetted her lips again. "I'm alright with you not wearing anything at all, too."

Len's cheeks turned a shade redder than what it already was.

He snatched the cloth out of her grasp begrudgingly. The irritating, victorious grin she gave in response urged something within him to think of the best way to instantly wipe it off her face. But he didn't. Because other part of him shackled his ankles, telling him to preserve every slight memory of this young lady's smile.

By the time he found the shirt she was talking about, Len pushed the girl's to face the other way so he'd be able to dress himself in peace. Yet he could still hear Kagamine Rin's snickers above the fire, calming the thump in his heart. And when he was done, those same hands returned, lacing his arm in a loose embrace.

He felt her head lean on his shoulder, her soft breath mingling against his neck as she drifted to sleep.

And all through the night, he wouldn't follow.

Because Len was afraid if he closed his eyes, even for just a minute, she would no longer be there the moment he opened them again.

/

/

/

/

It must've been at least the eighteenth time.

Len demanded the answers on her former whereabouts once more, meeting nothing but stiffened shoulders and eyes that refused to match his own gaze.

The young lady was already inside their futon, snuggling into a pillow to shut herself out from the world. The older blond dragged the blanket upwards so he could sneak in, hands grasping firmly onto her chin so that there was nowhere else to glance towards but at him, with eyes that were barely as deep as hers, to a mouth that, even if it stretched for the widest smile, would never be able to shine as bright.

"Considering you left me in the middle of the night so I would wake up alone with no means of contacting you at all ー I think I deserve an explanation."

"It was to leave you alone. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't bother you anymore."

"I never _asked_ you to." He spat. She recoiled, and he softened his voice. "You can't do this to me."

Len looked down.

He took a deep breath. ".. Fine. If you're not going to tell me where you went, at least tell me why you came back."

It was in search of him, wasn't it. No matter her stubbornness, even Kagamine Rin should know that the odds of a teenage girl running on no water, no money, and a packet of mint biscuits had too many situations stacked against her. Reality weighs more than any gold, and diamonds meant nothing when covered beneath layers of dirt.

Resembling different scenarios of war. With countless possibilities, she would only win one out of a million.

It was impossible to survive a week without him. She couldn't. _Didn't_ , evidently, with the way he could feel her body pressed against his side, desperately yet very subtly leeching off his warmth.

She needed him. _She needed him_. She needed him ー

To his surprise, her voice came floated to his ears in similar fashion as the drifting winter wind. "I.. I came back for my earrings."

Earrings?

"I left it in the shower. It's not worth much ー but I thought if I sold it off, I'd be able to.. to pay you back." Her voice broke off, and when he turned, he realised the spot on their shared pillow was wet with her tears. He'd only just noticed the usual pearls at her lobes were gone. Her shoulders quaked, taking a deep breath. "And maybe with the leftovers I'd be able to look around for somewhere to stay with the baby.. there's a shelter a few miles away ー "

"No matter how hard you try, that's not going to work." He interrupted her. His voice was clipped, but it drug her to realism. "You won't last."

"I _know_ that.."

Len carried on, seeming almost uncaring. "You'd pass out. You don't have any food, or water, and all you had left was my clothes to protect you from the cold. The frost would tower over you, and before long, you'd be buried beneath the snow where nobody would ever, _ever_ find you."

"I _know_!" Rin repeated, her voice coarse.

She sat up, and he noticed she was clenching her hands.

He thought she was trembling in fury, maybe mustering preparation to sock him in the nose. But instead, she gripped firmer, as if she was holding onto something.

Len followed, brows stressing, his fingers forcing her fists apart to reveal two golden studs on her palm wth a large pearl standing out against it. His finger trailed the line of her hand, as if reading her past, figuring out her future, then je looked up to see her other arm lifted to her face.

The young lady was aggressively wiping her eyes on the jumper's sleeve.

He took the jewellery out of her hand to lift it in the air. And solid moment of shock, Rin thought he was about to throw it out into the unseen.

Instead the boy pecked her once, on the back of her fingers, keeping that soft skin by his mouth as his free hand went to gently pierce the gold studs behind the pearls back into the lobe of her ear. He clicked the lock. Went to the other one, all as she stared at him in stunned silence.

Len took it within himself to dry her cheeks with the pads of his thumb, wiping away those tears like streaks in the rain.

"It's impolite to abandon somebody while they're unconscious." The blond took his tone as a casual lecture. "Did you know?"

He felt her stifle another cry against his touch. "I'm sorry..."

"Next time, it's best to make sure you actually ask for _permission_ before leaving in the middle of the night without a single word."

Her next words made him clench his jaw. ".. then, may I leave, Len?"

They've had enough of following her way.

He pressed her cheeks together. "No. _And no matter how many times you ask,_ I will never allow you to."

To his surprise, she didn't cry. Not again. Just brightened her eyes, and he could see her resisting from doing that same Kagamine Rin signature toothy grin.

/

/

/

/

Len managed to get home at the perfect timing.

Just one hour after he got out of the bath, scavenging the contents of his bag and replacing whatever was irrelevant with more important necessities (clothes, socks, and some objects from his mother's drawer) the butterfly doorchime by the flat entrance shimmered. A man walked through the archway, dark circles seeming beneath his eyes for days.

He barely spared his son another glance as he walked forwards, sinking into the dining chair and unpacking his laptop without a second thought. Each sway of an arm or wrists like built in mechanics to a machine.

"Dad," Len called out. "I have an immersive project to work on so I'm going to stay at friend's house for a while until we're done with it."

Something about that didn't fit too well together to seem convincing. "Tell your friend to just come over here."

".. I can't. His parents are strict."

He didn't stock up on mint biscuits before he got home either. The only reason he's back on a day before a weekend is to get things for the girl waiting back in the mountains, and he's not going to let something like his father returning at an unexpected time to hold back whatever he's already planned.

Even if that man's deadly stare rooted him in place.

"Then I'd expect them to know when _other parents_ don't want their children loitering around at a stranger's house for a night."

It's not like he's ever home to check whether Len ever leaves his bedroom outside of school hours.

Hypocrisy at it's finest, the younger blond scowled. "It's only five nights at most. I don't see the problem."

His father drummed a pen on the wooden table surface, contemplating. "Give me their phone number. Your friend's parents. If you trust them enough to spend a weekend with them, you'd have no problem recalling their landline. Or am I mistaken?"

"I'll message it to you later."

" _Now_ , Len."

The blond took a deep breath, ripped off a piece of the calendar hanging off their fridge by a weak magnet, then scribbled the most random array of numbers he could think of from the top of his head before flinging the paper onto the table where it flew against his father's chest.

Before there could be any lecture on manners or disrespect, he straightened his back, grabbed hold of his bag, then stormed out of the apartment without another word.

/

/

/

/

It was long after sunset by the time he returned to the house. Layered snow you would never see in the city, wooden walls, stilts, and the leafless trees which brightens in the spring and trifles in Autumn. Somewhere he hasn't been able to address as home for a very, very long time. And that was just another thing on the checklist beginning to change.

Mint biscuits waited in his bag, another plastic full of raw fish, broth ingredients and seaweed.

He kicked off his boots, threw off his coat, stormed into the house without a second thought.

The living room was empty, the bathroom, dry ー he took a deep breath when he found a feminine body curled up on the floor of the small bedroom, her hair pooling around her like a lake of pure white wine.

She looked up to see his frantic visage. Sweat ran down his neck, even through the cold. He didn't bother to wipe it away.

"Hey." Rin greeted warmly, her hands stretching out, even if he wasn't sure for what. But in that moment he didn't care so much as to drop all the bags and rush into the room, falling against her arms. "Mm.. did you run here? Your cheeks are red."

"I carried a gas cylinder across town. That's bound to make anyone go red."

"Gas cylinder?"

"A small one. There's this steamboat stove in the storeroom. I think I'm going to try to cook something tonight."

"Do you even know how to cook, Lennie?"

"Shut up ー I'm a fifteen year old boy." The blond looked away dramatically. "Of course I don't."

Rin didn't hide her amusement.

She was already looking through the bags, rosy amber cheeks brightening at the sight of mint biscuits that practically begged to melt against her tongue. The young lady was barely listening to him by then, ripping through the plastic without another care. She hummed with her eyes closed.

"Wait for me. I'm going to take a bath." He ruffled her hair.

The young lady was left blinking in confusion as he stormed into the bathroom, evidently with less enthusiasm than when he earlier burst in.

/

/

/

/

Those blue, blue, eyes, did nothing but widen in excitement as she clenched her teeth.

The skin of her stomach was exposed as Len gently pressed the cool metal right on top, where she trembled most. A pot of broth bubbled deeply beside them, just feet away, a dimly lit fire keeping their meal warm. It doubled to steam the fish and the hand-pulled dough sinking right at the bottom.

He drug the device down, slowly, slowly, with knitted brows and a stiff jaw searching for whatever results he needed to be satisfied.

The ice feeling of the stethoscope was making her giggle.

"I bet you're wondering whether anything you hear is actually the baby or if it's just my stomach grumbling."

"Stop talking. I'm trying to concentrate."

"Can't we wait until _after_ eating to do this? I'm hungry!"

" _Later_. The noodles aren't even cooked yet."

Not having had a proper meal for what must've been a month must've been taking it's toll on her. She was sitting on a makeshift chair, which was honestly just their futon pillows stack together against the chair, while he had those same medical books left waiting by his lap for reference when needed.

The scent of soup, noodles and fish seasoning rivaled against the winter air with savoury warmth, causing Kagamine Rin to become increasingly impatient. Not that he blamed her.

He closed his eyes.

And he heard it. Through the buds in his ears.

The soft beating they came beyond her skin. Lighter than a rabbit's hop, yet stronger than he'd ever thought.

Len hastily took out a pen and scribbled down a note on the nearest paper. Rin watched as he ran around the room, looking for this item, and then looking for that ー not answering a single one of her questions in his haste. He rest his cheek against her lap when he finally found it within himself to relax.

He eyed the words in a book. He scanned the same sentence, over and over again, and she wondered whether he was merely reading it or doing his best to memorise the entire page.

She tapped his nose. "Are you planning to be a doctor in the future too?"

The male craned his head to the side. "Too?"

"Yeah," Rin sighed. She stared across the room, looking through whatever she could see of the sky through a little window. "Like your mother?"

The sound of glass shattering brought him to a sirens, of thunder, and the strong rain.

When he looked up, he realised he must've imagined it; because the only thing Kagamine Rin seemed shocked about was the look in his eyes.

Len took a step back. Narrowed them into a glare.

"How do _you_ know about my mother?"


	19. sep19

"I think I'm going to sleep."

"You're not going anywhere. Not until you answer me."

Rin leant further against the wall. The broth bubbled beside them, leaving a froth of cream by the surface. Everything floated in a puff of steam but even the scent of their meal couldn't calm him down. He had her wrists in his hands, and he pinned them onto the floor where she had nowhere left to run.

"I'm not under any obligation to answer you, Len." As he leant closer, her breath hitched to desperate, hurried pants. "Stop it. You're hurting me."

"All I'm doing is looking at you."

"You're _hurting_ me."

Len released his grasp.

He dismissed her, went to stir the broth with a small ladle, turn off the fire, then look off towards the opposite end of the room with wary eyes.

She noticed how he maintained a careful distance between their bodies. A gap without a bridge, and a stream of water with rapid debris. Somewhere she wouldn't dare to cross, not until she learnt how to stop floating in the sand of her dreams.

(She hoped to block the pound of her heartbeat from her ears.)

/

/

/

/

Ripped jeans showed off miniscule skin by his knees. They lounged in Piko's bedroom, ignoring the loud chatter of family guests having an early dinner down the stairs.

The house walls smelt of rice porridge and lavender flowers, and the orange sunset cast a healthy dew.

They eyed each other over a chess set, as if hoping a game would bring the tone down into another casual conversation, a lighter mood, like the weather in August and the gene of flowers that will blossom in the rain. Of Paris in Autumn, of New York in Spring. The boy picked up a rook, with bitten nails pressing against the chess piece, while his friend overlooked the board without any thought or consideration. None whatsoever.

But Len didn't come to play. He came for answers, and he was getting it, one way or another.

Luckily neither of them were particularly in the mood for a challenge either. From the start of the day, up until the end, the game merely served it's purpose of being a good ice-breaker if anything.

"First, I'd like you to tell me what you already know. It's a waste of time to narrate the life of a girl I haven't had a single conversation with for the past five years only to find out at the last minute that you already know everything down to the littlest flaw."

"I don't.. know much." Len admitted. The things he did know, however, he had no intention to share. "We don't talk too often."

 _No lies didn't mean no working away around the truth_ ー that loophole was exactly what he needed for a leeway.

Luckily his friend didn't add on any pressure.

No sense of suspicion entered beneath the tone the young man spoke with. "How about this. I'll ask a question, and we'll discuss everything you've answered wrongly about."

"... alright."

"Let's start with her birthday." Never being one for spontaneity, Piko had already written a list about what topics worth bringing up. He had one pen in hand and a binder in the other. "And then her hometown. Followed with her school life, of course."

A cool breeze entered through the open windows.

Len held on a sneeze to answer. "I mean.. she's either already sixteen, or turning sixteen this year."

"Wrong." A bird chirped overhead. "She turned fifteen about three months ago." Len felt something drop in his stomach. His friend clicked his tongue, the scratch of a pen across the binder sounded softly, followed with each forward step of feet. "Do you know where she's from, at least?"

"Same place as you? I mean, before she moved houses, you said she lived next door, right? In that pink house with that fat grey cat."

"It's actually the red brick house on the left ー but no, she's from Spain, Len."

"Really?"

"Obviously not. She's from our capital city.. her family moved here when she was a toddler after experiencing financial problems if I'm not wrong." Piko rolled his eyes. He held his gloved hands over his nose, blowing a puff of warmth against the wool. The blanket was aiding little shelter against the cold. "At this point, I'm sure even _Fukase_ knows more about her than you."

The blond dropped his eyes, kicking the carpet as he straightened his back, leaving the other boy with a frown.

/

/

/

/

"You're back late." She had suspiciously bright cheeks by the time he returned. Len sat by the shoe rack, flinging his boots into the nearest corner of the room, while she pranced across the floorboards with her bare feet, making the ground beneath him quaver with each and every step.

He thought she was just playing the role of a careless idiot finding enjoyment in the wastage of energy until he spun around.

And there she was.

Those irritating, pink eyesore of his boxer briefs staring back at him, fitting nicely to the jot of her waists. Her hair was still damp from a recent bath, and those blue, blue eyes were all up in his face.

"Take those _off_."

"I won't." Rin stuck out a small, pink tongue through the gap between her lips. "Unless you take them off for me."

"You're such a pervert."

"Says _you_."

She blew him a raspberry.

Len took that as an opportunity to grab the young lady's tongue between his index finger and his thumb, gently, gently, pulling it out and hearing a muffled scream of horror issue in return. She was flailing her arms and glaring at him with tears in her eyes by the time he finally released his hold for her to take a breath.

"You're so _annoying_." He took off his coat, then moved to the buttons of his school uniform, all while wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Go take a nap or something. I'm too tired to babysit you today."

He assumed she was being overly affectionate today to make amends for the previous night.

And he was still, still, irritated, and the thought constantly bugged at his mind ー but he sat back and thought it'd be satisfying to watch her humour him a little. Rin clung to his arm. "I want mint biscuits and _fried squid_ and _candy._ "

Her growing appetite was giving him a headache.

Len sighed. "Go search my schoolbag."

"And I want _you_ to feed me."

"Fine." He nudged her hipbone gently with his knee. "Go. I'll come after I bathe."

/

/

/

/

He went back to school the next morning, much to Kagamine Rin's distaste. But in the end he still had to search for food, for drinkable water, for everything needed to keep that little comfort they had left stable.

Also, he had the intense urge to speak with Utatane Piko.

"You weren't sure about her age, you don't know what classes she takes, you don't even know a single one of her friends personally. _What_ do you know? Which elementary school did she go to?"

Len bit his bottom lip. He threw another stone into the water, already being able to tell his friend was growing frustrated.

Most of the ice had been broken, and he could see the moon behind the clouds, stars adrift in the night sky. There was still the slightest hint of sunlight, but neither of them seemed to be in too much of a rush to get home.

"The same one as you? You studied down the street from me and Fukase's, right?"

Piko clicked his tongue for what must've been the thousandth time that day. "She was homeschooled, Len. Up until she was around ten or eleven. I think most people are aware of that ー did you not pay any attention? They actually discussed this right in front of you when we were on lockdown."

Len gave up soon enough. It was like he was intentionally made to feel bad.

They were sitting at the lake near the school, where the young lady made a habit of visiting just to throw pebbles into the water.

He went back to the log, the image of Kagamine Rin standing where he stood, counting down the skids across the surface and trying, over and over again, in search of something unknown. He never knew what for, and he hated himself for never questioning it when they had all the time in the world.

He slung his bag over his shoulder, waving an arm to begin the walk home.

His friend jumped over a wilted flowerbed to follow.

The blond continued, "I already mentioned how I don't know much about her. What do you suppose I'm asking you for?"

Piko crossed his arms, feeling the effects of winter finally setting down on the evening. "Alright. Forget that. Tell me everything you know about her family."

Len tilted his gaze upwards, following the map of the sky. When he saw the stars, he thought of Kagamine Rin's eyes.

".. Three elder brothers. One is still in high school, the other two are in college."

A solid whistle. "No. One's already graduated, but considering you actually got the number of siblings right, I'm accepting it as decent enough for you to continue."

"Her.. her mother isn't too happy about the first brother."

Piko's voice fell. "Her mother?"

"Mother." The young man confirmed, almost confident. "That's what she told me."

His friend shook his head. "Len.. she doesn't have a mother."

"Yes she does. She told me, explicitly, about her.." He interrupted himself just in time. His fingers felt of cold, autumn leaves, and his tongue like crisp paper. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Len," Piko looked on grimly, lips set into a fine line. "I'm telling you. Kagamine Rin doesn't have a mother. She never has."

/

/

/

/

He kicked the sand beneath his boots. Only frost covered his heels, and the sunset laughed at his woes.

The world moved on and on and on in repeat.

He would be cold for seven seasons, and warm for five. The clock would chime every day by midnight, and the empty halls waiting for him back at home would echo with laughter, mocking him everytime he searched for a photograph donning the walls.

And he would grab his jacket, he would close the curtains, and he would shackle his ankles to keep him from screaming.

And he would tie his hands, too, to make sure he wouldn't burn everything down even if the world crashes around his feet and the sky below his knees.

/

/

/

/

"Are you upset with me?"

Len stared through the gap in the ceiling, catching a full sight of the night sky. The light of the stars cast a glow upon his skin, and in replacement of the crevices it couldn't reach, a deep shadow showed off another side of the clouds.

He could warm breath against his neck one moment, with her body curled against his side. But the next, she'd already clambered on top with her legs on both sides of his thighs. The young lady inched higher, so a smooth forehead could press against his own and a small nose nudge against his cheek.

Two in the morning.

He had to take a train to school in an hour if he didn't want to be late.

"What makes you think that?" Len responds. He'd tried to add in a bit of harshness to the flavour, to make her guilt over her actions, but his words came out as a bland statement rather than anything. It's blamed on the lack of sleep.

"I don't know." She sighed. "Me not telling you about... my relatives."

He was staring right into her eyes.

The pearls dangling off her lobes glimmered in the dark, close enough for him to reach out, fondling it with his thumb.

"I don't understand why you have to be so secretive. It's not like I can do anything to you just because I know about your family."

"I can tell you about my family if that's what you'd really like."

Len let out a sigh. "I insist."

"So, um, first of all ー the first person is almost six months old, but still growing in my womb. He doesn't have a name yet, but then there's also this boy who ー " Kagamine Rin stopped in the midst of her sentence, halfway between a laugh and a grin, when she noticed the person below her wasn't returning her smiles. He was staring back, not in anger or desperation, but instead with a look of defeat.

As if he didn't want to bother trying anymore.

Not it he was wasting his energy.

Not if he gave, and gave, and gave, and she leeched it all without giving a single thing in return.

".. Sorry, Len. I'll start to be more serious." Her mouth melded into a weaker smile. Rin left a dry kiss on his cheek, brushing the hair away from his eyes. Len nearly jumped from the tenderness of it all. "You don't have to be so exhausted anymore."

The young man pushed his palms flat against the wood, forcing himself to sit up. She was still sitting on his lap by the time he managed to straighten his back.

"You don't have a Mum," He whispered.

It was more a statement than a question. Rin let out an empty giggle, arms lacing his neck. "Do I want to know where you found that out from?"

"You don't have a Mum," Len repeated. "But you tried to convince me that you did. _Why_?"

In that moment he thought back to summer days, with a woman holding him beneath the sky of the very same roof, as he listened to the night crickets and the piano and the sound of her gentle voice singing him a lullaby over his ear. With a strong, beating heart holding his head to her chest.

With the person he was the most proudest of his entire life.

The image of her dissipated, as if grass beneath snow, and he saw nothing but Rin's deep, blue eyes. The girl in his arms was small, frail, and she would never be able to give him even a fragment of what he'd had before.

But he knew, somehow, somehow, this only meant it was time for him to no longer receive any warmth, but instead to hand out his own.

"Everyone has a Mother, Len. Otherwise you wouldn't be born. Otherwise _I_ wouldn't be born."

"But she's no longer _here_." He took a deep breath, "Yours. And I want you to tell me why."

One second passed.

The watch on his wrist began to beep, alerting him of the dawn of a new hour.

Kagamine Rin gave him another one of her sweet, sugary smiles as her lips parted, no longer to give him a kiss. "Childbirth."


	20. oct4

An empty backpack dangled off his shoulder ー waiting to be loaded with a particular young woman's contents.

The school was empty, save for all the occupied classrooms. Len could see a camera monitor in the corner of his eyes, blinking every few minutes overhead, as if registering the sight of his face. The lenses were edging on the view from every corner and he slipped the hood of his jacket higher up his head, wishing on every lucky star that his plans wouldn't go wrong.

He was standing in front of the girl's shower rooms entrance. Separate from the usual lockers where every student's belongings were kept together. The blond took a deep breath, pushing open the door and feeling the warmth of relief wash over him when he discovered it was empty.

Rin preferred to use the lockers here in comparison to the ones given at the start of the school year. More secure, according to her, but the young man dwelt on the assumption that it was merely her lack of sensibility speaking.

Still, he tried to keep her voice on repeat in his mind when he entered the number pin on her lock.

A mess awaited him when he pulled open the door: polaroids and scattered notebooks layered the shelves. Newspaper cutouts of fashion celebrities with faces that she'd circled with multiple hearts.

The young man closed his eyes as he shuffled everything he could get his hands on away from the locker, and into the bag waiting by his hips.

/

/

/

/

The amount of police officers crowding their compounds tripled, more than anything.

If it wasn't bad enough, there was a queue just to leave through the school gate. _Right on the last day before the holidays._

The rise of gossip ensued. He'd never seen such a large amount of teenage girls huddled in one space to chastise however whomever has been incriminated by their minds.

"They're still interrogating the teachers." A boy just one year ahead of him, Rei, spoke beneath hushed tones to one of his friends. "I heard that Hiyama's dad was questioned a week back. I'm not sure if he's given them any leads."

"It's been, what, one month since Kagamine's gone missing. I don't understand why they've got to loiter around our school like _we're_ the criminals."

"You tell me, Lapis."

Len decided not to join in, instead taking in his surroundings ー all of it at once.

He could see Piko across the grounds, leaning against the bark of a tree with his nose delved into a book. Fukase was not much farther, tying his shoes while looking over the younger boy's shoulder. Both were reciting the sample lines of Macbeth from a pamphlet they'd gotten from the theatre down the other side of the district, trying to cram information for their literature finals, most likely trying to ignore the fact they were studying in a literal prison.

Both boys were getting along well. Just like always.

Only this time he wasn't sitting with them, laughing alone beneath the distant sun.

The blond tightened his scarf around his shoulders for protection from the old.

His sigh came out in a puff of steam.

At least that was _one_ guilt off his conscience.

His attention instead turned to the loud ruckus by the field entrance.

"I'm _telling_ you, I was taking pictures by the schoolgates from the end of class. All until half an hour after sunset." He could see Shion Kaito tapping his feet across the asphalt from growing irritation. "I didn't see her come out at all. If something happened, she either took the back gate or never left the school. You're not searching hard enough."

"Every room in the building has been searched and the compound has been kept near lockdown for an entire month.. are you suggesting a teenage girl has the capability to keep up the charade of hide and seek for this long?"

"I mentioned the _back gate._ "

"We've checked recordings of all gates within the vicinity and there hasn't been a single oddity caught on camera." One of the local school guards was crossing his arms by the gate, visibly frustrated with trying to satiate two high school boys, including one that wasn't even an alumni.

Another voice ー from the boy that _wasn't_ Shion, cut in with desperation.

Masculine.

Frantic.

"There has to be _something_ you can do."

"We're doing the best we can. You can tell your family to keep their eyes open and pray."

"You don't understand! She's just turned fifteen recently, she's still young," The voice persisted. "She's never been on her own before. She's got ー she's got this heart problem ever since she was small, and if she doesn't go to a check-up at least once every other month, she'll just.. _she won't be able to make it._ I have to get her back."

He stopped in his words abruptly, gaze widening from fear into shock.

One second later, he lifted a hand, gesturing it in towards a singular direction.

It took Len a moment to realise the attention was placed on him.

" _You."_

It took _another_ to register those haphazard hued pink bangs that swept to the side, blonde at the roots.. but that stood no chance against the gleaming gold broach pinned to his school jacket. His eyes were dark and blue, more vigorous than the ocean, unique, yet at the same time so uncannily familiar.

Len took a step back as the older male stepped forwards. The guard he'd been mid-conversation with didn't follow, instead turning their sights elsewhere, towards another man that looked similarly to Kagamine Rin.

Yuuma narrowed his eyes. "You know my sister. When's the last time you saw her?" Before the boy could think up another excuse, the edge of his collar was pulled forwards to the point where they were forced to share the same air. " _Tell me where my sister is._ "

He nearly saw white. He couldn't breathe.

Kaito frantically pulled back the arm grasping on Len's shirt, causing the younger blond to let out a gasp of relief as his throat ripped free. His hand pressed against his chest to struggle for air. "He's just a _kid_. What are you thinking?"

"Old enough to know how to screw around. _Tell me._ "

"Yuuma, stop."

"No, Kai, he _knows_ something. I can feel it ー"

His friend silenced the coming words with a sharp hiss. "He doesn't know _anything_. Stop it. You're making a scene."

He was right; Multiple eyes had landed on them during the length of their commotion, trying to figure out the cause.

Yuuma took a deep breath, eyes still narrowed, then adjusted the schoolbag on his shoulder as well as his own collar before walking away.

/

/

/

/

The first thing she greeted the sight of him walking through their home entrance with was a bright, rose-cheeked grin. Deep dimples and teeth that nearly reached both ends of her ears. When she saw his expression, however, the dark cloud over his head washed a grey thunderstorm over her own. She dropped her chin on his shoulder as he took a seat on the platform, unlacing his boots, doing her best to offer him silent comfort, even if as miniscule as it could be.

He looked at her.

Nothing but her.

Those curious blue, blue eyes and her cheeky smile. Len resisted the urge to cry.

When he gave her an apology, he didn't tell her why.

/

/

/

/

He had no choice but to force a smile when he noticed Rin was the type of person that carried his mood onto her own shoulders.

It did wonders on her.

Her laugh no longer reached the sun, but he could feel her leaning affectionately on his side.

When he soon rewarded her the backpack full of her items, the light in her eyes coloured with joy. She threw all the contents out before he could stop her, screaming praise for having brought her back some of her past history textbooks even though her clothing were about the only things she'd asked for.

Len has never once, in his life, thought that would be something to be happy about.

Especially not to the point where you have hearts in your eyes like this girl did in that moment, plopping down onto his lap, enough to tickle his nose with the golden locks of her hair, whilst cradling a book against her chest.

Then again, Kagamine Rin was an irregular variable and one that he had to deal with almost on a daily basis. His mind was accommodating to stranger things more easily now, for better or for worse. She was digging through the objects returned from her locker while his thumb brushed off the mint cream and baked dough at the corners of her lips.

The blond absently licked his fingers clean afterwards.

He begged to God she didn't notice.

She did. It's just that she didn't care.

/

/

/

/

If they were still in the city, carollers would have long reached their front doorstep.

The sun has left early from the horizon whilst the snow crawled high enough to meet his hips. The only semblance of warmth he'd ever get was Rin's cuddle around his shoulder, but even that was gone. She'd left his side to pursue a different source of entertainment.

Such as wasting her energy on pointless things.

Personally, he thought she was being nothing short of idiotic by dangling some fairylights (courtesy of her locker) across the shelves, especially when he's got to remind her, more than a few several times, that they've got no space to put such decorations, much less find any electricity to light it up.

Rin refused to accept his opinion. She stood on a stool, at the edge of her tiptoes, trying her best to put every wire in place. "But it's _pretty_."

Len had to keep a careful proximity so he'd be able to catch her if she fell.

He released an exhausted huff. "It's only pretty when it's lit up."

"It's the holidays, Len! Use your imagination." The young lady put her hands on her hips when she was done, blonde hair trailing behind her. "You have no choice but to be festive. It's, like, the law."

Well, the law sure sounds like it wants to kill him. Maybe even dig him a spot to lay ten feet underground, sow some flowers into the soil and spit over his grave once his burial is done. Or he was being too melodramatic from being tortured by his lack of sleep.

He tiredly rubs his eyes over his jacket sleeve. "Fine. _Sure_."

"Good _booooy_!" Rin reaches out to ruffle his blond hair, like he often does to her, only to miss when he takes a few steps back in advance.

She falls off the stool but he catches her just in time.

Len clicks his tongue at her flustered pout. "Nice try."

"I'll get you next time."

"Keep telling yourself that."

/

/

/

/

"Mmmm.." Rin moaned into one of the spare uniform skirts delivered all the way from the locker. "It smells like my six-month old sweat."

"That's disgusting."

The girl retaliated by throwing the cloth square against his face. _It surprisingly doesn't smell too bad,_ the blond muses lightly, _even a little sweet._

Or perhaps his nose was broken.

Yet when she's able to zee his face, he spawns her his nastiest glare. Because whenever he does, he gets the privilege of hearing her issue that resounding little giggle in return.

Rin brought one of her clean shirts up in the air for full display. "I finally get to wear my _own_ clothes now!"

"You say that as if you're actually going to."

"I didn't say anything about not wearing _yours_ underneath."

Len rolled his eyes when the girl stuck out her tongue.

He didn't catch it between his fingers this time. No matter how much he wanted to

Instead, all he did was drop his weight forward until his warm forehead met the cool skin of her neck. Rin sttumbles a bit from surprise but catches herself just in time. It's a small gesture, but somehow, Len finds those small arms wrapping around his neck as enough comfort than he'd ever need.

The sound of a piano no longer plays in his head.

"Thank you, Len."

He can feel her mouth press against his cheek, wet and slippery, leaving a distinguishable spot across his blushed face.

The boy moved back to make a big show of wiping the touch away on his sleeve out of disgust, but in the end, when she looked away, he touched his cheek again. Just to remember that same heat spread beneath all of his skin whenever she leans in towards him even for so little as a kiss.

* * *

sometimes your reviews contain assumptions that are so undeniably spot-on (it's become a prediction at this point) that they make me doubt my capabilities as a supposedly vague writer? it makes me cry. just a bit. but then again, i'm not going to confirm anything, because i believe that takes away the fun in reading. :que eyes emoji:


	21. oct9

"Hey... Len."

He felt a nudge at his feet beneath the covers.

The blond leg out a quiet groan, searched around his surroundings for warmth ー and when he found the comfort he had in mind in the form of a young woman that resembled one of his most softest pillows, he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and pulled her deeper against his own body.

He could hear another resounding whine echo in return. Just by his ear.

Another nudge.

"Len, wake up."

He faked a snore.

" _Len!_ "

She started full on kicking him at that point. His hopes of her leaving him in peace was crushed from that point forth. Len was soon frustrated enough to sit up, back straight, then quickly roll over the petite body that was becoming the source of his living nightmares. His arms pinned down her shoulders and her hips were trapped between each side of his knees.

His glance was cast downwards, expressing a dark gaze.

Blonde bangs shielded his eyes and the only way he managed to push it forwards was by bringing his forehead down to rest against her own.

"What," He took a deep breath. His voice hissed. " _Rin?_ "

She has better got a good explanation for this if she doesn't want to experience him inflicting the same type of torture. It can't be for her own entertainment, the only reason he'll allow her to wake him for is if he's been hoarding up too much of the blankets, or subconsciously strangling her in their sleep, maybe even making sure the pillow only covered his side of the futon..

Either way, he was sure he'd be put in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

All because this girl couldn't sit still for just _one night._

Rin didn't cower away at his glare. Her nose nuzzled affectionately against his own. "Do you want one?"

He couldn't help but notice how her fingers instinctively twirl the pearl by the lobe of her ear ever single time he stares into her eyes.

" _What_?"

"A blow."

Whatever he was expecting, it definitely wasn't that.

The boy felt a line of sweat trickle down his back, then break down into nothing more than wet warmth. Especially when this young lady laced her arms around his shoulders, pulling him close, downwards, so not only did his forehead press deeper against hers but so did his chest, his legs, his _everything_.

Len hesitantly swiped his tongue across his own lips. The apple by his neck bobbed as he swallowed on his sore throat. "It's _midnight_."

He was suddenly all too aware of her hot breath against his ear. The hot breath that caused unpleasant sparks of heat to shoot south.

She was warm.

Has she always been this warm?

He didn't think anyone could be this warm.

"It's actually almost four, Len." Her hips bounced forwards to knock against his own. The young man bit back a hiss as he felt every urge to wipe that smirk off her lips. ".. but it doesn't look like you _care_."

He spoke through gritted teeth, "Can you go back to sleep?"

"No."

"Do you think you can _try?_ "

Her eyes flickered. This time, the signature smile dropped, leaving something that seemed nearly empty. ".. no."

She wasn't even saying it to spite him.

Her pools of deep cobalt looked beyond, into the endlessness that had only been obstructed by the tattered ceiling. Rin peered through the gaps to catch a sight of the stars in the sky and Len felt his shoulders tremble as he sat up to get a full look of her.

His glare softened.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He decided on a different question, tapping her cheek to redirect her attention back unto him.

This time, she didn't deny him.

He could see her twiddle her pointer fingers together. "Just want to get things off my mind.."

He'll take that as an affirmative.

Len sighed. His eyes were still half-lidded, but that didn't stop him from absently grabbing the thick coat from that spot he'd left on the floor, into his own lap. Soon enough he stretched his arms above his head, yawning, and Rin couldn't help but compare the likeliness to that of a cat.

"No," Len continued, softly, "I'm not going to.. let you give me an... ahem," His cheeks heated as he accentuated the word, ".. _blow_.. just so you can _cure_ your late night insomnia. Get up."

He tossed the coat over the younger blonde's body to urge her faster. He was already standing up, leaning against the wall, while her legs were still entangled in the bedsheets.

With slight reluctance, Rin padded away from the futon. She released an irritated whimper as soon as her toes touched the cold wooden surface beneath. By the time she looked up to face her partner, his visage was hidden. He was pulling his head through the neck of another layered jumper.

"Len?"

His name had barely just left Rin's lips when the young lady noticed he already had one hand stretched towards her.

The young man didn't waver. "Come on. We're going for a walk."

/

/

/

/

There were no beaches around. No where to listen to the ocean breeze, to collect the seashells by the shore, and definitely no place to skid pebbles across the water. Belonging to their nearby valley was a small river stream, but even then, it would provide too little of an entertainment that the mere idea was barely worth a trip.

So they walked on the sidewalk by the narrow mountain road.

Aimlessly ー or maybe not so much, beneath the distanced streetlights. No single destination in mind.

Len would take a few steps behind her, hands in pockets and breaths coming out in puffs of white.

She bathed in the winter and the orange glow.

The reflection of her fingertips shone brighter than the very moonlight.

(But that was no longer surprising to him.)

Every now and then, she'd turn around in a little twirl, just to smile at him with those blue eyes and the rosy nose that came with crimson cheeks. Even if she dashed further, he promised she needn't fear getting lost because he'd make sure to catch up. And he always did. Always, _always._

But only because every step forwards he takes, she responds by taking two steps back, making sure she would always walk by his side.

/

/

/

/

His friend seemed emotionally invested enough with watching the telly on Friday morning even when Len came bursting in to the living room to rummage through his schoolbag and exchange school notes.

And it was _also_ because Rin wanted an updated textbook to match their syllabus, considering history was _not_ a subject he took (including the one Piko was planning to drop the very next year) he might as well make it of good use before it becomes paperweight.

Their idle conversation soon became a point of interest, however, and Len couldn't help but quirk a brow; "You're going with your Mum to _Venice?_ "

"Mm. Escaping from the cold, according to herー though I expect it's only because she wants to visit one of her younger sisters there."

"I don't imagine it'd be much warmer in Italy."

"The snow isn't as bad as what we have here, for one thing."

"No arguments there."

The younger boy was reduced to a weeping pile of blankets on the sofa, eyeing the kiss between a man and his mistress in a French sitcom, tufts of platinum blond and bleached-white hair spread across the cushions. "I just heard it's just going to be... you know. _Wet._ "

That's still nothing he can argue against.

Len has always preferred rain over snow.

He eyed his friend warily.

Still, it was only for little more than a split second and soon enough the elder of the two refocused on his duties.

That was, to look for any books Kagamine Rin would be interested in that Utatane Piko _wasn't,_ whilst multitasking the search for his personal belongings (there was that English Literature textbook he'd lent last year and still hasn't gotten back), and cleaning up any mess he didn't even make while he was at it.

The young man had never met anyone so _disorganised._

Sometimes he feels like a housewife. Or a _mother._ As Piko sniffled, Len reached over to hand him a cotton tissue off the coffee table.

Oh well. "Thanks.. hey, do you want me to bring back any thing for you? Souvenirs?"

The blond eyed the snot dangling off the tissue with disgust. He shook any distracting thoughts away from mind with a wave of his head, focusing back on the task at hand (and struggling with the jammed bag zipper) "Depends. Did Fukase ask for anything?"

"Some stamps to add to his little sister's collection or something like that."

"Get me gelato."

"Gelato?"

"Yeah. Wrap it up in a nice, pretty little box, put glitters and finish it with a bow on top. Make sure none of it melts on your way back or else I won't be appreciating anything."

The blond felt a foot peek out of that lump of blankets just to kick at his shoulder. "Screw _off._ "

/

/

/

/

One week after the start of break. The young man stumbled to the sink at three in the morning to brush his teeth, only to discover he was a few seconds late because Kagamine Rin was already standing in front of the bathroom mirror, looking into her dark reflection with foam between her teeth.

He was expecting her to turn and look at him with another one of her smiles, maybe chirp a little hello.

Instead she spat into the sink, turned the tap on so she could gurgle a handful of plain water into her mouth, turned it off again, then walked away without another word.

Len found it within himself to speak up first. "Rin, you managed to get the water running?"

She stopped in her tracks, releasing something that sounded suspiciously like an irritated groan before mumbling her response. "It's always been able to run. The one that _can't_ is the sink in the kitchen.. though it could've about two months ago."

"Could be the ice freezing up the pipes."

"Mm.. if you say so." If a voice could roll it's eyes, that's _exactly_ what it would've sounded like.

Looks like someone wasn't a morning person.

Which is unexpected, because although she didn't lash out or was being outright distasteful, he'd imagined Rin was the type of girl to bounce at every hour of the day with little more than a roll of her shoulders.

Len squinted through the dark. He could see the vague outline of her left palm caressing her stomach, her gaze glancing down, and those little gestures was all it took to convince him not to put unnecessary pressure on the situation. Not when they had the shining opportunity of a quiet day.

 _Who knows how many more of these he'd have the luxury of having._

Len took a step back, grabbed his own toothbrush off the shelf, then promptly minded his own business. "Well then. Don't let me keep you from going back to bed."

"I won't."

She was gone in a second.

The next time he saw her, the blonde was already buried nose-deep into their shared futon with her eyes closed, fast asleep.

/

/

/

/

"Good morning, Len!"

By the time the sun returned to it's blinding spot in the sky, so did Kagamine Rin's attitude.

He was halfway between experiment the best way to steam some sausages in the steamboat stove even with their limited supply of gas, when she came bouncing into the living room after putting the futon away..

She also did the unthinkable: rush through every room in the house to pull open the curtains and allow daylight in.

The brightness strained Len's eyes.

And when she was finished, she returned to the living room just to plop her weight onto his lap, watching the bubbles rise to the water's surface whilst purring happily against his chest.

"It's Christmas," The young lady announced. "Len, it's _Christmas!_ "

"I know."

"I've never celebrated Christmas." _That_ , however, he did not know. The blond blinked at the information, but she didn't give him enough time to ponder on it. "You're not going back to your family?"

No. "Dad's gone on excursion. Nobody's home."

Usually he'd be spending the holidays with his grandparents by now, but all he did to get away from them was say he'd rather stay with some friends until break is over, and he'd come around during Summer if he feels like it.

"Does that mean you'll spend the holidays with me?" Rin tilted her head to the side as if she was trying to put two and two together. He swore he saw lightning flash between her irises as her mouth spread into an open grin. "Good! I was feeling _really_ lonely."

"... I still have to go back. Just not as often."

"That's fine!" She didn't wait to pinch and kiss his cheeks.

They were red and sore by the time she was done, but he found he didn't mind too much. Not when he was allowed to do it in return, and they wasted their evening pulling at each other's faces until both blonds were nothing more than a giggling (or huffing, in Len's case, seeing as the girl is the only one finding any fun out of this situation,) crimson mess.

/

/

/

/

Fifty-two white, thirty-six black. Her fingers trailed across the keys in paltry memory.

The whistling air echoed it's cries beyond their walls as a warning for another oncoming storm. She felt her lashes kiss her cheeks, her hair frame her eyes in a heart, the snow sneaking through the gaps of the ceilings bit lilac and blues at her skin.

She turned to look behind her, making sure the young man was still beneath the blankets the same way she left him.

Rin sat on the piano stool, closed her eyes, then let out a breath of relief as she uncrossed her ankles.

And then she began to play.

* * *

blow stands for bj just in case you didn't know. _oooo_ almost m-rated content, alert alert. (actually contemplated about adding this part in fic because it was inappropriate, but then again, that's how they... got... a kid.. so)

anyways, sorry for the mistake! i thought i'd done the same as before by publishing duplicate chapters. it took a sec to realise i'd accidentally gotten rid of both instead of just one. (i also can't explicitly state who guessed what correctly, because not only do i feel that it's? rather disrespectful for me to do? but then it'd be more of a spoiler. _so._ ) _  
_


	22. oct15

She was sitting by the edge of the wooden board, legs dangling freely over dry grass and snow. He had her weight pulled onto his lap to finish up his latest creation. She'd asked him to cut her hair as her usual shoulder-length had flown long over her back and began to irritate her, but he had refused.

Now there were three twirls of golden-spun locks twined between his fingers all until he was finished, and the blond had to spin her shoulders around to marvel at the end piece. She tried to convince him that _braids were only for kindergarteners_ , but he turned her words to a deaf ear.

Her childish pout was addicting with the mirth dancing in her blue eyes.

She brought her fingers down to toy with a braid, along with the little white ribbons he'd tied down onto each one.

As the girl mumbled a shy, albeit reluctant _thank you,_ he promptly leant in to kiss her on the lips

/

/

/

/

Waking up in the early morning with a teenage boy poised over your stomach, half of his nose stuck in a book was odd. Hearing what he had to say was odder. Worst of all, he wasn't even speaking to you.

It was almost like a scene straight out of a horror film.

Except it was a very mild one considering it came from her perspective. Her limbs were heavy and paralysed, while a sweet voice whispered near-horrid nothings where she could hear. Much with a gentle tone that one would use to speak to a child.

"'Where is my baby,' the monster would ask ー wings scaling the span of a thousand men's arms, long sharp fingers leaping from cliff to tree."

"Len, what are you doing?"

"'Where is my baby,' the monster repeats, each word dropping lower and lower as her hot breath hits against the skin of the woman's neck," He was too immersed in the fantasy word to notice anything going on beside his storybook. "There was a creak beneath the kitchen cupboard. Closer, closer, with webbed hairy feet that wobbled with every step, the monster sang out it's song. It shouldn't have come as any surprise, yet the next thing the woman saw was enough to make the entire world paint in a cacophony of crimson and gray."

"You shouldn't reprimand me for talking to you about your late family's wandering spirits if you're just going to spend a morning reading horror stories to me."

"Oh, I'm not reading it to _you_." Len snapped out of his narrative, and she was surprised to find his clouded eyes looking back at her.

Apparently he hadn't _truly_ forgotten about her presence, despite her being convinced that he had.

One arched brow waited impatiently for an answer.

Rin sat up, frail shoulders aching as she crossed her arms before doing the usual routine of stretching out her limbs into the air. "Who else would you be reading it to?"

"Did you know that babies can hear from the womb after the twenty-fourth week?"

It didn't take long for realisation to flash between her eyes.

She shot him a nasty glare before flopping back into the futon, refusing to meet his gaze.

"No, no, I was joking. I won't read it again, I'm _sorry_ ー Rin, come on, look at me." Len had to issue a laugh, rest his cheek against her belly and release a stream of apologies just to get her to relent enough until she carelessly ran her fingers through his hair, in the way she was starting to build a habit of doing.

Her lap smelt of lavender perfume and that bottle of mulberry gel he'd brought from her locker, and he couldn't help but take in the scent, down with every last drop.

To the point that if it were up to him then he would've long willed for time to stop.

/

/

/

/

"Hey, Mister, can you get my umbrella?"

The young man gritted his teeth.

He was outside a convenience store, just one town over, to get all the written things Kagamine Rin had whipped on a grocery list when a group of elementary-aged children who were presumably attempting a rescue on feral cat stuck on the upper branch of a tree wandered in his path. In Len's opinion, the cat wasn't looking for help but rather for the easiest way to get away from them.

That meant climbing up to somewhere that these little boys wouldn't ever be able to reach.

And the boys really couldn't reach anywhere ー their shoulders barely passed the height of Len's hips.

There was one girl tagging behind them, too, with a large coat that fell to her knees and little pigtails that stuck out at equal sides.

"Mister," One soft crunch against the snow made Len aware there was a presence standing beside him. " _Mister_. I'm talking to you."

His brow twitched as the child pulled his jeans. " _Look_. Kid, I'm only eight years older than you at most. Don't call me _Mister_."

Mint biscuits, a pack of those spicy cup noodles she adores so much even when they burn his tongue, calpis, and a packet of dried shrimp.

That should be enough to go home. He tapped his foot on the ground, trying to recall if there were anything else he'd been asked to get in order to avoid unnecessary double trips. The boy standing infront of him tugged again ー effectively breaking his train of thought. "I don't care how old you are. Just help me get back my umbrella."

The blond tried to hide the twitch in his eyes.

"Your stupid umbrella's going to freeze in this snow." Len shoved his hands in the pocket of his own coat. "For the record, I don't help criminals."

"I'm not a criminal!"

"You were doing more harm than good by poking at that cat. Take the wind carrying your umbrella from you as God's way of raising a middle fing ー" He paused. Considered that these were likely ten-year olds who shouldn't be exposed to harsh language, then corrected his poor wording choice, " ー well, as God's way of telling you that you were very mean, and that he wants you to repent for it."

"She was stuck! I was helping her get down."

The cat hissed out it's protest from the overhead branch. In a sudden flash, the blur of black fur shot through the sky and spread itself acoss the ground.

The feline speedily raised it's paws and ran away before anyone could muster half a mind to react. The younger boy froze, mouth agape.

He wasn't frozen for long.

Soon he turned back, looking at the blind expectantly. Len grunted beneath his breath, had to let out a little huff as he stood on the edge of his tiptoes to get the umbrella untangled from that branch, soon dropping it into (The Cat Tormentor, as he's labeling the child)'s arms. He didn't necessarily want to but he reckoned he'd want help if he was in their situation.. so he did.

The little girl in their group let out a squeal of delight but the three other boys didn't do so much as thank him as they walked away.

Len shoved his hands into his pockets again, tried not to get _too_ irritated by the show of misbehaviour, then went back inside the store as Rin's voice in his mind reminded him that she wanted chocolate cookies and peanut butter.

/

/

/

/

He found her petite body soaking up in the bath by the time he'd returned home, two perfect little toes sticking out from the warm water and her arms stretching out towards him in greeting. He responded by dropping by the foot of the tub on his knees, cupping her cheeks tenderly and landing another quiet kiss on her lips.

She fussed her brows, seemingly uncomfortable with his recent show of affection.

He's been doing it too.. constantly. More than she would deem normal.

But the young lady didn't let such thoughts bother her mind. She wouldn't protest. Not when she would be able to feel more of his touch drift her up into the clouds until she swam in the sky.

/

/

/

/

Rin let out a pleasant sigh. Her ear pressed against his chest, that steady beat that pumped against his skin calming her as the boy's body rumbled with every word he spoke.

She could feel his fingers card through her hair; from a massage of the scalp down to the pretty braids he'd done himself.

She pushed her cheek deeper against the knitted jumper he wore, their futon barely lengthy enough to cover them both even if his arm escaped the covers so it could manage holding a book in the air. The young lady would glance upwards to look at the writing, every once in a while, only to know how much longer it would take before he would need to reposition only to flip a page.

"He looked at me steadily, the languor had gone from his eyes. They suddenly glared. There was a gleam of teeth from between those cruel lips." Len deepened his voice. " _'What is this game? You are a spy, you are an emissary of Holmes!'_ He had sprung to his feet, and I stepped back, bracing myself for an attack.."

But his mind _wasn't all there._

No matter how calmly he handled it, no matter how gently his hands caressed her spine and her hair and her cheeks, no matter how he could read out a book while a million thoughts rushed through his head, begging for attention.

He looked down, peeked at the exposed neckline of her nightgown where it barely covered her chest, and to the fine jagged line that displayed in the middle.

When Kagamine Rin moved higher up his shoulder he had to pretend he hadn't looked anywhere but the book.

Thankfully she hadn't realised, and thankfully he could go back to pretending they lived in a dream.

"Len, who's he talking to again?"

The blond clicked his tongue, moving his eyes away from the text and instead into her own blue depths. "I've told you about half a million times by now ー Baron Gruner. Don't tell me you forgot?"

Rin mocked a sheepish grin in response.

She didn't.

She just wanted to hear his voice speak to her again. And again, and again, and again.

/

/

/

/

"You've been kissing me a lot lately." Her nose tickled his jaw, and her braids tangled his wrists. "Why is that?"

"You've been asking a lot of questions lately," Ironically, his only gesture in response was to slant his head to the side so his lips could meet hers like honeyed puzzle pieces. Glued, refusing to be apart, until she gathered enough strength to push her palms spread against his chest so they would be apart. "Why is _that?_ "

Rin released a giggle. "I _always_ ask you a lot of questions."

"You're right," Len admitted. "You're annoying."

/

/

/

/

 _Hot cup noodles, mint biscuits and more milk drinks._ It must've been about the third time he'd went shopping for more supplies. The pocket money kept in his wallet was quickly running out.

Len gnawed at his bottom lip until it turned raw.

He waited for his train to arrive on the line, hands in pockets, trying to survive the cold. Not to mention it was new years' eve and he had to search across a few towns just to find just _one_ store kept open during the holidays. He overestimated how long they'd be able to last.

His ticket suddenly felt like air between his crisp fingers and he felt brimming anger fill to his head.

How could he have been so stupid?

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ ー he made this mess, spun it out like lies on a cobweb.

He felt like ripping the paper in his hands to pieces, felt like taking off all his clothes even through the cold because it suddenly felt too hot, felt like he would _burn_ even if he stood in the midst of _snow._

"Six kidnappings in one month," A man beside Len exclaimed, peering over his colleague's shoulder to review the morning newspaper. "New record. You'd think they'd actually start pinning out proper security at these schools, right, Kyo?"

"I'm presuming the government won't lend any funds for this."

"Hm."

"It's likely multiple culprits, though. From what I know, the abductions began in the southern part of the country but are slowly moving higher north. I doubt any _one person_ would have enough energy to span their range this vastly.. although they do stick strictly to their 'teenage girl' targets. My hair is turning gray fast enough, I just hope my daughter doesn't get up to nonsense."

"Keep an eye on her. It's becoming dangerous here as well. The most recent reported abduction is rather close to us; from the neighbouring mountain village."

"Oh, yes ー _Ooda,_ wasn't it?"

The train rolled to a stop in front of them.

Len didn't wait longer to listen. He rushed forwards, leapt off the platform and onto the train.

And he just _hoped h_ e could return to Kagamine Rin before nightfall.


	23. oct18

His heartbeat pounced loudly in his ears. He could barely hear her even if he tried; not over the sound of the wind, and certainly not over the sound of his own words.

"Your family is looking for you."

"I'm telling _you_ ー they're not."

He'd made one last stop before his return, frost endangering skin, frantic, sweaty, seeming as if he were near tears. The look she gave him the instant he returned home long after sunset albeit the promise not to take a trip longer than two hours was less than pleasant. Her hand was gently soothing the rise beneath her chest, a solemn stare warily observing every slight move the boy could possibly make.

Nothing about his behaviour expressed why he was putting locks on the gates.

Rin rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," He felt the sudden warmth of breath brush over his cheeks. He turned away from the grill, from the waiting keys in his hand, just to look back into the depths of her ocean blues. "Tell me what's wrong."

Before he could stop himself, the blond pushed her away at arm's length.

His glare was haphazard. The force almost threw her backwards but Rin steeled herself just in time by clutching a hand against her chest.

She tried not to seem too surprised.

Not when she knew he regretted it, not when she knew he seemed just as shocked as she was.

Len looked down, stammering whatever words that would come out even through gritted teeth. "Your brother came to school the other day. I don't know why you're insisting that he _wouldn't_ , but he came for you.. probably already has, the past few times I haven't been there to see,"

The young lady was careful to keep a distance by then. "He'd never voluntarily look for me. It could just be for show. Don't worry about it."

"That's easy for _you_ to say."

Rin seemed taken aback by his words.

That counted to more than twice today, a mental ballot in her head marking another strike.

He could tell that the crossing her arms was her own way of defence, as if putting up walls and planting guards he would never be able to tear apart. "Is that why you're scattering locks around the house?"

He thought back to the whish of air as the train rolled out it's arrival.

Back to middle-aged men, warm coffee and snow and the white sheet of newspaper. The sound of their voice, as they discussed it out loud.

Ooda. Ooda. _Ooda_. The recent kidnapping happened in Ooda.

Len took off his boots by the entrance, clicked another lock behind him just before sliding the house door close, then finally taking a step onto the platform. "That's nothing you have to worry about."

"I beg to differ!" The girl uncrossed her arms only to clench them into fists at her sides. "Kagamine Len, you're thinking of locking a girl up inside an actual _cage_ for days and you expect her of going with everything you say willingly? Without _protest?_ "

"It'd do you good to _silence_ yourself for _once in your life._ "

"Do I appear as a doll to you?"

His eyes softened. Her skin burnt red, but he wasn't sure whether the tears in her eyes were from shame, embarrassment or perhaps even the deepest edge of anger.

Crescent moons drew the flesh of her palms.

She felt the floorboards creak beneath their feet as he took a step closer towards her.

He took a deep breath to clarify. "There are two sets of keys. One's for you."

Rin refused to look up even when he wiped the streak of water that bordered beneath the lid of her eyes..

"Listen. No, listen.. I'm not locking you up," The young man took a honeyed braid in his free grasp, playing with the white ribbon that kept the gold together. "I wouldn't do that.. and if it were an option, I wouldn't even doing this right now."

But he needs to keep her safe. _She needs to be safe._

And right now this was the only thing he knew to do in order to accomplish that.

/

/

/

/

Her hair was free from the braids as they drifted in the wind, like fallen threads of stars pining the return for their night sky. Len closed his eyes, leaning against the wooden column as he watched her prance across the grounds like a spirit of the moon. He couldn't find more pleasure than in the smile she forms as she steps out with her bare feet deep in the snow, arms outstretched like wings.

They could no longer hear the sound of the streaming river, no likely frozen beneath ice.

Her arms spun, spun, then tied around herself as if a ribbon with a perfect knot.

When he called out her name, telling her not to spend too much time in the winter and return indoors, all she did was shoot him a sharp glare to effectively silence him.

/

/

/

/

"I'm sorry for pushing you."

"Don't bother apologising, it makes us sound like seven year olds at a playground." Rin sat by the fire, her nose red, the snow white of her hair melting to blonde. "You push like a wimp anyway."

/

/

/

/

Rin didn't seem too mad at him. She had been pursing her lips tight to commence an execution of the silent treatment, but that motive had long gone the moment she saw him fill up a warm tub then begin to sink himself in the comfort, rejoicing a peaceful evening spent alone.

Maybe _disturbing_ that was her way of getting back at him.

There was no hesitation in slipping out of her thin clothes, forcing her small feet to pad across the bathroom tiles before breaking through the surface of the water.

Needless to say, his 'evening spent alone' was no longer.

The skies outside the window had been a lucid grey, but the sun slowly faded to midnight blues and blacks. As he looked behind the stars, with her head pressed against his shoulder and the gentle caress of her lips against his flesh painting his skin in constellations, he thought about the millions of moons and the nebula.

He thought of everywhere but the earth.

He thought of everywhere but the sound of music; a place where a woman's laugh and the trail of her fingers across a piano would never reach.

As he wrapped his hands tightly around Kagamine Rin's waist, he felt her jump against his skin.

Her breath hitched, irises narrowed to slits. Her shoulder blades tightened to stiffened wings.

It wasn't until he pulled her beneath the water did she relax and drift to a peace that came close to sleep; lids closed, lips parted, and the corners of her mouth tugged into a calmed smile.

/

/

/

/

"You've had heart surgery." Len began the conversation right after they redressed from the bath.

"Yes."

"My Mum was your doctor."

This time Kagamine Rin nodded her head instead of vocalising an answer.

She let her eyes close as she rest on her own arm.

Len cleared his own throat as he observed her.

She was partially in the nude. The cold didn't feel pleasant on her skin but she left her bare torso exposed for the sake of his analysing. He was rubbing cooling ointment on her stomach to soothe the irritation she kept complaining about.

He could've just given her the cream to apply it on herself, really, but in the end it was all just an excuse to catch another look at that scar. It ran down just below her collar, all the way near the start of her stomach.

He didn't even hide the way he stared at it.

Her voice was timid as she nudged her toe against his beneath the blanket.

Len looked up, noticing how she didn't want to keep a single sight of him away from her eyes. Not a single breath, not a single move, and he didn't have a reason not to oblige.

"They told me it would never fade away. I've always wondered what you thought about it."

"I don't mind it." He never did.

"That's what most people say when they don't want to lie."

She let out a sleepy yawn, then followed it with another giggle in typical Rin fashion.

There was no time to even question her.

Rin shook her head, tucking herself beneath his chin. He caught the smile on her lips just seconds before she left his line of vision, but they were one of those smiles without emotion. With no show of mirth, or delight, or anything that made a person _human_.

It was just another smile in a million, another smile that he was never meant to remember. Like on cue, the watch dangling off his wrist began to beep. Five, ten, then twelve times, signaling the beginning of another day.

"It's New Years." He could hear her whisper echo below his ear.

".. It is." Len agreed.

The words by his ear left, instead to move against his lips. "Happy birthday, Len."

He blinked. Five, ten, then twelve times, like the beeps of his watch.

Before he could respond to her, her pressure left his mouth and his skin suddenly felt too, too cold. Too exposed. He held nothing more than a sleeping girl in his arms and a weight in his heart.

Len brushed the flaxen bangs away from her eyes, left one last quick kiss against her cool forehead, then followed the young lady shortly into their dreams.

When the boy would wake up later, in the morning, he'd find a wet streak of water running down his cheeks, a pain in his chest, and no explanation to why.


	24. oct24

The instrument had collected dust over years of solitude. As he lift the covers, dirt flew to his chest and into the air until they blew away in the wind. He wondered, vaguely, whether the walls had ever missed the sound of music.

He pulled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows. Taking a seat on the cushioned stool, bringing his fingers over the keys.. he hesitated, just a moment more, but the pressure of a pair of lips against his ear urged him on, like a pair of hands pushing him on the back. When he looked over his shoulder, however, there was nobody to be seen.

And when he looked back to the eighty-eight keys, his arms fell limp at his sides to realise there were fresh marks in place of where dust should stand.

And those marks weren't of his own.

/

/

/

/

By the time she was awake, the sun had painted the wooden roof in an array of sunshine and the creaks in the ceiling dirtied their cheeks in kisses of gold. He wouldn't look into her eyes, even as she craned her head to the side, questioning him on _why._

He'd brush her off. He'd say it wasn't any of her business. She'd step forwards, tug at the hem of his shirt with those pleading blue eyes and the jut of her bottom lip that enraptures him and at the same time does nothing but infuriate him further. His heart roars, a dragon needing to be tamed, while she the dancer playing with fire.

She refuses to leave. Even when he begs her to.

"If I'd done something wrong, or to offend you, tell me ー I'll make up for it, I promise."

"You can't make up for something when you've already done it." He spat. "The only way you can fix things is by going back in the _past to change what you've done wrong._ "

"So.. so I _did_ do something?"

"You touched the piano didn't you?"

Rin took a step back. Her eyes were guilty as she moved her chin upwards, facing him. "I.. I did, but I didn't think you'd mind, so I just thought I'd help myself. I was going to tell you."

"Clearly it wasn't that you thought I wouldn't mind, but that I wouldn't _notice._ " The sun was suddenly too warm on his head. Len forced their distance further, crossing to the other side of the room to the arch by the hallway, "That's my mother's piano. _Not_ yours."

Her hand fell from her chest to lay limply by her side. "I won't touch it again, I promise ー "

"THAT DOESN'T CHANGE _ANYTHING!_ "

She flinched, causing the young man's eyes to widen before himself.

Lsn stretched an arm towards her, as if to give an apology, something to calm the mood, repent, _anything._

But as she took further steps away, holding herself in an embrace, Len found no words left on his tongue. Stubborn determination replaced everything else in his thoughts. Before either of them could say more, he'd made a quick move to snatch the nearest coat off the standing rack, a pair of boots by the entrance, then jammed his pair of keys inside the front slot to breathe the morning air.

/

/

/

/

He took the earliest train to the big city; right into the midst, with so many people and so many _scents_ that his head began to ache.

He could see high school boys roaming, with plans to go karaoke, or the newest films showing in the cinema.

He could see families.. his gaze was particularly following the trail of two sisters, giggling about their plans for the future, and of a woman that chased a little boy alongside the path by the crossroads, trying to get him to safety.

When she finally caught her child, they were under the shade of the large Christmas tree in the centre of the square.

The boy let out a giggle, nuzzling against his mother's chest brazenly before he was punished with a pinch to the nose, followed with a worried kiss to the cheek.

Len felt his heart clench.

And as an older man walked by, scooping both individuals into his arms as if it were nothing just to hear the little boy's laughter and the pout he gave his wife as they kissed beneath a dangling mistletoe, Len felt his heart clench _harder._

He looked away.

The blond regained himself for only a second to tighten the coat around his body. The coat that somehow, and _all too suddenly,_ seemed much too thin. His hands were clammy and rose with sweat, yet at the same time, it wished for warmth.

(It wished for somebody to hold. To intertwine their fingers with his)

Len shook his head and walked forwards, following the scent of freshly-made crepes and the sound of laughter roaming the ambience of the coming night.

/

/

/

/

"Rin?" He wandered the hall with bated breath. " _Rin?_ "

The living room held no presence. The futon was tucked away and the floor left empty. The piano still stood waiting alone in the corner as it always had. The bathroom had no sound of water, the kitchen void of vigour, void of life. Sweat was running down his back and his lungs beat pleadingly against his chest.

"Rin!"

"In here."

His heart almost stopped at her voice. He'd burst through the door of the back room, catching a minute sight of the girl staring out of the window, a lost look in her blues. A star glimmered in each.

He forced them away.

He closed the blinds, drew the curtains, spun her around so fast that she didn't even have time to wince as his fingernails clawed at the flesh of her wrist. She had no room in her eyes for stars, not as long as he existed.

Like a claw, he held her down so she wouldn't be able to run even if she desired to.

She stole her eyes away from him. She faced the side, where her hair shielded her gaze and he was left swimming in agony, wishing for one more second to hold what he pined for.

He was breathless as he spoke, "I thought you'd left again."

"Where would I go?" The blonde laughed bitterly, "You said it yourself. I don't have anywhere to go."

She has him.

 _She has him._

She will always have him.

But his tongue is stubborn, like an anchor in the sea, and he has no choice but to look at her hopelessly, hoping she'd understand without words what he'd never harbour the strength to convey. "I turn sixteen today.."

"Doesn't give you an excuse to act like a prat."

Len was visibly irritated at having been interrupted, but the look he pulled was more out of comedic purposes than anger ー a weak attempt to get her to smile. "I know. It doesn't. You have permission to hit me next time," He moved backwards, his hands still on her wrists, pulling her along with him. "But for now I want you to do something for me."

First he sounded like a prat, but now he sounds entitled.

The young man bit down on his bottom lip. "You can refuse if you want to."

"I'm refusing right now." When she looked up towards him in defiance, he could see beyond those fussed brows and the clenched jaw. He could see the circles beneath her eyes and the crimsons of her cheeks. "All you ever do is get disappointed in me."

"You haven't even heard my _request._ "

"I don't need to. I already know I don't want to do it."

"Play the piano?"

She looked horrified towards him for the mere suggestion. It was as if he'd grown two heads.

The young man dropped his hold on her hands to gently cup her face.

Rin stilled as he landed a kiss at the space between her mouth and her cheeks; the corners of her lips, quirking up and down in an endless loop of confusion. He brushed her bangs out of her eyes, fingers playing once again with another golden braid as he put on his most pleading look. Len vaguely wondered whether it would work as well as it does whenever she does the same attempt on him.

Apparently not.

The young lady huffed.

" _It's my Mother's piano._ " She mocked the words in what must've been his voice, holding a high falsetto, "Not _yours._ "

He couldn't help but smile at the attempt. Still, the blond shook out of it. He forced on his most serious expressions as he stared her face-on. "It's yours now."

He didn't think it was possible for somebody like Kagamine Rin to _ever_ be hostile. Sweet, sweet Rin, who definitely has never raised her voice at an elder. The Rin who kept her head down at all times. _Except to him,_ that is.

Come to think of it, he can only think of a few instances where she's ever been sweet to him.

(Other than the kisses on his lips.)

"Sure, Len. _Everything's_ mine when you feel like it, and then everything's _yours_ when you don't want me to have it anymore."

Len tapped a foot on the floorboards. He pretended his patience was running dry, unconsciously squeezing her cheeks closer and closer together. "Do you want to play the piano or not?"

"You're just going to scream at me again."

"I won't scream. Promise."

"You're just going to ー "

He released her face and took her hand one more time, this time leaving no room for protests. " _Rin,_ you promised you'd make up for it, didn't you? Don't go back on your word."

/

/

/

/

Her feet were already set on the pedals, albeit irritated by the weight of his head resting on her lap. Still, Rin tried not to let the disturbance distract her as she familiarised herself with the keys. Dark dust coated the pads of her fingers as she touched the white spots below her skin, dismissing even the temptation to wipe it clean.

She didn't let the warm hand constantly caressing her stomach bother her train of thought either.

Even if, in the deepest thoughts buried at the back of her head, she'd hoped that hand was doing the routine of ruffling her hair or holding her cheek in the way it always does. The young lady gnawed her bottom lip, tugging herself back to reality, "What do you want me to play?"

"Clementine."

Rin seemed astonished he would even request it ー as if the piece were pure vermin instead of anything like a nursery rhyme. "Can't you perform something like this by _yourself?_ "

"I can. But I want _you_ to."

"I just thought you'd ask of me to play something more proper.. such as Liszt's Transcendental Études."

"Can you even _pla_ y that?"

"Of course I can! You're looking right at the long-time running champion of the pianist regionals.. no less aiming for the _nationals_ this time around," When Len quirked a brow, disbelieving, Rin couldn't help but blow a little whistle in the wind to wipe the corners of her grin. ".. or his younger sister, at least."

That was another thing he'd learnt from her family. "Nice try."

He moved his hand from her stomach. But only for a second, to ruffle her hair.

That was all she needed to shuffle back into position on the keys. And so she began.

/

/

/

/

All that fury with him at the start of the morning had blown away the instant he'd fallen back onto the futon and offered his arm to her as a pillow. She'd taken it out of her own volition to toss a leg across his waist as well. "I'm sorry."

She'd already forgiven him a long time back, really.

His words just knocked her a few seconds away from slumber. Rin retaliated by rubbing her cheek against the bone of his arm. He wasn't confident whether it's from irritation or for affection, but Len accepted the gesture all the same. Up until he felt the blonde tug the blankets closer towards her.

For a split second he thought this was her way of distributing punishment: taking the warmth all for herself.

It didn't take him long to realise she only did it to bring him closer against her.

"I don't think I've ever heard you apologise to me before." She put her fingers to her lips thoughtfully. ".. _wait,_ no, I distinctly recall you've said it about _twice_ last month."

"Is that good?"

"Considering the average person says _sorry_ at least eight times a day..."

At this point he wants to just smother her mouth with his palm.

He nipped her ear between his teeth at the first sight of an opportunity just to hear her little yelp in response.

"Hey!"

"Oops," Len taunted. " _Sorry._ Now let me do it another eight times."

She was quick to elbow her companion in the ribs.

He forced out a fake grunt of pain that was surprisingly enough to make her massage his body, presumably back to health. Of course, the young man found himself enjoying the affection far too much to admit she hadn't hurt him a single bit.

Ten minutes before midnight. The clock kept ticking, time wouldn't stop moving, while he felt he was stuck in the same mind. Same era, same heart, same soul. He stared up at the moon through the windows, and to the frost that coated the glass, all as he felt Kagamine Rin sleepily kiss her way up to his ear.

He'd thought she was doing it whilst asleep, lost in her dreams, until he craned his neck downwards to see those identical pools of roaring blues peering back at him.

His voice is hoarse as he whispers, "I lost my Mum today."

He didn't mention it because he wanted a response. Not to fish for sympathy, or form an excuse for his behaviour whenever he feels he's in the wrong.

It's just that whenever he pictures a field, with tall grass spreading from the ground, he would see her standing at one end, while he stood at another, they would stare through the daisies and the soil and stand that way forever. _Unless he paved a road in between. A_ nd if he kept trying, it would only take a little while longer until she'd do the same for him.

Len's arm felt weaker the longer she laid her weight, but he didn't have the heart to tell her to move. "Today marks the fifth anniversary since her.. _you know._ "

"I know." The hold her leg had around his waist tightened. She pulled him closer, understanding, "I know."

Before he knew it, their position moved. His head became cradled against her chest and the melody of a piano wouldn't stop playing in his head. This time no longer distant, and certainly without dissonance.

As the wind howls, and the stars brighten in the night sky, her touch gets warmer by the instant. Len assumes it's just another force of nature not to be reckoned with, like a river with streaming water or a growing flame.

They didn't say anything more.

They didn't have to.

Because for now the only thing that matters is that he knows _she is all he needs._

* * *

my former prediction that this would conclude in ten chapters (which, in case, would mean we have three left) turns out to false. actually.. it was possible, but only because i planned to write 6k words per chapter rather than the fluid 2k we've kept up. in the end it felt too forced that i've decided not to go along with it. so as answer; yeah! unfortunately this story will be lengthier than expected but hopefully not by too much.

in other words, we're halfway through arc two and the goal is a full written completion by early january.


	25. nov6

He'd woken up several hours after midnight to realise the spot beside him had been empty of warmth.

The first thing the young man did was _look_ , as per usual, from the garden to the kitchens, yet the search was quickly brought to disturbance only three minutes in by the sound of clinking metal keys at the front door, revealing Kagamine Rin, draped head to toe in his clothes, a cheeky grin donning her face.

He eyed the bag dangling off her wrist, contents hidden behind her back.

Her nose was red from the cold and the bare skin of her collar peeked out from the draping neckline of his favourite jumper.

The brimming excitement once spilt from her unchallenged eyes had been reduced to nothing the moment her gaze met his. Her lips dropped just slightly, as if to suggest how she didn't think he'd be awake.

"Where have you _been?_ " His voice held low, impatient.

The half open window filtered orange light of warmth, dusting only a little glow over the young lady's scarlet cheeks.

She was of burnt ivory, once pale turnt golden, but neither of that affected the irritation ticking off his shoulders, similarly to a time bomb. It would only take one more prod like a stick against lava for him to reach an explosion. As her body flushed gold, the colour had left her hair.

She froze up, staring at her snow-caked boots. "There's this store owned by a friendly little old lady down the opposite street.. she sells home-baked goodies, so I thought I might as well give it a try."

Len took a deep breath, "How many times have I told you _not_ to go _anywhere_ when I'm asleep?"

"I was only gone thirty minutes.."

"If you wanted something all you had to do was _tell me_."

He'd rather wake up in the dead of the night than ever consider letting her go out, alone, even if it were during broad daylight.

The rising sunshine spilt through the cracks in the ceiling but it did nothing to soothe the atmosphere.

Rin was stubborn enough to make his blood boil. "Why should I? Like I said, you'll get mad, and you'll yell at me. Just like you always do."

She took off the coat she wore, of a deep auburn colour ー which, mind, had also been his, before hanging it on the rack leaning by the shoestand. He was left speechless as she whispered beneath her throat about how the walk had tired her out and she was ready for a bath in the warm water or perhaps a refreshing nap. He snatched her wrist just in time before she could flee.

She stared at him. He stared back.

An hour must've stood on standstill as they glared each other down to the roots. Neither one were willing to back down, yet neither wanted to be the first to strike.

"I don't _YE ー yell_ _ー and_ even if I _do,_ it's because you react _against everything_ I say."

Scarlet cheeks turned into a heavier shade of red and as she stepped forwards, head lifted up and feet on her very tiptoes as her nose barely graced his chin. He thought she was prepared to burst into furious flames and throw a tantrum right then and there, so the boy kept his hands high as defense, hoping to block any possible attempts of she tried to attack him.

Except there was none of that.

A slender finger prodded against his nose. "Did your voice just crack?"

He looked down to see the young lady looking positively delighted, on the brink of tears, no less by holding back a giggle.

His bottom lip became gnawed between his teeth.

Kagamine Rin is merely trying to distract him, _that's right,_ she's stalling and he shouldn't be foolish enough to fall for such tricks.

"What? No, of cour _SE,"_ He swallowed, once, hoping the rise in pitch had been only in his own imagination. "Not. Of course not. Don't try to change the subject."

If anything, that only made her even _more_ excited. She grabbed his jaw in enthusiasm, urging him to speak more. "That's so cute!"

Hot fury flushed his skin. "You know what? Do whatever you want. Stop talking to me and stop bothering me. I don't _CARE_ anymore."

"It cracked again."

"It didn't! You're hearing things." He insisted, even if she was nowhere near to believing him.

/

/

/

/

The man behind the counter drummed his fingers across the tabletop, seemingly deep in thought as he talked to one of his former colleagues over a cup of hot coffee. "The higher ups are letting this get a little out of hand, aren't they? it started here, and now it's all the way north into _Ooda_. Whoevers' causing these attacks must be real desperate if they're going lengths for a rural village like that."

Len looked over the bed of dry roses.

He could see a man with a mustache chatting over his own warm beverage, shaking his head.

The boy vaguely recognised him as one of the police officers surrounding their school, though it was mostly credited to the gleaming bronze badge shining across the front of his chest.

The man in uniform clicked his tongue. "Can't say. The first victim attended your son's school, after all."

"Oh, yes. Lovely Kagamine Rin, wasn't it? Such a pity. She lived next door a while back... ill little thing was hardly ever allowed to be out unless it's for a trip to the hospital. While I owe another family the highest form of respect, their situation, admittedly, isn't the best I've seen."

"How so?"

"Well, for instance, her father has been caught bringing home a different wom ー" An abrupt pause. "Oh, Len. Hello! I didn't see you there." Len quickly snapped out of his trance, almost furious enough to storm up and demand completion to the sentence. Up until he'd remembered to calm down and avoid rousing suspicion. "Did you need something? Piko's not here, you know? He's on vacation with his mother."

He may have been a fly on the wall, but he didn't have to sacrifice his dignity by admitting to it.

It's not like that was the reason he came here, anyway.

His feet shuffled on the floor.

"No, Sir ー I just ー I wanted to collect this year's bouquet. It's listed under Leon Kagamine?"

"Yes, yes." He felt a warm ruffle of a hand across his head. "I never forget.. though it's odd to see you retrieving it instead of your brother for a change, is it not?"

It was true. All he ever does on trips to the flowershop were either to help with the assortments or to grab hold of Piko after school hours so both boys could lounge in the back room with streaming television, sharing a packet of chocolate between two cups of cocoa.

He hardly went on errands for his father. Ever.

The cool breeze rushing from the open door effectively caused the boy to tighten the jacket around his body. "I suppose so."

Piko's father nodded thoughtfully. He only pondered for one second longer before excusing himself from the officer so as to retrieve a simple arrangement from the backroom. White lilies and tulips towered the wrapping proudly, blooming from the top, and Len accepted the weight with open arms.

As he mumbled a sound of gratification before going to leave through the front door, he snatched a fresh newspaper off the counter table and went to breathe the contrast of winter and ocean air.

/

/

/

/

His father had plans to make their annual visit to the grave tonight. Today had been the returnddate of the excursion, and Len steadily planned to get inside his own bedroom before the man would walk into their home, making sure nothing was out of place.

The television was turned off, the fridge cleansed, and the tabletops were brushed of dirt.

Now he was sitting in the front passenger seat, bouquet in hand, hearing the static from the radio with the sound of a woman's voice announcing the weekday news. Len settled his chin gently on top of the flowers, careful enough not to crush them. His father was silent as he blew a puff of smoke out through the open window.

The car smelt of cigar, lemonade freshener and spring flowers.

Len closed his eyes, batting blonde lashes against his cheeks. The melting snow and the orange sun cast him a healthy summerset glow.

He wasn't sure whether he liked it very much.

/

/

/

/

"Dad's back." He dropped the bag he'd been lugging around by his feet. "School is starting in a week."

"Are you pretending to _deepen your voice?"_

He doesn't think he'll ever meet someone with their priorities in as illogical an order such as Kagamine Rin.

Her smile is intoxicating and it drives warmth down to his smallest toes every single time she spreads her arms out and loops them around his shoulders. Her breath is small and delicate against his chest, like the heartbeat of a lullaby, and it takes everything he has to keep himself grounded and not to fall for her charms.

He does indulge in it for a moment when she kisses his cheek, however, though it's such a minuscule second that he hardly thinks it matters.

On the other hand, she is completely negligent to his emotions and won't stop running a thumb up and across his Adams' Apple, as if some sort of unexplained miracle could happen all because of her mere strokes.

"I'm _not._ " He knitted his brows to show heavy frustration.

He _was_.

She wanders into the bathroom, careless, and he follows suit just to see her reflection smirking at him through the mirror.

"As I was saying," Len clears his throat, subtly, hoping she wouldn't notice. "After this I'll only be back on weekends. You'll have to learn to adjust to it all over again and learn to eat properly without me nagging at you and remember not to go out without my permission and keep the windows shut after sunset and ー excuse me, but _why are you taking off your clothes while I'm speaking to you?_ "

" _You're_ the one who followed me into the _bath_."

"You look like you took a bath only _ten minutes ago._ " He bent down to kiss her scalp under the guise of smelling her tresses. " _You did._ Your hair is still wet."

"The baby makes me feel gross and sweaty."

"It's _winter_."

"Len. It's either you shut up, or you join me."

The blond huffed his cheeks as his fingers darted to the hem of his jumper.

His partner leant back against the sink, arms crossed, wearing that triumphant smile across her lips which indicated victory as he bared his skin to the cool air.

Needless to say, he chose the latter.

And as he followed her into the bath ー lukewarm, with boiled water that had recently turned cold, he sat on the opposite end where the heel of her feet pressed against his sides. The water filled to his shoulder, comforting, and he closed his eyes to the memories of a summer sea and his sandals digging into sand. He had n woman's hand safely pressed against his palm, holding him back, he watched his elder brother rush off into the horizon, hoping to meet the sunset.

The nudge of toes prodding against his chest pulled the boy back to the present.

Len eyed Kagamine Rin, from those eyes more powerful than an ocean storm and those ruby lips beneath the water, _blowing bubbles,_ soft and fine.

She grinned at him beneath the foam before diving deeper into the tub where she could burrow her head against his chest. All of her was submerged, his tongue tasted the air, nearly alone.

Before she resurfaced, he felt the floating tendrils of gold between a few fingers, taking opportunity to whisper the song beneath the coming moonlight, " _You're my only Clementine._ "

For she forever will be.

/

/

/

/

As the ice in the city melted as did the snow by their warm ocean town, their mountain did nothing but tower with more white.

She trembled by the warmth of the fire, a pillow pressed to her chest.

 _How I miss her, how I miss her, how I miss my Clementine._

He pressed one, solid kiss against the back of her head and he caught how such a simple action made her smile into her slumber. His hands snatched the blanket of the futon, draping it higher up to the young lady's shoulders, and he left her side only for the piano on the opposite side of the dust caught his nose but he didn't allow himself to mind.

His fingers rest onto position, closing his eyes before he recited the song from memory.


	26. nov13

Her hand grasped the hem of his sleeve right when he was to depart. Those blue eyes looked up at him, calm, nearly tender, yet often is the weather near the beginning of the storm.

Her hand fiddled with his school tie for only one second, realigning it to the centre of his chest, arms soon reaching above their heads to flatten his hair from the adoring mess it currently was, breaking apart the shape of a cloud. She reached on the tip of her toes, sock-clad feet sliding across the wood as her mouth reached for his chin.

He had to close the distance between them, bending down so his lips would touch her own.

/

/

/

/

First day after winter break. Len gazed outside the window to admire the clouded sky and the valencia that breaks through violet grey horizon. Sunrise had been beautiful that morning, enough that the numbing air and jacket thick enough to make him sweat pails were acceptable to make up for it.

But that didn't take away the fact that he was stuck back into the same boring regime.

Stand, rise, sit. Pretend he's greeting the principal with a synchronised chorus like the several hundred other students did when in truth he was merely mouthing beneath his breath. Then he'd stare ahead towards the top row of seats where Kagamine Rin usually sat, effectively wasting an hour of doing _absolutely nothing._

He'd turn his ears deaf from the speech, any lectures, using all of his time observing her.

How her smile went very well with her summer tan, to how the skirt she'd been wearing had been cut higher than it had been last break until it bared _so much more skin ー_ all the way into the brisk brush of her hair that hovered below her chin.

His palms couldn't help but sweat as he stared at the unoccupied chair.

It seemed almost lonely.

He couldn't place a finger on why.

Even hours later while he was taking a break in the library during lunch, ripping away one halve of a milk loaf he'd snacked on for one last bite before pocketing the rest into it's former packaging.

Hiyama Fukase dropped in, taking a loud seat next to Len's little spot by the window, making the blond suddenly lose his appetite. He stared at Piko, who'd just returned with a trolley full of books (claiming it was for his literature research), unsure whether they should leave for a more distanced table.

And Len _did_ stand up, slinging his bag over his shoulder, heading towards the open door.. all until there was one, sound, whack against the back of his head, catching him off guard.

The boy turned around to glare at the culprit until he met face to face with his former classmate.

The look on his face seemed no where near happy either. "Nice going, giving your dad my number, genius."

The blond let out a deep sigh, relaxing himself, soon calmly turning the other way. There was shame in leaving a war, but there was barely any in refusing one.

That principle, however, seemed shaped only by his own eyes.

The older male viewed it differently by grabbing hold of his arm before he could leave, snarling, "Was I supposed to just tell him, _yeah_ , hello Sir, _your little bastard of a son lied about staying at a friend's house and he's probably somewhere by the border of the country by now,_ or did you actually want me to shit out a cover-up?"

"What do you _want,_ Fukase?"

"Are you never listening? Like I said. You. Gave. _Your_. Dad. _My_. Number."

The words took a few sessions of filtering through his mind before it finally got to spring with memory.

That day he'd jotted down the most random order of numbers he could think of in panic to reach the train station on time; "Did I.. did I accidentally give out yours?"

"What do you _think?_ "

"Sorry." Len gnawed his bottom lip, taking a seat back down. "I didn't mean to."

"You say you _never_ mean to, but you still do it. I said you were still working on the project ー whatever _that_ is. _Apparently_ you haven't been picking up any calls, not from your phone _nor_ your home landline."

Piko kept quiet by the sidelines. He analysed the conversation with narrowed eyes, though it seemed he didn't dare interrupt. Not when this was the first time they were speaking in months, and definitely not when both boys kept a heat beneath their aura like a wolf ready to pounce, waiting for the opportune moment where their prey would strike first.

It was more than just a little unsettling.

"You owe me, Kagamine." Fukase let out a sigh, standing back on his feet, looking as if he were about to leave. "Remember that."

"If you say so."

"I do say so, and as you haven't heard.." He reached towards one of the wheeling carts nearby, taking from a worn-out stack of newspapers and searching a direct page before landing it spread across table. "A teenage girl's body was found stranded by a lake on the edge of the district, organs taken out, lungs, kidney.. _according to the reporters,_ though I doubt either of us would really want to know the details."

"What's that got to do with _me?_ "

Fukase carried on, as if he hadn't heard a thing. "They suspect she's Kagamine Rin."

Harsh hands slammed against the tabletop.

But it wasn't from either of the trio, and it certainly wasn't close to their side of the room.

The librarian wasn't present at the counter to hush him as Shion Kaito walked the entire distance from his table to theirs, blue eyes seeming far more than intimidating beneath the crimson glow of the window. One of the boys that had been sitting with him followed, but it wasn't to hold back a fight but rather to build up a wall.

"I'd _appreciate_ if you didn't gossip about my little sister," Their senior snarled. His chest towered over all of them, broad shoulders stiffening as a threat. "She's not some _ancient phenomenon_ you can study or make theories about."

Piko buried his head in his arms, leaving the other two to deal with the situation.

He hadn't put a single toe out of line, so in his opinion, he shouldn't be forced a position in the middle of it. Len followed, even if he was unsure whether it was because he really hadn't minded, or because the news forced nausea driving a fast lane through his stomach.

Yet the eldest of the three begged to differ, just as he always does, "Not that _she even is_ your little sister, but I'll have you know that I'm not making any _theories_. They wrote it, quite literally, that it could either be Kagamine Rin or Kobayashi Matcha from _Migakkou_."

"Watch your tongue, Hiyama. _Let it be_ Kobayashi Matcha. Let it be _anyone_."

"That's _cruel.._ "

They turned around to catch a girl at another table hold her hand up, much like a timid student would in order to ask their teacher a question. Her group shushed her not to interrupt a different party's dispute, especially when that party consisted of older boys that could squish her _like an ant on a rug,_ but the aim had been far gone. Len vaguely praised her confidence with the tilt of his lips.

"Why do they have guesses? Can't they just recognise.." She winced, once, as if having been pinched beneath the wooden surface. "Sorry, I just assumed they'd check the face first of all things..."

"That's because they _can't_." Shion hissed. "That's because her head is... her head is.."

Out of grown curiosity, the blond pulled the paper to his side, running a finger down the article until he reached the part he'd been searching for.

What he read made his blood run cold.

/

/

/

/

He'd rushed through the gates at the speed of light, boarding the earliest train. He stood by the doors on edge until the time came to step out into the rural mountainside, where barely anyone was in sight lest for the old man standing by the ticket kiosk, vending tea.

But none of that mattered.

Nothing mattered.

Not as he rushed onto the road outside the station, following that little nook that lead him to their home between the frozen river and dead wintered trees. Not as he jammed his key into the lock and slid the door open.

 _Certainly not_ when he saw Rin leaning against the shoe rack, nose stuck in a book, no doubt having waited hours for him to return home. She looked up, rosy cheeks and blinding smile cut short the moment he buried her into his chest.

"You're here," He choked, out of breath, ignoring the cold that bites his skin. " _You're here_."

She had to drop the paper.

She had to list all of her priorities within a second ー and by result, it seemed that the _Laws of Psychopathology_ ranked low in comparison to the importance of Kagamine Len, from his chiselled fingers to his numbed cheeks.

Rin giggled. " _You're_ suffocating me."

He pulled away to inspect her.

He checked the dimples at the corners of her lips, he checked the perfect lobes of her ears where each pearl stuck out against the flesh, he checked the taste of her mouth with his own.

"Af ー _affectionate_ ," She cooed in-between kisses. "Why?

"Because I couldn't stop thinking about you," He decided to murmur, running a tongue across her bottom lip and barely allowing them space to breathe. "The entire day ー fuck, just ー " His arms wound around her waist, tightly, tightly, feeling her gasps against his own skin like the prickle of touch from a sun. "Just don't ー just don't stop kissing me."

And she didn't. Even if she was lost, even if she swam clothless in a cold lake, bewildered.

She would do as she wished.

So they did, on and on and on, for he never wanted to stop.

/

/

/

/

The young lady relaxed her weight across the piano stool, song giving him nostalgia of warmer days where the sun would kiss the ground, of an ocean and patterned seashells.

Of the moment when he breathed salt air for the very first time.

Even if he ran to the border between water and land, he knew he would never be able to recreate the memory of the warmth he had once graced. His arm reached up, knitting through golden locks and the braids he'd done himself. The young man looked over her slender shoulder to see a smile in return.

This time, he didn't have to reach out his hand for warmth.

He didn't have to chase after that woman with his toes in the sand and the ocean roaring at his skin.

This time, someone would willingly join their touch with his own.

/

/

/

/

"You look distracted," He nuzzled his nose against a rosy cheek. "Did you go out anywhere before I came home?"

The back door was spread open, allowing winter to breeze in as affection, _embodied within the form of this one girl,_ sat in one corner of the room by the fireplace.

She was handling a packet of rice he'd brought from home.

Rin settled the weight on a blanket, promptly beginning to fold it from one side to another as if to bundle up a baby.

Sweat creased on her forehead as she practised, and the only way Len provided any aid was by sitting beside her with dessert in his hands, scooping up a spoon of warm bread pudding (from the old lady's store he's never once noticed until she pointed it out on her little uninformed excursion) then putting it through her lips after his own.

He kept up that cycle.

He scoops up a bite, feeds himself, dives the spoon down for another bite, _feeds her._

Rin grumbled at the distraction. "I already told you that I don't _want_ anymore."

"You barely eat _anything_. Just fill up your stomach with this, and then I'll cook some steamboat." Len coaxed, poking at her closed lips with the dessert. "One more bite, I promise."

"You said one more bite, like, _ten bites ago_!"

It's like taking care of a toddler.

Not to mention his question must've put her in a foul mood at the remembrance of her newfound limitations.

"So you didn't go out," Len concluded. Her stiffened shoulders spoke more than enough words, pausing just one minute to send a curse to the heavens before returning to imaginary baby, finally bundled into it's warm cocoon. "Thank you," He breathed, combing his fingers through the edge of her hair, "You're such a good girl."

His mind thought back to the newspaper.

In an instant, he checked her skin for impurities, offering no explanation on the gentle hands massaging her skin.

Her hands were all in place ー lips of perfection, cheeks without blemishes. The line that ran down her chest likely stayed the same, but he could hear a healthy heart beating if he pressed an ear against it.

Either way that wasn't something he could check _now_.

If his hands went anywhere near the buttons of her shirt, she'd probably drop him right into the worst level of purgatory.

Not that he wasn't already doing a good job of irritating her with words alone, "But good girls need to eat their food."

"I'm not a _dog_."

"I know you're not, but ー "

"If I can't go out alone, can I go out with you?"

Len stirred at the question. She turned around, carrying the rice in her arms, causing the blond to replace the sight with that of a baby, eyes as blue as the sky, maybe with more spirit than his own.

She had to snap her fingers to regain attention.

"Sorry, what did you want?"

"I want to go out." Rin put the sack of rice down, seeming not too bothered by the presence of his daydream. She grabbed hold of the wrist that still held onto the spoon, warm hands on his skin as she navigated the bread pudding into her mouth as an act of obedience. "It doesn't have to even be to the city.. another walk is fine. Even if it's only ten minutes."

He doesn't know what dared him to challenge her, "What if I say _no?_ "

But she wasn't looking for a challenge. Anything but.

Kagamine Rin set her gaze downwards, as she believes she always has. "Then.. I'll listen to you."

* * *

upcoming chapters are already completed, i'm just not sure whether to upload them all in bulk or spread it like i already do.


	27. nov19

His school uniform hung on the wall above the piano, casting a darker shadow over the floor.

It was silent tonight. Far too silent.

The young lady handled the noodles with her own chopsticks, refusing to be fed no matter how many times he'd _offered._ Their sock-clad toes warmed by the fireplace, watching snow thicken under the glistening moonlight. The young lady's eyes were lost, faraway, no longer of a storm stronger than unchallenged oceans but rather of a stagnant lake that reflected the greying sky.

He would catch a train before sunset in the morning, and she would be left standing in the very same house, listening to nothing but the creak of near-ancient floorboards beneath their feet.

Kagamine Rin swallowed back her tears when she slept that night.

/

/

/

/

"So it _was_ Kobayashi Matcha?"

"Yes ー they had both suspected guardians arrive at the scene ー needed them to, you know, observe the body."

"Conclusion?"

Her older brother appeared out of breath, schoolbag slung limply around his chest as he managed to sweat beneath a winter uniform even during the falling snow. He likely had a sprint across the entire district before arrival. " _Not_ Rin ー they had my dad try to recognise any birthmarks but he didn't find any ー basically when Kobayashi's parents had their turn, it had already been confirmed."

The cotton candy tips of his locks were ruffled above the cold, pale blond by the roots, but Yuuma didn't seemed the slightest bit bothered by it.

They stood outside the gates on the grounds which no longer spread with a hundred different officers within a miles' radius.

The campus grounds spread a returned minuscule sense of freedom once owned, removing the regime of locked gates at every minute of _every hour_ which easily made everyone feel as if they were studying in a military camp rather than an esteemed academy.

Although as an aftermath the guards _did_ seem more on edge than ever.

Len had to be eyed critically the entire three minutes on his walk up the pathway that morning before he was allowed inside.

Outsiders weren't given entry at all, however, by the sight of the young man who harboured looks identical to those of Kagamine Rin's, standing on the other side of the border, even if he only came for a short visit to a friends.

Aforementioned friend bit down on his bottom lip, "I'm not sure whether I should be relieved or even more worried."

On the good side, they cannot confirm that she's deceased.

On the other side, they don't know whether she's still alive.

Len shuffled the heel of his boots against the ice-clad path, unsure whether he should be eavesdropping.

Yuuma's breath came out as a puff of white. "They screamed. Kobayashi's family, I mean. My dad said they screamed so, _so_ loud, it pierced his ears. He said he would rather forget it all than to experience something like that ever again."

"What did you tell him?"

"What makes you think _I'd_ say anything?" Under his friend's disbelieving look, the boy couldn't help but release a weak laugh beneath the cloth of his scarf. He hugged his arms around himself, whether for warmth or for comfort, nobody knew. "Fine ー you're right, I did say something. I never learnt how to my mouth shut, after all."

"I'm not antagonising you."

"I know you're not, Kai. I know you're not."

"So?"

"I told him that if he calls off the search, he wouldn't lose only one child.. but two."

The crows crooned loudly in the wind and the gust of frost that blew across the grounds made more than enough people recover that urge to head home. A teacher loudly exclaimed to another how he'd enjoy soaking in a warm bath tonight, right after a trip to the night market in order to bring some of his wife's favourite Siew Mai home for the dinner table.

Len learnt to tune the words out.

Only necessary phrases were needed, and Mr. Kamui had none of those.

Both boys dropped their voice beneath a whisper by then, causing the blond to soften his footsteps, getting off the scraped pavement and onto the padded snow.

"Did you dig into Kagamine and Hiyama?"

Kaito let out a cough, "A bit. They're average run-off-the-mill kids. Hiyama keeps up with the news, Kagamine doesn't do anything but spend an hour during lunch checking out psychology books ー I don't know what you're on about _when the most he's done_ is kiss your sister _once._ "

A disbelieving laugh echoed, though he wasn't sure where it was from and whom.

"There's something off about him." Yuuma's voice came back as he tightened the scarf around his chin. "Whatever, I'm heading home first, still have to keep trying for access into her laptop. Tell me if you have anything else on them. Please."

"I will. Hey, get your rest too, alright? We'll find her. I'm sure we will."

"It's not that I'm worried about not being able to find her. It's that I'm worried when we'll find her, it'll be far too late."

/

/

/

/

The young lady was caught going through his French workbook by the time he returned, ignoring any odd looks thrown her way when she left the open literary exercises by her waist, layered by paragraphs after paragraphs of writing that weren't of his own.

He hung up his coat and took off his uniform beneath the doorframe, ever so slowly, refusing to move away even when she shot him an exhausted look which begged him to stop.

"Hi." Len greeted.

"Hi," She didn't seem too interested in responding. "I just took a bath and didn't drain it out after, so the water's still hot if you want to wash up."

"It's okay. I'm not feeling like bathing just yet.. at least, not when we're going to head out."

That sentence made her fuss her brows, seemingly to hold back an irritation.

Kagamine Rin stretched her toes out, multiple lines of pen ink decorating her exposed legs.

Len had to eye that patch of skin for an excruciatingly long time to realise that she didn't write gibberish or scribbles, but rather some numbers. A date, to be precise ー and an upcoming one rather than an occasion that must've been important in the past. When she noticed the boy was staring, however, she sheepishly pulled them in to fold beneath her legs.

He vaguely thought of whether it would be odd to crawl on the floor, lifting her thighs onto his own only to observe them.

Her facial expressions set into stone once again as she returned to the homework she'd assigned to herself, "You're heading out again?"

He took off the thickness of his socks before reaching the spot beside her. His palm absently ruffled her hair. "We _both_ are. Go get dressed."

He didn't have to say it twice.

Her eyes coloured with stars and in half an instant she buried against his chest in what could only be understood as excitement. She must've jumped at the speed of light. Through another flash of lightning the blonde rushed towards the bag in the corner of the room, aiming for another one of Len's thickest jackets and the uniform skirt raided from the contents of her locker for an outfit combination. Up until the girl suddenly stopped, turning solemn. Her grin melted into an analytic frown, feet dug deep into the floorboard like another one of the ancient trees inside the backyard with strong roots beneath their respective soil.

Len had to lift her chin to his level, peering into those oceans and the coming storms.

His gaze prompted her to speak onwards. "Can we only go out.. today?" Her fingers trailed the bottom hem of her skirt.

Not necessarily, he thinks.

He'd only planned to go out today because it'd be troublesome hoping to get home in time for school at the pitch of morning on a workday. Friday nights like these were peaceful, where he could spend the rest of the weekend lounging on a wooden perch above the ground as Kagamine Rin kicked her feet above the snow.

Even so, that doesn't look like that's what she wants.

The only reason behind a surprise walk is to please her, after all.

"Did you have anything planned?" Unlikely, when the only thing he can see her entertaining her schedule with is piles of books and biscuits.

Surprisingly the response was affirmative. "It's just.. the old auntie that manages the store said there'd be a festival sometime around the month. It's not exactly on the first day of lunar new year, but ー "

"It's on the fourteenth day." Len completed the sentence. He folded his arms, "I know which one you're talking about. It's a bit far out into the district but it's manageable to get there on foot." He'd be a fool if he wasn't aware at all, considering his mother once had the habit of taking him and his brother there to pray at the shrine every year.

"Can we.. can we go?"

His first instinct was to shoot her down.

Tell her that the risk was too big by going to a crowded place where someone might be able to recognise her. It didn't matter if they lived this far out into the country because if the existence of a worry is present, then they should follow those instincts and go against the idea of recklessness for the sake of joy.

But the look on her visage shot him like burning spades through an open wound.

She was pouting, tugging his sleeve, and by that point he had no choice but to agree.

/

/

/

/

Looking through his father's drawers for traditional women robes should've been the last possible thing to ever do during his life as a teenage boy.

Yet here he is, fingers feeling aflame as he decided between olive green with red embroidered flowers, or magenta with pink.

The prettier ones were left back in the mountain house, hidden beneath the floorboards of his grandparent's living room ー or at least they used to be. The suspense of hearing the man's quiet snoring was enough to keep Len on his toes. It nearly made him regret burning all the possessions left in that house when they would otherwise still be in perfect shape.

Nearly.

That being said, there was nothing more satisfying than watching the last of the flames lick up the garment as it drenched himself in smoke.

/

/

/

/

If he were in a ship, the boy would have long been thrown overboard.

The sails would drop beneath the ocean, feet swimming inches deep underwater, but there was nothing that took away his breath faster than it would had he been drowning except for the sight of Kagamine Rin standing beneath the entrance of the bathroom, showing off her winter gown as it donned the fluid curves of her figure.

A beautiful sash curled around the younger blonde's upper waist only to end at the dip of her spine, showing off a beautiful red bow.

"I think the baby's making it look strange.." Her tongue wetted her lips, allowing her palm to pat her abdomen.

Len rolled his shoulders into a shrug. "I think it looks nice."

"Well, _yes_ , the pattern _does_ help make it less noticeable. Otherwise this would just br a mess." She made a slow twirl across the wood, like a model would on the catwalk. "I mean, it's not the yukata's fault it doesn't look as nice as it should, but it just.. doesn't fit me very well. Especially with this _stomach_."

"Rin, you are _not_ going out in my silk pyjamas."

"We're only heading for a quick look at the fireworks and then we'll be back in a jiffy."

By now she's only looking for every excuse in the book to _not_ dress up.

It's as if the concept of matching an outfit to the occasion is far too complex for a girl like her to understand.

Which he knows, for a fact, _would be a sordid lie_. Len had only been to her house once, but he's seen enough of her wardrobe to know fashion doesn't go beyond her. Not to mention the minuscule amount of cloth the young lady wears during summer vacation to get a tan as spread out on her body as she had a few months prior.

"No." He wrinkled his nose. "Consider me being merciful enough for you to wear boots instead of _the dreaded_ wooden sandals you oh-so-desperately loathe. Anyways," He got down on his knees, inching towards her feet. "Lift up, I need to put socks on you."

Rin obeyed, raising one knee and supporting the rest of her weight by leaning a single palm against the wall. "Len, I'm not sure if your mum would be alright with me wearing her clothes."

Oh. So _that's_ why.

"Yeah, well, what's she going to do? She's _dead_."

Upon looking up to realise the blonde's fussed brows and pursed lips, Len chewed the inside of his cheeks.

The cold words must've caught her off guard. It's like watching a crushed sunflower beneath the heel of a foot.

He tried not to feel too guilty, focusing thoughts more on the soft thud of her feet as it hit the ground and bringing her other leg onto his lap to slide on a matching cotton.

The fireplace crackled softly from the living room, reminding him to blow it out before they'd leave.

When he stood up, towering over his companion as she avoided his gaze, he felt the burning urge to apologise fuel itself.

It was almost as if his tongue would chip away the longer he delayed it, like molten honey with caramel served cold.

He moved fast. His head bent down in the quickest dip he'd ever made since birth, smacking lips against the younger blonde's temple and moving away at the speed of light, almost as if he'd wanted to convince her that whatever warmth she might've felt was simply imagination. Len cleared his throat, "I meant to say that she won't mind.. besides, it looks much nicer on you than it ever did on her. She'd want you to have it."

Cherry lips pulled into a shy smile. ".. Len, you think it looks nice on me?"

 _Of course_ she'd pinpoint the most irrelevant part of speech. Why would he even expect anything different.

Cheeks blooming to an amber rose, he forced another roll to his shoulders, refusing to answer with words.

"Thank you," The girl moved forwards toward the shoe racks, grabbing a pair of keys from their perch on the shelf as the other blond instinctively sidles one of his warmer pieces ot coats across her shoulders, as if taking care of her wellbeing had become second nature.

As he took careful steps behind her, on their way to the festival, he couldn't help but think of how lovely she looked as the moonlight kissed her skin.

/

/

/

/

Strangely enough the trip took longer than expected. She assumed it to be a walk outside for twenty minutes, down the road into a little cranny where the old lady's store was, but they took a left turn and were still heading onto the same lane until the house was out of vision, her only solitude being the comforting beam of his flashlight against her back.

Almost an hour's passed and she was tired of looking around for even the smallest sign of life.

Rin was waiting, each and every minute, to hear the older boy get tired of this endless walk and call out the order for them to return.

But he didn't, and before she knew it, then they'd reached the old woman's store and passed it without a second glance.

Rin walked forwards, him keeping his hands in his pockets as he steadied a few steps back, boots crunching loudly against snow. No matter how many times she'd offered him to walk ahead or for them to go side-by-side, he'd refused.

Rin vaguely wondered whether this was a trick, like in all those folk stories, where he'd lead her out into the forest and when they were far enough that she wouldn't be able to find the road back, he'd turn off the lights and run off so she'd be lost alone, wandering amongst the trees forever. Of course, she was very much the type of carefree person who didn't think voicing the thought would bring any bad atmosphere between them, but Len only rolled his eyes, making her issue a giggle that calmed the both of them down

He told her not to worry, as his brother had lost him inside this very forest by the sidewalk when he'd only been a toddler and they were taking on an errand to bring back groceries back for their grandmother waiting at home.

Len still managed to find his way back before sunrise.

The young lady didn't find that all too reassuring.

It was when she suggested they turn back, nearly an hour into their walk, did they smell the scent of warm fried dough and smoke in the air. Rin felt him usher her towards the archway entrance.

One, last turn was all it took before lights coloured her vision in an euphoria of amber, violet and white flowers as they shot through the sky.

* * *

sorry for late updates recently w... exam season again :(


	28. dec4

The young lady never thought they'd come across something even just vaguely resembling a miniature gathering in somewhere as remote as this, much less an entire festival, and Len knew he couldn't blame her.

it took an entire hour walk just to find any form of life.. yet when they finally did manage to set their eyes on one, they found such a thing at it's peak, with green, reds and blues colouring beneath the darkened clouds.

Children were running around with lit sparklers in hand, winter robe hems dirtied with mud.

Elderly women overlooked the frozen lake and other unset fireworks which would signal through the skies later into the night.

Pastries and candies lined the stalls, making her resist the urge to drool as she tugged at his side, pointing out the wooden fire lit torches that stood against the white ground.

Smoke swam to combat the frost.

What they had here was obviously nothing in comparison to the festivals they have out in the big city or even their average waterside town, but it held an entirely different atmosphere that made up for it. Warmth within the cold, light in the dark. Len absently dug into his pocket for his wallet, only for the search to be cut short by his partner's sudden pull at the sleeve of his coat, yanking him backwards.

Rin let her nose freeze crimson as she grinned, eyes more blinding than the stars shimmering above their heads.

"Can we walk around?" The blonde wondered timidly, sounding almost as if she wanted to beg for an answer.

"I don't know, Rin," He responded with a dramatic sigh. " _Can_ we?"

If anything, her excitement heightened to the point where she stood on her tiptoes. "Does that mean it's a _yes?_ "

The young man agreed with a nod of his own, wondering whether to form a grin at the sight of hers as she pressed the tip of her nose against his.

He flushed, slowly, before holding her away. "But we need to get something to drink first. The walk has me a little dizzy."

He also had to get a _mask_.

Not many people should be able to remember him after he hasn't visited in so long, but if there was a chance they could, he didn't want to risk it.

But soon enough those worries vanquished, for as the young man walked around, he found that he could no longer recognise the faces of _anybody_. No old man who would always wait outside the shrine to pray for the health of his bedridden wife, and no little girl with pigtails standing in front of her father's ricecake stall, waving around a rice-printed banner in order to grab attention.

The lake was the same, as it had always been, but the people no longer were.

Len could only ponder on it as they stopped in the middle of the square.

"My Mum used to bring me out here every winter. They have this place ー _these stalls_ ー set up, twice a year along with all the fireworks to greet the return of.." He cut his sentence off halfway, taking a moment to register how the blonde paid no attention to his words, but instead towards one of the stalls contemplatingly. "Oh, do you want that?"

"Hm?"

"The octopus balls ー you want it?"

Even the scent managed to entice her, moreso the golden crisp of flour it had been rolled into. He could see a thousand thoughts conflicted within those blue eyes, whether she should succumb to the greed, or to deny her newfound hunger. Rin rewarded her abdomen with a pat, as if to calm not only her stomach, but also the bulge hidden beneath her clothes.

She came to a decision soon enough. "It's fine, I didn't bring any money." Small feet shuffled across the ground. "We still have mint biscuits at home anyway."

"Are you sure? We have a long walk back home."

"I'm sure."

He grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her gaze to look directly into his own. "Rin. If you could have one thing ー just _one thing_ from everything we've seen here, what would it be?"

"I don't want any ー "

"Hypothetically."

The younger teen giggled at his dramatics, tapping a finger against her smooth chin as if she were solving a great mystery. "Hypothetically, _probably,_ those beef dumplings. They look delectable, if I do say so myself. But Len, really, don't worry about it ー "

In almost what she could've claimed to be a blink, he'd gotten both the octopus and dumplings and a warm flask of tea, ready to accompany them for their stride by the lake. Rin was undoubted furious when she parted her lips to protest, only for him to pop one of the rolled balls into her mouth with a stick then promptly walk off without another word.

She fumed silently as she followed.

Everytime she swallowed and prepared to lecture him on needlessly spending money, he'd replace the air in her mouth with another bite.

Yet she still chewed, and she still swallowed, obedient through anger.

By the time the fireworks began, she'd crawled onto his lap. Her stockings shielded most of her from the cold, no less donning one of his je baked coats that were thicker than the width of her arms. His fingers focused on playing with her braids of hair while she looked up in amazement towards the colours exploding in the sky.

Rin absently fit in another lecture when she found the chance. "Len, you're supposed to look toward the _sights_."

"I already am," He assured gently, brushing lips across the flesh of her cheek when he was sure no prying eyes would see. "I already am."

/

/

/

/

The firework show had long since finished, and by then most people would turn to clean up the remains before returning home, had they been in their city.

But it was different here.

Instead many stayed behind to watch the performance of a cultural dance. Multiple drums hit in synchronisation along with the first strike of a gong.

Torches lit, one after another, at the spot by the ice.

The flames formed a circle amongst two shrine maidens, both bending on their hand and knees the instant the music ended, signaling time for them to send a prayer for the heavens above. Rin appeared captivated, eyes glued to every single movement from the moment girls waltzed within a large ring of snow and fire on a little island above water, covered from the moonlight by only a thin wooden tarp, all down to when they raised their arms towards the stars.

The onlookers watched, whispering amongst themselves.

The blonde moved her attention to nose his cheek, gently nudging him to tell her what the festival was for.

So Len obliged, explaining the story of how the moon princess came down to earth, falling in love with a mortal man, and how it was _at this very lake_ that the lovers were rumoured to have touched one last time.

"Touched one last time?"

The boy nearly jumped as he felt the weight of a head land against his shoulder, but all worries extinguished to dust the moment he noticed it to be Kagamine Rin, who searched for warmth rather than affection. But he accepted it all the same, quietly bringing a hand higher to loop around her waist.

They watched the ritual from their perch above the snow-matted grass, as did a hundred others.

The priests were beginning a mantra, and the voices echoed across the ground, nearly causing ripples in the water as many worshipped

Except for Rin, evidently, whose eyes shimmered with immense delight, radiating blues and golds.

"Yes," He took a deep breath when she reached a hand out to reach the sky, as if blessing the moon with her touch. Len sruggled to remember his mother's voice as she whispered to him the story so unlike another one of those happy ending fairytales. "Touched one last time. The gods were angry, see, that the moon princess had defied their orders.. she was merely sent down as a messenger to warn the humans of the punishment for their sins, not as a woman meant to fall in love with a man."

Her breath was warm by his ear. "Did the man love her back?"

"Even if he hated to admit it."

"Did they have children together?"

He had to think of how to respond to the question even if he knew the answer clearer than day.

The truth might upset her, but lying outright just didn't sit well with him.

Len reached out, twirling a golden strand of hair between the gaps of his fingers. The hair she denied permission for him to braid just earlier in the evening. The hair she allowed him to stroke through the night.

"She was taken away the night of her wedding, leaving her human husband to wake up alone in bed, thinking he had sworn his heart to love only to have been betrayed for all eternity."

His free head went above their heads, reaching for whatever it had been Rin was stretching for, and the younger blonde couldn't help but giggle at his copying gesture.

"So that's a no," She drew up her own conclusion. He hissed beneath his throat, even if it seemed she hadn't minded too much.

Perhaps it's because she had the capability of differentiating reality from delusion, or maybe it's because she never thought of the outcome as something that mattered.

"The man planted tulips on that little island they're dancing on," Len continued, gesturing towards the shrine maidens. "You see the shrine? That's rumoured to be their house. They say, every mid autumn and winter's peak, he will watch over the flowers by the frozen water as a solid reminder of the life he will never have. And as the full moon rises, it means the Princess is mourning as well."

"Flowers?" She nibbled her bottom lip. "That's a.. strange thing to pine over."

"It's because they named each of the seeds after their potential children."

The instant the shrine maidens sat up, he noticed the young children stop running around and turn towards the island. The moon hit it's peak an hour before midnight, and the eerie silence rained over their heads as many began to pray.

Many, _including Len himself_ , except for the young lady who broke him out of his thoughts. The mantra that once took over him was replaced by the voice of a young blonde, prim fingers grasping the hem of his coat. "Can you see them during Mid Autumn? The flowers, I mean."

He tried not to seem too irritated, holding back a routine temper.

"No, they're dead, there shouldn't be any flowers other than roses and poppies," Come to think of it, he's never even seen them blooming on picnic visits with his grandfather during Spring. "Although the trees do become very beautiful."

Rin huffed, "I don't believe they _actually_ exist, then. There must be a reason the festivals are in Autumn and Winter, _the only seasons where flowers struggle to bloom_ , if tulip flowers are meant to be such a symbolic part of the story."

She has a point there.

Not that it wasn't amusing to watch such a sweet girl protest all the same, _but he really needed to pray,_ or else they'd be hit under direct spotlight of being the only guests that disrespected this tradition as nothing but a little lakeside trip for sightseeing in the country.

He snapped when one of the elderly women shot him a foul look across the grass. "You're not very religious, are you?"

Kagamine Rin quirked an incredulous brow, "Let's just say my family never raised me near temples or fairytales."

"I bet _ten_ beef dumplings that if someone pointed towards a random castle out in Europe only to claim that _that's_ where la Belle et le Béte originated from, you'd believe them in a heartbeat."

She couldn't deny it.

"Oh, so I'm _romantic_. Tough luck. Will you sue me?" Her snooty tone made blood crawl beneath his skin.

"Keep your voice down, nobody wants to know whether or not you support liberalism," He moved his hand from her hair and tugged one of the cheeks on her face until it looked nothing but sore and red, "We don't want to be offensive _so for the love of God just clap your hands together and pretend you're praying like the rest of us._ "

Even through her pout, she didn't hesitate to obey.

But that only lasted half a minute.

"Len, what are we praying to?"

Not only were they being loud, but the majority of locals are nearly infamous for their outright dislike towards outsiders (these people were of whom his mother had once accused of developing a narrow mindset through generations of seclusion). One of the other ladies sitting nearby must've deducted that they didn't belong here.

She stiffened her arms as she shot them a foul glare, causing the boy to send an apologising glance in return.

"The _moon_."

She didn't stop there. "The _Moon Princess_ or the actual, _literal_ moon?"

"Both. They're the same thing." He hesitated, realising, to her, how silly that could sound. "You know, I'll massage your feet tonight if you can stay quiet for five more minutes."

"If you swear to that, I'll keep quiet for _nine._ "

/

/

/

/

The young man might be aging ten years ahead of his age, and the sudden yank of fingers through his golden locks during a prayer proved it likely. She waved a perfect, white strand between the tip of her index fingernail to the pad of her thumb, admiring how it glistened against the night sky.

She's so insensitive it's nearly unbelievable.

He slapped it out of her hands until it would fall onto the snow-covered grass.

Rin puckered her lips towards him, not even for a kiss, "Earlier this month your voice wouldn't stop cracking, _yet now you have gray hair._ "

"Puberty isn't too kind on me."

"It _is_ on your jawline." On cue, she cupped his chin, tracing the shape beneath her very hands. ".. I want my baby to have this jawline."

"Your baby's going to come out looking like a fat rice dumpling."

"That's fine, too."

At this point he wonders why he even tries to give her a retort after so many failed attempts. The crowd left their spot by the lake, instead heading to the other end of the field where a tall tree stood proud against the snow, towering the roof of it's neighbouring shrine. Before Kagamine Rin could comment on how silly it was to pray to a piece of wood sticking out of the ground when just moments before they were all praising the moon, he ushered her forwards to do the same.

She didn't take long to convince him into accepting the promise of massaging not only her feet, but also the curve of her spine.

Except it didn't look like they were praying to the tree, but rather the several thousands of red ribbons dangling on each branch.

So she eyed them, unsure whether she'd get in trouble if she dared ask what it was for.

She didn't have to. Len took a deep breath before readying his explanation, "Every full moon, you're allowed to write the name of two people, whether it's of a mother and a daughter, or a brother and a sister.. on a piece of ribbon to hang on this branch."

"Let me guess, it's where the Moon Princess first landed on earth."

"That.. that's right, actually." Len was vaguely impressed, all up until she crossed her arms with a smile so smug it made him roll his eyes. "Anyway, because the gods felt pity for taking away her right of happiness, the Moon Princess is allowed to descend in spirit form only twice a year to grant our people happiness."

"So we have to offer our dances and sacrifices to the Princess in return for everything she's done for us. It's alright, Len, I already know."

"Since when were you _this good at_ predicting things?"

"None of them are predictions. Your Mum told me something about this before, I just hadn't pieced them together then.. especially not the part with the Princess." She dug her boots into the thin layer of snow. "I'm not sure about all these tree ornaments, though."

A breeze whizzed past, ruffling their coats in the wind. They watched as a little girl dropped a coin into the shrine, took away a little red ribbon, then ran to an older girl beneath the tree in excitement.

Len felt his breath come out in a puff of white against the snow.

He grabbed her hand and stretched it upwards, over the top of their heads. "See that little lone ribbon at the tip of the highest branch?"

"The one that's got a bit of a smudge on it?"

"No, the ー oh, yeah, _there is a smudge_ , isn't there..." Their fingers began to interlock, subconsciously or unsubconsciously, but it definitely wasn't of Kagamine Rin's doing, evident with the presence of her surprise. For almost a moment he thought of tugging his hand away, but he thought of how nobody would see them tonight, how it was only them, and them alone, with nothing between them.

He could suddenly no longer hear the previous pounding of the fireworks in his ears, or the glee of a baby as his mother spun him in her arms. He looked into her eyes, and he saw nothing else.

Her hips slammed against his own side to bring him back to reality, and Len had no choice but to jump from the shock.

Len's cheeks rushed into vibrant fuchsia, and he buried his face in the side of his sleeve.

"Did you fall asleep?" She giggled, her hand no longer by his side. "I called your name, like, ten times."

The young man tried not to seem too glum. "Only got my mind stuck on something for a second."

She gestured forwards, where another pair, this time a couple, went to tighten a red cloth around a branch together, their elbows still arm in arm. It took all the courage he had to slink his hand back into hers like natural behaviour, even when he felt her tense, only for a second.

But as he took the first step forwards, it seemed she did too; her head leant on his shoulder, soft breathing below his ear.

"That's me and my brother's ribbon. A bit lower than it is my Mum and I's.. just so you know. In non-spiritual terms, _for yours sincerely_ , they resemble the locks on the bridge up in France."

Rin let herself laugh again, the sound of bells. And he knew, without looking himself in a mirror or even the reflection of her eyes, that he was smiling, too. "Then.. is there any other symbolism between the branches? Some have more ribbons on them compared to the others."

"Mm.. a branch for trust, a branch for loyalty, a branch for love.." He pointed out each and every individual arm of the tree, "The one with my brother, for instance, is a branch for family."

The blonde turned their attention towards one dangling not too far off the ground, the one with the most ribbons out of them all, "What about that one?"

The boy nearly choked.

If anything, his reaction increased her interest by tenfold.

He knew, however, that when Rin has her mind set on something, it's going to take walking through a minefield to get her thoughts off from it and he just didn't have the energy to put up with that tonight.

Len coughed, once, into his free fist before nodding.

He deepened his voice just to seem slightly more mature. "That's, um, for fertility. For married couples.. who want, well, children, obviously ー "

"So every festival the Moon Princess will read the names on the ribbons and grant their wish?" Rin came so close she poked his cheek with her nose. "Len," She began, sounding excited, causing the hairs on his arms to rise, " _Len_ , hurry, give our baby a name."

It was strange for their conversation to get to this, although he didn't dare question it. "The baby a _what?_ "

The moon shimmered high, and their voices were so quietly drowned beneath the sounds of many others, but even if he had to strain his ears he forced himself to hear nothing but her. Even if she drove him to the edge of the world and burnt him to the very core.

Rin didn't stop her exclamations, "A name! _A name!_ I want to write a ribbon too, for him and me,"

"Here I was thinking you didn't _believe_ in all these _religious nonsense._ "

"Please! Just get me one and I'll pay you back!"

"And _here_ I would've thought you'd want to write one up _with me_." Len crossed his arms, "It's not like it'll work, anyway. Both parties are supposed to write on the ribbon _so an unborn baby doesn't qualify_."

His partner stood, stunned, as if unsure whether he'd really said that with venom or whether it came of her own imagination. The unfading frown on his face supported the latter, while Len didn't even have the willpower to deny it if this girl came to the conclusion that he was nothing less than jealous.

Even if he wasn't, _of course he wasn't,_ not at all.

She came closer, almost tripping over the hem of her thick winter robes, murmuring a response into the fur above his shoulder. "That.. _that's_ fine, too."

/

/

/

/

Little toes heating by the fire, she bathed in his envy as she leant back against a wall with their usual shared pillow folded above her stomach while he had her foot pressed against his own abdomen.

His fingers massaged the curves of her ankles down to the heels of her feet.

She briefly wondered aloud whether the Moon Princess would be visiting them tonight, to which caused the older boy to chuck the nearest item in reach, which turned out to be a stray blanket, directly towards her head.

The blonde giggled with glee as her companion spent the rest of their time before bed in hot, flushed embarrassment, hissing at her to shut her mouth so he could spend just one day in peace.

But when she stood up, suggesting they spend just one hour in silence, admiring the moon, he did not disobey.


	29. dec14

"Flowers for Valentine's day," The younger boy sounded so akin to a snake as his voice went lower than the evening tides, whispering, as two front teeth gleamed white. "Buy some."

Len took a solid second to consider before coming to a decision ー in the form of a blunt shake of his head.

Taking into proper account that Valentine's day was a fortnight away, he'd much rather spend the money on food, or groceries, or even the bargain for potatoes in that little grocery shop downtown. After all, a particular young lady _did_ mention a craving for chicken stew before he left for school that morning.

The casual reminder of her voice replaying his head made him mark down a mini market as the next place to visit on his checklist.

For now he continued going through a list of psychology articles down the bookshop aisle, one hand holding open the phone screen, displaying open recommendations on a mobile browser, while the other lifted a basket full of booms.

His friend trailed down each and every shelf with him, insisting to help when in reality he was just being a living, breathing, walking advertisement for his family's flower shop.

They stopped when Len found one of the books they were searching for, dropped it into a basket, then continued walking down.

"You do know this isn't a library, right? You can talk as loud as you want.. granted, people are likely to hate you for it." The blond checked the price of another cover that caught his attention before promptly placing it back when he discovered how much it strayed from his budget range. "Besides, are your parents aware that child labour is illegal?"

The reason behind his sudden dedication came without struggle. "Dad says if we get twice as many sales this week, he'll get me a new piano."

"Thought so.. anyways, I might be done here. Ah." Len took a deep breath as a nearby worker almost slammed into his shoulders.

 _Bonkers_ , the word came across mind when she wrenched the basket out of his arms then directed them straight towards the cashier without confirmation whether they were finished with shopping. It could possibly have been eagerness to close up for the day, considering the winter season, but despite all excuses, the behaviour was far too poor to go unnoticed.

The blond tried not to hide away a sour face as he finished the payment, albeit resentful, soon after walking away with the bag of purchases in grasp.

He made a mental note not to visit that store ever again

They left the building, meeting a light winter breeze that greets the coming of spring instantly upon escaping through the front doors.

The scent of fresh cream crepes invaded his nose as soon as he'd wrinkled it for a deep breath. Len readjusted his scarf around his neck, heading forwards where a young woman no more than a few years older than them stood waiting beneath a stall, auburn bangs shielded by the bright red of her hat.

Piko followed behind. He refused to let the subject die. "Len? All you've got to do is buy one set of flowers, _please_ , I'll even pay for it."

"Why don't you consider that I don't have anyone to give _it to_." The blond juggled his wallet out of his school jacket. "Orange swirl, please."

"Red velvet lemon chocolate," The younger boy tagged the end of his order with a choice from the specialties menu.

The girl formed a timid smile before jotting down some words to a pad of paper. She didn't say nor do anything in acknowledgement to hearing their requests for extra cream, other than the slight nod of the head, and Len couldn't help but dwell on the reminiscence of when _Kagamine Rin_ once seemed that shy.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss sneaking kisses in the back corner of a hallway where nobody else could possibly see, her careful whispers trailing up his spine like Sunday caresses on tender winter mornings.

He might never experience such luxuries ever again.

Now he is left with the duty to take an orange crepe in a paper bag and _deliver it across the district_ just to hear her chirp even more into his ear, as she always does, to the point where he feels they will break alongside another one of her signature tooth-achingly sweet grins.

Len briefly wondered whether it'd be odd to bring back some flowers home but the thought was shot down nearly as quickly as it had arrived. He didn't need to think about those kinds of things now, not yet, not so soon.

Even so, he no longer needed to embrace her in the dark, he didn't need to catch a glimpse of her in the corridor. He could find a different method for a different type of pleasure.

After all, it was better to replace mere luxuries with the thought of paradise, and the comforting lock of her fingers twining with his own was far more welcoming than a quick distant smooch in an empty corridor.

The pavestone beneath his feet, now completely rid of snow, suddenly felt so warm at the idea of a particular young lady's smile.

/

/

/

/

Rin found it odd that, through _a close inspection between her legs that he'd gotten her to accept only_ after a lengthy hour long protest, no less, he resurfaced only to ask whether she liked any particular type of flowers.

He pushed one of the medical books he'd been using as reference aside.

The younger blonde fiddled with the ends of her golden locks for the hundredth time, as if to mindwash him to getting her a haircut. His only response was to dig into his pants pocket for a loose band before collecting a bunch of her hair into his hands, pushing them into the braids she'd so desperately loathed while he tightened them securely with elastic.

The sight of two blonde fishtails dangling down her shoulders was a pleasant one to Len, but a highly unwelcoming one to Rin.

It's felt like _years_ since she's last had her hair the way _she_ liked it to be, and he only sought to prolong it.

She looked up from the other book in her hands, _the one she had to read to pretend she didn't have a teenage boy looking directly towards her indecencies_ , "Um, Clémentines. Or Pétunias."

That was something worth to raise a brow over. She must've noticed the odd look he sent her, because she decided to reinstate her opinion.

" _Otherwise_ I'd go with tulips," At the mentioning of the flower, Len sent a sly gaze to the snow-bedded garden in their back porch. It went unnoticed by his young lady whose breath still smelt of orange crêpes, mint biscuits, and a hot mug of chocolate he'd prepared before getting to work on her hair. "Or lilies, like your Mum's name."

As if out of pure irony, lilies were his mother's least favourite flower.

Plain, she once adressed them. In all honesty, the boy had agreed. Though he didn't have a reason to incriminate an entire gene for anything when they were merely what they were: flowers.

One of his arms searched the floor to retrieve her underwear he'd somehow tossed into some godforsaken corner and almost didn't have the energy to slip it back through her squirming ankles, especially if she was planning to give him some problems over it.

Len felt himself release a heavy breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "You don't like roses?"

"No," She shook her head firmly, "They're pretty, but they can't _possibly_ grow when the sun is at it's peak.. along as when the earth is, too."

Well, _yes.._ he'd figured after a while that she prefers warmer temperatures over anything else.

This admittance comes as no surprise.

It's strange, but knowing Rin, he admits that such a choice fits her personality well. It would explain how active he remembers her to be, with the typical healthy tan that once ran down her skin. _Even if he personally_ enjoys that point in season when the weather is cooler than it is hot, and when he's allowed to bundle on scarves and admire the crimson leaves falling from the skies before the hit of a long, coming winter.

Still, in that case he wonders why she'd never considered sunflowers within her favourites and somehow managed to develop a disliking towards the ocean.

Mountaintop villages with running rivers and lakes, with all contrast, were not better suited for coarsing summers in comparison to spots like their beachside town.

Len vaguely wonders if she's aware of that, but he dares not question it.

His silence is for good reason, because her body leaps while he's lost in thought only to bite a kiss beneath the line of his jaw. "I think.. we should have some fun while we still can. You know, just sit back and do _anything_ but talk about _flowers_."

" _Fun?_ " The word choked inside his throat.

"Baby's coming... very soon..." The younger blonde continued as if she hadn't heard him.

Len darted out a tongue to wet his lips, pretending the suggestiveness of the situation was flying completely above his head.

When he was aware she wasn't having any of it and tried to aim her kisses for his mouth, he pecked her scalp with his nose in one quick movement, pressed the side of the futon on the floor beside them very audibly, then suggested for her to get some sleep before the baby exhausts her.

It's a wonder how she still crawled under the blankets and obeyed his request, even if she kept a firm pout on her lips all throughout the night.

/

/

/

/

Watching over the drizzle outside his bedroom window brought him back to calmer days.

The soft breaths of slumber came from behind him, and they were not of his own. The young man slowly moved his palm upwards to cup his lips in a yawn, then returned to it's original position where it combed through perfect golden braids of a princess still trapped in the curse of eternal sleep.

He briefly thought of the storybooks he'd been read within these very walls.

He briefly thought of whether, if he kissed her, would he break the spell.

He decided he didn't want that.

Not if while she was deep in the depths of her rest, he could lift her up into his own arms, into his lap, where he cradled her ear against his chest and felt the beat of her pulse thumping sweetly against his own.

/

/

/

/

Two more months. Two more. Two hands on the clock ticking on the wall arriving ever so closely to their awaited deadline.

Len gritted his teeth from irritation as she broke from beneath the water, resurfacing with a mound of foam as a makeshift beard. Sunlight filtered from the open window to cast her into a feathering glow.

Just as much as he can find her endearing, he can also find her the most annoying being that's ever lived on this planet.

Weekends are supposed to be _off days_ where he needn't worry about waking up three in morning just to get to classes on time. He wanted to lay back, finish up any remaining homework that's due by the beginning of next week, then get as much sleep as he can before he's forced to sacrifice it once more.

Instead she effortlessly ruins the opportunity, namely by not even allowing him to take a bath without her in close proximity.

By that, she means she's allowed to sidle up on the opposite end of the tub to face him. No ifs, ors, or buts.

At this point it doesn't matter if Len gets to sleep for a century. She'd already cut off half of his lifespan a long time ago.

"Turn around, I'll wash your back. And please don't sit there."

She played a smirk across her lips. "I don't think so. You just want to touch me... pervert."

No, he didn't, really.

He can't get over how she manages being so cute whilst at the same time so _bloody annoying._

And yet she exhausta him so much he didn't have the energy to deny it.

Let her believe what she wants to believe, as long as he gets to unwind and get the rest he craves.

This girl knew the exact ways to push his buttons, however, with fluid legs swaying wildly beneath the water to bring his attention back towards where she decided they were fit; onto her.

Expectant pools of cobalt met into deeper blues, her pout demanding unspoken words.

"Rin, _for the love of god_ , just move." He snatched a violet loofah dangling off a rack on a wall then wheeled it straight in the air where it smacked the younger blonde in the face. He had to hold himself back from murmuring an apology, instead nudging her feet away from his crotch with his bare hands. "You do know that you're kicking my _you know,_ right?"

She tilted her head just slightly to the side.

"Penis?" Her hand gestured the shape beneath the water.

"Don't say it out loud."

The heels of her feet moved from his crotch to rest flat against his stomach. M _uch better_. He let out a breath of relief.

His thumbs kneaded her ankles in appreciation, then moved to the pads of her toes in a little massage that spanned much longer than he'd expected it to.

Ten minutes in, he'd expected to raise his eyes and see her staring back at him, only to find the young woman left in her own slumber. Her wet golden hair dangled limply off her shoulders as she leant her entire weight against the opposite side of the tub where she dominated, breaths of sleep leaving her lips through quick short gasps.

In a momentary decision he leant forwards, even if only to nuzzle his nose against her cheek and bless her to have the sweetest dreams.

/

/

/

/

He was scrolling down the shelves of the local café library uptown after school when a recognisable masculine voice appeared behind him, dark and smooth, forcing every single one of his limbs to freeze.

He stared blankly at a cover, refusing to turn around even if his life had depended on it.

"Those books," Every single one of his nerves stood on end to observe the surroundings. That impatient tap of feet behind him, the nearly unnoticeable growl, everything that made him feel like a prey in the midst of a predator, facing the wall of a dead end. "I had a friend check up your school registry. I found you're only taking general science subjects. Physics.. Chemistry... unlike those books you've kept in your hands the past few months."

Len rushed to hide the title of the books held behind his back but he knew it had been too late.

It wasn't even by a matter of few minutes or seconds, either. Something tells him that there's been eyes kept on him for ages and he was only slow enough not to notice.

His teeth jarred over his bottom lip. "I could... merely be expanding my knowledge on the things I'm interested in."

A gust of wind from a nearby window blew the dust from the bookshelves into the air, yet strangely, he felt no urge to sneeze.

Yuuma decided to put the accusation in pure light. "Or _maybe_ you've got something to do with a teenage girl's disappearance."

 _So that's what this was about._

What else could it be.

His cheeks burnt the darkest shade of red when he rolled his eyes. "I don't know your sister that well, alright?" Len spat.

Rin's elder brother stood a good foot taller than him and yet he summoned all confidence to whirl around and look the other male straight in the eyes. The strap of his book bag weighed him down but he stared ahead into those blue eyes that looked _so_ uncannily similar to hers, like deep oceans with no hint of life by it's surface. He had to steel himself and blink multiple times to focus on reality.

His eyes gazed around their surroundings for a quick second before loosening his grip on his fists.

It's alright, there was nobody else around. He could say what he wanted. "Tough luck. I'm not sure what you want me to say. That, _yes_ , sure, that disfigured girl we've read about in the papers are her? Or that she's rotting lifeless in a sewer somewhere outside the country?"

Each word he spoke made the older male clench his jaw further and further.

He tried to see if there were any presence luring in the shadows; if there was any other member of his possible little group here to beat him up on a basis of pure speculation. He saw nothing. He was safe.

"The only thing _I_ want to know is the _truth_."

"Like your friend said, I'm not sure what you're onto _me_ about when the most I've done is _fuck_ your sister once."

Or maybe Len thought too soon: a swift hand grasped him by the collar of his shirt and pinned against the bookshelf. Len whispered a silent curse beneath his throat for carelessly having wandered so deep into the secluded part of the building where nobody would be able to hear him. Not unless he screamed.

He felt the air from his chest nearly cut off from breath.

Len didn't even have time to push away.

His feet dangled from the ground, entire body suspended in the air by only a single fist.

"Don't play with me, Kagamine. Run your mouth off again and see where it gets you."

"O ー oh..?" He bit back a hiss, breathless, forcing a smug smile to push the very buttons he knew he wanted to, "Here I was under the impression that you _wanted_ me to talk."

The clack of heels sounded nearby, the voice of a lady librarian whispering to a little girl attempting to get a book from the highest rack on the next aisle over. By instinct, Yuuma shot his hands away and rested them to his sides, pretending they were nothing more than two young men having a friendly chat.

There was blood on his teeth when he spoke, spilt from the cut of his lips, as he delivered one last threat before heading off his own way."I'm keeping my eyes on you. One toe out of line ー one little thing that gives me enough reason to suspect you, and I won't be the only one you're answering to."

Len fixed up his attire, slamming the book he'd had his hands on into the shelves.

He rubbed the red marks by his neck as he caught his breath, listening to the softening sound of footsteps leaving the area..

The blond glared down solemnly in the empty row, standing alone, chuckling to himself as the last ray of sunshine hit the glass window. "Be my guest."

/

/

/

/

The young lady's first instinct when she saw him appear through the slide of the door was to run her hands down his cheeks.

She craned her head upwards worriedly, pushing his head down closer until she could get a good look at him and any blemishes he didn't have when he'd left just the morning before. Her sharp eyes didn't fail her this time, even though he'd prayed to every lucky star that it would.

"There's a bruise on your jaw.."

"It's nothing, Rin," He winced when her thumb gently pushed some pressure against it. "It's.. nothing."

She knew it wasn't the truth when she caught him averting his gaze.

Even so, she'd be nothing short of a fool if she wasn't aware of how much he hoped to avoid her attention and any possible questions thrown his away.

"Shh.. it's okay, I won't ask." The young lady shook her head understandably as she ushered him deeper inside their abode. Her hands helped him shrug off the thick winter coat bearing his shoulders, "I'll put some snow in a bag and have a look at you.. come on, let's get you warmed up."

* * *

aah please don't put off your work for this fic! it'll always be waiting! (also sorry if my ans are always vague, got lectured for listing names from the reviews before so i've been avoiding the same mistake :3c )


	30. jan8

_The police came to our school earlier_ , he could hear Piko's voice frantic hushes over the soft speaker of his phone, _they think they've confirmed the death of Kagamine Rin._

The moon rose to it's peak in the sky and he had to caress his fingers through their subject of conversation's undone braids.

The locks slipped from his fingers like a mixture of pure honey and caramel gold. She let out a little whine which he gently hushed with a soft kiss to the top of her head, massaging her scalp so she'd fall back into slumber.

 _What does that have to do with me_ , the blond questioned, peering through the gaps in the window to find anything of interest outside the dark.

His friend responded with nothing, allowing the silence to hold reign before finally hanging up the line.

/

/

/

/

That morning he'd heard the loudest scream he ever had in his entire life.

Len woke at the speed of light, tossing blankets off his body towards the open archway. During the rush he'd recklessly grazed his thighs against the corner of a table (that he'd recently bought from a little shop in town after her many complaints of how eating meals without a proper area felt downright distasteful) standing in the way, then slamming his entire figure into the nearest wall on his way out of the living room.

He hissed, pressing a hand to stop any potential blood flow from his nose, then hurried to find the source of the problem.

"Rin?!" He went to the bathroom, praying to god he didn't have to see her petite figure crouched in a pool of scarlet or to see her knocked out fragile on the cold tile floor. "Rin, are you alrig ー"

It seemed his panic was all for naught.

The young lady was seen standing on her tiptoes to ogle her reflection in the bathroom mirror, poking timidly at a bump on her forehead.

She looked at him as if she'd seen a ghost, pale blue lips whispering nearly inaudible words, "I.. Lennie... I..."

His hands immediately went to search her body for any sign of damage, "What happened?" The blond wondered breathlessly, because _certainly_ no sane person would scream like that if they weren't in trouble, and certainly not as loud as she did, for that matter.

"L... Len Len. It's horrible. It's _absolutely_ horrible."

"What is it?" His thumbs caressed her cheeks, "Are you hurt? Tell me."

"Worse! I have a _piiiimple_.." She sobbed dramatically, falling forwards to cry into his shoulder.

He can't believe this. He can't believe _her_.

Hot irritation creased his brows and he responded by pushing the girl backwards, shooting the foulest gaze known to man.

Pain shot up his leg and he leant back, deciding to go back to bed after she'd ruined his precious sleep. She trailed behind him, begging loudly for comfort even hours after he put a pillow over the back of his head to cover his ears, where in dreams he'd be safe from the fear she causes him without effort.

/

/

/

/

He should've known that Piko would be interrogating his whereabouts when he returned to school the next day.

He resorted to the half-baked excuse of being too sick to leave the bed, which successfully, yet surprisingly, gained no suspicion whatsoever.

His eyes wandered beyond the open infirmary window, a group of older boys rolling snow into balls and carving them into shapes before having to attend to any other duties. Amongst them were a few birds nipping at the snow whilst every single time a slight breeze would send them hurling up towards the blindingly blue skies.

Piko redirected his attention back to their conversation, though luckily he'd found a different topic to migrate into. "Your jaw is a bit purple..."

Len blinked once. Twice. His fingers ran where ice and smaller, feminine fingers guiding them once had done the same.

Not as if that's the reason he was here in the first place. He needed pain killers for his headache, fast, while Piko just tagged along because he wanted rubbing ointment for the reddening cuts on his fingers he'd neglected from cutting rose thorns earlier in the morning.

"Slammed myself against a wall," He mumbled out the reply. "It's nothing major."

"How you manage to get yourself in so much trouble is still beyond me."

"Oh, shut up, as if you didn't fall into Kobayashi during Gym earlier. Maybe that was even intentional. Hey, stop that," Even though his protest was audible, he did nothing to physically push away as the younger male smeared healing gel over the marks of his chin. At that, Len decided to stay quiet and resign to fate when he knew nothing he did would the able to stop the action.

Might as well accept treatment when it's offered to him.

Even if he secretly did wish it was someone else doing this.

The blond gazed again towards the window, freshening up a dreary sight, then towards the bed in the corner where he could see a tuft of crimson hair from beyond the draping curtains. "He's had his face planted into the pillows ever since we walked in."

There was a slight possibility this boy was pretending to be knocked out in order to avoid any social contact with him, but with the way the room was hot and he could see the slightest bit of sweat running down those ears, the assumption felt more unlikely.

Piko followed his gaze, soon releasing a sigh.

"Idiot fainted on the way to class before discovering he's got a fever. I had to help carry him here. Apparently they tried contacting his parents about this but nobody's picking up the calls."

"Hiyama's dad is a teacher here, isn't he? Bit odd that they're unable to 'contact' him."

" _His dad is on an excursion._ Didn't you realise that we had a _substitute_ teacher for History today? How thick are you.."

So he'd been daydreaming a bit in class to notice something so minor. It's not a big deal.

Still. Len sat up, pulling the curtains back, contemplating on his next course of action for only one quick second before running through the open doors without a single word.

It didn't take long for the younger male to pick up his bag, fingers still lathered in gel cream, yelling out for his name and an explanation, rushing in tow.

/

/

/

/

The last place on earth Utatane Piko expected to be on Friday evening was the oceanside kindergarten on the opposite side of town.

He was bent over his knees, panting for breath as his friend left the building with a little girl no more than five year's old clinging desperately at his jumper sleeve because he refused to let her hold his hand.

It wasn't anything personal.

Len despises holding hands. He hates it, perhaps more than anything in the world, _with every fiber of his being, that_ even those many days with Rin irritatingly grabbing hold of him at every chance she finds hasn't done anything to make him desensitised to physical acts such as these.

He did nothing but walk forwards on the road, and Piko wordlessly followed even if he was bewildered beyond wit's end. He was also concerned about a man in an apron exiting the building and following behind them in a car, but there was nothing too threatening about a Red Beetle in broad daylight.

"The teachers there won't let her come with me without supervision, but she refuses to go with them alone." Len shoved his free hand into his jacket, chewing on a mint pill between his teeth. "So I'm going to walk her all the way to her home."

They're missing a key component here. Piko felt his eye twitch, "Right. But you haven't even told me who she is."

The little girl snapped up her head when she realised she was the subject of their discussion.

Her hair fell down, a cascade of her ponytail as if it were a scarlet fountain, and the sun only aided for it to glimmer brighter away from shade

Her eyes were a familiar shade of amber to rubies, though he couldn't quite put his finger on where he'd seen it before.

"This is Ruby," Len ushered her forwards to hurry their pace. "Hiyama Fukase's little sister."

The younger male couldn't help turning several shades of white at the introduction.

 _Ruby_ , the name he's heard mentioned a million times whenever Fukase speaks over the phone. Every single time he has to make an excuse as to why he can't meet with them for trips to the park or the mall after school _. I have to bring Ruby home, I have to see Ruby after class._ Now he feels like an utter fool for assuming an entirely different context.

A man on a bicycle whirled by, ringing his bell a few times to signal them out of the way. Birds chirped in the sky. The salt water rang in the air, ocean waves clashing against rocks.

Len released another sneeze due to the cold. He looked behind them, seeing the teacher from the kindergarten still follow behind, albeit at a much slower pace.

The blond watched with relief when the little girl finally released the grasp on his sleeve to rush forwards, kicking at the melting I've with her boots and sending puffs of white to the skies

"The only reason she's alright with _me_ is because I've walked home with her brother a million times. She doesn't do well with strangers."

"You could've just told them that her brother's not able to collect her today, _so please call her mother,_ then be on your way."

"I did. They had no luck with reaching her parents either." When she saw him, she immediately buried her face into his stomach and latched on like a little lizard.. there was nothing else hould do but to get her home, especially when she looks at all of her teachers as if they've ascended from hell.

It's a pity that the teacher trailing behind couldn't just give a free trip instead of making them do the unnecessary walk on foot exercise like they are _now_ , but she threw a small tantrum at the prospect of getting inside a car that didn't belong to her family, especially when her older brother wasn't around.

Len hoped he wasn't this troublesome as a child.

No, rather, he hopes the one they're _expecting_ develops a personality that's more of a blessing rather than a curse.

He shook his mind away from the idea. Anything related to _that girl_ is not allowed on school nights. _She_ has no permission to dominate control over his thoughts every second of the day. That would be going further than whatever he's alright with, especially when he's back home with her, she's the only thing he thinks ab ー

"Is she _that_ shy?"

"No, she's not. On the contrary, I think she should learn to refrain a little bit more." Len fussed his brows before feeling a rush of red bloom over his cheeks. "Oh! You meant Ruby?"

His friend's eye twitched. "Yes, Len.. _I meant Ruby_. Who did you _think?_ "

"Yes. Yes, of course, she's very shy... doesn't go anywhere without Fukase." The young man rushed to find a new highlight within the subject. One that won't drive him to more danger than what he's capable of. "She's _also_ the very one you thought was his _previous girlfriend_."

He waited. Prayed. _Prayed some more._

It was nothing short of a miracle when Piko took the bait. "You never mentioned Fukase having a little sister."

"Of course not." Especially when that boy never mentioned it himself. "It isn't my story to tell."

But this brings them to an entirely different subject entirely; "Why did you come to get her?"

Why indeed.

Len took advantage of a pause to regain his breath. The silence spanned as he looked towards the blue, blue skies, thinking of deep unrivalled pools with shades that would only reflect the darkest depths of the ocean.

And he wonders, whenever he thinks of her, whether she looks up towards the horizon and keeps him in her thoughts as well. "If I don't.. who will?"

/

/

/

/

Their mother was present, streaming apologies and gratitude for having brought her daughter back home before sundown ー much more notifying her about the wellbeing of her son. The landline in their area was having complications that made it unable for any calls to get through, accentuating that her husband was also overseas, then sent them off with the reassurance that she'd make preparations for Fukase to be home by tonight.

Len put on a straight face.

Len pretended not to care.

Even so, his friend didn't believe a single word of denial coming from his lips.

/

/

/

/

He tapped the point of her nose with one of his fingers. She leapt up, pretending she wanted to bite it between her teeth.

Except now wasn't exactly the time where he wanted to play along, no matter how much her eyes felt like chasing a game of cat and mouse.

He visibly caught her off guard with a question. "How did you know when it was my Birthday?"

She'd been fingering the lone flower in her grasps, the single one that Utatane Piko had hassled him enough into buying for Valentine's week, and she seemed more than delighted at the gift even if it wasn't a large bouquet or an entire pot that came with soil.

Her sock-clad feet laid on his lap as he massaged them. She brought the ivory petals up to kiss with her lips.

The smell of hot meat sizzling on the steamboat stove wafted through the room and she couldn't help but look every few seconds for the moment some soup would bubble to the top. They were improvising the lack of a proper grill set up, much less an actual kitchen, but it worked well just the same.

"Like, be honest, did I mention it in my sleep, or...?"

"Hiyama Fukase."

"... I figured that as well." He rubbed the crease between his brows. "Fuck..."

When he caught her pouting he had no choice but to move his hands back to her feet, tickling the gaps between her toes in the way that he knows she enjoys. Her lips burst out into soft giggles as she fell backwards to the floor, admiring the cracks in the ceiling where she could catch glimpses of the stars.

The flower smelt so lovely. She couldn't keep it away from her nose.

He couldn't keep her away from his eyes so he believes it balances them out.

"Aquilegia vulgaris..." According to his friend. He wouldn't know the scientific name by himself, really... there are few things in this world that he cares about, and flowers just aren't one of them. "Clementine Roses... not the oranges, even though I know you love those better..."

She gave his stomach a weak kick to deny it. "Upward facing petals.. symbolise the future."

For years he'd believed that the future was nothing more than the unseen. Day by day, it crumbles down, and the earth breaks to show the vision of something _more._

"They're my Mum's favourite.. just in case you were wondering. Not lilies." He let out a soft yawn, "Stop closing your eyes. You're making me tired and it's not good to sleep before dinner."

"Have you thought of a name for him yet?"

"At this point I believe thst the day you stop changing subjects so quickly is the day the world will end." Len set her feet down, crawling over to the spot where he could lay by her side. She turned to face him, the moonlight splitting her visage into perfect halves. Her breath was warm on his skin. "You must be aware of how much you're driving me insane..."

She came close enough to flutter her lashes against his own.

 _And for more than one reason._

Rin grinned, _that typical Rin grin_ , contagious enough that he couldn't help a smile of his own.

"You know, anything you choose, I'd be alright with."


	31. jan12

Gloomy stares were sent outside the snow-frosted windows as her companion laid back, rubbing an absent palm over the round of her stomach. It felt good, but she supposed if she admitted to it, he would immediately take the taste of paradise away. So she kept quiet, waiting for a sign of daylight to show, while he enjoyed darkness bring them to the pleasantries of stars.

Rin moved her eyes away from the constellations, instead onto the newspaper he'd carried all the way from their town.

The headline caught her attention.

... She supposes this is his way of warning her without using his own mouth. She wondered whether she should bring the subject to light, but instead, he was the first to speak. "Why do you assume the baby's going to be a boy?"

She mocked another of her typical gasps, astonished this boy actually said more than _three words_ of which purpose wasn't to nag at her. "Do you have any sisters?"

"No.. just an older brother."

"Len. I'm the only girl out of four children. Why do you _think?_ "

"Right," Len swallowed his throat. "Right. I forgot."

/

/

/

/

A masculine shadow had been caught searching through his bedroom drawers the moment he'd returned. The blond turned on the lights, expecting it to be his older brother on a little break home for whatever reason it might be, only to face the direct figure of his father glaring at him through the dark.

The older man looked completely disheveled, gray hairs shooting from even his stubble and his necktie loosened around his collar. He stood, pushing his son out of the way to leave the bedroom with no sort of explanation whatsoever.

As if the pure infringement of privacy was something to be accepted as a norm

Len tossed the first layer of his school uniform onto the bed, feeling too warm donning a blazer after feeling indoor heat upon his skin. It wasn't long before he stormed back into the living room, anger in tow.

It was cruel to treat him like this. "Why were you looking through my stuff?"

"I was looking for your mother's necklace." That man was seated at the dining table, no sense of shame shown on him, "Go take a bath, you reek. Heat up some rice and have the egg rolls I brought back for dinner.

"This doesn't excuse you looking through my stuff without my _permission!_ "

"You're acting like a spoilt child, Len. I'm beginning to think you've been given too much freedom.. _remember_ that for as long as you're living beneath my roof, _all_ of your belongings belong to me."

He bubbled in his heat. He was being tested and driven to the very peak.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to grab the plates off the sink and toss it to the ground where they could only walk barefoot across a ground of shattered clay and glass. He wanted to cut the family photos over the porcelain cabinet into tiny shreds then blow them off to the wind.

But he didn't.

In the end, the only way he retaliated was to retreat into his cavern and turn the lock shut.

/

/

/

/

A cool bottle of water pressed against the skin of his neck. The blond looked up, eyes narrowed to face the sun.

He found the drink to be fresh soy milk, cap still sown tight, and the holder to be no other than Hiyama Fukase.

"You don't owe me anymore. Thanks for picking up my baby sister," That young man took a sip out of his own thermal, leaving access for the scent of hot chocolate to waft in the air.. "Now she's convinced she's going to marry you."

Len didn't smile. "Is your fever better?"

"Oh, yeah, loads. Dad came back a day after he found out.. we're fine now."

An uncomfortable quiet took place.

Both hadn't talked to each other for far too long that even a simple conversation like this has begun to feel foreign. Easing his own air, the blond decided to take mental note of his surroundings instead. The snow in their area have completely melted, fog cropping up every now and then, but with the sun out, it was decided for their sports activities to be continued outside rather than the safety of their indoor gymnasium.

Not that they needed the heater as aid after this lather of sweat. They could see a few older girls from across the field running laps around the track, but after several dozen push-ups, there was no energy left to keep their eyes open, much less for ogling.

Not that Len ever did in the first place. _Really_.

He wiped the dust off his forehead with the sleeve on his shoulder.

Valentine's day; where he's forced to clean out a decent number of letters crammed into the shared drawers just to reach his shoes.

Aside from that, for the first time ever, a classmate pulled him aside the block before first period to hand over a box of her specially made biscuits. When he discovered she wanted time with him not to settle matters of _importance_ , but rather because she wanted to confess her admiration towards him, he binned the treats into the trash.

Now isn't the right time and she just wasn't interesting enough for his attention anyway.

By luck the news hadn't spread to Fukase or else he'd be reprimanded instead of thanked by now.

"I heard from Akasaki that a girl confessed to you earlier today."

 _Scratch that.._ absolutely nothing goes undiscussed in this town. Len popped open the bottle cap, refusing to answer and instead taking refuge in a drink.

The liquid tasted bittersweet down the lane of his throat.

"I'm not going to ask _why_ you turned her down, if that's what you're worried about. Even if you _could've_ done that a little bit more gently..." Fukase wouldn't leave him be; white sneakers tapping impatiently against the ground. "I just felt you ought to know that I'm not interested in Kagamine Rin. I assure you.."

He can tell a lie when he sees one. Len narrowed his glare, "Why bring _her_ up? She's _gone._ "

"I doubt you believe _that's t_ rue."

"If you're going to talk about how _she's just a sister_ to you ー "

"Yeah, no, Piko already told me about your excuse." He held his hands up. "Newsflash, Len, you don't sleep with your sisters... that's disgusting."

He choked on his drink, holding back just one inch from snorting soy milk out of his nose. The other boy shot him a look of disgust until he regained the air to breathe.

The sound of a whistle blew from the centre of the field, calling everyone to gather around for one last lap before they were allowed to head back for the day.

All the other students took their own sweet time returning to their feet, while Len was already at the ready, hands drawn into fists by his sides.

His cheeks were warmer than the sun when he grit his teeth. "Don't _accuse_ me of that." It doesn't matter whether he'd admitted to it himself. That was _him,_ and anyone else _isn't_. "I don't know what you want from me. Fine, _yes_ , let's say that I like her. I like her, and I've never wanted anyone _else_ to like her. What's so wrong about that?"

"Nothing's wrong." Fukase stretched his arms above his head, donning a smirk. "It's just that I didn't think you'd _ever_ admit it to yourself."

Len resigned, chewing the insides of his cheek from nothing but defeat.

His intention had been to spit those words out of pure sarcasm, but that smug face taunting him revealed that he'd lost this time around.

"Don't you _dare_ tell Piko. I was joking. I didn't mean any of that."

"No worries! Even if I shouted it to his face, he'd be too thick to get it." The older male spun around, eyes twinkling, and it took the blond every grain of composure not to tackle him to the ground right then and there. "Of course, that didn't stop me from lying to you."

"Lying?"

"Yes, Len.. actually, I _like Rin_ just _as much_ as _you_."

/

/

/

/

She was so _antsy_ today.

He walked through the house doors, hours after sundown, expecting her to do the usual routine of tackling him against the wall for an embrace or to find her soaking her body up inside the bath at the very least. Instead she's staring at him as if he'd murdered a kitten in cold blood, and every time he tries to look her in the eyes, she finds the quickest excuse to run away.

It's about time he gets to the end of this.

When she dug inside his bag, presumably for a restock of mint biscuits, he snatched the carrier out of her reach.

It was surprising to see her blurt out her concerns without any prompting. "Did you receive anything for Valentine's?"

Unless his memory has failed him, that was the _strangest question_ to ever leave her lips.

He did receive a single love letter, attached to a fake rose, but aside from that other girl and her biscuits, it was just the same as the previous year. Dull, uneventful, and he wouldn't have preferred it any other way. Len came to the conclusion of her jealousy.

He decided he didn't want to deal with it, so he told her everything that happened.

The only problem was that she seemed _pissed_.

"What do you mean you _binned her biscuits?_ "

"What are you getting all touchy about? It's not yours, now, is it?"

It isn't, but she sure does act like it was. "She put effort into making those! For _you!_ " Her stance was stern. She looked towards him with fire. "You're telling me you _laughed_ at the confession, walked off without giving her a proper rejection, then tossed away something that's important to her. She could've very well given such a precious gift to some other boy that would've _actually appreciated_ something she made. Instead she wasted it on a person like _you_."

For her information, he didn't _laugh_ at the confession. He scoffed, but that _hardly_ qualified as a laugh.

As serious as the subject is (respectfully, in Rin's eyes) it's a tad bit hilarious that she's addressing a _snack_ made by a teenage girl as if it were pure treasure.

He's not sure _what_ he's done wrong to get her as angry as this. It's as if he can't do anything right with her. Accept the confession, she'd get upset ー refuse it, she'll make him scratch his head to the point he wishes he'd never been born.

When he wondered with exasperation what it was that she really wanted him to do, the young lady had already come up with a solution.

Her toes slid across the floorboards with his favourite pair of cotton socks, and she took a slow sip of her warm chocolate drink. "Tomorrow, go back to school, find those biscuits, find _her,_ then _apologise_."

As if he's got enough energy for _that._ He barely even remembers her name.

He voiced that out to her, but that only made the younger blonde more upset.

"SHE'S IN YOUR _CLASS!_ " She covered her mouth as if aware of how loud she'd been, but slowly took her hand away when she remembered she wasn't the one at fault. "Just.. just make an effort. Look, I know what it's like, alright? I know what it's like to be in her position, and ー"

He rolled his eyes, interrupting, " _Do_ you now.."

"A woman's heart is fragile ー "

"Oh," Len taunted her voice, going into another falsetto. "Yes, _fragile_."

She silenced him with a glare. "You know what? I won't talk to you again until you say you've apologised to her."

 _Fine then._. If she refuses to speak with him, then so be it, she will see if he's even the least bothered. This will cause her to swim in disappointment, pulling at the short end of the rope by the end considering he definitely _won't_ be. Even so, when they went to bed that night, he felt all sorts of discomfort not being able to keep her touch against his own.

He ran a hand down her thigh, only to feel smacked in the face when she pulled away, leaving the blankets to his side.

She tugged the pillow they'd been resting on and instead placed it as a barrier between their bodies, setting up a wall where he couldn't peek through. Len turned to face the other side of the room with a huff.

/

/

/

/

He laid his head back against the grass, a soft golden colour flashing with fresh growing buds of vivid green; wishing with all hope that the clear sky above would become a tad bit cloudier, darker, enough that if he was denied the permission to ever look into her oceans he'd be able to grab hold of a replacement, even if just to remind him of the first memory he has with meeting that gaze.

He should've been aware, even from back then, then way she had him on puppet strings leashed by each move of her very fingertips.

He's not sure how she does it. He's not sure why she would.

In due time, he might discover it.

In due time.

As for now, he rest his chest, feeling the cool spring weather lull him to a peaceful rest. The sun burns his skin, but it is warm, like the sound of her laugh and the heat of her hands in his.

The softest tap of fingers on his shoulder brought him away from a potential nap. His eyelids snapped open and he sat up at the speed of light, seeing a young woman's pale green forests of a gaze give him a timid smile. He allowed himself to inhale, remembering all the words he'd practised to say before finally parting those hesitant lips of his.

/

/

/

/

His father's been home more frequently lately, and there aren't any signs of a break until Summer vacation. He won't be able to see her with as little limitations as he had the past few months.

If only she understood that enough to come over and give him a soft smooch. It doesn't matter if it's out of pity. He's craving physical touchy badly. The gesture of leaving the comforts of their warm beachside town for this frozen tundra is going completely unappreciated that it's driving him insane.

Len drew a few lines in the snow with a stray stick, feeling those torrid stares burn down his back as she sipped onto the hot chocolate she made herself. She was still upset, this time refusing to succumb to the reasoning that this situation was her fault like she often pressures herself to do.

No, she's positively _brimming_ in foul temper as of now, and he's not sure if he really wants to acknowledge it.

Len looked up.

Blew her a kiss out of pure impulse, wondering whether that little gesture would be enough to break her into her usual smiles.

She responded by scrunching up her facial features then escaping the back porch under the excuse of needing a trip to the bathroom.

He brought his hands towards his face to whine into them.

/

/

/

/

At the very least she didn't protest to the massage of her feet. Even she wasn't a fool to refuse these types of pampering when it's presented to her.

How typical. She will use a plate made from paper, but would not decline a chalice of gold.

"I apologised. Just so you know."

He poked a stick into the flames of their hearth, bringing life to return within their peaceful enclosure. The paper doors of the porch seemed in desperate need of a renewal, and the roof looked only a day away from breaking apart and crashing over their heads. He wondered whether she'd be open to finding a new home.

Just another year. He can finish school in another year. Just another year. _Another year_

Even the mere thought of it scares him more than he'd like to admit. Enough that he refuses to put it into words.

"I bent my back, begged for forgiveness, gave some chocolates in return then rejected her. Properly." The fire came so close he feared it engulfing him into heat, but he stepped away just in time, deciding the hearth had been given enough fuel to last the night. "She felt bad enough about it to give me another box of her biscuits."

"Liar."

Anri Rune; He even remembered her name, for the mere reasoning that he didn't want _this girl_ by the piano being upset. She familiarised her hands with the keys and a makeshift blindfold from one of his uniform ties, determined on a former declaration about wanting to play by ear. Everything she's ever done is by impulse, he realises, and he's not sure why he hadn't noticed it sooner.

Len dug the mentioned treat out of his bag then tossed it across the room in one swing.

As if it had been rehearsed, the wrapping complied with a perfect land across her lap.

Rin yanked off the binding on her eyes, ready to give him an earful for being disrespectful enough as to toss objects at a vulnerable young lady, only for her bottom lip to tremble when she realised what it was.

"I'm not into biscuits." He went over to the futon, rolling on his side. "She said it was alright to share, anyways.. as long as I don't bin it."

It was barely a second later until there was an additional body pressed beside him, affectionately kissing the spine of his back through the maroon wool of his jumper. She clenched his clothes into her fists and held him tight.

He supposes this _is_ the way she expresses her apologies.

Though she doesn't have to. Not at all.

As much as he hated to admit it ー this time, she was right.

/

/

/

/

Coffee shop after the weekend. A particularly large woman walked by, juggling a toddler on her hip and a bag of cookies in the other, attempting to enter the building. The blond took note of her abnormally large stomach, crude enough to mentally suggest her cutting down with a diet before the concept of her being an _expecting mother_ came to mind.

The size of Rin's stomach wasn't too large, now that he thinks of it. Maybe she's the odd one out.

He got off his seat, rushed over to push open the glass door and hear the woman coo her thanks towards him, before rushing to his destination; the little booth by the window where there were already two other people waiting.

Len loosened his scarf. Nudged the person beside him with an elbow.

Said person just scoffed. "Took you long enough to get here."

A third voice chimed in. "Suck a dick, Utatane. Not all of us can leave the house as easily as you."

"He'll suck _yours_ if you let him." Len scanned the table, grateful they were kind enough to order for him while he'd been on his way.

He took a slow sip of his mocha, leaving the caffeine a few moments to boost up his system. The radio in the background streamed some classic from the nineties, but he was more interested in the nearby ancient jukebox standing in the corner. It's probably just decorative by now. He doubts a thing like that can still work by the amount of dust left on those buttons.

The café is warm. Not a good decision, considering it's noticeable how this town is getting sunnier by the day.

Rin would like this. He wonders if it's still cold where she is.

Two fingers snapped in front of him.

Fukase twitched his brow. It was then that Len realised he'd lost his focus. He'd stole some cookies off from Piko's tray for more energy, hearing the youngest of their trio to issue a protest that went unheard.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." He should be gaining points for honesty. The weight on his shoulders draped across the table, spilling out pens and papers he was told to bring. "We're here to study, aren't we?"

An exasperated groan. "I _told you_ in message that I need help preparing questions for when I meet Kagamine Rin's brother."

The blonde couldn't help but knit his brows together. He couldn't deny the way his heart sped against his chest, the way his throat instantly went dry. "Why would you meet with her brother?"

"Isn't it obvious?" The tone, though unlikely intentional, mocked him for being a fool. "I'm going to find her."

The pulse of his chest declined to a near zero.


	32. jan17

"You're kidding me."

"I'm not kidding you."

Len stood up with a bang, cookies and tiramisu clattering along with the miniscule amount of dishware across the table.

"She's dead," He began to point fingers in the wildest of directions, not knowing where to, until it finally landed on Utatane. "You. You told me she's dead. You..."

Fukase cut in before anyone else could add in a word. "That's been deconfirmed. Listen, I didn't call you here to debate on this ー I'm just asking whether you're with me on this, or whether you're _not_."

The young man had to face downwards in order to rest his breathing. Sun-kissed bangs blocked his vision off from light, nowhere as gold and silky as he wanted them to be. The strands were blown out of the way with a huff of breath before he sidled back down on the black cushions, hoping to hide how he'd glowered just moments before.

He took another sip of warm mocha to calm his beating chest.

/

/

/

/

Public holidays during the middle of the week are both a blessing and a curse.

It gives you the small illusion of a break when in reality you haven't enough time to go for anywhere longer than a single day vacation.

The spring season fell down on them. Thankfully his allergies are no longer as bad as they were, and there was no longer that icy chill beneath his heels. All of this didn't excuse general responsibilities, however...

Bills. Bills, _bills, bills.._ what looked like a million piled across the dinner table where his father finally took a seat, going through receipts one by one. Len hovered by, pretending to share the surface for his bowl of cereal already expired a little over two months ago, when in reality he was only hoping _that anything he didn't want found_ wasn't placed beneath direct spotlight.

The search turned out vastly shorter than expected to take, barely standing out from several other sheets of paper. Water bills from that other home. The bills his mother had addressed to be sent _here_ before she left.

He tapped the older man on the shoulder, _innocently_ wondering whether there was any need for assistance, hoping to play the role of the good son who provides a helping hand around the house.

He's already done the laundry and all the dishes, after all. Something like this shouldn't seem too odd.

He tilted his head forwards, trying to hold back one of Rin's bad habit he'd picked up of biting his nails. If the bills aren't paid, they would have to get by without any running water until an indefinite amount of time. But he doesn't know how to _get them_ paid, either. Not when it came with this big of a risk.

To his surprise, the answer was only an agreement. He was told to merely forge the older man's signature and card information on all listed documents, because his father couldn't bare going through the thousands on his own.

Len took hold of a pen, thinking about how he _never_ would've thought even in his wildest dreams that he'd be _so glad_ to be assigned a chore on a day off.

That relief was short-lived when he discovered that his father never spares more than a few seconds at _any_ of the papers he signs. It's just a the action of making a few swipes of those initials, a stamp, and then to carry on with the next.

He was a fool not to consider how they managed without any problems the past few months.

His father lazily tapped his shoulder, demanding a reason why he was staring so far out into space; and if he had enough time to lay back and daydream, he might as well use it to work.

The young man scowled though obeyed all the same, biting down a venom-coated tongue from spitting out any words he itched to say.

It is a miracle, he thinks, that after all these years he manages to stay the same way he's always been. It's a habit where he feels something is very wrong, but he is far too afraid to speak of it.

So he sits back. He allows the entire world to run it's course.

A slice of paper cuts his finger, but all he does is to let it simmer until the time comes when he is the one who _boils_.

When he finished putting them all into envelopes as ordered, (soon after separating them into proportions between the personal forms, which are covered by the work-related ones by a landslide, _and the work-related ones which are half of him in height_ ) He let himself enjoy some yoghurt from the fridge before collapsing on the confortable sofa, just inches away from his bedroom door.

/

/

/

/

Len searched through his text books as reference, refreshing his mind on a forgotten formula when this particular young lady's voice was getting far too loud for comfort. He wondered whether it would be rude if he'd asked her to kindly shut her mouth.

He came to the conclusion that it was. He didn't care.

It wasn't as if she was making decipherable words, either. The whisper was likely non-sense, like the jingle of bells or the sound of a knock against wood. When he turned around to snap at her, she was already hovering above his neck, those ruby tinted lips obviously having been beside his ear.

He glared. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to make you go to the toilet with _me. It's too dark._ I don't want to go alone." Her hands pushed a bottle of water closer to his side, as subtly as possible to lure him into desiring a drink, before puffing her cheeks again. She kept imitating the gush of water through the little gap between her lips. ".. _sssssshhhh_..."

This must've been the result of the ghost stories he'd spent an hour narrating one particular night beneath the snowstorm, when she was insisting the howls of the wind was again his lamenting grandparents rather than accepting a completely scientifical explanation. She kept being noisy, she refused to sleep, _and worst of all,_ she refused to do anything but bother him until the crack of dawn.

The young man buried his face into his hands to issue a silent cry. As much as he didn't want to admit it, considering her behaviour is that of a four year old boy who _doesn't want to sleep in his room alone because of the monster beneath his bed,_ he does feel the urge to go to the bathroom, even if it _is_ just to wash his hands.

She's aggressively manipulating him. He refuses to give in.

Len clasped his hands over her cheeks to force all the air out, effective with the sound of her eliciting the whistle a balloon makes when cut at the stem.

Hold on ー hold on, hold on, _hold on.._. this could be a good opportunity for him to play along with her own game.

"How good are you at Binomial Distributions?"

Rin nibbled her bottom lip, registering the term before lightening up with her grin reaching the top of her cheeks. "Fair enough! Did you know that I'm at the top of my class in Mathemati-"

"Don't care," He's aware of the way she obsessively reads through his academic textbooks like they're the bible, but he'd only pinned the behaviour down to boredom. "Listen, I _really_ need to catch another hour of sleep.. so if you promise to finish up these," He drug out a few lists of question papers, "I'll take you to the bathroom."

Her shake of the head was disapproving. "That's not good, Len, you shouldn't get someone else to do your assignments..."

"I guess you should just hold in your bladder until tomorrow..."

On _second_ thought.

Rin snatched the pencil out of his hands, clicking the back for an extra shooting of lead, before setting to work.

/

/

/

/

The snow has completely melted in their little mountaintop home, and for the first time in many months, he'd slept completely warm, he'd slept very peacefully.

He rubbed his eyes the next morning, trying to distinguish between dreams and reality when he saw Kagamine Rin with her back facing him, hopping on the very tips of her little toes to grab a box on the curtain rack. Not that it was unrealistic ー it just looked foolish, and he was unsure whether to click his tongue or to form a smile.

She was inside the one room they hardly ever entered, and he found it more odd than he'd like to admit.

And odd, to him, means a peak in curiosity. Only because this girl has taught him well enough to think in this way.

Nimble fingers crept up her spine until reaching the spot of her exposed neckline. She let out a soft gasp at the chill, turning around with her rosy visage evident that whatever she was doing wasn't meant for him to know. Before waiting for an actual response, or even asking if she desired any assistance, he reached his arm over their heads to knock the box hidden atop the rack with mininal effort.

She was too late to catch it from falling on the floor.

Len bent down when she was whining, bubbling how he'd only made things worse, through a running nose and teary cheeks.

"Sorry," He wiped the back of his neck to rid it from sweat. "How'd you get it up there in the first place? Or is that not yours..?"

Apparently that was another mistake. "My belly wasn't that big a few months ago! I could've climbed the window sill!" She sobbed louder, hurt that he'd be cruel enough to make her admit to such a thing, "Go away! I don't ー I don' need you here!"

"I just came to ask whether you wanted to take a bath together..."

Not really. He was passing the hallway because he wanted to take a shower on his own, and she just happened to catch his eye while passing by. Except she doesn't need to know this.

"Don't look at it!" She covered the box with her arms as if it were the only hope on earth. When he shrugged and spun to move away, she held him by the ankle cuffs of his pants. " _Noooo!_ You can't leave me!"

Hormones are a wild thing, aren't they...

At least, he _hopes_ these are her hormones in action, rather than them just being the typical tendencies of being mentally ill. He sat down, criss-cross apple-sauce, cupping her chin in the grasp of one hand to force her into facing him. He found her to be more honest whenever she stood on the ground, aware there would be no escape.

He proved himself right.

She shakily brought the box to view.

"It's your ー it's your Valentine's chocolate." Rin finally admitted, chewing one of her golden locks between her teeth until he broke the habit by pushing those strands away, over the arch of her ear. "I meant to give it to you when I first got it, but you were so upset about me leaving the house ー please don't look at me like that, I meant before the festival ー then on actual Valentine's, you were being so rude ー"

"Rin, it's _March_."

He held out his hand, only for her to keep the dessert away at a more protective height. That is, over her shoulder. "No! You can't have it! You'll just bin it like you did with _hers!_ "

He can't believe she'd actually bring that up.

"Hers is _handmade_. I know you got _yours_ from a store." He not fond of chocolate, honestly. It's ghe way she's reacting that tempts him not to give in, even when his conscience screams at him not to put on any tension and leave the situation alone. "I snog you often. Do I snog _her?_ "

Instead of sounding convincing, all his words did was make her leap dramatically against his chest, wailing out her insecurities. "I wouldn't _knoooow! I_ 'm not there to see you, am I?!"

Len tossed back his head to look at the ceiling. He took a deep breath before a sigh, knowing that tonight was going to be a _very_ long night.

 _Unless he stopped it before it could develop further into one, that is._ Had this been a year in the past, he'd probably tackle her for holding something back from him or even get into a very foul mood to ruin their evenings until the next few months. Now, the blond decides, that he has neither the time nor energy to deal with anything like this for longer than five seconds.

So he straightens his back, clings to the pinnacle of every parent's excuse to stop a fight; being the bigger person.

The young man pulled the curtains shut before making another walk out of the room.

Apparently doing _that_ was just as wrong as doing anything else.

At this point, he believes she'll get mad at him for merely breathing. " _Nooooooo!_ No!"

Miss Rin reacted to his departure by ripping open the chocolate box, yanking back on his sleeve and forcing a piece of chocolate through the older blond's mouth to the point where he could only choke.

"You have to eat mine," Little drops of tears escaped her eyes. "You belong to _me_ , so you have to have mine."

There was no chance to even ask _when_ she decided he became her property.

Whenever he swallowed, she would pry open his jaw and force another one in. He could bite her fingers, he had every opportunity if he'd truly wanted to do it, and if he did, there was no doubt that she'd pull away and refuse him all over again to the point he has to regain her favour by begging to his knees.

But he didn't want to. Even a scene like this, where he's running out of breath and she's sitting across his lap, demanding the rest of his attention ー seemed calming enough not to end.

So he chewed on the treat. He doesn't like chocolate, but he eats it. It's salty, just a little sweet, and it reminds him of home.

/

/

/

/

"Do you think I'm insane?"

"Hey, calm down. You're fine. _You're just a little stressed,_ but you'll just have to keep waiting, and you'll ー"

"No. Answer the question. Do you think me, actually wanting to stop finding her like this.. do you think I'm insane?"

Len stopped in his tracks. He returned the books, the ones that she's already finished reading, then began looking for something else that she might find interest in. A shopping list had been sloppily written on the palm of his hand. He made sure not to let any water run down it's ink.

Some more of the vitamins she refused to eat, some mint biscuits, and he'll have to get some radish and chicken to grill over the back porch.

It seemed those boys are everywhere he goes. From the market to the district library. He finished skimming the final page of the _Beginners Guide to Expecting,_ then hoped to push it back into the bookshelf and leave as silently as possible to his trip back home tonight.

The itch inside him urges him to stay back and eavesdrop. He argues with it for a little while, but it triumphs in the end, and he stays back with his eyes closed yet ears wide open to hear those swallowed whispers between the aisles.

"You're her elder brother. You said it yourself, if anyone's going to find her, it would be _you_."

"That was before everything else. You remember those other girls? You remember what's happened to _them?_ "

"They've already taken in the suspects for questioning. Yuuma, come on," There was the sound of feet rushing away. "Yuuma, _wait..._."

The soft little door chime began to rang. Then it was silent all over again.

/

/

/

/

"Kagamine, when I told you to write a report on a revolutionary act, I'd expect something like the overthrowing of the French Monarchy for one thing, _like the rest of your class_." The man slammed a file down on the coffee table, a free hand spreading the hair gel that held dark brown curls together. "Not this nonsense about wearing slippers to school."

"I didn't write that, Sir..." He's sure he didn't.

Len timidly picked up the folder, going through it so he could spark up his defense only to recognise the handwriting at first glance.

He was left with no choice but to swallow back his words.

He can barely remember what he ate for dinner yesterday _ー that is, stale rice he'd bought from the convenience store ー_ much less think back on a specific event and recall every little memory of it within the limitations of ourty minutes.

He was never specified to write on something _impersonal_ , either. The other boy in the room was slightly supportive, to his credit. "Ha. He's not wrong, though.. it's revolutionary in the sense of using your tie as an anklet then claiming you still apply to the uniform regulations."

The blond chewed the inside of his cheek. "How does _that_ apply to uniform regulations?"

"Criteria requires a blazer, a cardigan, pants, and a tie.. but it's never specified _where_. Technically, you could wear your pants on your head and you still shouldn't get into trouble."

Fukase had one hand in his chips, the other attempting to snatch the remote control out of his father's lap.

The old man had been streaming his wrestling match for long enough when he's barely even looking through anything but the stack of assignments on the tea trolley meant to be graded.

The smell of freshly baked cookies from the kitchen wafted in; they could hear the woman of the house humming gently to a song while her daughter helped roll a new batch of dough.

Hiyama Kiyoteru clicked his tongue, repositioning his glasses before turning back to the fifty inch screen.

"Dad! Remote!"

"Instead of _watching movies_ , perhaps you should tutor your friend over here about proper report writing and maybe then I'll think about it."

His son grumbled, throwing one of the cushions back to the couch before rising from his seat. He waved a hand towards the stairs, finally coming to the conclusion that if they wanted to get anything done they might as well use the laptop in his bedroom rather than wait around for the _history teacher to lecture them on their grades_ for hours before relenting.

Fukase isn't too fond of his family. Len takes that as a sign that he's being raised well.

Sure, he doesn't have parents as warm as Utatane Piko's; those that dote on their child and makes sure he never loses his way ー but this young man still has a loving mother. He has a hardworking father.

He has a home to return to.

Len broke out of his thoughts when the bedroom door finally closed behind them, and his friend ran around the room, airing out the wind by opening the windows. "What's so captivating about watching two, sweaty, half-naked men slam their bodies together, anyway..."

"You don't know how wrong that sounds."

"I guess that's the kind of stuff my dad is into, huh..."

"So you _do_ know how wrong that sounds..."

The door opened a peep.

Their heads swung towards the direction only to find a pair of wide ruby-amber eyes peeking back towards them. Fukase gestured his hands in the motion of a gun, whispered the sound of a shot, then grinned when he was rewarded the sound of a girlish squeal and the little pads of footsteps running down the stairs.

When Fukase went to check the door whether she was still around, he only found a tray of cookies on the floor as remnant.

"Mum must've told her to bring them up." He locked the door this time, plopping on the ground by his table. "Len? I know you're not here to watch movies with me. It's fine just to tell me what you want."

Len looked up, regretting it instantly when he felt the urge to vomit.

Understanding eyes. Understanding smile.

An unrivalled patience that he could never, in his wildest dreams, seek to gain.

Things he is not deserving of at all.

"About Rin..."

"ー you're not with me." Fukase interrupted. He wasn't upset. He showed no sign of anger, just an empty gaze out towards the blue sky. "It's okay. That's all you need to say."

/

/

/

/

It's been three nights since he'd been gone. He was expecting her to be waiting for him by the front door, as usual, but what he didn't think to see was the way her body collapsed against the wooden wall, eyes tight and asleep. Staying up just to catch a glimpse of his arrival must've taken a toll on her energy.

He gently lifted her weight in his arms

He pressed his ear against her chest. He's never felt as glad as he did the moment he heard that heartbeat, soft and sweet, just like a lullaby.

It beats, aware and alive.

* * *

i swear to god i'm sorry this story is so long, this should've ended like ten chapters ago


	33. jan21

"Nice work on your Mathematics," His teacher held him back, peering over moon-rimmed glasses and a distant smile. "By the way, you didn't have to turn in the other homework either. I planned to assign it to the class this week but seeing as you've already completed your set..."

"Other homework?"

The woman looked just as confused. She pulled a yellow file from beneath the table, showing dark black letters spelling out his name. When they opened up the seal, the works Kagamine Rin had finished just a week prior was in full display.

Vaguely, Len wondered how a _teacher_ was oblivious enough to believe this was genuine when nowadays his time management is so awry he's forced to finish his assignments just five minutes before the start of class, especially when this time, he hadn't even bothered to change the handwriting much less gone across the papers. Then again, this was _Rin_ he was thinking about. That girl probably would've thought about this beforehand.

There's a lot of things she's airheaded about. _There's many instances where she makes her decisions on impulse._

Academics must not be one of them.

Back to his teacher. The blond pretended to snap his fingers in remembrance, acting as if _all_ the extra questions _do_ ne had merely slipped his mind. Soon, he gnawed his lips, hoping the lie wasn't obvious enough to see through.

It wasn't. "You shouldn't look at me so worriedly. I'm not going to reward you with _more_ homework, at least, not now." She showed her incisors in a smile. "I just thought I'd let you know about how well you're doing."

"Right. Erm.. thank you, Miss. Ann."

She winked, sliding the file back where they found it. "You're excused from any assignments this weekend. We'll let this be our little secret."

Only a weekend wasn't exactly much, but taking in consideration the six handwritten pages on Ancient Greece due by Monday, amongst many others, Len was grateful enough.

/

/

/

/

She woke up so quickly and so suddenly, he'd almost thought he'd seen a ghost. "... You finished all the chocolate."

It sounded as if she were sleep talking, but when she narrowed her eyes towards him she knew not to

"I... did? But you were the one who fed me."

The younger blonde buried her head into a pillow, upset. "Even though I'm carrying your _baby_."

At first he'd came to the presumption that she was merely jesting, hoping to rive him out of doing his French thesis on eighteenth century Britain into doing something more _considerate_ such as entertaining a restless girl because she's long grown bored of watching the flowers refuse to bloom further than the little sprouts in the garden they currently are.

The tulips aren't very visible, but the sunflower seeds they'd scattered around together seems to have bore fruit ー in the metaphorical sense.

Not that he could see them _now_ with no light outside lest for the dimming moonlight. He looked back at the young lady, hoping she'd get tired of playing pretend if he gave her a bit of space, only to find her determination stronger than his own.

It's not that he even _wanted_ to finish it. She got carried away, stuffing each and every piece through his lips.. and unless his memory served him wrong, she seemed delighted about it _a few days ago._

Apparently what she'd felt _before_ shouldn't be taken into account by what she feels _today_.

He hushed her, pulling her weight onto his lap. Her stomach lightly pressed against his own and his hand went to cradle the back of her neck. "Okay, _alright_ , I'll go out and buy some chocolate for you. Right now, if you want.. I'll head to town and you can have some before bed."

Rin responded with a weak fist against his chest. "No! I won't _want_ it by then."

"What _will_ you want, then?"

"Sex!"

 _No, he thinks not_. The young man away from a sudden attack of a smooch, making her commit the mistake of pecking his cheek instead of his lips.

He mused loudly about how she must not have been _that_ bothered about the chocolate in the first place, hoping the jibe would get her to fess up and not act so rashly depending on a spur of emotions. She has him caught in a web between her limbs. Her nimble fingers act fast, halfway through unbuttoning his shirt by the time he's able to blink, her warm mouth leading from the skin of his neck following up to the trail of his jaw.

Len took a deep, deep breath.

One part of him, the little demon whispering in his ears, told him to indulge in it like he always has.

The larger side of his sanity forces him pin her down to the futon, _assure her that they'll be able to make love in her dreams,_ then promptly wished her a good night with a kiss to the forehead.

Rin sent over the nastiest glare manageable until the warm blanket took control over her senses, almost as if holding her by the arm, leading back into bed.

Even through his supposed unfairness, she made sure to have one of his hands, _the one that wasn't numb with holding a pencil for hours on end,_ caress her to sleep.

/

/

/

/

He marched through the front door with a popsicle stick through his lips, flipping through a biology textbook while his father stood by the entrance, arms crossed, a single brow quirked.

The sweet mint flavour on his tongue suddenly tasted more of raw blood combined ith bitter soil when he noticed _that look._ The look that effortlessly, without any words, warns him he's done something wrong even when he has no idea in the world as to what. The very look that makes him wake up in cold sweat the morning with cold blood and numb feet.

He bit on menthol ice, cracking between his teeth, before finally questioning what was wrong.

His father looked as if he wanted to scream for a moment. Hesitated. Then finally decided against it.

A large hand stretched over, running through the top of his scalp, through his pale blond locks, moving down to cup his chin then look into his eyes. What lasted must've been only for a second, but it felt like a century where he was engulfed in chains.

The man's glare faded. Hushed him to brush his teeth once he's done with the snack, not to head out without notice even if it _is_ a trip to the downstairs convenience store, then a soft reminder to go to sleep before midnight. All as if he were talking to a elementary school child.

He mentioned wanting to go out for a smoke, then left with a click of the lock behind him.

Not another question about the missing pearl pendants.

Len couldn't help but think that exchange might've been the strangest he's had within the past decade, but when he looks at the magnet calendar dangling off the fridge, he is aware why.

Anniversaries are arguably the worst; even more than deaths, and more than birthdays. You pine over what _was,_ rather than _what could've been_.

It must be difficult to loathe a woman so, _so much,_ to the point where your thoughts are filled with her until the end of time.

It must be difficult to have a constant reminder of her to be living under your roof when the persont has long left, all with the admittance that her emotions for you had never been even half as strong as your own.

Len moved forwards, to the long mirror in the corner of the room. His reflections taunted him from every glass window. If he's meant to sink into a black hole, so be it ー if he is meant to burn beneath the seventh layer of hell, then he would agree. But let that be punishment for his own mistakes rather than something like this. If there was one thing he didn't wish to be blamed for, it would be the way he looks.

He never _asked_ to look like her.

He never asked for her to be his mother.

He never did.

/

/

/

/

"No, I've already got a date with Ruby to the mall ー some sort of meet and greet for a show she's currently obsessing over.." Fukase flipped through his phone schedule with a thumb. "She made me promise to take her out on the twelth, too, so that's no good..."

It either sounds like he's addressing a lover, or on the smaller side of the spectrum, _a pet dog_. Omitting any mention of how the meet and greet truthfully concerns magical girl mascots in overlarge _costumes intended to attract six year olds,_ and the only place he's taking his little sister out for is the little ice cream parlour across the district, there's no wonder why any outsider would mistake him talking about his partner rather than a very young sibling.

Piko's eyes were evident with irritation.

Len bit his popsicle. "Why are you meeting up? Assignment?"

A melody of violet and valencia dancing amongst the clouds. Sunset on the school roof is something he experiences rarely, but a lovely memory all the same. It's the warmest spot in the entire compound during the late evenings, where the roof aids no shelter from the daylight and the heat melts across your skin, tasting of love-sent kisses from the sky.

After such a long refrain during winter, he'd nearly forgotten how good it felt.

The other two boys cringed at the sound of ice breaking between his teeth. One of them finally decided to speak out his concern, "Len, you've had _six_ of those within one day. Is your stomach alright?"

"That's because it's _good_ , Utatane. Don't criticise me." It's not a lie. He's had about twelve of them yesterday alone. There's a particular young lady to blame for his recent addiction with mint.

Len stretched the treat towards Piko's chin as an offer. The boy shook both his arms in refusal, yet when it came to Fukase's turn, nobody had to wait even a second before there was a a large lick.

A slow pause.

The blond stared at the glistening part of his popsicle, distraught. "Why would you use your tongue on somebody else's ice cream? What's _wrong_ with you?"

"You offered."

He's not even sure why he's feeling so strongly over such a trivial matter. "I offered a bite. Not a lick."

A year back, he would've just thrown the popsicle into the trash and moved on with his day. Rin's habits must've grown into himself enough that he's reverted into being a toddler.

"I'll lick _you_ if you don't get off of it. You're acting like you've never shared anything with me before." The eldest ot three flared red, following the crimson shade of his hair, wondering whether or not they should enter an argument before his patience went back to the former conversation he was so immersed in. "Anyway. Sunday? After cram school, you free?"

"I'll be free if you apologise for licking my ice cream."

"I wasn't asking _you_."

"My Mum wants to host some flower arrangement events on Sunday... I'm supposed to be entertaining all these little kids while their mothers participate. I mean, I _can_ refuse, it's just that I won't be able to come to the baseball meet next Tuesday to make up for it." Piko chewed the nail of his thumb. "Unless you're free Saturday after five.. I'll have time after cleaning up shop."

Len didn't even know his friend _played_ baseball. Of course with Fukase he was aware, expecially after all those years that boy had gushed over the sport through middle school... Utatane Piko, on the other hand, stood on the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to _athletic,_ with limp shoulders and a height that barely surpassed his own.

Their school club must've been desperate to admit someone as frail as him.

"After five is Ruby's _ballet_ recital. Can't do that." Fukase must've noticed the look of confusion sent their way. "He's not in the baseball club. He's apparently doing some work for the School Committee to graph out which club deserves the most funding this year, or whatever."

Len decided to persist on the matter, "You didn't answer what I asked though. What's this about meeting up? You going on a date together?"

"None of your business."

No, he supposes it isn't. He _hopes_ it isn't. "Ouch." The blond feigned hurt, pressing a mock hand to his chest as he rolled his eyes back towards the clouds.

To be fair, he already has somewhere to go. Not _tonight_ , it'd be too suspicious tonight. He has to wait for the opportune moment where he can leave the house under no gaze but his own.

When he closes his eyes, he gives himself a minute before opening them.

He imagines the growing tulips, he imagines her nose breathing in the scent of sweet clementine.

He feels every single urge and desire to be back home, with her head in his lap and his hand through her hair.

/

/

/

/

"Clementines!" The vendor, an old man seeming as if he were approaching his eighties, stroked his bearded chin with thoughtfulness. "Not a bad choice! They can be jus' as sweet as the authentic Mandarins' we've got a'here. With the pomegranates, an' the ー"

"It's okay. I think I'll stick with Clementines." He didn't bring that much cash on him, anyway.

A shaky nod of the head came as response whilst the blond loaded up the ripest batch he could find within a plastic bucket, then onto the weighing scale across the counter. Evenings on a weekend wer, surprisingly, most often the emptiest time of the little countryside market in comparison to how it is out in their town. And it so happens to be his favourite time to go out for a fresh walk.

Might as well get a replacement of fruits after their supply of prunes have finished, and the Clementine Rose he'd gotten that girl has already dried up. Maybe something like this would be enough to bring her a smile.

His elder spoke again, taking his money in coins and taking out the miniscule change. "'Haven't 'ad' t'see you around in a while, have we?"

"Hm?"

"You're Lily's boy, aren't yous? She used t' take you around every day during summer break."

"Oh, uh, yes." He couldn't hide the surprise at having been recognised. "Kashima Lily."

A hand waved off his clarification flippantly. "I know that! Went to school with your gramps', I did... wonder how's he doing nowadays, ol' geezer,"

"He passed away ten years ago, Sir..."

Morbid laugh. "I know tha' too."

Len cleared his throat uncomfortably, pocketing the coins he'd been returned into his jacket and juggling the plastic bag in his arms, wondering whether he'd have time to make a quick stop back to the house within fifteen minutes, only to go back to the train station without his father noticing even a little of his absence.

He likely should.

If she refuses to eat her vitamins through pills, he's got to bring back snacks like these for her to munch on that _aren't_ mint biscuits. Maybe she'll stop pouting so much and make peace with him as well if it's flavour is good enough to melt her heart.

His deep thoughts about Kagamine Rin must've been misunderstood by his expression as fear, because the old man carried on, taking his mind back to earth.

"I'm jokin' around with you. Don' need to be so uptight about it, jus' satisfying to see a young man flustered every now and then. You _do_ look like a splittin' image o' him as a boy, y'do..." He looked up towards the grey skies, as if in a bout of nostalgia. "Best get a move on before it comes an' rains. If you're wantin' to meet a lady, remember not to have your pants soaked up t' your knees..."

"Lady?"

A knowing wink. "We's _both_ aware that those Clementines aren't for you.."

This time, he wasn't even embarrassed. Unsure for _whose_ entertainment it was for, he still allowed himself to grin.

/

/

/

/

Monday morning, his father was no where in sight. He grabbed the remaining money inside the drawer cabinet they usually left for rainy days, shoved it into his back pocket and rushed out the apartment building where he could board the first train back without hesitation.

The tulips must already be blooming.

He saw them rise, two days before, and he hasn't seen them since. It was just that small trip to deliver her the Clementines even through her _pretend_ unappreciative pouts, then he was gone.

The spring weather greets wisterias and cherry blossom petals soaring through the air, the earth a lovely melody and the wind as a choir with the clouds. He unlocks the door and to his surprise, doesn't see Kagamine Rin immediately.

He moved to the living room, hoping to see her admire the flowers in the back porch. When he doesn't catch her there, he goes through the bathroom.

He finds her in the little kitchen instead, back bent over a sink, gripping tightly at the edges of the counter.

Len pushed back the golden bangs of her hair to see her biting on her lips, holding back a strong cry. Her eyes were watered and red, raw tears threatening to pour down. "What did I do wrong this time? Jesus, Rin, I ー"

The young lady heaved a breath, keeping her gaze low. "No, no, it's nothing... nothing... you didn't... augh, _fuck..._.."

He doesn't think he's ever heard her curse before.

Len almost inquired once more on why she's got herself tied in so much frustration. A second later, he didn't have to, when the mere action of looking downwards was answer enough. She lost her grip on the surface then collapsed to her knees, cradling her own body to the wooden floor.

"It could be... a," Rin choked on her throat, brows knitting together. "False alarm, right..?"

The older blond fell to his knees, feigning calmness. They weren't ready for this. It must just be something else acting up. "How long have you been like this?"

"Few hours, maybe... I don't know."

He touched her forehead. Felt the sweat pouring down the back of her neck. Len reached his schoolbag, frantically digging into it for his cellphone, only for her to grasp at his cardigan with pursed lips.

"Hospital ー "

"Don't. _Please don't_."

"This isn't a _game_ , Rin, we can't just keep playing hide and seek forever. That's not-"

"They'll take him away... they can't take him away..." He could see her straining all her energy to speak. She came close enough to rest her head against the side of his hip, issuing a low guttural groan which was not out of her own volition. "... you have to.. you _need_ to do it... we can do it by ourselves..."

No, no, _no_ , he _can't_. She's insane for even suggesting it.

He doesn't know enough. _He hasn't researched enough._ Sweat ran down the nape of his neck, his eyes began turning into shades of only black and white, jaw was spinning on his very own neck. Len began shaking his head, rejecting, the soft ticks on his watch suddenly booming loud and clear in his ears. His heart began to quake in his chest and every moment got him to run out of breath.

He should've known any second he spent wasting, she would jump to find the next best solution. "... alright. _I'll_ do it... just get a mop first, alright? Get a ー ughhh..."

It always ends up becoming worse.

She breathed in, breathed out, put her face in her hands to dry away any tears then clung onto the nearest table to get back on her feet. The desperation took long enough, with his attention diverted through pacing the room before he finally realised her actions. Len succumbed to holding the young lady's weight, even through her whimpering protests.

"No, no, no, you're not doing anything. Fine, we'll do it your way. Let's do it your way. Water, let me fetch some water," He hushed her, unsure where to move, where to _start_ , "Towel, ー "

Her grip on his shirt was nearly non-existent. "I can... walk."

He can feel her losing her last grips of stamina. He can feel it.

"You can't. _You can't_. I'll carry you." Len wiped her damp forehead with the cuff of his sleeve. "Keep your eyes open. Don't you dare close them ー _keep them open_."

When he felt her slip lower from his grasp, he had to prop her up with one of his knees.

Her priorities never fail to frustrate him. " _Promise_ you won't let them take him... _promise_."

"I know! I know! _I promise_!" He rushed a return to the living room, the heat by the hearth holding only a dying flame. He was on the edge of panic, hoping against fate to keep her away from it. "You just have to believe me. Can you do that? Believe me? Hey, Rin, open your eyes. Open your eyes, god damn it ー open them."

Her gaze began fluttering the moment he rest her to the point where he back hit against the futon. Slowly, slowly, enough to agonise him.

He began thinking of every curse to spit out, every single god in the book to pray to ー

His heart was almost out of his body by the time he finally felt a piece of her react, fingers clenching at his shoulders. Her other hand rest against her own chest, as if hoping for a stable pulse and feel it beneath her touch.

She looked upwards to find the older blond's lips knitted sk tightly as if with the work of a thousand needles. "Len. I'm not... sleeping, it's just.. it's _tiring.."_

He wasn't expecting her to be sleeping. _Rather, he'd prefer that than anything else._

"Right," Len choked out, stifling his energy from running wild. "Right, right, I know, I'm ー" He gulped on his throat when she issued a cry at the mere separation of her legs. "Hold onto the bedsheets. You'll be fine, hey, you'll be fine."

He thought it was fine. He felt it was fine. As long as she kept batting her eyes, even if those narrowed lids let him see the slightest pierce of her stare, thick lashes batting softly against her cheeks.. the earth was levelled to a firm ground, and the universe did not hold a stack of cards against them.

It _was_ fine.

Until she became unmoving.

Until he wasn't sure when it was, that the scales had tipped over and balance had stopped.


	34. jan23

Raindrops fall, slowly, slowly, stretching tulip bulbs fighting against the odds to wilt.

 _Oh my darling, oh my darling..._

The strong wind whips at his cheeks, dried petals crunch as his feet races across the ground. He is wet, unsure whether it is the storm boring across his shoulders or if it the sweat of his own skin.

His hold on her tightens by every minute as she loses her grasp. He smells her hair, the scent of the sun and the flowers on a summer day. Her lips pale and blue, dark circles beneath her eyes draining away the bloom of her energy. So he persists, he pushes against the heavy air and the dark clouds, he's desperate for the sunspot between the rain.

 _Oh my darling Clementine..._

Her fingers no longer knit at his jacket. Her head falls from his chest.

 _She is gone and lost forever, dreadful sorry..._

He screams out her name, even if he's sure she does not hear.

 _Clementine_.

/

/

/

/

The scent of antiseptic. An intrusion of light, blowing from the open window.

The pillow beneath her too hard, whilst the blanket felt nothing more than a thin sheet of paper. Mock flowers sat by the side table, tubes connecting her wrists that felt draining of her life rather supporting it. It had been too familiar, all of it, four white walls she's long been forced to call her only home.

Her lashes batted against the lower lids of her eyes, contemplating, wondering, _praying_ for this to be only a bad dream. Wondering what she would have to do, just to shatter that silver boundary and bring herself away from this slumber.

Only one question repeated in her mind ー why was she brought here. _Why was she brought here._

Another presence was felt in the room, gently taking her hand and caressing it thrice in his own. It took all of her strength to look down and register a mop of blond hair resting by the spot on the mattress, beside her stomach.

She shakily called out his name. Even if it was painful. Even if it strained her to speak.

Len jumped at the voice. His head broke away from his sleep, off towards those deep, blue eyes, the type of eyes that warn you of a storm. "You're awake," Tense muscles relaxed. He clasped her hand between two palms, holding it close to his lips to breathe life into the lack of warmth. "Thank god. I didn't think you'd ever wake..."

Her lips were blue but she refused allowing something so trivial to dampen her strength.

She began to speak until a hand pressed against her lips before a single word could leave her mouth. "You need water... they told me not to give you anything until they've checked _after_ you're conscious ー hold on, I'll go and..."

" _Kagamine Len._ " He's never heard her say anything as sternly as she did to his name in that moment.

Time willed itself to stop. The rest of the day went through his mind again, so quickly, in a flash, as if it took only a few minutes when each second he spent living through reality clawed at his soul until he felt remnant of himself as nothing but a broken carcass melting against the sand.

He looked into those eyes again. They were cold, he feared the way they looked.

"I know, I'm not ignoring you. I'm not. We can talk after." He gave a quick peck to her forehead. "I'm not doing any of this to hurt you... I promise."

Yet as he spoke he didn't dare meet her gaze. He neared the windows, unwinding the blinds and staring at the distant sunlight overtaking the moon.

/

/

/

/

He said he would speak to her after she drank. _He said he would speak to her after she ate._

By the time a nurse was hovering above her, observing her every move with a tick of a pen over the checkboard, she found she couldn't trust his words so easily as she has. The orange juice by her tableside is meant to give her energy but she barely has the appetite to stomach it.

Her hands roam over her abdomen, stressing her brows together and holding back the nausea that threatens to spill out in a storm.

The curtains on the bed beside her is drawn, and she leans back on that cold, stiff pillow, unsure why she was still waiting for him to keep his word. She stares up towards the ceiling, towards the fan that moves so slowly that her eyes begin to burn and every vein through her lung are pulsing on fire.

"If you're waiting for your brother ー "

".. he's not my _brother_." She cut in hoarsely, "I don't know why you're all _saying_ that.. _He's not_."

This person was the fourth to make her correct it. The nurse cleared her throat. "I see."

The people here are so cold. Their faces are all the same; plain, barely ever showing emotion. Just like before.

Another woman walked in, whispering hushed tones to the one in midst of recording her status. _All as if she weren't even inside the same room._ The breeze had suddenly became so much more stifling. "We've received her guardian's details ー apparently her father is overseas and on the first plane back, but one of her siblings that's still in school is just a few districts across. He's most likely to arrive here first."

"Is it true that she's ー "

"We'll discuss this _later_. Not now." Cold gazes landed on her. They turned away.. "Has the boy come back around to visit her?"

"He's not her brother, she said."

".. Yes, he admitted to that before giving us her family's contact information.. I suppose he didn't want to be separated. Still..."

Or perhaps they assumed she was _deaf_.

Rin leant on her side, redirecting her attention to the closed blinds.

The sun had long risen beforehand beginning to rest, yet she still hadn't had a single proper conversation with anybody except for the woman delivering food earlier, asking her whether she'd prefer orange juice or hot chocolate with buttered toast for her first meal. She had a kind smile. The kindest she'd seen all day. Light within dark.

 _It reminds her of someone she'd met a long time ago._

The food still lay untouched on the table. Every time she picks anything up for a bite, vomit rises up her throat and she has to muster each strand of her willpower to hold it back in.

Her bottom lip clenched between her teeth. By impulse, she clawed at the skin of her neck with her fingernails, scratching, scratching, scratching ー until her hands were wrenched into the air.

"Stop _that_."

She registered blue eyes, pale like the skies, cloudy after a day's lack of sleep.

"Don't hurt yourself.. have you eaten anything yet?" His searching glance went directly towards the cold plate beside her, "You haven't... you _should_."

He won't lecture her right now, no matter how much he's tempted to; not when she seems as tired as she is.

When the blond released his grip on her wrists, Rin immediately grabbed hold onto his leg, fingernail dug through his trousers. Her other hand wouldn't stop rushing over the spot of her womb. She wouldn't leave any time to waste now that he's within her grasps. She's waited an entire day. _She's waited long enough._

She can't wait any more.

Knowing nothing is just as horrifying as knowing _everything_. If it hurts, then so be it, but she would rather not be played as a fool. Her grip tightened. "Where's my baby?"

He was about to chastise her behaviour until he realised the panic soaring through her eyes. Len coaxed the young lady's shoulders, gently pushing her back against the mattress. "Rin, lean back."

If anything, his efforts only served in rising her fury. Her determination was strong. " _Where is he?!_ Kagamine Len, where is my ー "

"NICU." His answer came out in a hiss. "Sit down. _Close your mouth_. You're not getting anywhere by acting like this."

She obeyed, even through tears.

He stood up. Rin's vision had been blurred and the only thing she could register after her outburst was the way he turned away from her bed. She didn't have energy to call him back with her voice; she stretched out an arm, refusing to be left again. She didn't want to spend more hours doing nothing but stare towards the blank wall and think of nothing but a void.

He can't do that to her. _He can't_.

The young lady was halfway through a breakdown when warmth returned in the form of a metal spoon against her bottom lip.

Her eyes cleared, registering the look of impatience which faced her. "Chicken porridge. The toast is too cold for you now."

Rin worked hard to hide her relief, pushing her head in the opposite direction of his expectance. "I'm.. not hungry."

"Well, _I am._ And I won't eat until you do," His other hand went to pry her lips apart with his thin fingers as softly as he could. "A few spoons. A few spoons is alright. Just enough energy for you to walk."

"I don't want to. I've already had... juice.."

He softened his voice, "That's not enough. Please, for me."

It took every last bit of her sanity to swallow back the roaring disgust in order to make way for his wishes.

/

/

/

/

Little feet.

When he reaches through the small hole in the middle of the barrier, he's allowed to caress them.

Confined between more than merely four glass walls, toes smaller than the lobes of his ears.

The monitor beside them began beeping a little slower, _slower_ , slowly, prompting him to shake out of his own sleep and prod a finger against the pad of the small, pale heel one more time, soon moving upwards to the cherub face. Those cheeks are soft and round, like bite-sized rice candy.

He holds himself back from touching them as well. Instead, his fingers brush the soft, fine hair at the top of the infant's head, all through the skin of a glove ー then traces a foot one last time.

An immense weight is taken off his shoulders the moment the monitor picks up at it's average pace.

And he keeps himself down, ear pressed against the glass, just to hear a little breath like the beginning beat of a butterfly.

/

/

/

/

She refused to acknowledge his return. He pressed his face in his hands, elbows digging into the mattress as she forced them into silence.

One of the other patients in the ward was heard giggling softly in response to a private conversation. They had opened the curtains surrounding their bed when he'd walked in, leaving space for Len to take the chance and draw their own. The spot had little light, with no refuge from the dark except from moonlight flooding in the corner window.

He's due to go back downstairs in a few minutes.

Right now he merely desires to hear her speak to him. Jibe. Nag. Something. _Anything_.

He took her hand again, feeling her protest just slightly until his mouth kissed the skin of her palm. It swam damp with sweat, likely from her strong grip hours prior. Her fists clenched instantly when she pulled away and he had to work hard into prying them loose.

The young man felt her golden braids between the gaps of his fingers, untangling the stray strands from their knots.

He supposes he can't always expect her to speak first.

So this time, he is the one who does, even if his lids are just minutes from falling for a luring sleep. "Did they pump you..? They told me they would, but I didn't have time to ー "

Rin's interruption was swift. "Do you have _any idea_ what you've done?"

Len recoiled, shaken with the young lady's tone. Her body moved away from him, all the way to the edge of her bed. If there wasn't the metal barrier holding her still, he had no doubt she'd rather fall than look him in the eye. He doesn't have time to question her what it is that he's done wrong. She's already at high alert. If they were on a cliff, he was no longer the person holding her a rope.

He was the one cutting it, strand by strand.

"I told you not to bring me here. I told you not to bring me here." Rin repeated, her sanity taunting her, lips repeating with lack of control, "I told you _not to bring me here.._ for crying out loud, _I told you not to bring me here.."_

That night, she had become nothing but _cold_.

He held her in his arms, he shook her and begged and yelled for her to open her eyes, he held not into the faith of the universe or a miniscule hope fallen from the heavens, but instead the soft heartbeat pumping against the young woman's chest. He had to rush through rain and fog, praying nothing from the storm would aid to dampen it.

 _Yet she acts as if he had a choice_.

As if this situation was made entirely on his own decision, and on no other circumstance.

He reached a single arm out to cup her chin, deciding against it only at the last minute.

His fists fell limp by his sides. "I didn't want this to happen. _You know_ I didn't want this to happen."

"They're going to take him away."

"Nobody's going to ー "

"You told them how to contact my family. _You_ told _them_."

He looked away from her gaze. _Of course_ he would tell.

It was only a matter of time before they'd figure it out themselves and he wasn't foolish enough to let time completely run it's course. The blond looked downwards, blanching at the sight of the tiled floor. The heels of his converses hit his stool by habit, lost in thought. The trees outside the window knocked at the glass, driving goosebumps up his skin.

"Your brother is on his way... I told them where he goes to school." His voice is soft as he grabs his jacket off the countertop. A bowl of flowers sat by, wilting from water that hasn't been changed. "Though they've already figured out what to do the moment I let them know your name."

 _Not to mention he's already at his end with hiding._

"Where are you going?"

His body was stiff as he stood. "Taking a walk... I'll see you after I check up on the baby."

"Wait, take me.. with you." She fixed her hospital gown, willing it not to slip off her shoulders. She couldn't feel her legs, it took all strength to merely use her arms and press them against the sheets. "Len ー _Len_ , take me with you. Len ー "

For perhaps what might've been the very first time, he had to turn around and pretend not to hear.

/

/

/

/

"Only parents or official guardians are allowed to go inside."

"I know." He rest his fingers against his reflection. "I know."

 _Not that he didn't already fit the criteria_. Len stared from outside the room, a window showing multiple infants surrounded by their own little cubes of glass. The scent of cleansing alcohol spilt across the floor didn't move his attention off what he'd been focusing on since his return. In the corner of the opposite side, he could see those small toes twitch, even if by a little.

The practicing pediatrician beside him stood silently, observing the young blond's gaze.

She looked as if she wanted to say something, maybe speak for him, only to shake her head in the end and move on to mind her own work.

/

/

/

/

Cold sweat drained his jacket, not fading even when he returned to the upper floors by the time the clock struck to signal a new day, he could hear a baby cry somewhere out in the ward, only to be shushed with the sound of a mother's coo and gentle lullaby.

The tree outside the window tapped, tapped, _tapped_ on the glass once again.

Kagamine Rin's eyelashes were noticeably wet with tears as she slept. Len gained a clean handkerchief from the side table, dabbed away the streaks across her cheeks and gave one kiss on the forehead for _goodnight_. She didn't wake up from the action. She did, however, stir away from rest when the instant his weight dropped against the companion stool and it released a creak from age.

Her clutch on his arm was immediate, and he had to lull her to get more rest. She refused to release him to this time.

Her twins oceans flooded with tears, too many to wash away. Her words came out in a bubble of sobs and whispers.

"You can't... leave me just like that..."

"I know, I won't do it again."

"The lady beside me already... _already_ has her baby sleeping next to her," Her look begged of pity, tormenting his chest to ache. "She gets to hold her baby... _everyone here gets to hold their baby_ , why don't I get to..."

"Rin," He grasps her by the chin, stares her in the eyes, "Look at me."

"I want to-"

Another whisper breaks through the dark.

Somebody within their space ー he's not sure who, reached over for the nightlamp over the little bedside desk, allowing dim light to reveal the view of her older brother, visage frozen cold beyond the gap of the curtains. Those piercing eyes, so akin to her own, searched what limitations to grasp in the room before it finally landed on _him_.

He had no choice but to stare back.

/

/

/

/

" _Mmm_... _Hiyama residence..._ "

The calming voice came through the line. The only number he could remember at the top of his head.

The only person he could rush to a payphone outside the building for, deep into the midsts before midnight, without worrying whether or not he'd be judged for it any more than calling at a wrote time.

His only response was to breathe loudly, regaining his breath.

"... _Hiyama residence,_ " The voice repeated. " _Hello?_ "

"...Kase."

" _Len?_ " The sound of water pouring from a sink.

The other boy's position was easily imaginable; likely bent over his kitchen counter, grabbing a late night snack to finish his assignments with a clear mind when he'd heard the land-line as he stood beside it. It might be mere coincidence, but the blond preferred to believe it as something else. " _Why are you calling from an unregistered number? No, rather... why are you still up this late at night? We have Gym at seven, remember?_ "

Len stressed his brows. The sound of an ambulance from the nearby highway pierced his ears, and his legs still ached from his sprint to where he stood now.

Soft rain began pattering beyond the roof. The boy tightened the jacket around himself for warmth.

" _Len? Come on, talk to me. You're freaking me out._ "

"I might not... come to school for a while. I'm not sure for how long." His exhale fogged up the glass surrounding him. It suddenly hurt for his mouth to speak, teeth jittering from the cold. "I just thought I should let someone know... I might've made a mistake."

No, he _knows_ he's made a mistake. The land surrounding him is wet, but his throat is dry, parched as if he soared through days of a desert.

The voice on the phone heightened the sound of concern.

" _Mistake?_ "

He traced a water droplet down with his finger, shivering and hoping that any snow or hail won't curse him during late March. "I have to go now."

" _Len. Len, Len, Len, wait, you can't cut things off like this. Tell me what's going on. Talk to me. Let me know where you are, and I'll come over immediately, alright? Just wait there and let me go to you._ "

"Thanks.. for the talk, 'Kase."

" _Len-"_ Beep.

He pulled up his hood, shoved his hands back into his pockets, then ran out into the depths of the storm.


	35. jan26

He was taken outside the ward without another word.

Paying respect to the fact _that it was long after midnight_ where many people required their rest, there was no need to continue a discussion inside the room. Not when they were likely to break into a quarrel, even if the offense would come from one side seeing as Len hadn't half the energy to merely raise his head. The young lady made a sound against their departure, but in the end, she was in no place to do anything but swallow her voice.

They were in the empty corridor outside, the spot where the security guards didn't wander.

Yuuma pinned his shoulder against the wall before there was any chance to speak. "I knew it. I _knew_ it'd be you."

The circles beneath his eyes said enough words about the spirit left within his body. ".. hit me if you want, it's not like it matters anymore."

"Fuck _you_." The older male spat.

There was something shining in her brothers gaze; unsure whether it was pride, how his guess had been corrext from the start, despite numerous attempts from few people hoping to convince him differently ー or disappointment for if he'd been able to confirm it earlier, he could have prevented this situation from going out of hand.

Len knew the latter was impossible.

Things like these don't crop out of nothing. It's something that brews for a long, _long_ time, breaking into truth only by the very climax. It is a dam that croaks out years beneath pressure until the time comes where it nreaks.

The blond used all the strength he could muster against the grip on him, resisting for freedom. He gave one glance towards the time on his wrist, noting he had to head back down to the care unit before the nurses could find an excuse to close the doors, then fixed the collar of his jacket.

Yuuma pulled his hands away when he noticed the young man's withdrawal. "Leave."

"That's what I'm doing..."

The dark ivory carpet beneath their shoes suddenly fled of colour, seeming only a shade of grey to accentuate the walls of white. Len has no choice but to shy away his leer, for when he does not see her eyes, he does not see the world either.

"No. Leave forever." They stood a careful distance, the shorter of the two repositioning his collar while his senior in age lours menacingly, "I'm giving you a choice here. _On rare occasion,_ as anybody else would take a look at you and take pity on how you're a _child_."

But if he really was a child, he wouldn't have gotten to stand on the shoes he is in today.

He wouldn't think twice to gulp down a rush of water rather than swallow down the burning soil served to him through a silver goblet.

He would've chosen the easy way out for _everything_.

But now his map is laid out within a maze, standing in the middle of a crossroad where each lane drives to dead ends. He doesn't know where he is going, but he heads forwards with his chin above the ground, refusing to look back. Even if every single barrier stands in front of his way, he will drive across it, no matter the risk of a heavy fall.

The light of a vending machine flickered down the aisle, causing his feet to navigate towards it.

The older boy was visibly infuriated with the way he went on his life choosing whether to press the iced coffee or hot chocolate buttons after dropping in a coin, rather than considering the dire of their situation. "I won't tell our father about your existence if you go _now_. Just don't come near our family ever again."

Len scoffed, finally coming to a decision. The cup fell down, waiting for a drink to pour _. As if nobody else will talk about it,_ he mocked beneath his breath.

He's already standing knees deep within his grave, and he's well prepared to lie down in it.

/

/

/

/

The young man played with the messy strands of his bangs, crossing his ankles at the sight of an unfilled form waiting in front of him. He wasn't meant to write on it ー only to deliver it to Kagamine Rin's official guardians so they would register for a birth certificate, (according to the man who'd given it to him)...

But Len found his free hand already latched onto a pen, hovering above the empty lines, thinking carefully on what to write.

Even if _that girl_ disapproves of it, there was always the availability of a new sheet. He shouldn't feel any sort of guilt over this.

Although he does. He merely tilts his chin down, blowing through it.

The pediatrician from yesterday, _the one gawking him so carefully for having his gaze landed on a baby ー_ watched and paved as if there were living ants in her flats. "You're of age?"

Len caused a questioning sound from the back of his throat. One that sounded a mix of a moan and an irritable hiss.

He levelled his chin, bringing it away from words on the white page and instead onto chocolate brown eyes.

He'd just finished writing the characters on the name slot and moved on to the next when _Brown-Eyes_ finally spoke minutes after chewing the inside of her cheek. "You ought to know that anyone beneath eighteen won't be acknowledged for paternity on the birth certificate."

"What?" He dropped the pen almost as if his palm had been set on fire. It wasn't an exaggeration on his part; the surprise mixed with his lack of sleep has made his reaction to even the slightest changes become all the more restless.

She nodded, looking down at the computer by the counter and furiously scribbling on some paperwork she'd been focusing on before realising the boy's attention was still attached onto her.

She let out a soft sigh, "Are you the father?"

Len fumbled beneath the table to retrieve the fallen stationery, taking advantage of time to repel his hesitation.

When he finally came to terms with admitting to the fact, his eyes had crawled to the pattern of magenta circles across the rug, buried beneath a marble flower vase. Artificial lilies and roses stretched from pretend-soil, blending alongside the white walls.

He wouldn't say it. Instead, he closed the lids of his eyes, nodding his head with pursed lips.

"I'm assuming you're still in school?"

"Yes, but I'm graduating soon," He lied. "I'll be eighteen, so..."

"You shouldn't write on this." The woman softly drew the form from his hold, refusing to listen to any more resistance.

"But I ー" Len kept reluctant, gripping onto the edges, threatening it to rip.

"I'll have someone bring this up to ー" A pause, to read the name already printed down, ".. yes, Miss. Rin's family." She finished with a single gentle touch above his shoulder, coaxing him to lay back. "Don't you worry about it, dear.. you can stay here. Try to get a bit of shut-eye."

When he gave himself the permission to see the world once more, he saw nothing but her absence within the room.

The lack of a key card denied him further access to the opposite, so the young man decided to spend the rest of his time fixated through the glass window. He stood on the tips of his feet to catch a sight of anything more than those little, wiggling toes.

Long enough he'd fell back onto one of the waiting chairs, sitting next to a man fretting over his baby with a heart condition with his face buried in his palms.

The blond closed his eyes. His body begged himself for a nap, even if just a few minutes to regain the energy he needed.

His mind refused with his heart in chains.

/

/

/

/

One skid over the water. Two skids. Three. Four.

But they never go more than five.

He overlooked the lake outside the building. The hospital compounds hold flowers that flock with butterflies and the names of lovers engraved on the woods of trees. They are aged, old, and the thought of it is more eerie than romantic as he runs his hands between the cracks of the wood.

His phone has long been out of battery. He leans back against the grass, fed up of throwing stones over the surface just to imagine the presence of that girl being there, then instead looking up at the dark grey skies.

It looks to be only minutes away from another storm.

He is not only thinking of the weather.

/

/

/

/

The sound of a snack wrapper crinkling along with footsteps marked his entrance. He roamed a look over her figure, arms wound tight around herself like tangled rosethorns, hoping to get the most out of the thin blanket she had.

He dropped down on the stool beside her, finally wrestling the package open as he questioned her brother's whereabouts whilst unleashing the scent of mint biscuits within the room. She pulled a foul face when he tried to push one through her lips.

"The longer you refuse what's necessary to get back on your feet, the longer it will take to grasp a hold of what you desire so much." He pried her lips, pushing the treat in and feeling satisfaction hat she'd finally broken down her barriers for him, only to bite back a foul curse when pale teeth bit down on his finger with all strength possible.

She hissed, much like a venomous serpent, then dove away into the mattress where he couldn't see.

The older blond cradled his hand against his chest. He had half the mind to yell a curse, but no heart to do more than chew his own bottom lip and stand, calming himself in preparation to make a trip back to the grounds where he could take a deep breath and feel his mind at a fresher ease.

The sight of one familiar, white sheet of paper standing against mahogany wood called out to him.

He picked it up, shifting through the stapled forms which must've been delivered to the ward just an hour prior. Len spoke, whether or not she clasped her fingers over her ears, pretending she harboured not the littlest desire to hear. The characters he'd written for the slot of the baby's given name continued to display, fine and clear like printed footsteps across snow on a sunny day.

Len vaguely wondered why they hadn't gone to get a fresh change of paper when they must have all the opportunity to do so. _Perhaps you need to request for one._

He put a finger in his mouth, _the one she bit_ , hoping to suck away the pain. "They won't let me write on this."

His free arm moved the blanket from her shoulders, caressing the end tips of her golden hair.

"But I've heard that _you_ can." The boy continued, attempting to slide the paper into her own hands while digging the side cabinet for a free pen. "Rin, just write down..."

"I don't want to look at it until I've seen my baby."

"It's just..."

"I said _no_."

Len gritted his teeth. " _Fine_. Do whatever you _fucking_ want from now on."

Not as if he's desperate enough to come crawling to his knees.

He unloaded the bag on the bedside table, pulling out his wallet and his jacket and throwing them all into his body within the shortest span of time he could hope for. Her eyes were curious, and went he went to push the curtains to make way for his exit, she hurriedly straightened her back to reach forwards, her hands just falling short of grabbing his sleeve.

It was her voice which called him back. A desperate cry of his name, asking where he's planning to go.

He told the truth; he's tired of waiting, and he wants to go back home.

Rin looked speechless for a moment, though recovered fast the instant she realised he was making another gesture to depart. "You're ー you're going to leave me? All.. alone here ?"

Len shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants, brushing off all his frustrations with a shrug. "You already have your older brother. Your father's on the way. I don't know what else you _want_."

"No ー no ー I'll follow what you told me. I'll write what you want me to write ー just _stay_ ,"

"There's no point. You should be able to do fine without me." He's _tired_. He's restless. His throat feels as if he'd swallowed rose thorns and his irises feel as if they'd been doused in nothing less than pure venom, yet she persists to drain the life out of him as if he were nothing more than a mere source. "I'm done. _I haven't slept for two nights because of you_."

"Len-"

" _Five months_ , and then I can do whatever I want. Leave you by a roadside, _forget you even exist... right?"_

 _He doesn't mean what he say._ He doesn't mean _a single word of what he says._

But right now he is at his limit. Hot tears are threatening to burst out, but instead he holds them in, exchanging emotions for spiteful words because by god, _if he is considered selfish_ , so be it. He would rather this young lady broken to pieces than ever let himself cry over somebody like her.

She lets out a scream.

She lets out the loudest scream he's ever heard in his life.

His ears pierce and his own chest feels like the heaviest thing in the world to ever carry, but as a few nurses rush in, questioning whether she was in pain, he turned his back and felt the shackles on his wrists release, giving him wings to hide away.

He makes sure not to look back. There is no doubt he wouldn't be able to stomach it, he's sure he wouldn't be able to leave, he's sure he won't be able to take one step away _if he does so much as glance behind._ So he doesn't.

/

/

/

/

/

The night is colder in the house when you are alone.

He thinks it feels rather like he's living in her shoes for a day.

The futon has always been a bit too cramped for two, but now it is abnormally large for only him. He stays near the edge, as if waiting by any minute for her to return from the bathroom or a bit of midnight stargazing in the back porch before returning to the warmth of his arms.

The blanket is sweet, smelling of sunflowers in summer and wild strawberries in spring... it reminds him of her scent whenever he kisses the top of her hair. The pillow is comforting, though minimal, as it does not rival the warmth of her legs winding around his waist and the way she forces him to cage her bodice in his own hold.

He gazes up.

He tries to scream. He tries, he tries, and his throat is sore by the end of it.

If she is still screaming, he screams with her. But nobody hears him, and nobody ever will. The mountains drown him out into mere echoes with the rustling trees and the birds soaring through the sky.

He is so, so, alone, and he hates nothing else in the world more than this solitude of ice.

/

/

/

/

He always returns.

At this point he wonders _why_ he even bothers with the dramatics when by the end of the day he's back inside that very same ward, leaving his identification card to the security with a promise it'd only be a quick visit to retrieve something forgotten, then be back within half an hour.

The aisle is full of drawn curtains around women's beds, both expecting mothers and some already with their babies waiting to be discharged. The only source of light is minimal, of the moon from the windows. The young man makes sure his footsteps are not louder than the rattling tree outside the window.

She is asleep when he sees her.

The mint biscuits he'd opened for her a day prior, which was previously untouched, now changed form into the littered wrappers across the floor.

The sockets of her eyes are red, and he leaves a single kiss on the top of her scalp as an apology.

Soon after he began picking up the trash, then disposing of it into the nearby wastebasket. He changes the empty bottle of water on her table for a fresh one, then assures that her blanket, which had been bunched up by her waist, comes up to rest snugly beneath her chin.

"I told you not to come back."

His bones jumped beneath his skin.

Len spun around at a speed faster than lighting, meeting sight of Kagamine Rin's older brother who'd been sitting in the shadows, no doubt having watched the entire scene play out. His hand rest on his chest, calming his surprise, and he wasn't sure whether he should sprint out without another word.

He is stubborn, he decides. It's something this girl has taught him to be well.

His feet is firmly routed to the ground. "Have you slept?"

Somewhat.

If the concept of _sleep_ includes endless hours of staring beyond the creak in the ceiling, despising every little existent thing in the universe from the clouds in the night to the glimmering bright stars that will never compare the intensity of her eyes. If he speaks, his voice will be sore enough to scratch through his throat, crawling out of his heart and lungs.

The thought of pain nearly frightens him away.

It takes a moment, but when he finally responds, it is to begin a new discussion rather than to answer the other boy's question. "Sorry. I didn't think someone would be waiting.. for her."

Yuuma narrowed his eyes, thoughtful, though not about his choice of words. "You wouldn't have come if you'd known there was? What a coward you are."

Len didn't deny it. He tiptoed around the bed, bringing his voice lower ー not only to avoid waking up the young lady, but because also in refusal to disturb other patients in dire need of rest. "Is your dad around?"

A baby could be heard fussing somewhere about the room.. silenced with a loving hush merely a few seconds later.

"... yes, downstairs, doing paperwork. _Not that it's any of your business._ But if you're wanting to meet him, try not to keep your hopes up. He's insistent on avoiding you so you might as well leave before you waste any of our times."

"I just need to talk to him about ー "

"Do you have a death wish?"

The young man stepped backwards, confused. "What?"

" _Do you have a death wish?_ " Yuuma repeated, whisper growling deeper by each passing note, as if having to speak with fool without the brain to _think_ rather than a boy nearly too young to face the world.. "Don't assume me sitting here, having a calm conversation with you, doesn't mean I don't want to wring your neck and crack every single one of your bloody bones between my fingertips. Do you understand that?"

"... I understand."

"Good. Now you have an idea of what our father wants to do to you; only triple-fold."

Two young men stared each other down, jaws clenched, unrelenting, neither wanting to back down.

The younger of the two cast his glance sideways, onto those shut red eyes, cheeks still damp with tears he'd inflicted himself. His hands itch to wipe them away and kiss apologies above her ear, apologies that he hopes will enter the garden of dreams.

He may be a coward, but at the very least, he is brave enough to admit it.

"Alright," He finally decides. "I suppose I _do_ have a death wish. So let me stay to meet him."

* * *

this might have been my least favourite chapter (to write and read) yet, and arguably perhaps the least developing?

either way rest assured that most, if not _all_ of the story has already been written :) i just don't want to trouble by uploading them all at once.


	36. jan30

It has been days and months since he's returned to touching the piano keys, yet by every day, where his fingers drop above those notes ー fifty two white, and thirty six black, he finds that not a single moment becomes more familiar than the other.

/

/

/

/

After being forced to leave the ward that night, he'd gone home and taken a much-deserved bath to ease his muscles.

The bath was strangely roomful without another person's head crammed beneath his chin, but that wasn't particularly a positive thing.

Warm woolen jumper and those fingerless gloves that extend to his elbows keep his stability free of stress. He is comfortable, taking in the smell of the warm coffee shop across the hospital building. Mocha and cappuccino and all the nice things he doesn't dare take so early in the morning lures him in.

Instead he orders for a cup of simmering milk chocolate, leaning back in his seat.

He's well rested.

He doesn't know what had taken over him to actually get proper sleep. He didn't have time to see the ceiling, or the empty walls, nothing. The instant his head touched the pillow, so did all of him.

The bell above the door chimes, entering two men, father and son, both sharing identical eyes with Rin.

When he sees them walking towards him, the blond straightens his back, putting the mug of chocolate down while a napkin dabs away any cream on his lips, hoping his best that he doesn't seem like he'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed nor anything of similar fashion.

There's a mental list on topics to mention written down within his mind, but the preparation was for naught, as in the end he is not the one who speaks first.

"I refuse to discuss these matters with a _child_ ," Her father is quick to the point, cold, and reminds him of _nothing_ like her. "I want the contact information of your parents."

That was it.

No greetings, no formalities, no introductions. Just a pen and a stray sheet of paper tossed his way, as if this meeting was nothing more than a mere triviality in a deeper sea of issues. Like a splash of waves against the hard cliffs by the shore. Yuuma is standing strictly by the side, wondering whether it'd be possible to order a quick coffee before returning long hours by his sister's bedside.

His eyes look nothing but dark circles, inches from leaving reality. The vivid scarlet of his jacket is a love letter of contrast to the white of his skin.

For his credit, he was right in how their father looked nothing less than murder embodied in a middle-aged man. Len is walking barefoot across rocks and seashells hoping not to let his tongue slip, saying anything offensive to their family.

He is still insistent. "Sir, this has nothing to do with anyone else. If we could just _talk,_ "

"Contact information. _Now_. Your mother's, preferably."

Len bit the inside of his cheek before moving to obey, slowly, at the pace of a sunset refusing to bury beneath the mountaintops.

"My mother isn't.." Len hesitated, paused, then gritted his teeth in the middle of his sentence. It didn't take very long to realise his next choice of words would only sound like an excuse, and wouldn't do any good if he were not to hold it back. "... I'll write down my dad's. _And_ mine."

The scribbles of numbers across the paper is quickly pocketed into the older man's wallet. "He'll hear from me."

"But Sir ー "

"I have said that I am _not_ talking to a boy. Don't let me see you associating with my daughter again."

The bell by the door chimed again, signaling an indignant exit, and Len was forced to stare emptily towards the table. The milk chocolate in his hands was no longer warm.

His shirt is suddenly too thick and he feels every urge to yank it over his head then hurl it across the room.

He is forced to mitigate his anger through clenching his teeth and looking outside the glass window, seeing a little girl push an empty stroller as her older sister tags behind, laughter ringing in the air.

It is strange to, after all these years, finally begin to see other's happiness as a sin. It is fury to see happy families delve in the sun while his tongue feels raw of stone, and his bones like nothing but lead.

There is a tinge of anger lying in it's wake when he realises jealousy has reared it's ugly head within the deepest clench of his heart.

He jumped beneath his skin when he heard an uncomfortable cough demanding for attention. Len turned away from the view beyond the windows to realise that Yuuma had been sitting across from him the past twenty minutes, sipping on dark black coffee across his tongue throughout this time.

"You should be grateful you're not being gut on a string at this very instant." Storming oceans of blue squinted through the daylight. "Half past eight. Nobody will be watching her for an hour."

"What's _that_ got to do with me?"

"Do you want to see her or _not?_ "

Realisation sparked his gaze.

"One hour," Her older brother's face is sour, but as of now, it's the most comforting thing he's seen all day. "Bring over some mint biscuits, too. it's the only thing that can get her calm lately. But _one hour_ is all I'm giving you."

/

/

/

/

His phone has been left without battery for longer than the past three days.

He's not sure whether to say it's for better or for worse.

The convenience store is just a few ways off from the train station and he's tempted to board the train, head to school, act as if his life is back on track. But even he knows that's just a fantasy that he'd never truly desire to indulge in.

He wonders whether he has any voicemails awaiting a response as he settles a packet of snacks on the counter and debates between heading home for a quick charge or to just buy a powerbank which he can still use for later. The latter proves to be a more convincing objective, in comparison to any other options he can come up with.

So he waits.

His legs kick back and forth on the stool, chopsticks and instant ramen in hand as he observes the blooming flowers wave at him through the wind.

The indoors are warm. He does not have to step out to know that just a minute of being outside will turn him colder.

He can see two teenagers walking outside, hand in hand, towards the empty bus stop and for no less than an instant he wonders whether they are brother and sister, walking underneath an umbrella in their school uniforms as refuge from the coming rain.

That assumption is cracked to pieces, crushed beneath the heels of his boots when the girl gets on the tips of her toes to smack a kiss against her companion's lips.

Len blinks a few times, wondering whether it was his imagination, and he is not surprised to see them no longer there when his eyes are open again.

 _Maybe the couple he'd saw... was what he wanted to have._

Perhaps.. a mere figment of it.

His fingers creep up to run over his own mouth, gently, _absently,_ over the pad of his skin.

When he realises what he is doing, his skin rushes all shades of red and he hastily returns to his charging phone and the noodles waiting to be eaten.

/

/

/

/

He was expecting to see her so out of place beneath that thin paper blanket, eyes closed shut being the only refuge from the world. He was hoping to have another moment where his fingertips trailed could train down the outline of her lips. He wishes for his nose to take tin every little change of her smell and his ears for the slightest hike of breath to it's gentle falls.

The ceritficate registry form is gone, he notices, and so is the young lady on the bed.

The moon is seen just barely visible beyond the clouds, the night air becoming colder.

The package of sweets in his hand is dropped over the mattress. In a stage of panic, he rushes to the front counter, being careful even in haste that his footsteps were softer than winter's falling snow, before finally coming across a nurse working under the dim light of the ward counter.

"Have you seen the patient on that ー _on that_ bed," His arms gestured backwards. "Right there ー she's young, blonde, about five feet two, I ー "

"It's after visiting hours..."

He realised his way of questioning might've been wrong when he realised she was a different person from the ones tending the past few days. Most likely he was unrecognisable to her, and he seemed nothing more than an odd stranger making a fuss in the middle of the night.

The young man brought his hands up to his nose, breathing in them, trying to rest a frantic chest threatening to burst into the air.

The weight of his bag, bearing down on his shoulders, is heavy. But right now, he feels nothing but the beat of his heart.

His foot is tapping frantically against the ground, thinking of the most reasonable explanation when he finally answers, unable to come up with any, "I know. I'm... her family."

The response is wary, but it comes out all the same. "If I'm not wrong, Miss. Kagamine can be found in the NICU."

"Thank you," He breathed. "Thanks."

/

/

/

/

Only one person is allowed entry at most, so he stays by the window once more, seeing the way she is bent on her knees, a hand poking through that hole in the glass.

She catches his eye when she looks up, and when he offers her a smile, she hastily turns away.

Her gaze is softer when it lands on the infant beneath her.

Her lips move, slowly, softly, and despite him not being able to hear, he has no doubt that she is singing a rose-tinted lullaby.

It was fine evening, it was peaceful, where his cheek rested against a palm hoping not to fall asleep as he indulged into the sight of such a little exchange. It was then that he noticed she left the room without a second glance, then crossed his path to head into the empty corridor outside.

She walked ahead, faster than a moth's flutter, uncaring whether or not the pain within her muscles begged her for rest.

Each moment she stood back, he was hurrying his pace, and it rose the panic in her feet.

There was no doubt he'd be able to catch up to her if he'd really tried and she had the smallest inkling of doubt that he was purposefully making slow strides to encourage her runs into becoming faster, but her stability is wobbling and it feels like her seeping energy is threatening her just inches away from a collapse.

When she's lost in her thoughts, she hadn't realised the mindlessness had caused her to run straight into a body, where her forehead slammed into his chest.

His hand grasped her wrist before she could make any more attempts to flee.

Right now he needs to talk, and he refuses anything else to shoot out of his hold and head the wrong way.

/

/

/

/

It's the latest they've ever been outside together, he notices. Though perhaps it's because by now he can no longer remember what time it truly was when they returned from the Moon festival, nor can he remember any more events prior where they could have an actual, proper conversation;

Nobody chasing them down, the shine from the night skies casting so peacefully, such a pretty glow on her skin.

The glistening lake beyond them is illuminated by streetlights and dangling lanterns in former celebrations of the New Year. The hospital grounds is rather pretty, he admits, when it is dark and nobody else is around.

He misses hearing the bells of her laugh.

He craves hearing her laugh. Right now, more than anything.

The quirks of his lips turned upwards as he brushed the golden bangs of her hair behind an ear.

"How did it feel when you, _you know,_ put your hand through the..." His hand is still wrapped tightly around her wrist, and her body is crouched on the ground, looking around the grass for absent pebbles. "The _glass cube_.."

Len cursed himself for suddenly feeling the urge to go through a dictionary.

"They're called isolettes." Her voice is blunt without emotion.

"Right. _That._ She was put on a ventilator the last time I checked." He dropped the weak smile he'd been managing, only when he noticed she had no plans to answer his initial question. Her silence is enough for him to know the atmosphere as time to change the conversation into something she might be more comfortable discussing, ".. I realised that the form's missing. Did you ask for a new one?"

"My dad already sent it in."

She brushed the dirt off her gown, wrapping her free arm around her body as refuge from the cold.

He is quick into jumping for a new topic, "Promise you won't run away if I let go of your hand."

It's enough to even get _her_ in surprise. "What?"

It isn't much of a requirement for him to ask, when the minutes they'd spent with her limping just to get to the grounds was wasteful enough.

He wants to offer her to ride on his back, but even _he_ is aware that would be pushing too far.

"Rin, promise me. Just ten seconds, promise me."

".. yes, _fine_. Not that I've ever broken a promise, anyway. Unlike _some_ people." Her acceptance was almost taken back when she registered the gesture of moving his arms down to the hem of his jumper. Her eyes rounded to the size of her moon, fingers clenching onto his shoulders instead.

Her voice rushed to demand the reason of taking off his clothes.

He squinted at the younger blonde warily, creating distance between them by pushing her body an inch apart before tossing the cloth into her own arms.

When she gaped towards him, awestruck, he had to manually move her arms through the hole of those sleeves and only get a reaction after her head resurfaced from the wool of the crimson jumper. "The hospital blanket is thin, isn't it?"

Her nose wrinkled towards him. "No. I don't need... something from _you_."

It is not a light jibe, or a tease, or anything that's meant to build guilt within him. Kagamine Rin is honest with her words, building up the walls he'd once so desperately broke. Her voice is fury and anger and despise has long been bottled up into something that can only be read as pure indifference, which hurts him more than anything he could understand.

He fails to.

Len flashed his wrist upwards for his eyes to see that leather band, catching the time.

It's nine thirty sharp. He should be getting home soon. It's been long overdue since the promised time he's allowed to spend with her.

When Len looks up, he notices that there is a strong glare directed onto them from one of the building's windows.

His throat has been dry the past few days, and it still is, whenever he speaks. But he refuses to let that quieten him. Not when this could be the last time he gets to speak to her.

Not when this could be the last time he gets to run his hand down the curve of her waist, see the blues of her eyes. ".. your family must be... looking for you."

Although she avoids meeting his gaze, she makes no effort to take his jumper off her body. It coats a blanket of warmth over her frail body, and she is not stubborn enough to refuse comfort when it is handed over to her so carelessly.

Her free hand is resting over her stomach, brows still stressed together as if her soul may be here, but her mind somewhere else.

Instead of leaving hurriedly, she tosses a pebble sideways over the water of the lake, and her sigh reeks just slightly of victory when, for once, it makes _more_ than three skips above the water.

She does speak, eventually, though it is softer than he's ever heard her before. "It _is_ a pretty name.. so we went with it. Just thought you'd ought to know."

"Hm?"

Her legs move back, towards the small side entrance of the hospital, and when he looks at her with all the confusion in the world, she has no choice but to push the stress of her shoulders with a sigh. " _Mirai_."

* * *

i was concerned about the error mentioned so i went onto the app to clarify for myself, only to find out about the bug? that's definitely an error on ffn's end and not mine. sorry about that :( i've updated the document a few times trying to show this chapter.

it is my writing though! except that was a draft written about two years back and supposed to be published before this fic lol (it's also a rinxlen) also might have to mention that i'm down with a really bad fever atm! between nosebleeds and math assignments ill try my best not to put this on another hiatus.


	37. feb7 II

He doesn't think he'll ever quite feel anything as calming as peeling off wet socks after a long day. The rain is relentless, as expected during their spring season. He knew only to expect horrid draught during summer. His back leant back to stare at the ceiling fan, whirls of wind drying up small huffs over hair, the looming face of his father appearing so suddenly after an entry of his own.

Len sat up, tiredly, nose wrinkling when he felt a dry towel chucked his way to wipe off. The carpet beneath him is already damp, so he kicks it aside.

It is either by pure coincidence or luck sent by the gods that the only outfit he has dry before returning to their beachside town is his school uniform.

At least this, even if minimal, coats a blanket of security from potential questions on _where_ he might have been or what he'd done the past few days.

Then again, perhaps his father hadn't noticed any absence at all.

That man stared at him, as if wanting to say something, then thought twice about the possible outcomes before looking inched forwards with the heels of his feet, clenching the material of his father's leather pouch in a hand. "Dad, did you get any.. strange calls on your phone, by any chance?"

"Not any of the sort..." Narrowed eyes, surprised they were actually speaking. "Why?"

"Oh, just wondering." He tried his best to shrug it off. "I'll go change my clothes, then. Good night."

His grip released, just like that.

The young man returned to his feet, using a palm against the white wall beside him for support, then stretching both arms furthest from the ground to where it aspired for the skies. The grey clouds outside the window signals another storm and the space of their apartment feels increasingly warmer when he is no longer alone.

He made a quick sniff of his jacket by raising his sleeve to his nose.

 _Might as well do some laundry before heading back to the hospital_.. the ache in his temple feels just slightly feverish, but he proceeds a beeline to his bedroom with a quiet promise to grab a painkiller sometime before bed.

Just as his hand reached the doorknob, under the alphabet stickers that spell out his name, a voice holds him back.

He whips around to face the image of his father, who had been not-so-calmly fingering the surface of their marble counter, considering whether or not to pour a drink from the nearby fridge.

"Did you say something?" Len speaks up. He's slightly irritated when there's no response, unsure whether he'd heart wrong, so the young man tries again. "Dad, did you say something?"

"Mirai."

The name brings both of them to a halt.

The metal is cool beneath his fingers, and the room suddenly too large. He surprises himself by being able to speak, "What _about_ Mirai?"

He speaks as if the name was that of a mere pet, or a common object that could be found in any corner.

"Tell me that what I've been told is a lie."

Within less than a second his father has already made way across the room, out of breath as if having swam through seven seas without rest.

The man stood with thick, stiff fingers dug into the cloth of his son's shoulders. Len is forced to look into a different set of eyes, unable to move, every single breath he takes feeling like a choke, a single second lasting an eternity. There are restraints on his tongues and invisible ropes threatening to whip his feet each moment he keeps still.

But he has no comprehension on what else to do, so he stays where he is, mustering all willpower not to bend down like fate tempts him to.

" _Kagamine Len,_ you look at me and _tell me_ it's not the truth."

His body suddenly churns, heady. He's tempted to answer with nothing but denial, being that it is what the older man _wants_. Except _lying wasn't exactly an answer, either_. His last attempt is to stand on the border, without victory yet refusing to admit defeat, shutting both eyes in hope of ignoring the universe. Even when there is risk to be shattered at the core.

But it burns.

His skin melts, and his lungs are on fire. Words no longer feel like silk satin from his lips as raw tongue, rough as sandpaper.

Reality is undeniable, irrefutable, There is no escape other than to stand straight, with his chin held high.

Leon refuses to do anything but hold his son down. "Len. _Len_. Don't look away."

Len crossed his arms defensively. "What if I tell you that it _isn't?_ "

Even if he delves in the delusions of a happier world, even if his heart may be somewhere else, his body is not. The one arm raised mid-air and the pulsing sting on his cheek that comes so quickly after is physical evidence of that.

White colours his vision immediately after impact, pure as snow. He doesn't protest, he doesn't make any move to defend himself. His only gesture is to look upwards, towards his father's face of surprise, as if the man himself was shocked by his own action, before the hand came back down until the only taste left in his mouth is bitter regret.

There was no show of hesitation. _It hurts,_ he decides, a scarlet line of blood trailing down his lip.

Yet the stubborn pride inside him denies it, albeit weakly, triumphant over anything else. "What now?" Len couldn't hold back a laugh, the predecessor of a smile that refused to reach his eyes. "You're going to pop open a drink? Lean back and whine about how much of my _mother_ I resemble?"

" _Go to your room_." Firm fists clenched to sides, "I can't look at you now."

"Why? Afraid to see _her_ in me? Would you _really_ like to know what's happened to those pearl pendants, Dad?"

"We'll talk about this _later_."

"I threw it away. I went to the ocean and threw it far, far away, _where she belongs_. I ripped it apart, and then I threw ー "

He's not allowed to say anymore. One, final strike just above the line of his jaw, and the look on the older man's face is no longer remorse.

He is shoved backwards into his room.

The pain he feels is no longer distinguishable from ecstasy. He feels as if he soars through the skies, through any clouds in his path, solid ice shoving through soul until liver bleeds blue.

It is cruel, but he forces the same smile he's had before, as if every moment in life was meant for other's sick pleasure.

Something flashes in his father's eyes, such a miniscule moment, like catching a falling star through the sky. It's gone before he can capture it in memory, and that gaze is ripped away from him in the form ot a retreating. " _Stay in your room_. Don't come out."

"Gladly," The blond spat.

The mattress is already sunk when he falls back into it, door closing behind him with a sound _click._

/

/

/

/

A cool hand is placed over his forehead, not of his own, and he has every instinct to leap into the sky from such a sudden surprise.

His body denies capability of doing anything but rest. Body is drenched in sweat, back against the cool grass, the sharp golden ray from the skies is relentless in it's quest to burn the shadow of his skin into the ground.

A sudden shade covers him from the heat.

When he finally looks up, it is to realise that the intruder to his daydreams is none other than Utatane Piko, juggling two juice boxes and a schoolbag into one arm.

There's no hiding the relief shown across his face when Len finds out he no longer has to be alone. The grounds is a good place to clear your thoughts, but the silence may just be too much, at the point where he's being driven insane.

"You really shouldn't be at school when you've got a fever." The newcomer decided to lay on his own back, no longer serving as a barrier for the sin, sharp tips of his hair nearly blending with his friend's golden curls, as they rest side by side, admiring the clouds in the sky. "... you're not that much lighter than Fukase. I deal with _flowers_ on a daily living, not weight lifting.. if you faint, I won't help."

He decided to admit the truth, "It wasn't my choice, my dad would kill me if I didn't come. He found out about my attendance.."

Or rather, the lack of it.

Now he wasn't to be trusted _anywhere_ without supervision. As if he were a misbehaving toddler needing to be watched. As if he didn't have responsibilities of his own.

First thing, the blond had been forced into the car at six in the morning, driven to school, then xoldly instructed to be present at the gates after classes by five ー where he _knows_ his father will take at least thirty minutes before finally arriving from the direction of his office.

Len had _also_ promised himself he'd go to the hospital today. He'd promised. Now it's just another false word on a list of thousands. "

"You've barely been talking to me lately." Piko finally sat up, straining his eyes to see through the sun. "It's just ー I don't know, did I do something to offend you?"

The direction of their conversation turnt odd, and the older male couldn't help but wonder whether it was to prevent small chat from going stale or whether the subject truly was bothering his companion's mind.

"You didn't do anything."

"Then _why?_ "

"It's nothing personal. I don't talk to you, and I don't talk to anybody else.. fair, isn't It?"

It seemed the answer was the latter, evident with Utatane Piko's wary scoff. "That's a lie.. you called _Fukase_ during your absence.. _he didn't tell me,_ in case you're thinking of blaming him.. I can already tell by the look written over your face. I guess I really _do_ play second fiddle to you, after all ー "

"My dad hit me the other night," Len interrupted.

The younger boy stared, jaw hung just slightly agape, completely speechless whiile his friend kept staring towards the clouds in the sky, thinking so briefly on what shapes he could make out of them.

"My dad hit me, right across the face," He repeated.

His fingers traced a disfigured, white circle beyond the blues, making sure not to face the direction of the sun. He soon shielded his gaze as refuge from the sun, serving a dual purpose not only to keep himself from getting dizzy, but also to keep from seeing his friend's struggle to get any words out.

"Why would he ー I mean, can't you tell someone ー or _something_ ," The other young man seemed lost, hoping for a solution, " _Hell_ , your lip's busted..."

The blond shrugged his shoulders, digging his clothes in the earth.

There was no reason to. "I'm sure I deserved it. Anyway, now you know something that Fukase _doesn't_.. so don't say anything else."

His mind keeps going back to clementine roses, and rocks skipping across a lake, and the sound of a beautiful laugh.

/

/

/

/

The ventilation inside the car is meant to be cool, though he's desperate enough for heat to wrap his arms around himself in a protective shell, feeling as if a single inhale is so stifling that he's breathing through the fumes beneath earth.

His cheek is leaning against the window, staring towards the moving scenery outside, and every now and then, whenever he does so much as flicker his gaze towards the rear view mirror, he sees his father doing the same.

The blond parts his lips, tender words hoping to slip out of his mouth. The quiet ambience is stiffening, and he despises hearing nothing but the distant sound of wheels across asphalt and his own heart beat pounding so loudly in his ears.

He doesn't fall to his desires.

Every year that passes, every cherry blossom that falls, he finds himself getting weaker.

Cowardice takes reign with legs crossed over his saddle, so his only way to refute it is to zip his lips and go against the selfish orders roaming his mind. Even if his pride protests against it.

/

/

/

/

His father is asleep on a bed, inside his own room, after what must have been months, maybe even years. It's a strange sight, at conveniently bad timing especially when Len's trying his best to be cautious and sneak the man's phone, which he'd rashly assumed would be easily accessible from the family dining table, instead kept securely within a bedside drawer.

Violet, padded slippers on his feet prevents any creaks on the floor from an installment of wood, but he has to be careful not to make any sound louder than the huff of his breath.

His fingers reach the cabinet, finally, _finally_ , and his knees touch the ground.

All he has to do is grab the device, figure out the pin, find any messages then place it back in the same spot unnoticed.

He's surprised to find that the drawer is not locked when he slides it open.

The young man is just about to feel relieved when he turns around to see a sharp glare looking directly towards him, void of sleep, instead holding just a tint of disappointment that his own child is disappointment enough to take a bait like this.

Len purses his lips, tries to drop the phone as if it were burning rocks and flee from the house as soon as possible, but a solid grip on his wrist holds him in place.

He has no choice but to gulp down anything left in his throat, stand with his back straight yet head held down in shame, while he's prepared for another punishment to come.

In the end, it never did.

/

/

/

/

 _"I just want to know about her."_

"I don't need to see any messages from her family, I only need to _send_ one, to be sure she's alright."

"If you're not letting me talk to her, _allow me a single vsit_. I'll see them from a distance, and I won't say another word for the entire day."

Desperation seeps into his voice by each passing word, even if his parent seems no where near affected by his begging, even if he is sitting on his hands and knees. He'd started with careless demands spoken over a sip of milk, soon turning to soft whispers, and now he is downright begging to the point where his forehead touches the ground.

It is pathetic. _It is cruel to make a child act in this way,_ many would think.

But if he lives beneath a different man's roof, then the rules between the walls are meant to be obeyed without question, and he has no say in anything but to accept.

His eyes are already heavy with sleep and it's been hours since he'd begun staying in this position, grovelling at his elder's feet while the man drank calmly at a sip of coffee, filing through paperwork as if plugs had been tightly screwed into his ears.

Len refused to back down. If throwing a tantrum would not risk in diminishing his chances, his anger would've long overtaken a long time ago.

Rationality is a bitter pill, but so is all medicine, and it is to serve a better purpose of good rather than harm, even if at times by the right consequences it can be highly damaging.

Leon was tired of it soon enough. He didn't even blink as he replied, carrying on with work, "Go to bed. I'm sending you to school again in the morning, earlier than the time we went today."

"Once. Let me see her _once_."

"Do you ever _listen?_ " The man is scowling through a bitter glare. His hand grips tightly onto his pen, as if summoning all patience not to throw the object until it's become nothing but dust and ink scattered against a wall.

"I won't ask for anything else ー "

He is standing on an edge of a cliff by now.

The odds of receiving another strike to the jaw is weighed against him, but it hardly matters by now. His determination has hit the summit and it will take more than the strongest snowstorm to dampen the fire.

"I have no intention of chatting with you, especially after midnight. When I tell you what to do, that's _final_." Leon dared enough bravery to look at the ground, hoping to see it empty, only to have his hopes diminished when his son is prostrating in the same spot he had been since hours before. "Kagamine Len, I have told you time and time again ー "

"Please."

" _Enough_. I won't let you disappoint this family any further, most certainly not after a girl who you barely know a _single thing_ about."

He knows her.

He knows Kagamine Rin; he may not be aware of her blood type, or the way to properly write the strokes of her name, he does not know her exact birthdate or her favourite colour or even the way she looks when she is completely at peace.

But he knows her laugh. He knows how the young lady smiles, when tears gather beneath her lids and the way her nose digs into the collar of his shirt.

He knows the gleam in her eyes even when it's at the back of his memory, clear as day.

"You're only upset because you've found out what's happened to those pendants ー "

"I've said _ENOUGH._ " The voice interrupts him with strong authority, silencing the younger blond into shock. "You've caused enough trouble within a mere second I take my eyes off you. Know that for as long as you are in my house, you will live under _my rules_."

"..."

"Is that clear?"

He takes a deep breath, but he replies, even though the weight of each word is an anchor down his throat. "... Yes, Sir."

/

/

/

/

The wind is nothing but scalding whips against his skin and the scent of salt water rings so strongly in the air.

He'd ran the miles away from school, pretending to head his way to class from the gates, only to make a trip elsewhere the instant his father's dark blue sedan drove out of view. The sun is a welcome sight, a lovely sunrise playing melodies with the birds as the waves roar against the high cliffs.

Len pulls up his pants above his ankles, takes a fast descend into the water, where he bends so his hands reach the sand.

It may be impossible, he may be irrational.

But if it comes to this, he will look through any depths for an answer, even if it comes in the form of the pearls thrown into the sea.

* * *

don't worry about the bug lol, it might never get published. not sure whether now's a good time to churn out rin/len fanfiction in the state the fandom is in. also so sorry for the week delay.. longest fever I've had in a while! still recovering but thought i'd push this out before laying back completely :(

here's to bathing in tulips and seashells 1 yr anniversary !


	38. feb10

_Tomorrow_ , he'll be able to do it. The plans he'd made after a failure to find any pearls beyond the sand.

Even if he's denied any permission to, even if he's held by the collar at the edge of a cliff, the height of a thousand waves threatening to swallow him down.

Roughly eleven hours. He attends school from six to five, and a one-way trip to those mountains takes just about four hours. If he boards a train by seven in the morning and returns before his father pulls up with the car, that leaves approximately two hours to scurry around a quick run to the hospital, and then back.

Except he'll have to be fast. He has to find her, he'll have to make sure she's alright, and he had to leave with his shadow in tow.

Time today might've been spent carelessly, but he has a larger opportunity _tomorrow_ , and he refuses it to go to waste.

The scent of the ocean is still on him when he makes way to the boys' shower room. There were other people present, some schoolmates who'd just returned from baseball practice, in desperate need of a wash to cleanse off the taste of sun from their bodies, but even the loud sound of their laughter is swallowed down by the thoughts in his mind.

When he looks down, towards the white tiles, he sees crimson.

He is aware it is not real, that it's all his mere imagination, but the memory is vivid enough in him that he can see it without any attempt.

The hot water from overhead is streaming lines down his back, dots of red, too warm for his skin, but he takes the burn like a kiss to his lips.

/

/

/

/

His father switched gears, letting the vehicle settle on _drive_ before finally raising a conversation. "Why are you in your gym clothes?"

The real reasoning is the fact that his uniform had already been drenched from waist-below in seawater, and he refused to let anything with the possibility of suspicion into the car. But as a large spotlight has already been shone on the issue, to the point you'd have to be an _oaf_ not to comprehend it, the punishment would be synonymous to _death_ if he did so much as hint at disobedience.

So he straightens his back against the cushions, locking a lengthy seat belt in face before putting on an oblivious face.

It's hardly believable, no doubt effortlessly would cause Fukase and Rin roll their eyes to the back of their heads _combined_ , but since when did he ever care about an opinion other than his own?

(Quite often, though he harbours more pride than to admit to such a thing.)

Len refused to look his father in the eye. "Oh, um, didn't have time to change before you arrived. They made us run some laps after classes."

"But why is your entire body _wet?_ " The man searched the dashboard for a dry towel before tossing it across his son's head. "Up to your hair, too."

"It's sweat."

"You don't smell like sweat."

"I'm sorry, _Dad_ , I wasn't sure you've ever sniffed my sweat before." The tone came out unintentionally harsh. He observed their reflection in the rear view mirror, knowing that the older man wouldn't take kindly to sarcasm after his lecture a day prior.

To his surprise, not a single word was said to reprimand his cheek.

Len moved from looking in the mirror, to instead eying his double via the darkened window.

The sunset was already today, it seems, though it's unavoidably getting later in the evenings and warmer throughout the days to greet the coming period before summer. Flowers bloom, pink and purples and whites, raining through the wind like sugar-topped caresses from the wind. He decides he doesn't like it.

Experiencing this, thinking of something as beautiful, when _she_ is not there to see.

The car stops, and when Len breaks out of his daydreams with his hand on the door handle, ready to file into the elevator then head to their cold, lifeless flat, where there will be a bed waiting for him, the young man is found to be a displeased sort of surprised when he realises they're nowhere _near_ home.

A little diner, trapped at the opposite edge of the district from where they usually visit, trapped decades back in time.

When a single father had to juggle two sons to take a bite to eat every single day after his wife's funeral.

Where there is a little old lady sweeping grass off the pavement of her store, onto the road beyond.

"Why don't you tell me where you _really_ went." His father breathed, "Or else I'll leave you with that grandmother over there, and you can _walk_ back home. Did you _really_ think I wouldn't check up with your teachers to confirm your attendance..."

"Why are we here?" Len scowled. "I don't _like_ being here."

"Because it's the only place to rest nearby your mother's grave. It's been _years_ since you've last paid respects, I think it's about time, don't you?"

"A woman like _that_ doesn't _need_ any respect."

If the aim of this trip was to drive him insane, then the task had been achieved. His heart was pounding against his ears.

"I didn't raise you to be this way. No matter what you say, no matter what she's done to usー _you_ ," His correction is put oddly in place, but he nods, as if trying to reassure himself. "She is still your mother, and I won't tolerate this behaviour from my own son. Maybe _anyone else's_ child, maybe, but not _mine_."

Hot tears threatened to bubble at his eyes, as did the electricity to his spine. It is more painful than he'd like to admit to keep his lips sown, remembering the roads to every place he'd once walked, remembering how it was like to be eight years old, and being able to do nothing but _sob_.

He'd sobbed, and wailed, and screeched, until he hardly believed he had anything left to cry.

Apparently not.

But he was older now. He's grown. He's not that weak little boy, so easily persuaded by lies and broken promises. He bites the inside of his cheek, tightening his grip into fists. "You hate me."

"I don't hate you, Len."

"You hate me, you've _always_ hated me."

"All I'm asking you to do is greet your mother. _Is that so wrong?_ Or I could give you another choice... you _tell_ me where you've been the entire day, and we'll drive straight home."

He'd stiffened. The answer is not too hardly withheld, so loose on his tongue, but stubbornness takes deep root in pride and his head refuses to do anything but take the ugly, little demons inside him by the throat and rip it from his chest.

Because those demons are the only things that keep him safe anymore.

They are from him, they have held him up, they will never leave him.

The skies above are turning a darker grey, signaling a coming storm, and a soft growl of thunder roars somewhere in the distance. The old lady retires from the outdoors, heading inside the small cosy building and shutting the doors closed behind her ー he doubts she'd ever noticed their presence in the first place.

It wouldn't.. be nice to head home in this storm.

"Your decision. I'm waiting." His father tapped a finger against the steering wheel, the rhythm a pace against both impatience and it's direct opposite. "Just one, little visit. _. or you can tell me exactly what you've been doing._ "

The blond made up his mind soon enough.

He straightened his back, unclasped the seat belt, and tossed open the passenger door.

The older man nearly threw himself across the console to stop his son from leaving the car, but it was far too late when the boy jumped to safer distance, out of reach.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

 _"I'll walk."_

"Don't be stupid. It's about to rain. We're an hour awayー" His words stopped when he noticed persuasion failing to work, " _Kagamine Len_ , get in the car right now."

"I'll walk." Len repeated.

Then he slammed the door shut.

/

/

/

/

 _Nice of you to finally show up,_ growled Fukase, growling through fury and _panic_ and the hell he'd went through all because of that one phone call he'd made during one of those nights at the hospital.

They didn't share any classes, they barely crossed the same corridor with the slots of their classes ー not to mention he hadn't been present for nearly all of today.

The worry wasn't uncalled for, at the very least.

Len supposes he wouldn't like to see a _friend_ he hasn't talked to in a while reconcile so suddenly, only to disappear off the face of the universe ー _as the older male addresses it,_ then show up on your front doorstep soaked in the thunderstorm and shivering to his toes, either.

He appreciates how Hiyama Fukase has the heart of a mountain even if it's a vulnerability that could get him in trouble one day.

He'd gotten into the bath, changed clothes and sat with his legs crossed across the wood as his friend finished using the towel he'd had for his own hair, then tossed it towards Len's direction so they could share. That was an hour before, that was when the storm was still heavy, and the wind rattled against the windows and the trees.

Now everything is quiet.

The moon glistens, wet, and shy. As if the rain was a gift from the heavens.

But he knows very well to expect nothing less than a curse.

It's weird to have someone sleeping beside him again, after so long. After what's felt like an eternity.

But it's warm; the soft snoring, the breath that is not his own. When he turns on his side, futon covering up to his neck falling below his shoulders, he can see that the other boy is already fast asleep.

He shuts his eyes. Forces himself to do the same.

/

/

/

/

A sprinkle of water across his face is what wakes him up in the morning. He opens his gaze, catching the filter of sun from the open curtains and a wet hand dangling over his body. The voice that greets his ears in't the slightest bit apologetic, and it finally occurs to Len that the action was done on purpose.

The splashing gets heavier and harsher, only stopping when Len sits up in frustration.

"Yes," Len's eye twitched. "Good on you _for waking me up._ Although you didn't have to throw water in my face for it."

"Would you rather I have given you the kiss of life?"

Before a retort could come in tow, the door behind them creaked open, revealing timid wide eyes and scarlet hair trailing just slightly above floor.

Fukase exhaled softly, went nearer to the little lady who'd likely woken up from the sound of their words, no likely having become curious enough to check. His hand stroked her head, promising to come down in a while to make breakfast, then promptly closed the door shut even through a girlish whine of protest.

"So." The boy started, his brows threatening to disappear into his hair lines. "Are you going to tell me what's going on, or not?"

About what? There were many things that he could be mentioning, even if he had hardly enough time followed by absolutely no energy.

When it came down to it, Len didn't have to think twice about an answer. "No."

"Aren't _you_ direct..."

"I'll wash your clothes before returning them to you." He pretended not to note the cynicism. "I'm heading back. Thanks for letting me stay the night."

"Breakfast?"

Len thought for a while, contemplating, even in the midst of rolling his futon and dragging it to the door where they could drop the spread into the downstairs cabinet. The dark leather strap of his dirtied schoolbag is already slung over a shoulder, and when he leaves the room, they cross a flushing little girl who seemed captivated with watching their movements at the precision of a hawk.

He felt very much like a prey, or on the deeper side of the spectrum, a little pest in desperate need to leave.

His friend tried to assure him that Ruby had only developed a small crush that was nothing worth panicking about.

"It's like her fascination with poodles. She likes them one week, then she loathes them the next."

"Thanks for the _comparison_. Anyway, I think I'll eat out somewhere.. there's that little ricecake stall out in town that should be open by now. I'll see you later at school." The lie comes so smoothly from his tongue, rolling like melted butter.

He doesn't think he'll be going to school. No, he's sure he won't. Not for a very long time.

"You should know that your dad called.. just an hour earlier." Fukase reached over to take his little sister's hand as they descended down the stairs. "Told him we didn't know where you were. Mum and Dad wouldn't give him the same answer if they'd known. So you better.. well, _you know_..."

There was no need to finish the sentence.

The young man's answer came in the form of a nod, golden bangs shielding his eyes from the rising sun.

/

/

/

/

Soon enough one week had passed, then two, yet he still hadn't found a chance to slip away nor had a single word of news about Kagamine Rin's wellbeing. His father, though refusing to be on speaking terms, put him on stricter guard.

Len's sure that had something to do with how the teachers were keeping an eye on him, calling out his name even if he did so little as drift his eyes away from the chalkboard.

In the end he still has no option but to attend school. _In the end_ he still slinks inside the passenger seat of his father's car, maintaining nothing but anonymity every day they ride home.

A masculine tone washes over his body in surprise.

He looks up, noticing the classroom is all empty, yet he is still glued to his seat as if trapped in time. The voice calls out again, and he notices it's of his name.

Mr. Hiyama knitted dark, brown brows, aged wrinkles doing nothing to get him younger. His gaze is expectant, as if hoping for an explanation.

"Sorry, Sir. I lost track of time." Len bit the inside of his cheek, finally gathering his pencils into a case before reaching his bag.

"Kagamine, I couldn't help but notice you looking very pale lately..."

"I must not be spending enough time in the sun."

 _"You know that's not what I meant."_

He mocked a laugh. "It isn't an issue really. I've just been having trouble sleeping, it's nothing a few days can't fix."

Even if he's been like this for longer _than_ a day. Weeks. Perhaps even a month, if he's gotten so lost to the point where his hands no longer hold grasp on time. Vivid blue eyes jump to the calendar in the corner of the room, and it only aids in flushing the colour from his cheeks even more at the realisation of how fast time has flown.

His teacher coughs once more.

It occurs to him that he must've been too lost in his thoughts to hear any words directed towards him.

"You're right, Sir, I don't think I feel too well." It isn't bad to admit to the truth when it plays to his own benefit. In this case, it means avoiding interrogation. "If you don't mind, I'd like to go home now."

"Have Fukase walk back with you, otherwise -"

"My father is picking me up today."

".. yes, I suppose he is." Frantic, unsure nodding. "Very well, then." A single clap on the boy's shoulder. "You make sure you're healthy the next time you're in my class. Eat well.. you're much skinnier than the other ones your age."

Len had no choice to do anything but to fake a smile.

/

/

/

/

His father is finally asleep.

After what's felt like years, the man is knocked out on the dining table, his laptop and paperwork sprawled across the surface in the most disorganised mess he could create. Len's sock-clad feet padded across the wood, then onto the soft carpet that cushioned his feet, risking a chance to reach the front door.

It's now or never.

 _Now or never._

"She's not there anymore."

He jumped inches into the air, whipping around st the speed of light to notice his parent's blue eyes gleaming at him through the dark. It seems that _dozing man_ image he was putting on seemed nothing but a face.

Len stepped backwards, his arm reaching the doorknob. In the end, he supposes this man really is his father, enough to know _how_ and _when_ he'd try a new plan in action.

Now was just another title of failed attempts to be added on the list.

His fingers are threatening to pop from his sockets by the pace of his rapid pulse, refusing to be calmed.

His elder let out a low grunt, one that spoke more meaning than any words could say. "I'm telling you she's not there at the hospital anymore. You can still go. If you want to keep being stubborn, _if you don't want to listen to your own father,_ then I'll allow an opportunity to make decisions that you'll regret."

"..."

When the man noticed his son's steel-built barriers had chipped sway, even by a miniscule amount, "They've been discharged for weeks."

"Then _where_ can I find her?" Len spat.

He hadn't been expecting a true answer. Fate, it seemed, had other plans.

"We have a meeting with Kagamine Rin's family tomorrow, at seven thirty."

* * *

forgot to say thank you for the well wishing! i'll try my best to make sure we carry this story to the end.


	39. feb19

Criticism ran one final check; from the top of his head where flaxen strands have been combed to perfection, down to his best pair of leather shoes.

He'd protested against borrowing one of his brother's old suits ー _which_ , his father insisted, was necessary for the sake of formality ー and somehow managed to pass getting inside the car with nothing but his school uniform and a jacket in case night time leaves him too cold for comfort. It is no where near classy, but he isn't visiting the family's home with slippers and shorts, and the only reason he was going there for was to see her, _not_ to keep up an image.

That's all there is. Even if it's one, little glimpse, he'd be satisfied to last another night.

The city is crowded, their journey needlessly longer than it should be due to heavy traffic and his father's _need_ to go to the city bank under a claim to withdraw cash, only to soon pocket it in an envelope of beige.

The radio is playing melodies, one after another, that proves failure to capture the blond's attention.

He closes his eyes, leaning half of a cheek against the window to see falling petals rain from the sky.

The sound of the young lady's fingers dancing across a piano is imminent within memory, taking over all conscious as if nothing more than a breeze.

/

/

/

/

It is such an overwhelming feeling to see her figure after what's felt like an eternity.

A petite body crouched beside the entrance of the house. A miniature fountain streams gentle waters, recently installed seeing as he hadn't noticed it the last time he'd been around ー them runs the tips of her fingers into the pond, across the scales of wandering fishes beyond a lily.

She looks so small, with an overlarge jumper and a skirt that falls to her ankles.

Her nose rushes a vivid hue of amber from the cold. She jumps when she notices there are eyes on her, and when she meets his gaze, she instantly moves away to hide behind the back of an older man, _the same one he'd seen weeks prior_ , seemingly pursing thin lips the entire time.

Len isn't forced to make the first move. His father steps in front when the gate is pushed open, firmly shaking that man's hand before the exchange of brown parchment moved between them.

The boy soon stretches his own arm in the same extent of respect.

It is quickly ignored.

Three people walk ahead through the front door, leaving the blond to follow behind, ankles wobbling beneath his own weight.

He tries to catch the girl looking at him, even a little glance, but she's vehement on anonymity so instead he finds another source to press attention ー for any hidden bundle of cloth with the sound of a coo. They're inside the living room when he finally regains consciousness, and it's only when he reaches for a seat on one of the maroon cushions does he receive the pleasure of acknowledgement: her father refuses to allow him to take any position beside his daughter, _nor_ across.

Rin didn't seem to mind scooting away in respect of those wishes.

The blond looks down towards the smooth mahogany wood of the table, hoping not to allow any sign of disposition show across his face. He still sneaks an eye towards her every now and then, careful not to be caught.

"Leon, is it... I understand we've already gone over this matter over the phone, so perhaps this meeting isn't entirely necessary ー "

Once the silence is broken, so is the seal on Len's lips. "Where's Mirai?"

Both older men twitched at the mention of _that name_ in a mixture of surprise and irritation. He notices, however, the way Kagamine Rin does not move her features at all.

Len can feel the hands of his father clench a side of the boy's thigh, hidden, as a warning to silence himself. Soon they carry on as if he hadn't spoken a single word.

"... as you were saying, erm, William," Leon nods his head.

There's a determined glare shared between them, walls put up, hidden only under a blanket of courtesy.

" _Wil_ does just fine. As I was _saying_ , of course, we both understand the circumstances."

His ears perked.

Before he could get a word in, another presence from behind him fills the room with discomfort. At first the young man thought it to be nothing more than a wandering cat, but the wonder is banished when a dusty orange feline pounced on the cushion across his own, issuing one growl beneath it's throat.

It's soon revealed the atmosphere is changed only because of her older brother's quiet entrance, who'd been carrying a tea tray across the hall until he finally reached the coffee table. There are assortments of sliced chiffon and cream across ceramic, but the youngest male notices that hidden beneath the desert is a telltale hint of mint biscuits.

Yuuma looked at his sister in silent acknowledgement, turned towards nobody else, then promptly left the room without a word.

Len's father clears his throat with the straightening of his olive tie, returning to discussion. "Am I right to assume that our family pertains no legal rights?"

At this point, Len can no longer hear anything. His mind flees beyond the open glass window across the room, where he can catch visions of the starless sky. Words from the conversation flit through his mind, one after another, though it moves like water and dries like air ー into non-existence.

"Unless you claim it, of course... if the minor is male, the law prohibits him from being the written guardian until the age of eighteen-"

"Then what is the need of contacting us?"

The other man is visibly miffed from having been interrupted.

He cleared his throat, chin up in the air with an instinctive readjustment of his plaid tie before continuing.

"I'm offering you an opportunity to revoke this arrangement. There are too many cases where the other party claims to have never agreed with the conditions, only to bring an irrelevant situation to court." Beside the tray of piping tea, a stack of papers and pen have already been placed in waiting. "I desire certainty on this. You've brought your family's seal, I presume."

"As requested..."

Len moves his eyes to the clean, cream coloured walls, accented by paintings of koi fish and golden picture frames, to the less exotic photographs of three different boys. Similar, a range from as youthful as infants through older, growing ages.

Len tries not to feel too bothered by the lack of a particular young lady's face amongst them.

It's difficult to imagine what she looks as a child, so instead he settles onto the real, living thing.

The pearls of her teeth have been biting down the vermillion lips from the start of their evening, shoulders stiff, each corners forming the sharp arch before a blade. It's only when he registers the form of her jaw moving does he snap out of his daydream.

Her mouth repeatedly forms the shape of his name.

The actions confuse him at first, trying to decide _whether_ his hearing has gone numb enough not to hear anything even if is across from him _or whether he had himself trapped in time._ However, the fact that the world around them hadn't changed soon becomes realised with very little struggle.

He notices she'd merely been speaking beneath breath.

Not for long.

It's only when the two older men are staring at each other through colloquial sips of tea does her voice snap, nearly at the top of her lungs, "Are you going to just let this _happen?"_

It's then that he notices she's stood up with that familiar, fire-lit fury in her eyes. Len's heart sinks in his chest, sharp fingernails drumming against the cloth of his pants to keep his breath down from a sudden high.

The next few words prepared to leave his lips are silenced by her father, who'd already made move to pull the blonde down by her wrist. " _Sit down_. You're causing a scene."

 _It should be considered a disgrace to expect such a simple hush like that to take in effect_. No matter what situation they're forced into, Kagamine Rin is still Kagamine Rin, and the determination to prove it does not waver.

She wrestles her arm away. "Len _,_ look at me. Don't you _dare_ run away."

"I don't understand what it is you _want_ from me." The young man's voice comes out unintentionally as a harsh hiss, and he regrets it when her form recoils as if having been slapped.

She looks down.

Seethes.

Albeit silent, Rin plops back onto the cushioned seat, taking a swig of burning jasmine through her lips whilst the person beside her grabs hold of opportunity to speak. "Close your _mouth_ , boy. You've gotten enough liberty with a lax tongue without the consequence of having it _chopped off_."

"I'd _appreciate_ if you didn't mention _mutilation of my son during a meeting arrangement._ "

"Your _son_ has defiled _my daughter._ "

"Oh! As if he is entirely to blame ー"

Both sides speak over the other, refusing to listen to any words that ate not their own. "Tell me who will want her now. You look at her, and you _tell me_ who will take her after this. _Your son_ has caused enough embarrassment _upon our family."_

It almost seemed like they believe there is no embarrassment in screaming out an argument in the middle of the night to the point where the entire neighbourhood could hear.

Masculine, aged hands rushed aggressively over the skin of his face to wipe off the grease of stress, giving little awareness to the way his daughter reddened through the exchange. The course, albeit feeling like it lasted hours, had truly only lasted a few minutes.. but those minutes were long enough.

The rush of blood through her face indescribable, _indistinguishable_ from all of hurt, anger or _pure shame._

Rin set down her cup with a loud clink. "I'm leaving."

 _"I told you to sit down."_

"I'm leaving. I'll go wait upstairs with..." She met his eyes, sky blues to storms, as if a single look spread across expression would be all she needed to come to decision with a choice of words.

Time took a pause.

This time, when she captures his gaze into a deep lock, she makes no effort to turn away. _It is a challenge_ , he realises, where one is daring the other to surrender. But he has no intention of doing that today, and Rin picks up on the message soon enough.

"... upstairs with _Yuuma_." The girl finished lamely.

"Rin. Last warning."

Patience seemed evidently running thin.

She hesitated for a moment, weighing the benefits and the risks of staying, then decided there were more to the latter.

Before the man who _so much resembled her_ could grasp a hold on milk skin, she'd already made way around the coffee table then through the archway that led to the hallway they'd arrived from. The soft pads of telltale footsteps rushed over the staircase above, the final marker how she would not return.

Len decided there was no harm in stretching out towards the unfilled papers, disobeying his father's futile protests reach to hold him back.

Only for his mouth to turn dry once he sees the words written in bold, printed ink.

/

./

/

/

He'd rushed to his bedroom and locked the door first thing when they returned home.

Not only did she confirm her _hatred_ towards him to the end of the world, but he hadn't even gotten to do what he'd intended to do the entire evening they were planned to go there.

He was denied to see two, small feet, _he was denied to hear the soft beat of a butterfly's wing._

His face sank deep into his mattress, hearing his father rush after his outburst by pounding a heavy fist against the door. The man demands something, muffled through the sound of wood, and Len makes no effort to decipher anything but the sound of a grumbling storm somewhere off in the distance.

He began counting the thunder's roars.

He was eager for it to come take him, even if only within dreams.

/

/

/

/

"You're giving her away."

"So I see you've finally decided to leave the comforts of your bedroom..."

"You're giving her away," Len breathed. "Without telling me about it. Without consulting with me, _a single word_."

He'd only come out for a bathroom break and another gulp of water, but when he saw his father at the usual spot on the dining table, tapping away on his laptop to finish typing up another email without another care in the world, as if the events that had occurred just one night before had been nothing but a little nightmare ー

The blond furiously wipes away the sleep from his eyes with the sleeve of his wrist.

The sun shines from every open window, every undrawn curtain, burning his thirst through the core.

He looks around for a sign that will help him wake up, to bring him back into that little house in the mountains where his head is in her lap and her fingers are through his hair. A sign to break apart this dream that shatters clouded figments over reality until he sees nothing but eggshells over his path.

A road to bring him home.

There is nothing.

He sees only an empty flat, with white walls and no love to call home.

A deep voice brings Len back to the unwanted _present_. "I am doing this to _protect_ you. Don't argue with me on things that you won't understand."

The next words the blond speaks in response are in mumbles, left mostly unheard. _"You are doing this to hurt me."_

Lack of comprehension doesn't halt his father's need to fit in another lecture. "You are _my_ son.. every single decision I've made, from the moment you took your first breath, has been for _you_. You are _my_ child, don't forget that."

But it seems they believe _that girl_ isn't his.

Len gripped his hands into fists, grabbed one of their satchels off the coat rack, then reached for a pair of shoes by the entrance.

The boy doesn't wait to hear any more protests before he leaves.


	40. feb26

He doesn't know how many months it has been. There's ice on the floor, but the weather holds just a slight crisp to it which delays an onpour of snow.

The taste of his tongue is raw gravel, he tastes blood, fresh metal sculpted into wine.

Feminine legs wound tightly around his waist. They're slender, they're even, they aren't thick at the thighs and sharp at the ankles. They don't let him feel that usual spark of electricity whenever their skin graze against his own. The mouth pressed against his tastes odd, like cherry and that odd, fizzy drink that makes him heady, instead of a familiar mint biscuit and citrus that dances a melody across his tongue.

He thinks of fire, he thinks of bathing in it.

His hands move back, beyond the soft cheeks he'd been cupping, towards the golden blonde of her hair.

When he opens his eyes, he doesn't see blue staring back. He sees chestnut and amber, and the flaxen strands meant to be twined between his fingertips show nothing but a deep brunette.

The fingers unbuttoning beneath his collar is no longer sweet, and the painted fingernails that dig into his skin are nothing more than sharp daggers to cut sharp through his throat.

He jumps back.

The girl in front of him is confused, reaching out towards him, but the young man flees without a chance.

/

/

/

/

The baseball field is visible through the narrowest squint he can muster. His arms hang over the railings of the roof, one hand gripping just weakly on a juice box while the boy beside him struggled finishing a compilation of graphs for ー well, _physics analysis_ or something of the sort, _maybe even for the upcoming history lesson_ , before lunch break would end.

At this point Len couldn't bother figuring out whether the assignments they have were presentations on the first World War or more related towards fifteenth century plumbing. He can barely remember the schedule anymore. All he does is sit in class, wait for school to end, then have the next day done on repeat.

It's undeniable that there are multiple important things of concern, _many_ , but education has dropped position to last on his list.

He could see an unavoidable blur of red hair shooting across the grounds. "You'd think he take some time off sports to focus on _academics_. Especially how they've plummeted after our last papers. Did you see his results?" The younger male grumbled through a bitten straw. "No, instead he runs across with his stupid play-bat, as if that's going to be enough to feed his stomach once school is over."

It took Len a few seconds to gather his thoughts and realise his friend hadn't been talking to himself.

He moved his gaze away from the field, from the game and from Hiyama Fukase's dash in the sun.

"It wasn't that bad."

"Wasn't that bad? _Wasn't that bad?_ He got passing grades, sure, but it's no where near deserving a praise for."

Len has seen Fukase's grades. It had _been_ a drop, but only a minor one. He's sure a teacher's son would get _enough_ of a lecture without peer pressure. "So he's no good at Science and Mathematics. Big deal. You're not his mother, Utatane, get off his back."

"You know I'm talking about you, too, don't you?"

The blond rolled his eyes.

 _Of course_ it would come to this. When does it ever not.

He tries not to seem _too_ exhausted when he slinks his entire body against the rails, letting out a sigh. The sun is burning on his face, but it's a pleasant contrast from the biting wind of the weather. Discoloured leaves are beginning to fall from the trees beneath them, the smell of dry autumn wafting through wind.

"I'm serious, Len. Maybe your grades aren't as bad as Fukase's ー but Two Bs? _Six Cs?_ " It isn't a teasing jibe, nor is it one for comfort. "One day you won't be living under your dad's roof. You're going to wake up, realising you'll be the only one who can support yourself."

It's a reminder that he can't avoid no matter how much he tries to hide the way it is thrown in his face.

The young man scowls more than hold an appreciative apparence, but the spoken words don't go through one ear and cascade so easily through the next.

He finds the taste on his tongue left not as bitter as expected after listening to the lecture ー not when it comes from somebody who looks at him _more_ than an inconvenience stuck under the same roof for eighteen years.

Though he'd be damned if he hadn't heard the same thing from six different teachers over the past month. "I'm figuring things out, alright?"

He knows he has to do something. He's aware of it.

It's just that right now, _retaliation is the only way he can get his family to look his way._

"Well, you're graduating soon.. so figure it out faster." He was about to retort when a sheet of clean napkin was thrown directly against his face, nearly entering the room of his mouth. "And clean up before you get back to class.. tell whoever you're snogging to be more discreet next time."

"Discreet?"

"There's lipstick all over you. It's unflattering."

Len accepted the gesture begrudgingly.

He made move to toss it into the wastebasket with his empty juice box once used, only to redirect his attention back to the field quickly after.

/

/

/

/

"You're going to have to eat something eventually."

The man sets into a frozen glare, grey and cobalt, while his son is sitting with arms crossed at the dinner table, refusing to have anything from the fresh array of cockles and steamed fish in front of them.

Leon rolled some rice between his chopsticks, coating it deeper in soy sauce before stretching the bowl across the table.

 _All as if his son was nothing but a toddler needing to fed._

The younger blond turned his cheek away in defiance.

The look of crystal frost within the man's eyes chips at the edges, though goes unnoticed when masked by a stiffened voice. This conversation was something he hadn't been looking forward to from the merest implications of it and hoped to never come across but change is inevitable, and hiding away grievance causes nothing but deeper remorse.

He drops the glutinous rice back into his bowl. Knocks aside some of the side dishes in the midst of controlling a rising temper. "You don't prove anything by starving yourself ー by _not talking to me,_ Len."

Every once in a while, the boy gains energy to retort. "You didn't seem to think there was any need to talk with _me_ when you signed those papers with the family seal."

"So this is what it's about?" His father spat. Len flinched the moment two, strong hands slammed against the tabletop, visible veins protruding from beneath the skin. "Your increasing absence in school, your assault on a boy _one year your senior,_ your constant lack of discipline shown by handing unfinished paperwork in class.. did you really think there wouldn't be any complaints? That your teachers haven't been reporting to me about every little thing you've done wrong?"

"You mean _breathing?_ "

They stared each other down. The older man, waiting for his son to bend down and whimper ー whereas the boy in question wasn't ambitious enough to imagine victory, he did keep his chin up and wait for the clock to tick until his father's energy ran short.

Fire burned beneath skin, enough that even the coolest of waters wouldn't be able to wash it out. At the very least, maybe dim down the fuel that leaks to the surface of land.

Len stood up, finishing his resolve by pushing his bowl to the other side of the table, untouched rice turnt cold.

His form and silence are more words than he could ever speak.

"Don't eat then. Hole yourself up in your room _. Do what you want from now on._ "

"As if I needed your permission for that."

His father doesn't protest as he walks off.

He makes quick move for the nearest coat off their rack, slamming the apartment door loudly to signal his leave.

/

/

/

/

He took in the scent of salt air and the pound of water against rocky cliffs as if it were nothing but the embrace of an old friend to a man in need of one. The store across the street had run out of mint biscuits, and he'd taken opportunity of a longer route home when the restriction on his whereabouts had faded. Not _lightened_ , only forgotten.

His family wasn't the type to commit to things. This was only to be expected.

The jacket tightened around his collar as the air became cooler.

He dug into the front pocket of his schoolbag, feeling beyond the unruly pieces of tissue used years back and stray receipts he'd shoved in at any given opportunity, until reaching the object he'd finally nicked from his father's back drawer.

Milk pudding carton in one hand, he fumbled to get it out with only the other, but it glimmers free in the end.

Pearl anklet ー matching with the necklace he'd thrown to the sea.

The very one he'd received at birth, _the one he hasn't worn since he'd long outgrown it._

He holds the loop high into the air where it shimmers into the sunset, cream blinding to whites. Stretching an arm the furthest distance he could muster, as if aiming for a throw he should've made a long before.

It would be for the best, to return a lost memory to it's origin, to a pearl to it's home. Maybe by doing so, in turn, he will find where _he_ belongs.

He'll do it. He'll do it, he'll do it, _he finds no reason not to._

Momentary anger unleashes him in a storm and he finds his grasp on it loosen.

A pair of arms encircle his waist from protest, bodily pushing him forwards, forcing him to grasp the anklet before it strays too far from reach. Len widens his eyes, seeing an ocean of blues and the hair encircling his wrists like golden, metal rings. He hears the faintest sound of his name becoming the voice of reason, whispering not to commit a deed he might regret.

He tries to protest. He calls out in return, for the owner of the voice, asking to what point does she intend to make him out as a fool.

Rin, Rin _, Rin..._

When he turns to fight her, he sees nobody but the wind and his own reflection in the water, laughing at him in shame.

He doesn't know when or _how_ he'd walked himself into the sea.

His legs move a slow retreat to shore, stuffing the dreaded anklet into the pocket of his trousers. His walk home is fueled by nothing except hurt and fury.

But only to himself.

It suddenly feels much colder when he realises he is alone.

/

/

/

/

He dreamt of falling the other night.

He fell through glass, through water, through the sky.. and it never stopped until the instant he opened his eyes. The next day started him off with a bad mood, though he intended not to carry it out until the end.

Some things are just out of your own power.

That girl ーhe's not good with names, he doesn't remember her name. _He never remembers names._ Anyway, she, _the girl,_ came to decision that an opportune moment to corner for an important discussion _was the exact moment_ a hundred students would flee through the doors to leave the school grounds, him included.

As if Len hadn't already suffered an hour-long detention rewriting lines for speaking out of turn (admitting that he hadn't been paying attention during class.) The young man held back a yawn. "Could we not make, _like_ , a big deal out of this?"

She let her eyes narrow. "All I asked was for you to be with me during lunch. At the very least, walk me home. It's not the end of the world."

"It is when you're acting as if I'm your property."

After a while he gets tired of imagining people are things that they're not. Her hair isn't as thick as he'd like them to be, they don't fall between his fingers like silk petals more than they are like strands of ash. They fall to her waists, not to her shoulders, and she does not smell the way he wants her to.

Even if it's the same cheap perfume that every single girl in their school wears, it's _off_ and it's foreign and he'd rather gag than have it near his nose again.

The young man gritted his teeth, as if signaling her to not attract any attention.

"Sorry, I didn't know expecting somebody to be a decent boyfriend is _too much to ask_. _Next time I won't offer you to do anything with me,_ then."

She's loud enough when she's indecipherable, he doesn't need anybody else to know about their _encounters_ when it's not so much as a relationship as it is a fling. "I'm not your boyfriend."

If anything, that caused her to heighten her voice. " _What?_ "

The trees rustled above them. Dry, crisp leaves fell on his hair, and he shook them off with one hand before continuing as if nothing had happened.

The blond tapped his foot impatiently. Averted his gaze. "Listen, we can talk about this later. Tomorrow."

So in the end they're by the border of the school gates when the girl captures both of his hands in her own. This is nearly humiliation at it's finest. One of the boys in his class releases a catcall from one of the building's upper windows, but he steels the energy not to react with anything more than a frown.

" _Tomorrow_ you'll just run away like you always do."

"The day after tomorrow, then."

"But _Lennie_..." Something about hearing the way she called his name, the way he'd never allowed anybody else to do so except for one, ignited his temper.

Len freed his hands bodily, keeping them to his own sides. "Don't _call_ me that."

She doesn't even know him that well. He doesn't know _her_.

And he doesn't want to.

There are things he's born with insatiable curiosity for; this girl is merely not one of them.

He could kiss her from Monday to Fridays, he could hear those sweet words being whispered into his ear and pretend they're from a different person's lips, but in the end she will never be what he wants her to be and deceiving himself would be the same as falling on gravel ground.

/

/

/

/

 _"So I heard you got smacked in the face by a girl."_

He could hear an odd crunching noise on the other end of the line.

Vaguely, the young man wondered if his companion was unethical enough to have snacks when they're meant to be talking about personal issues, but that assumption was shot down when he was told that the other boy had been unwrapping food to make lunchboxes for him and his younger sister to carry the next morning.

He was likely strolling along the kitchen, cellphone clasped in the gap between his shoulderblade and ear.

Len, on the other hand, was nestled beneath his bed covers to read one of the stray novels he'd found in his bag. Likely one he'd borrowed from the library for _her._

He shakes his head to get his mind on other things, instead letting his gaze wander to the open window and the moonlight above the autumn sky.

The nights have been getting colder lately. He let out a little sniffle before burrowing deeper into the sheets for warmth.

"Whatever, she was annoying anyway." His response comes out in mumbles. "She didn't have to make it so public."

 _"Well, yeah, that's what girls do."_

"Not all girls. Some are.. more private."

 _"Not all girls are Kagamine Rin."_

"... Shut up."

The sound of crinkling plastic stopped. He could imagine Hiyama Fukase leaning against a countertop, thinking about what to say in the least offensive way. The silence soon was replaced by the sound of a gas stove being turned off, things being packed away, then the eerie sound of feet running up the stairs.

It must've taken about four minutes before Fukase's voice returned with the creaking sound of wood. The boy mentioned the fact that he'd just crawled in bed as well.

Len sighed, laying down on one angle with his phone balanced over an ear. His arms were free, going around to encircle a pillow.

He could hear the sound of fingers tapping across a keyboard, and for a moment he thought it came from his friend's line, but careful hearing revealed that the noise came from his own house. His father must've woken up to do some after-midnight document checks before the sunrise comes.

It's not difficult for Fukase to regain his attention. _"Do you even know her name?"_

 _It's Rin._

 _Rin._

 _My name's Rin._

"Hm?" He had lost track of the conversation. Surprisingly, he didn't need help to remember where they were, even if it did take a minute for himself to think. "Oh, er, Kokone or something of the sort."

The voice on the other end let out a sound of acknowledgement. _"Oh,_ her _... I shared the same homeroom as her last year. She's not bad."_

"She's alright." Len agreed.

It wasn't a lie. This girl _was_ alright.

It's just that she isn't who he needs her to be.

/

/

/

/

The wind of this Saturday morning felt much colder than the previous days before. His hair is still wet from a rinse in the shower, and he had to sneak past the slumbering form of his father beneath the piles of paperwork on the dining table.

Now he's standing outside the same house he'd been to just a few months prior.

He strains his ears to hear anything more than the sound of water... hushed whispers, maybe even a baby's coo. There is nothing.

The sound of the small fountain pond can be heard, though he can't glimpse the fishes from beyond the gates. The windows of the house are all drawn with curtains and he's not even sure whether there's anybody left at home. Every nerve in his body screams that he is committing a mistake, that he shouldn't be doing this, that these actions, following numerous of his other decisions, would bring more harm than good.

No.

The jacket on his shoulders are warm enough to keep him from freezing to ice. His boots would be enough to heat his feet, even if he was buried in a hill of snow.

If he goes back now, he will go back forever.

Len took a deep breath.

He rang the door bell.

* * *

fever's getting worse and so is len. should mention that the next few chapters (including this one) has been written while high on medication so approach with caution


	41. mar22

He thought it was Yuuma at first, with a defined jawline and frame that towers over his own across a thousand mountains. Similar eyes, the type that gets heavy by a brimming storm when they're upset, followed by a frown that doesn't hide away evident distaste. But it isn't. It definitely isn't. There's something cold about this man, colder than any person he's ever met. Yuuma is stiff, but he doesn't lack empathy or suffer from a severe lack of emotion.

 _I'm the only girl out of four children, what do you think?_

Upon closer look Len notices that this man is much older, reaching his mid-twenties and having features no where near as soft as those of the younger siblings. It is much more pronounced, a higher nose bridge, a chin that refuses to level with the boy standing outside their family's front doorstep...

And stubble.

Quite plenty of stubble.

No doubt to it if Len put one toe out of line, it could very well be his last.

He doesn't give a greeting this time, doubting it to be appropriate, shivering beneath the chill before allowing words to form. "I'm here for, _uh,_ for Rin."

 _She's not here,_ he expected to be told. Except he wasn't. Instead he hears nothing. Not a single response as the man retreats into his home with only a huff of breath, even if the younger boy let out a protest.

Len spends five minutes doing nothing but _standing_ and staring at the closed front door as if he were a paper cut-out left to dry before finally arriving to terms on how her older brother would not return. Everything inside him yelled fury to curse towards the skies, curse the clouds and the miniscule beam of sunshine across skin. His boots kick away stray leaves across asphalt and it takes all of ten seconds before his hands come back to hitting the aged white button for that same bell to ring throughout the house.

Ten times, twenty times, soon fifty before the door opens once again, just by a miniscule peek.

He's met with the same glare seen prior before.

"Rin," The young man repeats, clarifying her name to the point of where he reaches desperation. "I need to see her."

His senior in age did nothing but twitch one, single brow, evidently holding back a rising temper. "She doesn't want to see _you_."

Well, at least _this one_ isn't saying the girl is non-existent as a whole.

He allows his own glance to crawl slightly up the building walls, towards the window where an assumption of a particular blonde's room might reside. Len tries to make out the slightest show of difference through a squint, as if beyond the reflection of the sky and the shining sunlight there was something more than beige-woven curtains and plain blank walls.

Even if it was a gap of eyes between cloth, even if she didn't throw the glass open and demand to flee into his arms.

Just _something_. Anything.

It would be better than what he has now.

The next words Len spoke came out more harshly than intended. "Do you know who I am?"

The disgruntled face hidden behind the wood of the door became more of a sneer. His body was scanned, up and down, with the thickest criticism ever encountered in his life. "Certainly not the _Prince of France."_

The younger boy reeled back.

Len readied himself this time, mumbling through each spoken word to recover from the show of hostility. "... sorry, it was a genuine question."

The response wasn't softened. If anything, it became more and more gritted between teeth. _Stubble_ snarled. "No, I _don't_ know who you are.. though I _do_ have a well guess and you'd better hope that hell freezes over before I get it right."

He rose his gaze, hopeful. "Does that mean I can see her?"

Sometimes he really _should_ think before letting his lips move ahead of his mind.

A hysterical laugh came as response, laced in all bitterness possible.

Forget putting a toe out of line; he is throwing his entire body across the barrier embedded with rose thorns.

"... Just one glimpse, then I'll leave, promise. I need to know that she's fine."

"..."

"Please," Len added as an afterthought.

The door closed once more.

 _Fuck_. Fuck, _fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._. he should've planned this out more. Every decision he makes leads to a series of foolishness that never ends.

He was about to scream frustration, no longer internat, regretting every single word his mouth has ever chosen to say when the wood let out a loud creak. Len turned around, finding the entrance wide open as the older male stepped outside those safe walls then down the steps of stairs, a bundle of sheets wrapped in his grasp, only until he was closer to transfer the object over the gates.

The way he held it so carelessly made Len think it was nothing more than a bag of rice. It is only until the blond awkwardly took it into his own hold does he notice a small hand sticking out towards the sky.

The cherub blinked sleepily, once, twice, as if registering a change in comfort, and that moment allowed Len to find himself buried in _those eyes._

Those weren't his eyes.

Bluebell, hidden behind the shelter of grey clouds at sea. Tufts of blonde hair peeking as little curls, pale lashes batting so gently against small, tender cheeks.

Those weren't his eyes, but they were _hers_. And she was his.

It took all strength of will to rip his gaze away from the oceans which entranced him then back onto Kagamine Rin's elder brother, who retreated back into the safety of their home with little care in the world. "Wait! Wait, what are you..?!"

 _"You wanted her._ Now _take her_."

The first sensation he registers is the thinness of the blanket. "She's cold-"

"Keep her _warm,_ then."

"But her milk-" He wasn't allowed to finish his sentence.

The door is secured with an audible _click_ of the lock. Ut takes all of ten seconds before the baby breaks out into a loud wail.

The blond glanced down, making sure he supported her neck through rocking her frantically, his free arm reaching out to bang rapidly on the doorbell. It rang throughout the house so irritatingly to the point where the neighbour living next door peeked outside their windows to scowl at him until the sound came to an abrupt end.

Len clicked the buzzer one more time, expecting to hear that familiar, noisy ring which somehow felt calming than the cries breaking through his ears. Only to receive nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

 _Her brother must've disconnected the switch._

The young man let out one last curse. He slunk back against the wall of the house gates, a crying infant shrieking against his chest.

With the doorbell turned off, there was nothing for him to do but sit still and _wait_.

/

/

/

/

She doesn't stop crying.

She never stops crying.

He'd been bouncing her weight for the past hour and the only thing that's managed to stifle any further wails was to put two of his fingers, the ones between his index and pinkies, between those lips. The infant seemed vaguely confused at the foreign intrusion upon her mouth, but seemed to accept it when she realised she wouldn't get anything else as a substitute.

His nose dug into her round cheek, her neck, every part just to take in _that smell._

Clementine oranges and roses and lilies all into one.

He exhaled only when she let out another wail.

Len was forced to take away his hand, occupying both of them by cradling the baby from the weather. He doesn't know what exactly it is that she wants ー whether the autumn air is too much for somebody so young to handle, whether she is hungry, whether she needs a change of diapers _or whether she just needs her mother's touch to survive_.

His head hits the gates behind him with a clang, tiired of having a straightened back for long enough.

 _This was cruel._

It was already in bad taste to let a high school boy wander outside your home without sending him off, but subjecting an infant under the same treatment reached inhumanity. He wondered where Rin was in all of this, to so _carelessly_ allow somebody else to take care of a child, a person who would otherwise not acknowledge her daughter's existence. _Her daughter._ Hers.

A rush of anger burns his skin when he imagines her sitting on the wooden frame of her pretty, mahogany bed, thinking of nothing but the stars.

 _Star-gazing,_ with a tight lipped lie.

The anger slowly disappates when he thinks of the days and nights she spends alone, without a watch or a calendar and only the sun and the moon to count the days before he comes home.

He shifts, jeans digging into the asphalt while a billion goosebumps crawl up his bare arms ー he'd taken off his jacket to secure the baby in more warmth than a measly thin blanket could provide. Her small hands were far too cold when he felt them before.

Through a heady mind he realises distant voices heading his way.

He doesn't look up, assuming it's another neighbour on the return trip from a grocery store, but the guess is banished when two separate pairs of feet land beside his lap.

This time it is definitely the brother he's met before, and he has no doubt about it. Shion Kaito seems hesitant, likely having followed his friend home for a study session now that they've moved on to college, only to realise that today would not be a good time. When _Kaito_ leaves, Len opens his mouth to speak only to feel his lips turn blue.

The sun is nearly gone.

It's too cold to speak. His throat is dry, as if having lost his voice. By luck, this time he doesn't have to.

"Who gave her to you?" The blond could hardly hear any words over the cries, so he resorted to reading lips. "The baby. Who?"

Hoping he'd heard right, he let out a limp shrug before an answer. "Stubble."

A quirk of the brow. "You think I can identify people with _that_? Give her here, I'll bring her back to ー "

" _No_."

A surprised hitch of breath, followed by a frustrated one. The older male ran a palm through his own hair, turning it into a heavier mess.

"Wow. Alright, okay, _listen_. She's breaking the ears of every person alive in this neighbourhood. So unless you hand her over _right now_ , she's likely to have problems with her vocal chords once she's older"

Len hesitated. He held the back of her head slightly firmer against his chest, hoping for success, as if a miracle would swoop in and cause the cries to end. It didn't happen.

The instant they traded, however, _those blue eyes and thin blanket and his chunky brown jacket wrapped clumsily around her_ , there was no sound but the surrounding rustle of dead trees.

He got back on his feet, rubbing his arms to provide little protection from a sudden gust of wind through their road, throwing leaves on the path to drift along the breeze. His legs are sore, and by now he wants nothing more than to _go home_. With a hoarse throat, he struggles to speak- but he does anyway. "Just diapers ー and milk. I can bring her back with me. All I need is her milk."

"I don't trust leaving an infant _under the care of a child._ "

He is _not_ a child. He hasn't been.

Not for a long time.

He bit his tongue. " _Stubble_ did. He wants me to take her."

"Yeah, well, _Stubble's_ not exactly winner of _Best Person_ award." A further rant was halted when another sound rose from the mess of cloth. Shoving a key from his pocket then into the grate, at the same time, coaxing the child not to make more fuss. Another glance over the gates, as of suddenly aware they weren't alone. "You. I shouldn't have to tell you twice ー _go ー home_."

No response.

"Fine. Stand outside until midnight for all I care."

The gate was locked behind him, putting up a barrier once more.

A switch must've turned on inside the younger blond, because in an instant Len was back at the gate, clenching stiffly onto the grill. His breathing turnt frantic. Yuuma must've noticed the heightened peak in demeanor, and in show of defense, walked backwards to create distance.

"Calm down. I'm bringing her back to Rin."

"No! She wasn't with Rin before ー how can you promise me that she won't go to someone else again?!"

"Someone else? _God's sake,_ we aren't murderers. Hio won't hurt her." As if he'd believe that after she'd been given to him in nothing _but a single blanket._ As if he'd believe that when he's left begging hours for the bare minimum of _her needs_. "Mirai's under our family, this isn't your responsibility."

Yes it is. It is, it is, _it is._ At this point he'd been shaking his head, refusing any more words against his own.

It's going to be a lie. They're always lies. Len knows all too well the moment he turns his back, everything will slip from his grasp like sand through fingertips.

Yet it just so happens, no matter how much he differs, no matter how much he begs for a choice ー he does not have one, and fate for him has always been written in stone.

The sun is down, and the curtains are all drawn.

The front door closes for the final time that night. Those blue eyes disappear along with it.

/

/

/

/

 _"Are you going to make a habit out of this?"_

"Out of what?"

 _"Calling me at two in the morning every day."_

He could hear some shuffling on the other line. The scribble of pencil across paper, likely catching up on homework they'd been missing out on the past few weeks. Len should be doing the same, if only he could get his head to concentrate rather than stare so blankly into the night sky, counting each individual star.

There aren't many he can see, so he cranes his head back, his body resting completely against the balcony tiles.

He can hear his father's snoring somewhere beyond the glass door, most likely the dinner table, maybe the sofa.

He doesn't care.

 _"I mean, I don't mind. I know you don't have other options either.. Piko's usually asleep by now. But it feels one-way sometimes, you know, with me doing all the talking."_

Seventy stars. Seventy. Until he finds another one to add to his tally.

He pushed himself up on his palms. Scoured his mind for a new idea, only to fall short when he finds peace in the concept of solitude. "Then I'll wipe myself off your hands. See you at school, Kase."

 _"Wait ー "_

He doesn't hesitate to hang up the call.

/

/

/

/

The city lights are bright. He can see them distantly, from the balcony window. Distant thunder grumbles in a coming storm, drowning out any sound softer than it. His breath is quiet, anything he could ever say will go unheard.

The blanket is cold.

He is alone.

Again.

(So he screams.)

* * *

forgot to thank for the well wishes! also sorry for the big delay, the fever went very bad but it's gotten better now, updates will come more frequently but at a slower pace than usual because of accumulated schoolwork


	42. apr1

If it were possible to get injured over going back in time, he'd have been dead by now. After so long, Len has gotten sick of figuring out the next scheme of things in a line of many, of the best way to throw a tantrum without an actual tantrum, of a way to bring attention to what _he_ needs rather than somebody else.

The longer he sits down with an idea, the more frustrated he grows with keeping it in his mind.

Projecting willpower into formulaic memorisations has always been more beneficial than trying to get a man who rarely acknowledges his _existence_ to even look in the way he breathes.

Back to the beginning.

So he stands in the pedestal of _picture perfect son,_ where he causes no trouble, where he sits in one spot and studies for one test before another.

His eyes roam the room for a quick second, books and files in his arm, making sure there wasn't anything out of place.

The family seal is on the table. His father must've put it away... the man's had his bedroom door locked as well. As if Len would be _petty_ enough to break in.

There's nothing of interest to take anyway.

He finally decides to flop on the living room sofa, using a lap table to hold all the studying material he previously had in his grasp.

He can see himself in the mirror behind the game console, far off in the corner. The sight of himself sends both hands to fix his hair so there's not a single strand gone awry. The only thing he succeeds to do is make it messier, but he pretends he is happy about it, and so he is.

The young blond sets the television to low volume ー listens to the growing thunderstorm and the rain hitting against the balcony doors. It's cold, and the apartment's heater hasn't been working for weeks, but at least he has himself for warmth. His own arms, his own breath, his own strength.

He will never need anything else.

When the lightning cracks, his heart doesn't copy the sound of booming thunder that follows soon after.

/

/

/

/

A sudden slam of paper across wood brought discomfort over the class and a rapid heartbeat to his chest. Some girls standing a few rows away stopped giggling mid-conversation, even in the midsts of fresh gossip ー for the mere action of throwing them a foul look across the room.

He had the courtesy to purse his lips in a weak form of apology.

Not that the other boy cares. He's not even sure why Fukase's _here_ when they don't share the same homeroom.

Lately their time together is limited to only the library during lunch, or the baseball field after evening classes are over.

He doesn't take one step out of his bedroom on weekends.

The answer to such sudden excitement, the kind that screams danger and bloody murder, is soon delivered to him as blatantly as dessert served nicely on a plate. "What's good? My fucking _As'_ are, that's what."

"You don't have to be so loud when you come in here."

Len looked at his friend, irritated, then towards the white piece of paper lay waiting to be read. The older boy pulled the empty seat in front of his, turned it around in the direction of the desk, then made sure they faced each other to flash an unavoidable white grin. "He actually told me he'd sign me out of baseball if I didn't get distinction in the last test. Can you believe that?"

 _That's what you get for having a teacher as a parent._

It's unlucky, Len would admit. His _own_ father feels like a living stick up his arse that chokes him to the throat but at least he doesn't have to see that man all day, every day, _during school hours._

The blond nodded his congratulations towards the perfect score on the sheet. Thoughh, with all honesty, he wasn't as impressed as he tried to seem.

Good grades was a _norm_ that _came_ with Hiyama Fukase, ever since their first meeting years ago he was introduced to the epitome of picture perfect son who wouldn't ever let their family name down. Anything lesser could only be seen as an oddity.

 _Unlike him_.

Len cleared his throat, wanting his mind to get back on topic. "What was your last test? History?"

"No, I _wish_. It was biology.. 's written on the paper, too." Oh, he had that last week. He doesn't even remember where he put the result sheet ー high chance it's been crammed into one of the shoe lockers downstairs left to be forgotten. "I know you don't think it's too bad, but that's because you _like_ biology. Even if you're purposely flunking."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Hm. I'm not your keeper. Anyways, I didn't come here just to brag about my grades." Fukase leaned his weight against the table, his elbows on the surface and his palms cupping his cheeks. Len isn't sure how likely it is for him to be speaking the truth. "It's just ー well, can you tell your girlfriend to leave me alone?"

His eyes immediately shot open.

His friend recoiled, wondering whether he should be worried out of his mind from experiencing the look of genuine shock on Kagamine Len's face. Especially when such an expression comes to grace them only once every blue moon.

The younger male grasped one of his shoulders in a hasty fist of cloth. "She's talking to you?"

Fukase swallowed on his throat, bewildered, nearly speechless. "I mean, yes, we were in the same class."

"But that's impossible ー she ー like, her family wouldn't ー "

"Kokone?"

Oh.

Len dropped his hands back to his sides.

"... sorry, no, I thought ー " He took an abrupt pause when he realised he couldn't find the right words to say. "... I don't know what I thought."

The other boy awkwardly fixed the hem of his collar, turning attention back onto the desk as the feel of sunrise kissed their skins through undrawn curtains and bright glass windows.

/

/

/

/

The weight of a pen is heavily unbalanced in his hands, especially when avoiding pressure onto the band-aid slapped so carefully on his fingers.

 _Dear you,_ he begins.

Nearly as white as snow, the clouds grow smaller through the windows. The top of a head peeked at him beneath their table, leaning down to throw the band-aid wrappings into the trash before coming back to eye his friend who was supposedly in the midst of practicing literary skills.

It's been a while since Len had last written a letter. Not since that one assignment back in elementary school.

"I'll get back to helping you with the roses once I'm done with this. Erm, it's notes for Psychology, so..."

"I doubt Psychology starts you off with a good old _Dear You_."

"Come off it."

"It's fine. I can handle this on my own, you were staring off into your reflection like an Asian porcelain doll anyway.. the ones painted with red cheek paint... _didn't even notice your hands were bleeding like an idiot..._ " The last few words were mumbled, softly, as if intended to go unheard. Out of courtesy, Len went along.

There were much better things to do than get into a needless fight.

 _Especially if he'd be on the losing side._

He doesn't think a teenage boy staring himself down in a mirror with a blinding smile while dripping blood dirtied his grip would be seen as normal by the average eye. Rather unlikely.

Then again, that was what he spent ten minutes doing instead of assisting his friend with afterschool work.

Now not only did Piko have to take care of the flowers on his own, but he also has to apply antiseptic on _somebody else's_ cuts as ample distraction.

His eyes moved towards the glass doors, jacket on his shoulders suddenly feeling as if weighing him down by twenty pounds. The visible trees outside shed at rapid speed. The blond briefly wonders what it would like out in that little home in the mountains, whether the ground is still blooming green or raining a lush storm of scarlet leaves.

He knit his brows, chewing on the bottom of his pen... then promptly snatching the paper to rip it into a dozen separate pieces.

His friend looked at the remains bewilderedly, mourning the waste of paper. They could've used it to wrap up fresh deliveries of flowers in.. even if there _did_ exist an entire stack of recycled newspapers behind them for that very purpose.

Before Utatane could reprimand him, the young man broke in, voice evidently hoarse. He's not sure why, but he'd rather blame it on the cold weather then anything else. "Do you remember the tulips you gave me?"

Piko turned his attention back to scissoring the thorns off his mother's rose bouquets. "... I recall, yes."

There's a sort of cynicism to his tone. "Bet they're dead by now. I haven't gone to check."

"Even if they _had_ survived, it would've lasted early summer at most." The boy huffed a stray strand of hair away from tickling his nose. "How can you not know whether they're dead? You've put them in the pots on your balcony, didn't you? I don't think it's too hard to poke your head out for a few seconds and _check_."

"Stop nagging me."

"If you're not going to write your letter ー _assignment_ ," Piko cleared his throat. "And your dad wants you home by _six_ , could you take care of those petunias over there? The sun's almost down."

"It's a weekend. I think I can stay until seven."

"That's good, just go with an, erm, friendlier option. Something you won't be able to bleed for handling."

"I can handle the roses."

Final word _. "Take care of the petunias."_

Len didn't protest. He made his way to unpackage some flowers from the mess of newspaper and boxes.

Amongst lists of names, he caught on clementine roses, and he caught lilies more than a day old. He tries not to think about them, their connection with anything but the earth, the florists, and the teenage boy in front of him. He would rather not remember golden braids and golden smiles and the scent of citrus with salt.

He hates the thought of rocks skipping on water.

"We'll have some tulip bulbs in next week if you're planning to have any more."

"No need. Thanks for the offer." The blond rolled his shoulders into a dismissive shrug. "I've never liked flowers, anyway."

/

/

/

/

It's long past sundown, and the vibration of his phone within his pocket has been frantic. He doesn't doubt it to be his father, but he doesn't pick up the call either. It wouldn't take long to get home so there's hardly a need to commit to a conversation he will only listen to rather than converse in.

All he wants right now is a bath.

A good, warm bath and some milk after.

He leant against the wall beside the shuttle door.

The train smells strongly of a strangers incense-costed jacket, roses and those white-petaled flowers he's unsure the name of, merely because of their presence. They'd just finished their last round of personal deliveries after a long hour trip to the big city, and he was frankly sure there are twice as many petals in his hair than there were in Utatane Piko's.

"Mama!" A toddler was eagerly pulling at a woman's skirt, screaming to the point where it's impossible not to receive a headache. "Mama! _Mama!_ "

Len discovered the reason behind such cheers of delight. A milk bottle formerly secured inside a bag, was brought to public then presented to her lips. The girl fiddled with the silicone nipple between a toothy grin, still bouncing gleefully on her mother's lap.

He found his nails drawing cold crescents in his fists soon enough. The moment he released, blood flowed back into all the right places, and he took in a deep gulp of air he hadn't known he needed.

When he looked back up, he noticed her staring at him curiously. He scowled at the girl before forcing himself to look away.

 _He doesn't like children,_ he insists. He doesn't. He never did. He shouldn't.

The only reason he's so bothered is because of the noise. _Because the insides of his ears feel pierced._

 _And_ most certainly not because his arms feel empty.

/

/

/

/

He was allowed to keep a single, untrimmed rose.

A thorn cut through his fingertips.

He winds the stem alongside his skin, letting it pierce crimson, ruby beads bleeding to the ground.

He cleanses the slice through cloth. His white-sown shirt is now tainted red.

Len does nothing but to leave it be.


	43. apr5

The instant the school gates flew open, revealing dry-cut grass and the salt water of the nearby sea, he didn't look back. Len left the school building, allowing his instincts to guide him to a familiar bench by the water. The pebbles beneath them are begging to be skid, but the blond pays them no mind.

He didn't expect _her_ to be following. Kokone is fast to corner him, standing in every path he takes to flee.

He doesn't know whether to knit his eyes shut or purse his lips, but every single nerve inside his body jumping out orders, telling him to _run_. Even if she's dedicated enough to put a million barriers in the way. However, his legs are stubborn in contrast, dragging the soles of his feet firmly rooted to the ground

When she talks, it's mellow and soft, no where near the usual girlish chirp he preferred to hear; even when it knits his brows to frustration, even if he feels like the pitch would break both of his ears...

... Then again, he can't expect to hear _somebody else's_ voice from a person it doesn't belong to. "You told me we'd talk _weeks_ ago."

Months, in the _plural_ , actually.

Len sighs. It takes a while, long enough for the birds pecking at the floor for remains of breadcrumbs to fly away, but eventually he finds the right words to speak. "I'm not interested in being your boyfriend."

The girl took a step backwards.

A hand clasped to her heart, offended, as if she thought he was mocking her. The longer their moment went without words however, she understood he didn't mean for it to sound like a joke. He was done, _completely_ , with himself and with her and most likely everything else he could hear, smell, or breathe.

The water is nearly still. He can see fishes swimming beneath the surface, a pleasant surprise that he hadn't noticed before. The young man squats to the tip of his toes, reaching out with all of his fingers to feel the slightest bump of scales before they flee from his touch.

A voice distracts his thoughts and he's admittedly disappointed to realise that, when he turns around, the girl is still here, arms crossed, awaiting an explanation.

"I don't think I can see you anymore." Len fiddled with the hemline of his jacket. "I had some... problems. I thought you could help me solve them." His bottom lip snapped between his teeth. "It didn't happen."

She got down next to him, flattening her skirt on the ground with a pointed chin rest on her knees.

Her nod was surprisingly calm.

It caught the young man off guard.

He turned to meet her eyes, hating the way he kept making out blues out of chocolate brown, then turned a stubborn gaze back towards the water where his heart felt more at ease. His fingers ran through silk liquid, cold beneath the air yet warm like the sun when he scoops towards the air.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. If I'm being honest, I've been expecting it for a while. One of your friends told me not to waste effort on you." He let out a reluctant scoff. Het eyes carefully watched as he scooped up the pebbles before counting each in hand, and with hesitance, followed with a strong curiosity, she did the same. "Is there a... girl you like?"

...

This time he doesn't dare face her in fear of his expressions speaking more than his words could ever say.

"Hiyama told me there was."

It isn't anybody's business except his own _.._. but.. he supposes he owes her an answer, as miniscule as it could be.

Len stood up at an angle, then flung the pebble across the water. With each skid, he felt a lie grit through his teeth. "There isn't. Not at all."

/

/

/

/

He spent hours around the room to find an object of interest. Nothing. Not more than the small bell over the library door, the sound of the little girls from their local ballet academy tiptoeing in after a lesson, for a daily storytelling with one of the elderly librarians, perhaps the lady with wrinkled hands and a frail smile ー and there's also the slightest smell of coffee, likely from a working man's flask.

Nothing worth batting an eyelash about.

Absolutely nothing.

If he was alone, he wouldn't spend quarter as much time here as he already had.

Most he would do is return a book, grab a new one, then check out.

Fukase has always been more of the quiet sort, it makes sense for that type of boy to sit down for hours on end to pen down essays and reports _he'd assigned to himself._

It's a wonder his friend actually commits to a physical activity that's _different_ from a walk in the park. Baseball just didn't fit with his image, and rightfully so, since the recent focus on sports had been bringing the history teacher's son's academics down.

Len took a bite out of a biscuit snuck in through his back pocket, then tried to immerse himself inside his own work.

Another person appears between them, green stems and petals following behind in a trail across the marble floor, (no doubt he'd rushed over straight from helping out his mother with work) earning many glares over the noise made, including from Len himself, but when he sees who it is, he scoots over anyway. Breathless, Utatane Piko doesn't say another word after muttering an apology, then does his best to take out his books without gaining attention.

Exam season.. brought upon the year once again.

Outside of this cosy, wooden-walled library, a larger city waits outside, unseen and unheard. Millions walking and cars over the streets.

The blond can now hear the sound of a crackling fireplace, but he's not sure whether or not it's real or a mere figment of his own imagination.

He decides he doesn't care enough to find out. Right now, this is warm enough.

/

/

/

/

Rubbing the pads of his fingers over his freckles _, just_ to compare the coldness of his hands to that of his face, Fukase was the first to complain.

"It's a bit cold, isn't it?"

"Do you want my jacket?"

"You know, Utatane, when you want to go for sarcasm, you've got to actually _sound_ like it..."

"I'm not kidding. I'd give you my jacket if you really want... except, well, you're already wearing one."

They're an hour away from their town, and although the next stop is home, it's going be a long while before they finally part ways.. that's why he suggested going for crepes so there's something to munch on during their wait at the train platform.

Nobody protested the idea.

It's a bit odd to still feel the night chill when they are wearing four layers of apparel each.

It hasn't even reached winter yet, though the cold season looms dreadfully close by each passing day. Len doesn't respond with anything more than a dreadful huff. Personally he's sure he can survive most anything, even a snowstorm, with little more than good boots, socks, and those fingerless gloves.

He's wearing his elder brother's clothes... he can't remember where his favourite jumper went, but ー

Ah.

He remembers now.

He kicks his boots against the pavement, shaking his head. That's fine. He can get a new one. Crimson isn't too rare colour to find.

Len forces his attention back onto the fresh crepe.

It's warm and soft in his hands, still pulsing from the former heat of it's pan as if it were a beating heart beat. It smells like oranges and cream custard with rose water and everything that reminds him of _her._ He shoves the snack, along with it's paper bag, hastily into his coat pocket before fiddling absently with his train ticket to pass the time.

It's not even his favourite flavour.

Suddenly, like it's blown by a gust of wind, his appetite is gone.

Maybe he'll give the dessert to his father or something. Just the thought of digesting such a thing or even putting it near his mouth makes him want to belch.

"Fukase. _Fukase_." The youngest of the three was waving both hands for attention. "I haven't gotten you a birthday present yet, and there's some scarves over there in the back if you want. You know, if you're really cold."

Three teenage boys together after sunset, they're huddled on a bench, counting down minutes before their train rolls to a stop on the rails. Len's leaning back, trying to see stars in the sky when there's nothing but night clouds and city lights.

The moon shines through the overhead glass ceiling, the dome becoming warmer by every person that joins them.

It's going to be November soon ー no, it probably already _is_ November.

"Don't buy me something from a _tourist trap_. I don't need to see you get scammed."

Though he's sure the date has already passed a few weeks back. It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep track of time.

There's the vague instinct to pull out his phone and check the date shown on screen, but he decides he doesn't have enough energy to do that either. He'll pass by the calendar on the fridge when he gets back.

"We're turning seventeen soon."

"I'm _already_ seventeen."

Piko let out a cough, emphasising correction by covering his own mouth with a single fist. "Me and Len, I meant."

That's a bit of a jump. Thankfully, Len doesn't have to be the one to vocalise it, the eldest boy let out a disagreeing whine. "It's not even New Years or _Christmas_ , why are you jumping ahead? You've got, like four months before you should think about that. Len has _two_."

Not that they _want_ to age. Not that anyone wants to age.

Or at least that's the young man's opinion.

He agreed in his mind.

Fukase raised a brow when he realised his friend wasn't providing any input.

Too silent. No witty remarks, no jokes to bite them back in the arse. The most he's said all day is a recommendation for their crepes, five-word sentences, and nothing more would be said for at least the span of another hour. "What do you feel, Len? You've been mostly quiet this entire evening."

He frowned. "I feel fine."

" _Fine?_ "

"Yeah," Len nodded. "Just fine."

/

/

/

/

Weeks later. Results are in.

He'd gotten straight As in everything except History and Physics, which isn't too bad, really, considering he put minimal effort in the former subject and absolutely none in the latter. The young man crammed the paper into his book bag, walking pass the group of his schoolmates on the grounds ranting about what scores they'd gotten and how they'd never be able to get into their dream schools or how their futures are ruined _all because of a few letters on a sheet of paper._

It's pathetic.

But he thinks everything that doesn't relate to him is pathetic.

He's just relieved more than anything, really. Now there's nothing left to do this year than the small ethics classes, then there's Winter break, then he'll just have to study for his last year of school.

It's easy, it's stress-free, and there's no responsibility. The only thing Len has to do is look after himself, and he wouldn't rather have it any other way.

He wouldn't.

 _He has to. He can't._

He'd just passed the school gates when a blur of peach and blond slams his back against the compound wall. When he looks up to meet the perpetrator's gaze, he sees Kagamine Rin's older brother looking back at him, appearing almost as if he were drawn out of thin air, drenched from head to toe in panic and sweat.

"What the fuck ー" Len doesn't have time to finish his sentence before he's demanded an answer.

Yuuma is pinning him by both of his shoulders, and Len doesn't know whether to raise his voice or to push back. " _Where did you take her?_!"

"Take _what?_ "

"Her ー her, god damn it, _RIN_ ,"

The younger male's breath hitched

They were drawing attention, ans it is always the unwanted kind. The longer he was kept in the suffocating grasp the faster air left his throat, and he felt as if by each second passing, he was drowning, pushed underwater and held by chains.

He doesn't know how to undo the locks on his throat, the ones so heavy, like golden pendants on necklaces.

The autumn air is suddenly the coldest thing he'd ever felt in his life.

Len chokes out, frantic, though not nearly as much as the one trapping him against the wall. "I don't know what you're talking about ー "

"She's missing, _she doesn't go missing unless you have something to say about it,_ what did you do ー"

A second later, he could suddenly breathe. The chains must have snapped, because his shoulders are no longer held and he was able to create a rushed distance.

Shion Kaito stepped between them, providing a physical barrier so neither party could get hurt. "Yuuma, I said _enough!"_

 _"No! I'm not going to hold back_ , I told you he had something to do with it last time, I told you-"

Kaito gritted his teeth, bringing his voice below a whisper so even those who lifted their ears and strained them wouldn't be able to hear.

"Kagamine, we need to ask you about something. We'd appreciate if you'd follow us to the car."

"Well," The young man seethed, "Whatever you want to talk about, we can talk about it here. _In public._ "

As if he'd be stupid enough to willingly follow them.

He doesn't know where they'll go; what they'll do to him, what state they will leave him in afterwards.

He may gamble with life, but he doesn't make every choice dependent on risk.

Yuuma, who refused to latch on nothing but the wind began to tug at his own chunk of hair out of frustration, eyes wide as if ready to burn everyone across their path with a gaze. Len can feel the emission of anger and fury and he isn't foolish enough to walk into a pool of fire rather than jump around it.

He was certain he wouldn't be following them anywhere today, nor ever.

But Shion Kaito knew exactly the right buttons to push. "It's about Rin. If you don't want to know about her, that's fine too... we won't force you. We're just here to... let's say, exchange information."

Not stupid...

Or maybe he was.

Swallowing his pride, Len lifted his chin: "Where's the car?"

* * *

so was anyone surprised that i posted an actual chapter on april 1st? no? because the real joke here is.. this fic


	44. apr10

Shion Kaito is just as he remembered. Tall. Two years older, facial features that could be fawned over as devilishly handsome, and an entire form that emits the aura of maturity many of the same age could never dream to grasp. In contrast to his friend's fiery temper that reminded Len so strongly of Rin's own, he seemed more level-headed and calm. That attitude was enough for Len to load up in the back seat of a black sedan, strapping on a seat belt before anything else could be said.

Hesitation was something he despised, so he will act in every way he can to avoid it.

He didn't expect to be asked whether or not he was comfortable with following them.

But he was. And although the tone sounded gentle, he couldn't help but take it as a threat.

"It depends," Len wasn't sure whether or not to narrow his eyes. "Where are you taking me?"

Kaito stretched from the driver's seat to take a look at him, one hand still holding onto the steering wheel. The car hasn't yet been put into drive, leaving further room for last minute decisions. "We're giving you a lift home, that's it. Unless you want to go somewhere to talk."

The former sounded ridiculous. He could get to their apartment within half an hour of walking distance, and even then, it's because he walks at _the pace of a snail_ to avoid having to see his father for any longer than he has to. But he's not particularly invested in the idea of following two older boys to god-knows-where either.

But if he gets out of the car now, he could never know about what they have to say.

Then again, they were just in need of him as he was of them. They wouldn't let him go so easily without information. The thought eases Len to be more honest; "I live around here. I don't think we can cover what you've got to say within less than ten minutes, but..."

"I'll make sure to drive slowly."

"Just drive us into a tree."

" _Yuuma_."

So the car began to move.

Her older brother sat on the edge of the front passenger seat, agitated from having to share the same breathing space as someone he desperately loathed. As if already having jumped to the conclusion that _Len could have absolutely nothing in value_ to contribute for their search of Kagamine Rin.

Just because he didn't take any part in her recent disappearance doesn't mean he doesn't have _guesses_ on _why_ she might have left. But the question is _where the girl could have went_. His pulse is thumping against his wrists, his chest, but when the young man takes a deep breath he somehow manages to clear his thoughts and settle down.

Of course, his guess could be as good as theirs.

But there's a high chance that it's even better, and Kaito seemed very aware of that.

"We can just sum it up in here."

Yuuma let out a sound between a snort and a groan. "No. We're not telling you _anything_. You haven't got a clue, have you? I thought different, _before_ , but thinking back on it, if you actually were involved you wouldn't have followed us into the car so willingly."

The blond looked outside the window for a full vision of their sea. The sunset is blinding clementine, orange leaving a long heart-felt smooch across his skin.

He inhales, let his pulse throb, then pulls away his sight from the magnificence of firelight dancing across the reflection of water.

"I knew where she was _before_ ," Len leaned forwards, shooting a nasty glare through the rear view mirror. It was an expression which they both shared. "If I really wanted to, I could find her _now_."

"Then _where_ ー is ー _she?_ "

"... this is meant to be a trade, is it not?"

/

/

/

/

He didn't tell them anything.

It was obvious from the beginning that he wouldn't, and he left Yuuma fuming by the end of it when he told them to take a left turn on the road to near his residency. The boy hopped off the vehicle with so much nonchalance, revealing little information than that of where he lived.

To be fair, they didn't have much to tell him _either. Or a_ t least, in Len's eyes, not anything _useful._ Nothing about what she'd worn when she left, anything she might've said, or news about... the.. baby. Before he could be chased down, he ran by the security of the flat building and entered through the glass doors. Both of his hands were in his pockets, calm, pressing the lift button and keeping the way he held himself firm until the doors closed.

The moment he was out of public sight, his facade broke down.

He was shaking. He'd rushed out of the elevator, jammed his house keys into the front door and was barely finished with taking off his shoes the moment he crawled through the living room, emptying out the useless things in his schoolbag and filling it up with _more._

 _According to them, she left yesterday._

 _Just yesterday._

She couldn't have gone far.

Kagamine Rin may have had a fifteen hour headstart, but that doesn't mean he can't narrow down the possibilities.

Just thinking has his hands in his hair, scratching, tugging, pulling, with his jaw popped open for gasps of air.

November is cold, but that doesn't stop the pour of sweat raining down his neck.

She can't leave the country. He doubts there's many ways to leave the island they're on without passport, and there aren't many airports that would allow a teenage girl on flight without a present guardian or written note of permission. Maybe none. Unless she'd already planned ahead to forge one, but he _knows_ her, he knows the way most of her actions rely on impulse, so he doubts it.

Even if she did make one, he doesn't think it would look believable.

That leaves the train.

Len eyed the brown wallet on the coffee table. It's easily recognisable as his father's. Easy, just within grasp. He shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't, but a stronger part inside him weighs like an anchor, wrestling morality out the window.

He pockets it anyway.

He decides to leave his phone on the kitchen counter before leaving the house again with little trace.

/

/

/

/

She wasn't near the lake around their school, he's not sure why he went to check ー suppose, to minimalise risk of a longer trip on something that could've taken five minutes at most. There's no surprise to find nothing but her lack of presence there.

The next stop was the train station.

The stop after that, he had to make a decision: somewhere out in the city she might frequent, the library, _maybe that old stall with the crepes_ , or somewhere to chase the lush rain of scarlet leaves before they all melt into the earth. There's little hesitation before choosing the latter. He could be wasting his time, he could be getting every hope up, only to burnt down if all his self-claimed prophecies revealed to be nothing but extinguished flames.

The young man puts all his beliefs into one source and trusts it with all he's got.

He's standing outside the house.

He says he doesn't like to gamble, but here he is. He touches the paper of the door before the grills, trying to sense anything out of place, but the entire entrance looks just the way he'd left it. Untouched, with locks, and plenty of dust between the gaps.

There was no trace of a woman's shoe at the entrance when he entered. He checked the rooms, empty, and his heart began to fade.

Rin isn't here.

Of course she wouldn't be.

He'd gotten one measly lick of information and had himself carried to the moon with it. Now there's no way back.

He swallowed a yell threatening to burst through his lungs, only stifling it by stumbling through the living room. He was expected to see the futon he'd never rolled away to invite him for rest, only to find there's already something else laying there.

Sleepy, narrow blue eyes blinked back at him. Just three times, as if distracted by the noise he'd made, maybe the vibration of his footsteps above the floorboard, but then considered it little enough of a threat to bother her slumber. Those pools of oceans closed, the infant they belonged to falling back into sleep.

His throat went dry. Len fell to his knees, crawling over, trying to be as silent as can be.. his fingers traced the buttons by her toes of the pink cotton footsie, then went back up to caress those reddened cheeks.

She smells of mandarins and lilies and the warmth of the sun.

Before he could get completely immersed with the way that tiny chest rose and fell with every breath, before he could see how those lashes were so pale and much thinner than his own, he jumped at a sound coming from the kitchen.

The room is suddenly much warmer than it was when he first walked through the front door.

He rose to his feet, shakily, trying not to tremble his fingers more than he did with his legs.

The kitchen door was closed, the last room he hasn't checked ー so he tugs the handle, slides the paper open.

The first thing he sees is Kagamine Rin hunched over the sink, juggling a few baby bottles of milk in her arms, back turnt to facing him.

She doesn't notice him. Not until he clears his throat, shuffling on his feet, then calls out her name.

The bottles fall to the ground.

/

/

/

/

He dared enough to test the waters.

"Rin." Soft, careful, a timid kitten stretching out his paw.

She looks him, straight in the eye. His breath almost stops when he finally meets that gaze, so reminiscent lf amidsummer's day with the shadowing storm meant to be overtaken from the forgotten east. It is the perfect balance, of sun and rain and of the light he needs when the night feels far too dark for him to see.

He reaches out an arm, a hand, only to see her retreat into the distance. She was keeping apart from him as much as possible.

"Rin."

He says her name again, only because the taste on his lips is sweet, like caramel-coated apples and strawberries at sunrise.

He can hear her breath, if he tries hard enough, the bat of her lashes against her cheeks and the pulse of her body against her wrist.

He can feel the atmosphere change, all because of a mere presence, whether hers or his. She's wearing his crimson jumper, he notes. The hair on his arms rise and he has to fight every urge to wound his hands around his own body like she has been, ever since she was aware of his presence within the room.

He comes closer, and she leans back more. "I've been looking for you everywhere..."

 _I've finally found you._

Blonde hair surrounds her in a messy halo, dark circles beneath her eyes meant to stay for ages and lips purely red. He tries to see if it's from lipstick or from the cold, but instead he can only read it to be blood.

Even now, she's biting on her lips- _gnawing them,_ as if their existence were sin.

When she doesn't respond, Len decides to leave the young lady space by retracing his steps back to where they began. His body leant against the opposite wall of the kitchen so she wouldn't feel too frightened when she scrambles across the room to grab thin napkins, frantically wiping cold milk off the floor.

He can't help but wonder how long it's been since she's last slept. "Are you not talking to me?" The sound of his voice does nothing but agitate her in her tasks. What started as hurried cleaning turned into one where the splinters in the wood caught at her skin, hands quickly becoming nothing more than blisters and cuts. "Stop ー _stop that_ , Rin, stop it."

For God's sake.

Len let out a vocal cuss before dropping to the floor beside her, throwing courtesy or compassion for a young woman's emotions out of the window.

He made sure to take some of the dusty facial tissues from the same place the younger blonde did, then tried to come even a foot close to the spill, only for one of her arms to take him by surprise, pushing against his chest to splay him against the floor.

When Rin finally speaks, it is spitting venom, pouring through his lungs like solid ice meant to kill. "Stay away."

"Will you stop harming yourself?! I just want to help you ー "

"STAY AWAY!"

She screeched, and in an instant, his back is glued against the ground.

Her thighs encircle his waist, small fists flying into the air to pound angrily against his chest.

Fingernails dig into his cheeks, chin, neck, whilst he does nothing to prevent it.

On the contrary, Len takes it, welcomes it with open arms, as she tries to pull his hair and tugs at his skin. He memorises the way her eyes grew wide, the way each strike she puts against him, the more she loses sense of herself within her own grasp.

He takes it, when she traps his neck between her palms and tries to squeeze it with all her might, even if it doesn't feel stronger than the hit of a flower petal against his nose, or the belt of a raindrop against his cheek, _he takes it._ Because in the end she's reduced to nothing more than a defenseless, weak little girl sobbing against his chest, doing everything she can to make him feel even a _fragment_ of the pain he's caused to her.

Of all the pain she's suffered on her own.

Her grasp on him released. It was never that strong in the first place ー he doesn't think she meant to injure him, merely to hold him in place. Though the suddenness did catch him off guard, and he tried to hold her by the end of it.

She sat back up. The young lady wiped her nose furiously on one of her wrists before going back to pursed lips, solemn eyes, mopping the floor dry. Len tries to reach for another napkin to help, but her reflexes are quicker to keep them out of his reach. She keeps up her former act of ignoring him, as if the boy's existence was little more than the wandering bird on a windowsill.

Meant to flutter down, then fly away.

He could see her lower eyelid twitch as he rubs at his cheek, easing one of the scratches she'd made with her nails.

"... it took me hours to get her this much." Rin whispered, teeth grinding together. "She's going to wake up soon, I won't have any milk to give her.. _I won't have anything to give her..._ "

The blond bit his tongue. "Is that why you're upset with me? Because I made you spill the bottles?"

"If that's... if it's what makes you _feel better_ ," Her snarl is no where near threatening by the state of her runny nose. "You can believe in that."

She tries to seem unaffected by the outburst just minutes prior.

Rin threw the bottles in the sink, soon maneuvering herself to leave through the hall. She crossed the living room entrance with a limp ー he tried not to be too concerned as he followed her, his own body out of breath.

She doesn't allow his nearing motive to be unnoticed. "Five steps behind. _Please_. I don't want you too close to me."

But he should be permitted to sit near his own _daughter_ , he thinks. It takes all Kagamine Len has to swallow down a retort.

It isn't about him this time. It's come to the time where he stands in the middle of a warfield. Any wrong step he takes will cause a roof to tumble across his head, while she be the judge.

Rin bundles up the infant in her arms, keeping warm under her mother's chest.

He places a palm on her shoulder, and the girl responds by angrily yanking her body away. The blond learnt to kept his hands to himself from then on. "If you didn't want me to find you... then why here? You could have gone anywhere else, stayed with your family.. why here?"

He would be lying if he said the refusal didn't hurt. It did hurt. Even more than her mock assault on him just minutes prior.

A request to hold the child in his own arms arrives at the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it back down, instead taking the time to shake the remainder of red leaves off his hair. Rin looks at him, as if curious, but when she realises he's aware of her staring, her eyes snap back onto the open veranda outside.

She holds the weight of blankets in her arms a little bit tighter. In the end, she doesn't answer.

So he tries a different question. A different approach. "Tell me now. Do you hate me?"

He has nothing to hold onto when she levels her gaze with his own to nod.

* * *

arc two end, here we begin the final arc three! this chapter was meant to end halfway but i think i've left you guys on cliffhangers enough (though barely) so here we are. a bit longer, too, as apology for the previous hiatus. i'm licking my lips at the nearing ending.

also i wanted to take this space to reply to reviews but in respect of wowaka, it's better to leave open. thank you for my childhood もう一回


	45. apr14

He's been trying to follow her through the entire house. When she dug into the shoe cabinets to pull out a hidden stash of diapers, he was there. When she went into the kitchen to have some snacks she'd crammed into the bag she'd brought from home, _he's there,_ and when she's sitting in the bathtub with a novel for some alone time, _he was there._

Always, always, _there_.

She won't even look at him.

He can tell she's irritated, he's just waiting for the right time until she will snap. All he needs is to hear a few more words directed to him, even if it's a curse or a cold insult, he just needs _her_.

It's a pity she, too, knows what he wants, and will do whatever she needs to make sure he doesn't achieve it.

He's standing out in the veranda, the earth cool beneath his bare feet.

The wind kisses his skin and the crust of crimson leaves flow around him resembling the breath of an ocean wave. The moonlight is welcome as the only light guarding their home.

He gathers some fallen twigs from the ground, nicking through the scabs on his fingers, and makes way towards the unused fireplace. The dust flies to his throat but he isn't too bothered when he settles more attention on the sight of the young lady across the room trying to calm an irritated baby.

She failed tremendously, somehow encouraging what started out as little whimpers into full blown cries that didn't fail to shatter every corner of his ears. He could remember the sound of it when he was the one put in that position, the frantic rocking against his chest, the desperation to find out what it was that she _wants_... Much like Rin is right as of this moment, it seems.

Well... _he's sure she knows what to do_. Len was only glad he managed to get the fire going.

/

/

/

/

He was in the middle of putting on some socks when the thought came to offer any aid.

Because, evidently, _in his eyes,_ Kagamine Rin does not have the slightest comprehension on what's going on and what she's even doing. "Do you need any help?"

No reply. Only an upset huff.

"Maybe it's her diaper," He threw out a guess. "Or she doesn't want to wear those mittens."

The suggestions must've ticked the young lady. Her eyes shot fire at him, the burn speaking without words on how he should mind his own business instead of telling her how to raise _her_ child.

"Alright. Sorry." Len raised his arms in defeat. His lips twitched, as if unsure whether he should add some words in the miniscule possibility it could help, or treasure his life by sowing his mouth tightly shut. Then again, _this did get her to look to him,_ so there should be little doubts on why he chose the former. "Maybe she just needs to get more sleep? Have milk?"

If looks could kill, if her teeth could pierce through his skin, he'd be nothing more than a limp body on the floor without a heartbeat.

Thankfully she isn't inhuman either. The young lady fumes silently, while the mess of blankets and chubby arms and legs in her arms screams even louder, bawling fists in the air to make all of their ears do a three sixty, rescinding into their heads.

Len tossed the last of a twig into the fireplace, wiping away dirt onto his school pants before crossing to where his partner waited by the foot of the piano. She inched a few centimetres away at his presence, but the older blond responded by nearing to the point where his hands rested on one of her thighs.

"Give her to me." He's confident that with time, he'll be able to figure this out.

Problem-solving has always been his strong point, that's why his favourite subjects in school were those that require proper thinking skills instead of blind memorisation.

Algebra, trigonometry, calming a wailing baby ー there aren't many differences. Not in his opinion. They all group under an umbrella of things he's meant to figure out, and will, eventually.

Last time, his attempt was was based on studding his fingers into that little mouth. Granted, it didn't work perfectly, but at least it did _something_.

He tried to do the same action again, hovering over the baby in preparation, only to have Rin slap his hand a large distance away. She gritted her teeth and looked at him with silent threat, the whites of her eyes bigger than her iris. "Stop that! Remember that this is only happening because _you_ spoilt her milk."

Ah, so she finally spoke. Brilliant. He wonders what sold this time.

Len ignored those pointed scowls by focusing on the baby.

Those eyes, twin eyes of her mothers' ー were closed as a result of crying nightmares, and he tried to coax them open by massaging one of those reddened, thick cheeks. He wasn't allowed to do it for long before getting pushed away again, a red mark showing on the back of the young man's hand like a rotten stain.

Now _he_ was becoming irritated. " _You_ stop that!"

"You're bothering her!"

" _I_ know how to calm her down."

"You've only seen her _once_. You wouldn't understand _anything_. She doesn't even know you." He hesitates, desiring to waste his breath in hopes of winning a debate against her, but somehow bartered reason within himself to seal his lips and obey Kagamine Rin's every word if he ever hoped anything would go an inkling of the way he wanted. "If you _must_ at the very least _feel_ included, she's finished what's left of her milk," Rin gestured towards the empty bottles collapsed by her feet, "ー and she needs more."

The worst thing he could've done in that moment seemed to be looking at her with all the innocence in the world, only to crash it down with words that were accompanied by the mildest shrug. "Go make some, then."

The younger blonde's own voice decides to resemble that of a banshee. " _MAKE SOME?_ What do you think I am, _a milk machine?!_ "

That's when he himself knew he'd uttered a mistake.

With that, an entire world war began beneath their very own roof. Rin sat up at the speed of lightning, towering over him, upset, flushed cheeks and eyes streaked with a gloss of tears expressing more curses than she could ever spit with her lips. Her foot loudly slamming against the ground effectively caused Mirai to do nothing more than increase the strength of her screaming by millions, while Rin seemed incapable of noticing.

He'd given up. Len had his hands clasped over his ears out of frustration, while his _lovely blonde companion_ seemed to have grown immune to sound.

She's allowing their situation to go completely out of hand. She shows no aim to stop it.

"It's not rocket science, ー she wants milk, we give her milk." But he still lets mouth run like a fool that follows the depths above his stomach rather than his brain.

"Yes, and we're out of milk. Because. Of. _You._ "

In her logic, he was entirely to blame when he entered the kitchen while she was distracted. Len doesn't think so. He wasn't the girl who'd gotten panicky enough to drop everything in her grasp _after the little sound of a cough_. In Len's credit, however, he knows arguing against her won't make the scales tip in his favour, so he opts to be wiser with his words, saying nothing that'll make her assume she's been criminalised. "I'll go get more then!"

"Oh? How do you expect to do that, Kagamine? Gonna get it from a store?"

She's degrading him.

 _As if he's incapable of doing something as simple as that._ They're snarling at each other by then, as if she were the prey protecting her territory and he was the beast meant to overtake her and leave her as a broken body on the ground.

Or that's only what's going on in her imagination. Len has to hold himself back from pouncing on the girl, maybe grab both of her cheeks in his palms, draw those lips into a _sweet_... no, he doesn't want to show any affection to her right now. Not if she's behaving like this. There was a right time for everything, and this moment was the opposite of _right_.

Len subtly stepped on his own foot to keep himself from saying anything else that would give her the upper hand.

"If I have to, _yes!_ " The blond threw his hands in his hair, scratching at his scalp, tugging at the golden mess of hair. "Just tell me which formula ー "

"You're going to make it for her, then? Think you can feed her as well as me?!"

" _Evidently_ by the way you're _screaming now_..."

 _"SHE DRINKS MY BREASTMILK, LEN."_

Oh.

The young man pursed his lips for the final time. By now, his tongue is nothing more than dry, throat tasting as if it had gulped down an entire glass of molten lead.

Rin's attention falls onto Mirai as if suddenly aware of the infant's existence. Feeling finished with their exchange, her shoulder bumps harshly into his as she storms towards the hallway behind him. She doesn't waste energy to mutter an apology, so the young man reacts by crawling back to his spot by the fireplace, where at least he'll feel the semblance of being held.

The flames lick up the wood, a visionary of crimson arms stretching out towards him like a warm embrace.

Len holds back the urge to fall into it.

It isn't difficult when he convinces himself it isn't real.

Ten minutes later, the walls hear the sound of hushing whispers alongside a desperate lullaby from the bedroom where moonlight shines best.

/

/

/

/

Rin, _you're so pretty._

 _Rin is so cute,_ Rin is so smart, Rin is so amazing and kind, _Rin is a literal angel that makes my heart pound._

Alright, so he _might've_ not said the last one, but she believes exaggeration is allowed in certain situations for stronger emphasis. The first compliment caught her off guard, but now she was getting tired of being rained praises upon for the littlest things.

In the beginning she'd wondered whether these compliments, followed by the multiple rounds of tea and hot chocolate he kept preparing for her, were nothing more than feeble attempts to gain favour and get back on her good graces. At this point the young lady is just convinced he's trying to start a raging war.

He's biting his fingernails now, watching her read a book under candlelight, no doubt ransacking his mind for the next best thing to irritate her with.

She doesn't want to talk to him again. She refuses to. Even when a trail of fingers that aren't her own decidedly trails up the back of her spine.

They reach her ears, caressing the pearl adorning those piercings. "I brought you mint biscuits," He bent on his knees, stretching out the wrapped treats to her as if it were a sacrificial offering meant for a god.

The quirk of her lips turnt upwards into a smile, all for a split second until she remembers she's meant to be mad at him, and her face goes back to nothing more than a stoic front.

Her pride triumphs over her desires, never failing. She bodily shoves away his means of peace, pretending to prefer the seaweed bites she'd brought from home. They cracked beneath her teeth, salty and with a bit too much of pepper, but as the young man watched her with the gaze of a hawk, she had no choice but to force a swallow before pretending it was the best thing she'd ever tasted in her entire life. She never _did_ like crispy treats.

It tastes horrible.

"Can I hold her?" The question strikes Rin odd at first, only making sense when she realises he's gesturing towards somebody else. Her baby.

Hers. Hers. Hers.

Rin lifted Mirai from where the baby was only a small worm on the large futon, grabbing the risk of waking her up, _causing another screaming session that would last for hours,_ only to set it off like an explosive to be detonated then run off to the wilds.

Len felt his irritation peak when she tucked her daughter protectively under her neck, using both arms like a cage improbable to break through.

There were a limit to things, and this young woman was pushing it far beyond the acceptable boundaries.

"Rin is so pretty, Rin is so cute..." His voice is nonchalant this time, no longer bothering to sound sincere, "Now for the love of god can Rin get a _fucking grip_ and let me hold the baby?"

Her face went even more sour when he used a curse word on her. "Only if you say _please_."

"Oh, you actually _spoke_. I forgot you could do that."

If he'd gotten anywhere with the complimenting, that last remark brought the boy back to square one.

Or below that, because in a second, her cheeks went darker than he'd ever seen on her ー not the usual pink flush, but rather something hitting just the tinge of violet. She set the baby back on the futon, as calmly as she could before anger took complete hold over her, then her arms went back to tackle him.

She's not as gentle as she was before. This time, her scratches actually dig through his skin, and her fingernails draw crescent moons at every spot they can.

He fights back by using the unused mattress pillow as a shield, defending against every single one of her strikes.

"I hate you! I hate you, I hate you _, I hate you!_ "

Fuck. _Fuck!_ As if she hasn't already let him know about it a million times within one day alone.

He didn't even try to ease the atmosphere. Like a thick fog, the tension between them got thicker and thicker, as if she were drowning in ice and smoke and grabbed hold of his hand to pull them both under.

"Shut up, you'll wake your baby ー"

"'MY baby? MINE? Oh, ' _her_ ', 'the baby,' ' _your baby,_ " Rin tried to pull away his protection with all her might. "You talk as if you didn't have a part in her existence! That's right! She was just dropped on our doorstep from the storks in the skies ー _bullshit_ , she's meant to be yours as much as she is mine, stop pretending to take part in any responsibility when you don't actually want it!"

She's driving him crazy. He threw away the pillow out of his own volition, raising to his own feet so he could grab hold of her wrists and make her assault futile.

"FINE, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL HER, THEN?!"

"DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!"

"YOU DID IT FIRST, YOU ー"

He was forced to cut himself short.

A loud cry broke out, and both of them brought their attentions downwards to where their ー _their! ー_ daughter fussed just inches away from their own bodies, no doubt having a fit over too much of the noise. Len instinctively released his hold on her, and Rin ran to where she needed to comfort.

"Oh, oh, oh, Mirai, oh no, I'm sorry, Mummy's so sorry..." It didn't take long before the young woman's arms were occupied once again, cradling warmth, _cradling weight_ , ".. were we too loud? Did Mummy and Daddy's talk wake you? We didn't mean to, we're _sorry._.."

Len took a slow inhale.

He watched the scene for only a minute longer before walking off, heading to the bathroom where he could splash some cold water across his face.

/

/

/

/

They're both asleep.

Or at least, Len thinks they are.

He looked away from his papers ー from essays on fourteenth century Japan that begged writing on ー instead onto a young lady with eyes of the ocean before a storm and lips like cherry-plucked petals from the finest tree. Her breaths come out in soft sighs, the soft gusts of wind during gentle rain.

 _Her_ baby is mimicking the same thing beside her, a puddle of drool drenching the occupied futon.

Len puffs out the candlelight with a single breath, leaving the only flames from that of the dying fireplace.

He drops his pen and wrings his wrist in the air a few times, trying to shake off the restlessness, then crawls over to the spot beside her where he could lace an arm around the young woman's waist then freely bury his nose in the back of her hair, smelling new lavender shampoo and the slightest tinge of sea salt upon her skin.

Neither of them are sleeping on the futon now; the baby tosses and turns, and Rin's hand subconsciously tightens her grip around that small body to calm her down.

 _His_ baby falls back into her former peace. He stretches out a hand, as if wanting to trace those little cheeks and the flower buds of fingers.

He can't get himself to do it.

"If you want to touch her, just touch her." Len nearly jumps at the sound of words. He looks up at the ceiling, as if it came from the heavens, after making sure it wasn't his own voice, but Rin's jab against his stomach brings his search back down.

She's frowning at him by the time his eyes adjust to the dark so it could get a good look of her, staring back. Len isn't surprised.

Of course she's awake. She's _never_ not awake. Releasing a groan, the blond pulled his arms away from it's embrace on her and instead return to the sides of his body, where they felt eerily uncomfortable and cold.

"I don't know why you were asking _me_ whether you could hold her.. she's _your_ baby. Unless you think she isn't, you should know that you have every right to touch her just as much as I do..."

 _"You slapped my hand the last time I tried."_

"Right... well, fight for it next time." She let out a strangled noise when he reached over to do just that. "No, not _now_ , she barely sleeps through the night. I worked a miracle today and I don't want you to ruin it. Try next morning."

He mocked her in falsetto. "Sure, _Len_ , touch her anytime you want, _but only when I allow you to!_ "

"Not so _loud_. Anyways, arm." Her voice held the same authority of that as a captain, and when he didn't immediately obey her order, she repeated it impatiently. "Arm, Kagamine!"

He had to take some time to understand what it was that she wanted. He fumbled about, stretching one of his arms out under the assumption that's what she wanted.

Confirming his thoughts, Rin lifted her head only to cosily drop it back onto his limb. He could feel the air from her lips by the skin of his neck, her nose against his ear.

Now it's too warm... enough to rival the fire.

He can't believe both of them are cramped up on the wooden floor while they allow an _infant_ to sleep on a bedspread that's fifteen times her size.

Then again, there's no other place to put her. Easily distracting him from his thoughts, Rin nuzzles herself deeper against his heat. For a second, he actually thinks she's doing this for affection ー but the likeliness her bodily closeness is for the mere purpose of using him as a pillow ranks high on the list of doubts.

She makes sure to clarify this. "Don't get this wrong. I _need_ you. I still don't like you."

"... right."

"But. _But_. I'm sorry for yelling earlier.. I don't think I realised that... well-"

"It's fine, just sleep." He cut her apologies short. She could change her mind in the morning, and he doesn't want drowsiness to influence her answers rather than what truly comes from the heart, accompanied by a clear mind. "We can talk about this tomorrow."

"Will you... still _be here_ tomorrow?"

The question is gentle, timid and shy, like the bat of a butterfly's wings under a kitten's paw.

He cups her cheek with a free hand, pecking the young woman's temple with his lips as an attempt to ease her before his coming answer.

When the time comes and he no longer can deny the will to speak, he lowers his voice by her ear, so soft as if they were the only ones who existed, _the only ones who needed to hear_ , and it was them against the world. "I won't leave you. Never have, and never will."

Her only response was a little sigh before she closed her eyes just as she did before. Len tries to follow suit.

Though he must admit, he's a little...

"Rin, blanket?" He calls out, shaking her shoulders as the young lady quickly pretends to be asleep. "Hey. Blanket? Share with me?"

It's too tangled between her legs, and no matter how much efforts he tries to put in, the cotton just never seems to wring free.

He tries to lift her with a single arm, find anything that will allow him a small slip of entry. It's not cold at all, likely the warmest day of the season, but there's something about being under a blanket that no other feeling can compare to.

"Rin, come on, blanket? Please?" He tries to beg one last time.

"..."

"..."

"No."

He can feel her smirk into his shoulder as he seethes.

* * *

next few chapters will probably be answering some, if not all, of any pending questions. though i can't deconfirm sad endings :( sorry


	46. apr21

The sun doesn't filter through any glass before it burns through his eyes. A foul myriad of curses left the young man's mouth when he got to his feet that morning, resenting the actions of whoever conveniently left the the veranda doors and windows open at the perfect angle to blind him the moment he wakes up.

His chin snaps to the direction Rin would be sleeping in, towards the futon occupied to put a baby completely on it's own (he doesn't understand the logic behind that) while they, _two fully grown young adults,_ took spot of the hard floorboard beside it.

Rubbing the sleep off his eyes, it was only once he finished did he notice both the girl and the baby's disappearance.

Len jumped to his feet on the verge of panic, calming down only when he heard the sound of childish fussing on the other end of the house.

He went in search of it, stopping in front of the only bedroom entrance.

The blond didn't knock, nor do any form of alerting his arrival before pulling the handle and throwing it open so quickly he's not sure what possessed him. But when he looked down at Rin's expression, mouth popped open from shock, feminine, frail arms balancing the weight of a baby nursing from her bare chest threatening to give way, he had nothing to do but slide the door close again with the same amount of panic and strength.

The blond sunk to the floor, squatting with his face in his knees. He can feel the warmth of his cheeks through his palms, and he knew he burnt redder than the sun.

"Sorry," He choked out, frantic, then deepened his voice when he noticed it had been trembling. "Sorry, I didn't mean to ー I didn't know you were ー"

Her voice murmured from the other side of the wall. ".. you should knock next time."

"I _know_. I didn't find you next to me, I forgot," Now he's afraid he's relying on excuses. "I'm not sure what I was thinking. I won't do it again."

He heard the sound of the door sliding open, then the rap of knuckles against his skull.

Len looked up to find her raising a single brow at him, rubbing circles over Mirai's back as the infant made noises that signified the beginning of another cry.

"Relax, I was kidding... you walked into the middle of me _breastfeeding_ , not committing a _murder._ "

 _The way he's behaving, it would be hard to believe that the latter wasn't the truth._

Len's not even sure why he's this reacting badly himself. She doesn't seem affected, because she knows hes seen much more, and by that logic, so shouldn't he.

It's not that she went to this room to avoid him anyway. It's the current warmest spot in the house and best location to avoid disturbing the older blond's slumber when an infant daughter screamed relentless at the top of her lungs. Then again, Len somehow _did_ manage to sleep through that ruckus for the four long minutes it was happening beside him...

Not that it matters. The only thing that mattered, was... this particular little fist that just socked her in the nose.

Rin's mouth met the top of small, golden curls, kissing away the trail of tears down baby cheeks.

Those actions earned a strained sniffle, and when she did even more, a coo.

Len took a deep breath, reaching over to take the young lady by hand so they could return to the living room, only to stop in his tracks when he realised both of her arms were already occupied. He swallowed on his throat, easing the dryness which choked him, then wrapped his limbs around his own body. The weather was much cooler today.

That meant tonight would be _freezing_.

"Can I hold her?" True to her word, Rin shook her head and looked at him with a leering expectation. He sighed, thinking of how to rephrase the request in a way that would please her. "Right. _Let me hold her?"_

"Better. But don't make it sound like a question."

"Your rulings are so _stupid_."

She hit him with another glare.

Still, Kagamine Rin is many things, but a _liar_ isn't one of them. She can count on one hand the number of times she'd actually fibbed, and each time was only to _him._ She isn't proud of it. She would tell the truth, now, if it were ever relevant. But it wasn't, so she throws them away like fallen leaves in the drain.

Rin juggled as the cotton footsie threatened to slip from her grasp, then somehow, with decent difficulty, transferred the weight into the elder blond's arms.

"Mirai's a bit fussy right now since she's just finished crying the past few hours, so if there's a breakdown because you're holding her, don't feel hurt or anything..."

As if on cue, he felt the beginning of an earthquake rumble throughout their hall. Mirai was wriggling out of his hold, back stretching beyond any boundaries, and he briefly wondered whether his daughter had already become an aspiring contortionist by the way each limb curled without struggle.

Len bent back down to his knees, working the best he can not to accidentally slip his hands.

He can't believe he's actually begging, but... "Rin- help, Rin, help please!"

Rin was more interested in giving him a grim look that reached her eyes. Well, if he thinks the way her mind works is _so stupid_... "Your baby," She sighed dismissively, waving one flippant hand. "Your problem."

"She's falling! _Rin!_ "

No, she won't, but his arms are getting increasingly weak the longer he keeps this up.

His _proclaimed_ counterpart walked off to the kitchen for a glass of water, deciding not to look back.

/

/

/

/

He told her he was going out to bring home dinner. When asked what the young lady wanted to eat tonight, instead of the usual chirpy request for broth noodles followed by a rain of _have a safe trip_ kisses upon his lips, all she did was claim she wasn't hungry with the most monotone voice possible, then ran off to finish some pending laundry that needed to be hung with the sun.

A break from the formal routine... the _normal_ routine.

He despises it.

Len leant his cheek against the telephone booth's glass, swallowing back a sigh. Greed is a heavy sin, hitting the depths of each core when he has plenty more to be grateful for. The call is against his ear, beep, beep, beeping... it was one single chance against a million, but every possibility of unlikeliness instantly ruled out the moment the line was picked up. Heavy breathing was heard on the other side of the phone, as if the responder had just run to one end of a country and all the way back, but Len's relieved when he hears the voice he hoped for all the same.

With hope, because after this, _he's getting no second chances_. He's using the last coins in his father's wallet. All other money had been finished for a trip to the groceries and to call Hiyama Fukase.

... Len's going to have to figure out a way back if he can't afford a train ticket.

His head suddenly hurts.

 _"Ha- hello, who's this calling ー "_

"Kagamine Len," The blond cut in, nearly yelling out his name into the receiver. He stiffened his shoulders to recompose himself, tone turning soft. "I found your sister."

 _"What...?"_

Silence. Either a disbelieving one, or for reality to reveal how he'd gotten the wrong number. Len begged to every single god he knew of existence to let luck be on his side, even if it were just this once, even if it would be the very last time.

He needn't even get on his hands and knees before those prayers were answered. _"Where is she?"_

Mock calmness, as if unaffected by the news. Though Len knew, on the other side of the call, her older brother was probably suffering a heartbeat louder than the sound of his own voice. Running out of breath, blood flushing fast to his brain, though trying to keep under control when there's a chance he was being lied to again.

"... I'm not telling you where."

 _"Don't joke around!"_ The previous composure snapped. Yuuma's voice went louder, though not deeper.. _frantic_ , but knowing not to say anything rash with any hope to get any information useful to hear.

Equal trades, as promised, and the younger boy should be handing in his due side of the deal right _now_.

Paying back debt, as he might see it. Len tapped a single foot against the ground in standard rhythm, contemplating every word choice, _every sentence he could possibly make_ for their situation to go in his favour. Small gusts of wind blow in from between the door's hinged gaps, forcing a chill where it otherwise wouldn't reach.

He doesn't hold back a shiver.

"Meet me somewhere." Len fingers the cord. He's nervous by now, unsure whether he should've thought things through rather than rely on it with a single instinct. "Don't bring any of your brothers, don't tell your friends.. especially Shion Kaito. Keep this to yourself."

Bringing Shion Kaito would have benefited _him_ even more than Yuuma.

But he's sure the older male is aware of that.

Eliminating any form of barriers or protection _or witnesses_ was a way for Len to show that they're standing on equal ground. Or, rather, the _brother_ is, whilst he dangles at the edge of a cliff with the only master key caught between his teeth. If he were to melt into the roaring sea, everything will crumble into sand with him.

An argument comes, as usual, predicted by every single star he'd seen in the sky. " _What if ー what if I say no? What if I tell the authorities, let them know that you've confessed to holding a teenage girl captive ー "_

The threat is older than any book he's read in history, and the young man finds himself getting calmer, rather than the sort of antsy child he's meant to be. "I suppose you're alright with never seeing Rin again.. _unless._.."

He heard a foul curse muttered on the other end; the final realisation that there was only one of them who was getting anything to go the way they wanted, _and that person was the same one who initiated this conversation_. Of course he wasn't foolish enough to position himself inside the deep end of the lake when he has nothing to keep him afloat.

That's something only a _child_ would do. He isn't a child. He knows that.

Heavy breathing could beheard again, and by the telltale sound of running shoes hitting against asphalt, Len knew that Yuuma was back on his feet, heading to wherever the destination was before being distracted by their call.

The next few words come resigned to fate.

 _"Goya University grounds.. give me a date."_

"... Tomorrow. Noon."

As if one cue, the call time ran out in the booth, and the line was cut off without notice. He didn't bother dialing the number again. He knew he couldn't.

The only voice he could now hear was his own sigh. The only sounds, of the trees rustling through the wind.

 _He isn't a child_ , he insists. Len pauses to stare at his reflection in the glass before pushing the door open, forcing himself to spread his wings out of his safety nest. He ends up mocking a deep frown before leaving the cube, if only to share a glare between his own mirror. A child? No, _no,_ he hasn't been, he hasn't been for a very, very long time.

And he shouldn't convince himself that he isn't what _others_ say he is.

/

/

/

/

He nearly had to tie her up with a rope and have the young lady force-fed with his own chopsticks when she refused to eat the steamed dumplings he'd brought back (and improvised by warming up with a kettle over the fire) ー she said she had no appetite for meat, so he agreed to make some vegetable broth with spinach noodles to at least fill that stomach with something that _wasn't_ seaweed crackers or expired biscuits.

Except she refuses to eat _that_ as well.

Even through the effort gone to cook it.

He knows she just doesn't want to have anything _he_ made for her, but that doesn't mean he has to acknowledge it.

So Len ransacked her bags, took every little edible thing he deemed unhealthy and kept it away inside the only bedroom with key hidden away.

She didn't give in easily. She wasted five minutes of screaming at him, five minutes of yanking flaxen locks from the older blond's scalp in efforts to regain respect, and five minutes of being pulled onto his lap where there's no choice but to reluctantly accept whatever's being offered to her.

Except the 'accepting' part was still a work in progress.

Rin tried to focus more on the swirls of her noodles rather than his half-lidded lashes, the pointed nose that's nearly pressed her cheek, and somebody else's entire form much too close to her own for comfort...

She was used to it before. Now it's... too _foreign_. She doesn't like it. Namely the spinach noodles.

"It's green." Well, most vegetables are, so he's not quite sure where she's getting at. "I think Mirai's hungry," Her gaze snapped across the room, where the baby slept quieter than the fall of snow against the ground. "I think I hear her need me. I need to go before she makes a fuss."

He tightens his legs around her waist. One of his hands, _the one holding onto the broth and noodles,_ pushed against her so the young lady's back was firmly against his chest.

He's not letting her go _anywhere_ until this bowl is wiped clean.

"She's fine.. if she cries, I'll go to her." He lifted the chopsticks against her lips. "Eat."

He'd spent hours preparing the ingredients and turning them into a meal afterwards when he doesn't even know how to do anything more than follow a cookbook. The least she could do is not show their blessings disrespect by consuming her own portion without fuss. She's so thin under his hold, like her body's made of nothing but skin and bones.

He could snap her into shreds with the press of his thumb, and that causes him more fear than he's comfortable with handling.

Rin turned her head away from his persistence.

Len gritted his teeth, losing patience nearly at the speed of light, "I swear to god, if you don't part your lips, I'll pry your entire mouth open."

"No! It doesn't taste good!" She hasn't even _had_ any yet. "If you actually thought it was edible, you would've eaten it first! You're trying to give me poison!"

Fine. _If she says so._ He lifted a large helping of noodles and forced it to his mouth, slurping it down within seconds as if it were nothing. The meal wasn't delicious, which would have been a disappointment if he were looking for anything more than Kagamine Rin to invest in a healthier diet, but he never dreamt of being a the first place.

Sure it wasn't savoury, sure it was more bitter in comparison to salty to sweet, but it's _healthy_ and that's all he needs her to have. He doesn't know how well the young lady has been eating for all this time they weren't under the same roof, and by the looks of it, not well at all.

He snatched a stray piece of floating cabbage, chewed on it, and swallowed all while she looked at him in pure astonishment.

Then he tried to feed her the noodles again.

"Half a bowl. Just half a bowl, and I'll let you go."

Rin chewed on her bottom lip. Her fingers dug into the sides of his thighs, hesitating.

A fresh excuse dug up from the depths of her mind.

"I don't want to eat from those chopsticks, you've had it in your mouth..."

"Rin, try harder.. that's not going to work." He poked her lips with the tip of the wood. "Open. Come on, we both know you've had worser things in there. Need I remind you that your mouth has had my ー"

"I'll eat!" She raised her hands in surrender to shut his mouth. "I get it! I'll eat!"

She doesn't want him to complete that sentence ー definitely not with the presence of another being inside the room. Her eyes shot towards her daughter once more, looking for the smallest sign of distraction, but Mirai slept more peacefully than a soaring bird. When the blonde turned around, she met an expectant quirk of the brow demanding her to keep up with her promise.

He held up the noodles.

This time, she leant down to catch a bite.

/

/

/

/

Now she refuses to sleep on his arm. Apparently the noodles really _were_ that bad.

Len laid across the floor, staring at those same cracks in the ceiling and considering every way he could fix it before winter comes along, while his partner is rubbing the pad of her fingers alongside the soft skin of a sleeping baby's cheek. It's soft, like cotton clouds melted into the purest form of honey, and she can't get enough of it.

They're sleeping on opposite sides of the baby, the futon sandwiched between them. Neither of them reach for the unused pillow in the middle.

It's cold tonight in starking contrast from the day before, but Rin already has hold of the blankets so he doesn't complain.

She's smaller than him, she needs it more.

He rubs both palms over his arms, creating friction and glaring daggers at the disappointing flames dying out by the fireplace. He might as well sleep outside on the grass if it was going to be like this, at least then he would be able to see a full shot of the moon and the stars.

No, he really should.

It's a spur in the moment impulsive decision, but he decides he should go for a few minutes stroll in the back porch, if only to clear his thoughts.

Before he can get back, something pushes him down, and it takes him minutes to register it's Kagamine Rin's head tucked beneath his neck and each of her limbs wound around his body like thorns on a rose stem.

Her thighs are on equal sides of his hips, and the blanket covers both of them as a result.

The weight of a young lady on his body is suffocating, but he takes it with open arms. If she's holding him by the neck with both her hands, forcing his head underwater, he would willingly part his lips and throw away every gasp of air. He can feel her mouth hovering over his own, and his own twitches, ready to meet her in a kiss.

He's waiting, seconds, minutes, a dozen, wondering what's taking such a simple action to be dragged on for so long.

The boy opens his eyes only to find her soft snores above him follow as a greeting.

She's asleep.

Len feels hot embarrassment flush his cheeks, but the realisation that he's the only witness brings more relief than he'd like to admit.

He wraps his arms around her before closing his own eyes.

/

/

/

/

"You're going to school... on a Saturday?"

"Yeah," He lied. "Club activities. I need to resign."

He juggled the purse in his hand before shoving it into a pocket, promising that he'd return the money he's borrowing from her when he comes back some other night. He just needed enough for a train ticket back to their town. He'd left enough supplies in the house cabinets ー vegetable biscuits, some ingredients to make broth if she would learn to make any herself, and a good gathering of twigs for the fire in case it ran the risk of dying out.

She should be able to last for at least a fortnight, and even so, he expects to come back tomorrow evening at the latest.

The meeting is at noon. That's.. in four hours. The sun had already risen, and he feels just slightly warm.

He grabbed hold of both her shoulders, leant down until her forehead was flat against his own. He can smell her, he can close the distance and taste her lips, but for now, all he can do is _dream_. "You know everything I've been doing... am still doing.. is for you, right?"

Rin looked back at him, lost. The edge of her fingers clutch onto his sleeves, though they are as loose as ever possible. "What?"

He swallowed.

"... nothing"

Len took a deep breath as he backed away.

One, quick zip of boots and the young man was already at the front entrance. "Remember to lock the door ー you forget to do that often."

"I will, Len."

One year ago, this same situation would have been entirely different. He would go off in the morning, sometimes after sunset, most times _before_.

By now she's supposed to leap at him, fiddling with his school tie and pretend she's adjusting it. She's supposed to hold him tight and let him feel the warmth of her mouth, the shape of her body in his grasp ー but she doesn't do any of that. He doesn't expect it, either; he knows how to be grateful for what he already has, and craving more will only let you think you have _less_.

 _She hates him,_ in bold, bright, red letters, flashing across every corner in his head. It's unsettling, but she said it right to his face, so it must be the truth.

He hates himself for expecting something different.

The piercing sound of a cry echoes through the house, breaking his train of thought. Both of their gazes shoot towards the doorway that leads to the noise, where the baby's throwing a loudly fit, likely at realising the absence of her mother.

"I guess you should..."

"... I know, I'll head over to her in a second."

".. Right."

They both nodded at each other, pursed lips expressing more than any words they could exchange.

He should leave, but he doesn't want to ー not until she turns away. _Except she isn't doing that either,_ and he has not a clue in the entire world as to why.

"Rin ー "

"Len... thank you for dinner last night." She leans forward, just for a split second's smack of lips against his cheek. "It was... actually really good."

No, it wasn't. Not at all. It was flavourless, and she was better off getting half-a-dollar cup noodles from the convenience store.

But that isn't what she said, even if the young lady believed entirely different. Len's skin is hot within an instant. Even when he's forced to see her turn around before running off, disappearing behind a doorframe, he finds himself rooted in the same spot, with no vision of moving anywhere else.

In the end he's left as nothing more than a burning statue, a single palm running across the spot where she left a trace upon his cheek.

It takes God's work to get himself out the front door, and to lock it behind him without looking back.

* * *

thanks for reading again! can't change any genres because that'd be a spoiler hmmm... also ill probably get back to yous on an alternative ending possibility when this is over


	47. may2

_Three skids of a stone across water. Never more, never less._

 _It reminds him so much of somebody else._

 _Len approaches slowly, letting the sound of his boots on the stoned pathway serve as enough announcement of his arrival. He notices Yuuma's hair is shorter, with the rose tints left only at the tips rather than the former stretch to his roots. The boy ran his fingers through his own locks,_ _wondering whether it could be time for him to get his own haircut. H_ _e can imagine running his hands through certain golden tresses, not of his own, and winding them into perfected braids that she so dearly despises._

 _He breathes. Somewhere on this very same soil, beneath their shared sky, he knows she's doing it, too._

 _The autumn leaves fall along with them. "_ _I'll take care of her," He breaks the silence. Her older brother stiffens more than ever possible, as if surprised the boy had actually shown up. He reacts only by disrupting the lake's surface with another few skids, while Len continues to speak, "She's choosing to be with me. She knows what she wants."_

 _A_ _shopboy came over, bringing over their orders of warm chocolate, then left just as quickly as he'd came._

 _A disbelieving scoff entered in turn. "But she doesn't know what's good for her."_

 _No. She doesn't. That's undeniable._

 _Her decision has always been latched onto what lies in the depths of her chest rather than her mind. L_ _ogic, risks, everything that could force them into more danger than possible.. were only seen as nothing more than mere irrelevance when she's placed in the moment and her choices always depended only on the then and now._

 _She is a bird, with the only purpose to spread her wings and fly._

 _But let her choose, and let him follow, since she's always had him on chains with his heart on a string._

 _He's not running away. If he thinks deeper on it, he realises he never has._

 _"This won't be the best for her, I know that..." Len bends to his knees, fingering a dusty stone by his fingers, "But it's good enough, and-"_

 _"It's never going to be good enough!" This time, the attention finally shifted from the lake. "I want my_ _sister back."_

/

/

/

/

Melodies run beneath his fingers, piano keys tracing notes beneath his skin.

There are no longer any cries.

There hasn't been, not for at least an hour, and it's solidified by Rin's return to the living room, pointing out the stars in the sky to a glassy-eyed infant who was more interested in swallowing the gloves off her tiny hands. The crackle of fire is dimming, a small note in his head reminding him to later give it more fuel to keep them through the night. He's not sure how she's previously gone days without him, but he decides if she chooses not to tell him, doesn't need to know.

He can hear the young lady murmur quiet, indecipherable words. Although he tries his best to listen in, he fails to do anything more than watch.

When she turns to look at him, he offers a smile, only to see the blonde snap her head in the other direction from a show of upset.

Even so, she's still wearing his crimson jumper. Every few seconds, he catches one of her hands absently grabbing hold of the collar to bring it up to her nose. Her eyes close as she sighs, letting go only after a good whiff of the fading cologne he'd worn last time it was in own possession.

She turns to glimpse at him again, just to make sure he didn't catch what she did, and Len fills the spot of an excellent actor by pretending to be oblivious, reading up and down the laid paper sheets.

The next time he sneaks in another look, he finds her doing it again.

Something warm and fuzzy grew in his stomach at the sight.

He doesn't know what to name, nor how to describe it, so he decides not to.

The snow is falling, gently, gently, to kiss the fading ground. He leaves the piano stool to grab some dusty blankets from the back closet, then drapes it over her shoulders to shelter his family from the harsh bites of winter. Rin huffed at the gesture, while Len's only response was to reach for the top of her scalp and leave it with a good ruffle which she could do nothing more in defense than to squeal loudly at.

/

/

/

/

 _They moved from the University campus. Both young men agreed that if they'd spent any more time together near a body of water, it wouldn't take much longer until Len was struck on the head by a rock or grasped by the throat beneath the lake until every last breath bubbled from his lips. A nearby cafe was more public, with little need for fuss when there were more eyes than their own around._

 _He deducts that Yuuma has a habit to move his fingers when he's angry._

 _Fling some stones, tug at some fallen leaves until they become scattered shards on the ground, and in this case where neither of those is within reach; stab the pad of each finger with a ballpoint pen until they were left as nothing more than flesh covered in auburn ink._

 _Yuuma choked out a few words, so softly, he didn't hear. He didn't have time to ask for a repeat either. "She was so_ good _. She was so smart, she was doing well in school with so many things ahead of her, after the issues with her heart was solved, she never caused our family any trouble..."_

 _They're not her family if she doesn't consider them to be. Len realised that keeping those words to himself would get their evening to flow more smoothly, so he buried his face in his palms, sowing his mouth as if with that of a thread and needle, stitches proving more than just decorations his lips._

 _A piercing eye looked up, just as blue as hers ー glaring directly into him._

 _A chill rose up his spine, and all the way back down._

 _"You.. you ruined it all."_

 _The words are poison to his ears. It seeps through his lungs, fast, choking out every bit of air passing in his throat..._

 _But, as always, Kagamine Len does not find the will to deny it._

 _"You didn't tell anyone to come with you today..."_

 _A scoff. Albeit a thick one, laced in tiredness and pain. "Not everyone in this world is an idiot. As long as you give me my sister back, I'll do what you say."_

 _The way she's being mentioned as nothing more than a possession was irritable. Len swallows down an insult by chugging down half of his mug in a single swing, feeling hot chocolate flood euphoria through every single one of his senses. The autumn cold is predicted to be nothing more to him than a_ _minor breeze when he leaves the building... not if this feeling will last long._

 _He's tempted to get another serving, but the jingle of coins in his pocket when he moves his thigh is a careful reminder that there's more important things to spend on, and this wasn't one of them._

 _"Why hasn't your dad reported her missing?"_

 _A careful pause. Yuuma creased his brows, looking off to the window as if the reason was something damaging if he were to say._

 _Before Len could repeat the question, the answer came out in a tone of remorse. "He won't be home for at least another year, maybe less, business trip, I never asked ー_ _no, I'm not lying to you. Our brother's gone back to his university across the country. They.. left me to take care of her. I thought I could do it." A_ _n_ _d within a week, she'd gone missing. One responsibility, and he let it collapse beneath the ground. "She has to be home before they're back, or things are going to get worse,"_

 _"Worse how?"_

 _"You don't want to know how."_

 _As if anything could topple how they plan to give his daughter away._

 _The next sip of chocolate is suddenly much too bitter._

 _"I do." He spun the milk in his drink with the metal stirrer. "Rin doesn't want to be with you. I need to know why."_

/

/

/

/

The surprise comes with the quirk of a brow: he wasn't aware that she could sing

Due to the weather, they could no longer air out all the doors and windows; no more damp clothing dangling on wires outside beneath those crimson-soaked trees, no more seeing her swim between the clothes strings with an antsy bundle in her arms the entire time. No more late night walks to relax their minds.

It was now much too uncomfortable with the falling, fluttering snow.

So when the baby bursts into another wail (because Len snatched his phone away from her hands _as she was about to place it into her mouth,_ ) _even having to audacity to refuse being calmed no matter what he does_ , his last resort was to find a different method, and that meant Kagamine Rin.

They were huddled by the fireplace with a lullaby to close those tired, baby blue eyes. Those eyes on the brink of exhaustion. _Those eyes that needed sleep._

She nestled by her mother's warmth, fingers clenching weakly on the skin of the other breast as she nursed, while any other sound in the room was kept beneath a whisper.

 _Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine..._

He didn't think it would work.

It shouldn't work. He's done everything he could, checked her diapers a million times, offer something else to suckle on that wasn't dangerous for her to handle. A little song was nothing compared to his previous efforts.

And yet when he opened his eyes after what he thought to be a blink, his daughter was already tucked back into the spot she was this morning, safely in her blankets and softly in her dreams where she must've laid herself on the softest sand.

When he looks up, he finds Kagamine Rin frowning at him. He frowns back in question, but her only response is to click her tongue then move away.

/

/

/

/

 _"... It's because she should never have been born."_

 _How could you say that...!_

 _The words threaten to roll off his tongue, but he stiffens his anger with every last bit of composure he has left. That girl isn't even his family, not by blood, and he never, in his wildest dreams would have thought to say anything in such a manner._

 _Len tries to focus more on buttoning his thick jacket. It's cold tonight, the coldest it has been all month, and he's eager to return home. H_ _e doesn't know if she can keep the fire going on her own and the thought worries him more than he would like to admit._ _  
_

 _In an instant he felt every single one of his nerves on alert and ready to strike. He nearly regrets not bringing somebody along to hold him back._

 _He regrets ever confessing his knowledge on her location. No less to people who mention her as an object rather than a breathing, real, young lady, who's more capable of holding onto her own hopes and dreams, for God's sake ー emotions ー when all they want her to be is the_ _background paper cut-out from a princess fairytale._

 _Where she doesn't play the role of the Princess._

 _Where she would never be anything more than the forgotten, fallen star._

 _"... because before she's ever our sister, she will, first, always, be the reason we lost our mother."_

 _"She didn't ask to be born, either," Len spat. He pushed his mug to the other end of the table, suddenly losing all appetite. Especially when he hardly had any in the first place. "I'm sure if she'd had a choice, you would've been the last people she'd pick to be her family."_

 _Evidently._

 _He's ready for a strike. He's ready to see black colour his vision, then white, then nothing at all._

 _The blond has said what he's needed to say and the only thing he wants is for the other side to grasp that reality._

 _To his surprise, there were no harsh acts made on a momentary burst of anger. Instead Yuuma's only reaction was to blink a few times, stirring his own mug before coming to the realisation that it was empty, then bury away his emotions by staring outside the window where November weather waited to show them a different path outside the current safe walls._

 _Except this was the only place they wanted to be._

 _Somewhere in the cafe's backroom, a small squabble could be heard about cranking the heater just a bit higher, which soon came into effect. Len warmed up, the harsh redness of his cheeks come into action. When he glances towards the time on his wrist, the boy notices that six hours had already passed from morning, then briefly wonders if he can surprise her by returning home before midnight._

 _Likely not._

 _He feels too sick to even try._

 _"They wanted me to be a girl."_

 _The younger male snapped out of his thoughts with a hiss. "What?"_

 _"Hio, that's our older brother, Stubble, if that's how you prefer to call him ー they wanted him to be a girl, but when he didn't turn out to be, they tried for me.." Yuuma had his fingers between his teeth now, not only chewing the nails, but also the limbs; a habit Len had caught on the younger sister multiple times. "The doctors told her to stop. You know. Frail, little lady, nearly out of her thirties, why should she try for more?"_

 _"I don't care about your family history-"_

 _"But she wanted to. She wanted a little girl so, so badly."_

 _"I told you, I don't care,"_

 _"Of course my dad didn't want it, but she was confident, she'd gone through three pregnancies already ー how's another one going to hurt..."_

 _"Why do you find the need to tell me about things I don't need to know?"_

 _" ー she couldn't make it. And in the end, you end up with three, motherless little boys, one broken father, and a baby born with a heart defect."_

 _His hot chocolate is now cold. He juggles a scarf from his bag, bracing himself to later meet the windy outdoors._

 _The earlier anger within him subsided when he saw a toddler burst into the warm abode with woolen mittens and thick socks for boots, reminding him so terribly of her. Blonde hair, upturnt nose, with the difference of chocolate brown eyes rather than storm-touched blues. He couldn't help but wonder if that's how she might grow up to look like. He tries to shake it out of his mind, but it's inevitable, li_ _ke a leech on a sore spot._

 _And the longer it stays, the longer he's satisfied about keeping it in his mind._

 _The frozen look in the older male's visage has suddenly melted, turning into an expression more of longing than anything else._

 _"You can't blame her for a life she didn't ask for." Yuuma's voice suddenly tugged him back to reality, and Len came back, refusing to meet each other in the eyes. "_ _I know that now... I'm not sure why I didn't before. I was stupid. We're_ still _stupid. But I'm her brother, and I can't close my eyes nor sleep each night when she isn't close with me."_

 _"Why?" He was glared at instantly, a silent warning not to ask anymore._

"Because we're family."

 _"You don't seem to think_ Mirai's _better off with_ her _family."_

 _"Is that what this is about?" Of course it was. It never was anything different. From the start of the day, until what he intends to be the end of it. "That wasn't our fault. Your own father admitted he wasn't in any position to raise another child, we're thinking in the benefit of everyone involved."_

 _There shouldn't be_ anyone _involved. They've got nothing to do with something that only belongs to him and Rin, him and Rin, him and Rin..._

 _The insides of his mouth is raw as he speaks, blood on his tongue from biting his lips, "I'm not a child. I'm capable of raising my own ー "_

 _He's cut off. "You're not an adult yet. Even by next year, you won't be."_

 _"..."_

 _"I want Rin to finish her studies. Mirai's heading off to a wealthy relative, they've been trying for a child, ages."_

 _"She's mine."_

 _Len's words go ignored._

 _They've already met her, the other boy says that they've taken a liking to her._

 _Lies. Always lies. A sweet spoonful of poison they expect him to gulp down without so much as a question; it's impossible to like a baby that isn't yours! An infant doesn't_ _have any redeemable qualities, they don't have a personality, and at this age, they have nothing but heritage ー where in that case, each and every finger will point back towards him._

 _But Yuuma continues speaking, as Len's own ears begin begging for reprieve._

 _He waits for somebody to scratch them out so he doesn't have to hear anymore, but the wishes are unfulfilled when enough time passes and there is nobody to save him. It comes, relentless: she can go to a good school, she'll never rely on stale food across the dinner table, she'll never have to wait at home, alone, wondering when her Mummy and Daddy are coming back ー_

 _"She's mine!" He bursts out, angry, signaling the final warning for the elder brother to lean back and let him breathe in his own space. "So for once... listen to me. Listen to me, instead of cutting me off every single second."_

 _Because Kagamine Len has had enough of never being able to stand where they are on the other side._

/

/

/

/

Another cry. At this point, he wonders whether she does anything else. It's an endless cycle where she rolls in the sheets, drinks milk, sleeps, nap, nap, take even more naps, then cries non-stop for another half hour.

He tried to shush her the first few times, tried to offer a fallen binkie he'd found inside one of Rin's purses, tried to pull any faces more than the usual grimace he has (at seeing children), tried to give her a bottle with milk that's warmed just right. However, that was a little more than a month ago, and all his efforts had gone for naught.

Why should he spend hours figuring out what she wants when five minutes with her mother does the trick?

He handles their food, he handles the fire, _he handles the horrible patchwork on the roof to keep snow from coming into their home._

He grabs reign of security, and Kagamine Rin should find no problem with juggling something as minimal as a baby's comfort.

He's a person, not a _pacifier_. He won't allow himself to be degraded into one.

Not to mention his former efforts never even bore fruit; she hasn't seen her smile _once_. At that age, he'd been bursting in toothless grins and bubbles of giggles; there's plenty photographic evidence to support that; red cheeks and sparkling eyes that coloured every light within the stars and the moon.

He'd always been a happy child. His daughter was seemingly _not_.

It's five minutes in when he notices Rin isn't jumping to her feet as if fire had been lit beneath her heels. Instead she remained in the same position on the piano stool from when she put the baby to bed that evening, head leant against the cover and soft sighs of sleep leaving her lips. Len nudged the young lady with his hand once or twice to shake her awake, but her dreams are nowhere near bothered with, even with the cries louder than a storm.

As if to rub salt in his wound, her head snuggled deeper against the wood, showing how comfortable she was to finally be aslsep.

That leaves him to either wait out this mess of ears, _or_ to chuck the baby into a different room where any piercing screams won't be audible over his book reading.

Of course, he won't actually commit to the latter ー Mirai's only hurting his head more than he'd like to admit, so he has to allow his mind to get a little creative.

He knows if Rin refuses to wake up, the only option really is to calm her himself, even if he hasn't the slightest idea how.

He's not good with babies. He's _never_ been good with babies.

Just before he can reach the bottle on the other end of the room, _the one Rin warned him not to use unless it's an emergency,_ the feel of a growing wet spot on his lap held him back. Len spun his head, wondering whether Rin had finally woken up, only to find their daughter blinking expectantly towards him. She must've crawled all the way from the futon until she reached where he sat...

Len denies the rush of warmth in his body, insisting the fire must've had too much wood or that winter was ending early, especially when it gets significantly hotter the instant he lifts her beneath the arms and against his chest..

She doesn't stop crying, not really, but those desperate wails gradually did soften and the former hitched breathing calmed.

The blond tosses a side glance over to Kagamine Rin, making sure she wasn't actually watching them all this time.

Sure, maybe he thinks he's not a _real_ pacifier.

But for this little girl, he could be.

/

/

/

/

 _He's bitter, he's cold, he hates everything in the world except for two, different heartbeats he's heard of. Neither is his own._

 _And both are somewhere, up in the mountains, just miles away from him._

 _His gloves are much bigger than his hands, but it's for warmth rather than fashion, so there isn't a need to complain._

 _"I'm... not any different." Len admits. "I haven't been treating her as well as she deserves to be treated..."_

 _The clouds are getting dark, but there is no reason to mind a bit of rain as long as it doesn't close the any paths needed to taken. A storm is nothing but light weight to bare on your shoulders, rather than an obstruction to every movement as if ic_ _e on your heels._

 _By this he d_ _oes not only mean the weather._

 _His jacket is no more weight on his body than it is as protection from the cold. The effects of the hot chocolate had worn off, and he found himself in need of another warm beverage the moment he left through the glass doors._

 _The other male followed, closing the café entrance behind them._

 _He wants to get back to the point. Too many hours have been wasted, and the day is nearly over. "I know you care about your sister... I wasn't suggesting that you don't."_

 _"No, I love her." Her elder brother interrupts, narrowing his eyes as if in disbelief. "I'm frustrated with her, but she's still my s_ _ister, and she's always been the only one I'll ever worry about," A word like 'care' wouldn't be enough to describe what was felt. "She's the only thing my mother left behind, she's the only thing my mother ever really wanted ー "_

 _Len doesn't doubt it, but the way this man is putting it just doesn't fit right with him in the way I should._

 _"You shouldn't let whatever somebody e_ _lse felt strongly for influence your own emotions. That's not love."_

 _That disbelief merged into something more of shock. Yuuma was speechless, mouth hanging open. "You ー Kagamine ー "_

 _Sometimes his tongue really is too much for his own good._

 _Accepting the cue to apologise, Len bent his head lower, showing that he was aware he'd spoken out of turn._

 _In the end he has a purpose for calling them out here, and that purpose definitely wasn't to get into needless arguments or prance around, gossiping about tragic family tales. He has never been fond of dwelling on the past when there are million possibilities to set up a future._

 _... their future right now wasn't looking too clear._

 _He needs to find a way to blow away the clouds._

 _"I need some time before I send her back to you."_

 _"... you're planning to-?!"_

 _Her older brother was unsure whether he'd heard correctly._

 _Len resisted the urge to twitch his eyes._

 _"I was_ always _planning to. That's why we're here." The blond did the buttons of his jacket up, securing the collars before crossing the road. He narrowly avoided a young child whizzing past with her bike. This is where they part ways. "As much as I can fantasise about it, I can't hide her away forever. You'd find her eventually."_

 _Not only that. He understands that she has to go back to school, that she has to go back to everything that she had before._

 _He can't expect her to throw away everything, he can't expect both of them to raise a child like that.. although_ _Mirai's situation is still an open discussion, and it won't close anytime soon._

 _He's not letting go of that subject so easily, he wants to make it known that he's saving it for another day. B_ _ut that day isn't today._

 _The young man has to figure out what's his next course of action, and that is to have a very, long conversation with Kagamine Rin._

 _Right now he has to get home._

 _A call of his name held him back before he could follow the road to the train station. "Wait!_ _Then what's the point of telling me all this? I don't understand you at all."_

 _Len let out a scoff. It's as if he hadn't already given the answer, clearer fhantday. H_ _e turned on his steps, facing the other boy whom had already begun a foot from impatience. "I. Need. Time."_

 _"Yes." Though even so, beneath the frown and show of irritation, Yuuma couldn't deny the burden of weight lifted off his chest leaving his head so light, he'd nearly forgotten how to breathe. This day seems to have turned better for at least one of them. "You would've had time even if you didn't tell me that she was with you. There's something you want out of this. What is it?"_

 _The blond looked up at the grey skies._

 _Then his gaze fell back down._

 _"I need you to make sure she isn't reported missing."_

/

/

/

/

He's the only one awake.

He frowns, the moonlight through the closed windows barely providing enough light. The fire was dying out. He doesn't have anything this late at night to feed the flames. They'd tightened the baby in extra blankets, sacrificing the one Rin had been using, which forced the young lady resort to wearing his jacket over her clothes to combat the cold.

But now Len's left without something to keep him warm. He's freezing, but he decides to purse his lips and bare with it.

Living through a boring, late winter night is nothing if he can find a distraction.

Right now, that distraction is to put his head on Kagamine Rin's chest, hearing her breath stiffen just the slightest at the pressure on her body, then listen to the rhythm of her heart after she's calmed down.

It's beating, and that's all he needs.

(It doesn't take long before he falls asleep beside her, hoping to follow with the same dreams.)


	48. may8

A baby is glaring him down, and he's doing everything he can to return the same amount of fierceness within his own gleam.

He hasn't heard her laugh once. As much as he wouldn't like to admit it, that little fact is driving him insane.

So he sets to work.

Rin is soaking up in the tub, he'd finished this week's assignments, there's food ready on the cylinder stove, the only thing left to do for the day is put Kagamine Mirai to sleep, which he never has to do because this little girl prefers being caressed into her dreams with her mother's arms rather than anybody else's.

Following the next few hours, for the lesser part, he's got to entertain his grumbling daughter who seemed less than happy to be in his presence.

She doesn't wail like she's being pierced through the chest whenever he picks her up anymore, but she's not exactly comfortable with it either.

He'd be lying if he said coming to terms with that didn't hurt even by the slightest bit.

His fingers push up the small bundle's cotton pyjamas above her stomach, exposing the soft, smooth, baby milk skin ー and he latched his lips above her belly button to blow the loudest sound of flatulence ever made, in goes she would do anything more than merely _squirm_.

This came after many former efforts.

He'd tried pulling her cheeks apart, tried _peek-a-boo_ no matter how much it embarrassed him, tried to tickle between her toes, then her heels, then her legs... but there isn't even an enthusiastic babble in response. The most expressive thing he ever sees that excludes screaming out her lungs is when the small light in those eyes begins to flicker the instant her mother makes an entrance into the room.

Except Rin's not here right now, so this baby has no choice but to be satisfied with _him_.

He blew and blew, nearly out of breath. When he resurfaces, he only meets Mirai's bright, blue eyes, blinking irritatingly at him.

She shoves one of her hands into her mouth, drenching the mitten in saliva and unswallowed milk, while he can do nothing but frown.

Len wonders if it really is hard to make just one, little smile, even if it doesn't stretch the corners of those lips to her ears.

He doesn't know how many more attempts he can bare to make before giving up completely.

/

/

/

/

He hates grocery duty.

He's the only one who ever does grocery duty.

He's well aware that Rin can't help. Not when she has to look after other issues at home but that doesn't change the fact that carrying two packs of diapers in one bag and three others (with various supplies) over his shoulder is less than ideal, especially when he has to carry it through a train ride alone.

It's already his fifth trip here, and as far as he knows, it doesn't get any better.

There are too many new year deals for him to count, mandarins and apples sold for cheap, sparklers at the other end of the building.

He was in the middle of loading some vegetable biscuits in his basket when the sight of baby clothes in the next aisle caught his eye. Soon enough, it took his legs, too.

He fingered a pretty blue number, felt how soft the cotton ran beneath his fingertips, the elegant puff of frills for a skirt, and in a momentary flash of impulss, nearly shoved it into the basket along with the hanger. It was _just_ her size, the age written on the tag proved it. The exact same shade as the perfect dark blues of her eyes.

The jingle of coins from his pocket held him back.

A small glimmer of hope made him dig out his wallet and check if there was enough ー which there was, but then, he wouldn't be able to afford the train ticket back to where _she_ would definitely be waiting. The young man forced the outfit back onto the rack, forcing himself to look away

That's right.

He mustn't get carried away. He's only here for the bare necessities. That's it, _the bare necessities_ , followed by a immediate trip home..

/

/

/

/

"I haven't slept in thirty hours."

"Go to sleep, then."

As if he could do that.

It's basically the same as telling a penniless person to get up and buy a house.

He's back from his grocery trip.

Not only does he have to make sure they have breakfast, but he has to also prepare more firewood along with many other things to do. Len scoffed audibly, garnering a responsive hiss, but the girl's attention couldn't be diverted for too long when there's a baby in the kitchen sink needing attention who had somehow gotten grasp of soap, planning to chew the dispenser between her gums.

Out of impulse, Rin snatched it out of the way and flung it across the room.

They didn't even have time to debate with each other anymore. The older blond out a groan when it clattered to the floor. The liquid contents spilt, and he already knew without any words exchanged that he's the one who has to clean it up.

This girl really never does think about the consequences of her actions.

Or maybe she doesn't when she knows it won't bother her as an individual, and not whether somebody else, _namely him_ , has any energy to do work at all.. much less clean up any messes when she's one who created them. He set to work with wiping napkins across the floorboards soon enough.

The young man didn't say anything out loud, but she can tell from the irritated grunts beneath his breath that he's less than delighted.

"Just leave it, I'll clean it up later." Rin sighed. Her companion's response was to make a noise of disbelief, which effectively caused her to whirl around with the angry stomp of a foot. "Listen, as hard as it is for someone like you to believe, it's actually _possible_ not to be stuck up in the arse about every little thing!'

As if he has to do even half of the things she's stuck in.

Nurse their daughter, take care of sleeping duties, change diapers, warm up emergency bottles, ease every little thing from the smallest cry to the ones that make her deaf to the ears ー even in this instance, _giving the baby a bath ー_ yet he somehow still has the audacity to _sigh_ like he's got it worse than anybody else in the universe.

To make matters worse, the small action of raising her voice any louder than a whisper made the baby behind her begin to wail.

And she knows what's going to happen. He'll shrug, leave the room so she can deal with it, and only come back once the house is semi-peaceful again to avoid having to deal with a crying twenty-pound baby in his arms.

Well, not anymore. She's passing the baton, whether he likes it or not. "You handle the bath today."

Len finished throwing away the napkins, quirking a single brow at her demand.

The younger blonde began to lick her lips.

She can see how his iris is already twitching. She's jumping forwards to predict what excuses he's going to pile onto her. Oh, no, he has schoolwork to catch up on, or oh nooo, she already started washing the baby so it'd be better if they didn't switch or else Mirai would be too _confused!_

"Sure."

"What?"

"Sure." He repeated, making his way to the sink (seeing as the size is more compatible than their significantly larger tub when it comes to washing a small body) at the same time as rolling the cuffs of his shirt up to his elbows. "Might as well."

It's not like he can get any wood at the moment when the sun isn't high enough in the sky.

She stepped aside by instinct, and he took her place without protest.

Alright, so maybe most ー if not all ー of his supposed neglect beneath this roof has been spun from the extract of her own imagination.

She's frustrated, she's tired, she's driven more to the brink than any teenage girl should ever be, and following any other nuisances, she's desperate for an outlet.

So when he's just standing there, lathering baby lotion between his palms and patting it against her daughter's cheeks without any care in the universe, you can't blame her for burning in anger.

The young lady trying to pick fights with him yet he's not responding with anything she could nit-pick on.

Since when has Kagamine Len been this complaisant... _him_ , of all people.

It's tearing her apart, she wants to rip out her hair, bit by bit, because at least then he'd finally _look_ at her. His arms dip into nto the warm water, securing the clog to the drain, then went to work with massaging shampoo through whatever exists of their daughter's fine hair.

Seeing as there's no reason for her to stick around when he's got matters under control, Rin doesn't react with anything more than a huff before walking off the way she came.

/

/

/

/

It's the most pleasant afternoon they've had all winter, warm enough that there hardly was a need for their fireplace, but chilly enough that she's uncomfortable without being cuddled.

The young lady knew that this would only last until night-time came. Soon her only refuge would be the thin, ratty blanket that she still refuses to share with him, along with nursing her baby until they both fall asleep.

But right now, that wasn't anything she had to worry about. Her socks cover her up to her knees, the crimson jumper draping down to her thighs in desperate need of a wash. Rin lifted her shirt above her stomach to stare at the stretch lines, throwing subtle looks over her shoulder as if expecting the older blond to make a comment.

He didn't even glance in her general direction.

Len's more invested evening out the orange footsie that's already much too small for the baby to fit in.

There should be some of his own old clothes saved up at home.. maybe if he could slip to his father's bed and grab one of those luggages beneath it, he'd be able to find something that's just minimally comfortable, warm, and won't tear apart after a few more washes. It doesn't look like what the baby's wearing now will last long, anyhow.

His memory flashes back to that perfect blue little dress.

He shakes it out of his head, not wanting to remember those white satin sashes and ribbons on the sides. There are things you have to give up sometimes. Maturity means to accept that.

 _Rin's priorities, on the other hand, are more balanced on something different_. His ignorance towards her is making her more upset than she'd like to admit.

"Could you fetch me a diaper?" His request stirred her out of her thoughts. "Rin. Diaper."

She drug her bag from the corner and flung it to the other side of the room where he was drying up beneath their daughter's legs, signalling for him to dig for the item himself.

If he's not going to look after _her,_ she's not going to look after _him_.

The blond let out a curse when the bag slammed against the side of his head full-force. He knew her aiming, and he knew that strike was coated with every last bit of intention. He cradled his skull with one arm, the other arm occupied with wrestling a lotion bottle from their daughter's grasp.

"Wow. Thank you for handing it over so _politely_ , I'm not sure how I could do anything without you!'

Sarcasm is tossed out the open window when she glowers darkly, effectively shutting the older blond up. An entire body structure built up yo spell defense, so he makes sure to place distance between them before she can find something to hold out on. Through luck, he doesn't have time to look at her either.

Not when the small body beneath him was an easy magnet for attention.

Len noticed Mirai release something that sounded eerily similar to a coo when he tickled the soft pads of her palms through her sleeves.

When he looks down to confirm it, he only sees his daughter's face pulled into a scowl.

He's not sure if it's intentional or not, but he hopes to god that it isn't, that her cherub face is merely plastered like that by instinct. It's difficult enough to bare resentment from one person under this roof, he can't bare to think of another.

He pulls the bag into his lap, pulling out what he was looking for, then adding a few puffs of baby powder around the infant's body before he could set to work on clothing her.

"Does she ever laugh?"

She releases a huff, replying with words that she'd hope would get a reaction out of him. "I don't want to hold a conversation with you."

It failed miserably. He wasn't affected at all, rolling his shoulders into an agreeing shrug. "Okay. You do you."

Rin's face flared red in a matter of seconds. _Stupid_. She doesn't know why she even tries with him anymore.

/

/

/

/

Over thirty hours...

She's still insistent in letting the baby take up the entire futon, even when Mirai's interested in crawling to one side of the room beneath the piano stool for hours at a time. Rin finds the resemblance of her daughter to their family cat rather interesting, but she keeps the opinion to herself when she remembers she's not supposed to be speaking to him.

It won't be too difficult. She has plenty other things to focus on, especially when her daughter is asleep, like doing some of the math exercises in his book, maybe find new ways to possibly irritate him ー

He's going to sleep too, apparently.

His head fell against the wood, arms curling against his chest and beginning to lid his eyes away from the world when the sun hasn't even yet set.

She crawled over stealthily once she's sure his breathing is evened. Her hands move the bangs off his forehead, hovering closely, just to inspect every speck of freckles on his sleeping cheeks.

When she looks back towards his supposedly shut eyes, she realised they're wide open, staring back at her.

It's only when she tries to jump away from shock does she realise he's holding onto her wrists. Within a second, he flips their positions without the slightest show of effort.

Heart pounding through her ears, threatening to burst from her chest, she finds herself cornered against the floor, strong ams bracing her head and every visible escape blocked by all of his limbs.

Rin felt a protest threaten to roll off the tip of her tongue.

Her eyes glared menacingly, about to demand reason; about to question who he thought he was to treat her in such a way. But when one of the young man's hands move so he could trace a tender thumb along her bottom lip, any sense within her control sent off into the unseen dis ance, swallowing back every possible word that could've ever been spoken.

She blinks back wet tears, summoning strength to open up her gaze.

She's surprised to find him looking back, almost with what she could've seen as tenderly.

He brushes her hair away from her face to leave a single kiss across her temple.

She finds herself frozen even moments after he loosens his grip. "You're always afraid of me. I don't know why, and unless you tell me, we'll be staying this way for a very long time."

"I'm... not." She's stuttering. _Hell_ , why is she stuttering.. "I'm _not_ afraid of... you."

That's a lie. "You wouldn't be trembling if you weren't..."

"... you broke me."

"How?"

As if he doesn't know the answer himself.

He's torturing her by making her speak, shoving ice blades down her throat, giving only burning water to melt them, then claiming it is an act of mercy.

"You left me. You never came back for me, you never thought to take me with you." Each word she says gets softer and softer, until they're nothing but whispers underneath the warm light. ". .. you're willing to let other people take our daughter away."

He moves his hands from her wrists until down to her waist. The young mantcan feel the lace of feminine hands circling the back of his neck.

He's pressed his forehead against her own. Their noses are touching, and his senses are hyper at the feel of her skin against his own. After what's felt like so long, her lips are so, so close to his own and the temptation is like a drug, pumping through his veins and daring him to take the final push.

He can't, he can't, he can't...

She's driving him insane. Every last touch, every single breath, each little whisper.

He shakes his head, and his hair falls against her skin. "I've never been willing to give her away..."

Rin laughs, but it's weak-willed, coated every last inch in disbelief. "Liar. You never really wanted us. I'm an unnecessary issue... that you never really _wanted_."

Both of them shot a careful look at the side of their bodies, making sure the infant lay undisturbed. The soft breathing from before is following that very same rhythm it has, minutes past. Twin sighs of relief released, and their attention freely settles back onto each other.

"What makes you think that I don't want you?"

"I already _told you_..."

"Don't fuck with me," His tone makes a sudden switch for hostility, and when Rin recoils because of it, he apologises with another peck to her skin. He quickly attempts to soften his voice. "You think I didn't look for you..?"

She's defensive, her fingernails digging into his neck moving to push against his chest.

Alright, so maybe he should've worded his sentences more _nicely._

Rin scowled when her partner refused to budge. He was heavier than her, larger, his figure entirely different than where they once stood together two years ago. Her body dug deeper into the floorboards the quicker she lost her breath, becoming one with the wood.

" _Did_ you look for me?"

She's careful now, as if doubting her own assumptions. It sweeps him in calmer bliss.

"What do you _think_."

"Stop that."

"Hm?"

Rin locked eyes with him. "That. Sarcasm. Always giving me responses without an answer, it's.. degrading. I hate it. I hate when you do it."

Granted, she would, but that's exactly why he does it in the first please . Len couldn't stop an amused sigh from showing on his face, softly nuzzling his nose against her cheek. Then again at this point she hates when he does _anything_.

A recommendation for her to re-evaluate her standards every now and then tickled at the tip of his tongue. He swallows it down like ginger tea with a bite of cinnamon bread, knowing that a slip of his tongue now would only bring more harm than it would with ease.

Rin's getting impatient, tugging at his sleeves. "Just tell me please. I'm tired of playing around."

"For you, I'd look until the end of the world."

"...?"

He doesn't hesitate to put his lips on hers this time.

It only lasts for half a second, but it's a touch plenty. She blinks headily when he moves away, unsure whether to pull the older blond back down or to summon every last bit of strength left inside her to push his heavier weight away.

In the end she finds herself frozen, rooted in the same spot, and she doesn't want to do anything else to change it.

Len is nearly smirking when he finally lifts himself away.

"It means _yes,_ stupid."


	49. jun16

His voice croaked as she watched him sit up. A bundle of blankets bounced repeatedly against her chest. No matter how much he begged to every god he thought of in existence, just for a few more seconds to be left in peace, the heavens just wouldn't budge.

It's the eighth time she's forced him awake within a single night.

Len looked around.

The spot on the futon where a baby usually occupied is empty as if it had never touched, save for a small sock on the blankets that must've been kicked off in her sleep.

When Rin noticed the state of his consciousness, or lack thereof, the young lady clapped a hand onto his cheek to prevent a coming slumber. A curse came beneath her breath, warning him to listen to her if he ever wants to sleep again. So with dread pulling at his ankles, he questions her on the matter.

Her answer comes out in a flurry of words.

"I don't have enough milk. She's hungry. You know if she starts screaming, she won't stop for ages.. my feet is cold and I think I'm getting my monthly and ー "

Mirai sounded a fuss to interrupt, only to be hurriedly silenced by her mother's shushing. Len blinked again, once, twice, then shook his head again to keep a dream from taking over his mind. "There's still some..." He can barely remember the word. "... _porridge_ in the.."

"-No, there isn't," The younger blonde cut in, lips lowered. She's already getting impatient with him. "We finished that yesterday."

"Mint biscuits?"

"She can't have those."

Not for the _baby_.

Obviously he's not stupid enough to need reminding, even with his head like this, but the better part of him keeps any retorts to the back of his throat. He stretched over for the bag beneath the piano stool, digging in search of the snack, only to go numb when he couldn't find anything save for an empty package they'd forgotten to throw away.

Right.. they'd finished _that_ just the other night too.

Apprehension hit him in the back of the head, as if it were a chunk of ice, but when he turns around, he finds nothing to be there. The younger blonde folded her feet into her lap, "My throat is about to die. _And_ my stomach. If I move she'll just start ー "

The hearth in the corner crackled the last of it's energy, and he couldn't help but feel his own life falter when he saw the fire running on it's final life. "ー screaming again. I know. You want water?"

"Yes, please..." His eyes softened, and he reached over to kiss her temple. "Mm..."

It took every effort to push his entire weight by the palms to stand on his own two feet.

He went to check for anything in the kitchen to soothe her complaints, only to discover half a mug left of water from the kettle. He quickly poured every last drop into a mug before returning across the hall to offer the drink.

The young lady took it into her own hands all too gratefully.

She took a small sip to make sure it was cool enough to not burn her mouth, following with a larger gulp.

He suddenly couldn't stop thinking about how parched he felt himself. Rin must've noticed, because she stretched over to offer him the remaining quarter of the drink.

"I'm good," The lie rolled off his tongue, as easily as the spread of butter across a knife.. "There's more in the kitchen. I could just get it myself."

Len bit his tongue to rid the last of his doziness before pointing a thumb over his shoulder, signaling he was going to get ready in the bathroom and fetch groceries to last for the night. She couldn't look as Mirai's renewed sobs began into another shrilling cry.

He's weighted with guilt at the idea of leaving them alone, but right now, a choice just wasn't in the question.

/

/

/

/

He doesn't like travelling alone.

He's _never_ liked being alone.

But midnight, taking the last train back home because he had to take a journey far out into another district since there's hardly any stores going to be open this late other than those either within or nearby the capital city, he finds he has no choice but to hop on, hold onto the handlebars tight, even although there isn't a single seat within his proximity that's occupied.

An empty cart like this reminds him of one he took with his mother a few nights before she passed away.

A sour taste is left in his mouth when he realises he's allowing himself to think about _her_. That woman. _Her_.

Before he knows it, there are goosebumps riding up his arms. He stares at himself in the reflection of the glass window. It's cold, and he doesn't smile.

But he can't help but wonder what it would look like if he did. Without even trying it out, he begs every god that his smile shares a resemblance with someone, _anyone,_ else. As long as it isn't _her_.

They're asleep when he finally returns home, the walls peaceful as if it had never heard the sound of a cry.

He dives his thoughts into something else, like cherry blossoms and the lush of leaves in spring.

He reaches over a hand to shake the young lady awake, say he's brought back a meal for her to eat, but when he sees her so settled into the wooden floor with one palm resting on the sleeping child's chest to feel a steady rise and fall, he finds he doesn't have the heart to break the serenity.

The blond does nothing more than to caress his fingers gently through her hair, then lift her head onto his lap where she'll be comfortable until dawn.

He whispers sweet nothings into the air, but they never reach the ears of any but his own.

/

/

/

/

The rain is gentle, as if the calm before the storm won't ever come. Not if the storm itself is like the caress of a a woman's hand to her lover's cheek.

A sharp voice breaks his thoughts, and he's forced to burst out of his shell and step into reality. The air is suddenly much more than thicker than he remembers, but he acts as if it doesn't bother him the slightest bit.

It's been three days since he'd come back to attend classes, though that wasn't his primary intention at all. He just didn't want rumours to pass around if he was seen walking in town during school hours without a guardian, even if his father doesn't question him as much as he'd been expected to.

Still, that's another problem in itself.

He can't go on ages lying about how he was spending every day at Fukase's house when people barely see him with that boy outside of school.

Then again, that's only because he himself isn't seen _anywhere_ anymore.

The cloudy skies slip through the gaps in the curtains, and he can hear the clap of a storm somewhere in the distance. The movie loaded up on the laptop began to buffer, and while both of his friends huddled closer on the rug towards the small table, he was edging himself to the corner of his bed where he could focus on finishing his schoolwork.

 _I'll be back by Sunday,_ he said.

Sunday, Sunday, _Sunday..._

It's _already_ Sunday. His friends are insisting to spend the weekend at his house, and he's fretting over unfinished schoolwork and visions of a mountain and blooming trees and soil in desperate need of flowers...or rather, the people he'd left there all alone.

By now, a perfect half of his life is built entirely on lies.

The blond sank deeper into his bed, throwing his book face-down and covering his head with a pillow where he could let out some unheard screams.

Breaking the rain money jar is the only option if he wants things to go smoothly this week. They're running out if supplies, fast, and he's not getting any more allowance until the end of the month. He'd rather cut into an open wound on his chest rather than take Rin's money again.

He's got pride, maybe more than anything else, and responsibility is the only thing shouldering that from harm.

/

/

/

/

He can hear the familiar noise of the small water pond, the fountain dripping, right as the focus of his ears are redirected to a loud swing of the front door. He finds an older blond looking back at him, cloudy blue eyes though only two years his senior in age, the formerly rose tint of his hair gone unseen after a recent trim.

He's about to comment on it, only to realise that would be unnecessary and stall him from what he came here to do.

But he's distracted again, just as usual, when he sees an abnormally large white cat perching on Yuuma's arm.

 _Oh_. Len instinctively narrows his eyes. _He knows who this cat is._

"Could you not glare at Mister Poochkins?"

"Mister ー Mister _what?_ "

"Mister Poochkins doesn't like too much attention, alright?"

 _What an awful name._ He's lucky that he hadn't said that out loud, or else he doubts Yuuma would be stepping aside to allow him entry, much less let him stay on the very same premise without begging on his hands and knees.

Len couldn't help but step through the frame with a bit of a shiver. A quick skim over the shoe rack proves that there's nobody else in the building except for the two of them, just as promised, so a large chunk of his hesitation took a leap out the window and flew into the wind.

The remaining wariness still stands, however, cautious as ever.

One hand runs across the cream walls for support as he kicks off his school shoes, and his eyes trail along the photo frames, finding school certificates one after another but not a single trace of a family photo even above the television set.

A sudden gust of cold wind floats in through the open windows, while the home heater doesn't seem to be working at all. At this point he'd be more comfortable with jumping into a bonfire than trying to stay indoors. Len tightened the blazer around his body. His mind drifted to last weekend, where his method of keeping warm, second to sitting by the fireplace, was to steam his face over an infant's rice porridge. He'd lift a scoop, let the scent of rice waft over his skin, then wait for an impatient wail before sacrificing the plastic spoon to her mouth.

Many of those attempts ended up with the rice being splattered back into his face.

They head up the stairs soon enough, the feline jumping to the ground and leading the way. It's the first time he enters the bedroom across from Rin's, and it's found to be nearly spotless, with only one stray article of a scarf hanging over the bed

The younger boy had his eyes land on a frame lying on the wooden workable, or rather the photo encased in it; a little girl donning rosy cheeks with a grin that stretched to her eyes, tufts of blonde curls falling around her face.

That star-kissed gaze reflected through the camera was uncomfortably familiar, like he'd seen it somewhere before. He stretched out to grab it, just to take a closer look, but Yuuma was faster to turn it flat, face-down.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Kagamine. I'm not here to bring you on a little field trip... only to bring you what you asked for last time."

Yuuma got back to his knees to dig beneath the bed, so Len reached towards the frame again when he thought he wouldn't be caught. The blond's hand was quickly whacked out of the way until the photograph was stretched out of arm's reach, ending him with nothing but a spoiled opportunity and the weight of regret.

It's not like he was planning to do anything _wrong_. Just have a little look. His frown came with an opinion, as if he doesn't know any better, and he continues not to. "That looks like Mirai."

 _"It's not."_

"Well, _obviously_ , Mirai's a _baby_."

The picture is aged by ten years at the very least, coated with dust, visibly older than an infant.

Len peered curiously to where the frame was being held away. Once realising that a demand wouldn't get him anywhere, he softened his gaze into something pleading, much like that _lost puppy_ look a particular young lady often uses on him to get things done her way that hapens without fail, every, single, time.

It seems this was a success for himself as well.

Yuuma gritted his teeth as if to fight with the feelings of guilt, hesitating, then finally set it on the table with a show of defeat.

The younger blond couldn't help but sigh when he got to grasp that frame in his own hands, admiring the picture as the other male went back to dig beneath the mattress.

He could see white pearls decorating the girl in the picture. Her hair shaped with a headband, telltale thin upper lips accompanied by a plump bottom stretched to both corners with deep dimples. The sight of her nose blossoms red, and he couldn't help but point out every striking resemblance from the clouds of her eyes to the chubb of her cheeks.

His mind drifts to whether his daughter will look exactly the same once she's older... as if she wasn't already a perfect duplicate as she is now.

Might as well go back and see the real thing. It barely looks like that young lady has aged a day, anyway.. not with the permanent baby fat in that face. His head whirred when he was shaken at the shoulders, called out by his name. "...?"

"I'll let you take a picture." Yuuma scowled. "With your camera. That's it. I'm not letting you have the only copy, so you've better act quick before I take back my word."

Len didn't have to think twice about digging into his pocket for his phone. He was busy checking the quality when a large bag of plastic was heavily shoved into his arms with no warning whatsoever, nearly choking him to the brim. His phone dropped in the process but that could be worried about afterwards.

He didn't even have the opportunity to ask any questions through the weight and dust collected from being under the bed.

A quick search of the contents confirmed that the bag was entirely full of small dresses, some with cotton and silk and frills at the perfect size and some even larger. Pictures of that pretty blue dress flashed through his mind. It wouldn't be the same, but...

"This is what you asked for, isn't it?"

"Oh. Yeah," Len agreed, breathless, "Yeah, I did. Thanks so much."

He'd nearly forgotten. Or rather, he hadn't thought the request would actually be fulfilled, especially when it was an afterthought worded on the tip of his tongue rather than anything else. The young man dropped to his knees, trying to shove the clothes into his slingbag between a file of books. The aftermath became a large bulge of leather that looked as if a single prod would make it explode.

"They're Rin's old ones, there aren't many. I found them by digging through the storage, along with a bunch of other things ー they haven't been touched for years so remember to put everything in the wash before you even think about using them."

A sudden thought holds him back.

Len chewed his tongue. " _Won't she.._ won't she recognise them?"

"These are from when she was a _child_. She won't recognise anything... there aren't many pictures of her to recall them by, anyways." Yuuma waved any hesitation away. "If she wonders where you got these from.. just say it's from one of your friends."

"Alright."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm only helping you out because I want my sister back."

It doesn't bother him at all, even if that was the truth. Not that he doubts it.

But he didn't have to be told twice.

/

/

/

/

/

The first thing that greets him as he steps through the open door is a blur of white.

He's taken aback at first, going numb from his shoulders to his toes at the thought that those ghosts Rin insists existed had actually been the truth instead of childish taunting. Darimg himself to look down, however, he finds that very same young lady with her head nestling beneath his chin, cheek red as the sun. He almost dropped the plastic in his hands.

The walls are orange, and it's warm, kissed by the last rays of daylight.

Her arms are wound tightly around his back, pulling their bodies together so suffocatingly he wasn't sure how much more could be handled until they became mashed into one.

"You're late!" Her voice muffled into his shirt. " _Mmmpff_.. you said Sunday!"

He forced distance between them by pushing back her shoulders, so she resorted to forcing her palms into fists and hitting them against his chest. "That's an- _ow,_ a pretty dress, I've never seen you in white before."

She looked up with those lovely star-struck eyes, about to melt at the compliment ー _she always did act so strongly over the simplest things ー_ only before realising she was allowing his words to get the better of her emotions. She locked up the previous pleasantries and forced her face to turn glum.

He knocked off his shoes before stepping onto the platform, the beat in his heart from running all the way home relaxing the instant he saw that same small lump asleep on the futon, thick lashes settled nicely against cherub cheeks. His fingers itch to come over and run across them, but his limbs are weak from his journey.

"Sunday!" Rin tugged his arm, forcing the spotlight of attention onto herself. " _Sunday!_ Do you know what day today is?"

Friday.

Len decided to bluff. "Thursday?"

"That's right, Thursday!"

Well, _alright then_. Fifth day of the week it is.

He can't help but wonder whether, despite those perfect grades in arithmetic, she barely knows how to count when it comes to something outside of an exam. For the sake of morbidity, however, he decides not to correct the young lady and leave the date unsure instead of hanging a calendar on the wall.. it's more entertaining for him this way.

He wasn't too worried anyway, he'd left enough food in the storage to not feel so antsy when he was away, and he's confident there's still a few rations left to last at least another week

The only reason he's come back so late, just before the sunset, was because had to get some.. supplies he thought they'd need tomorrow night.

Len brought a finger up to his lips, signaling her to quiet down to prevent disturbing the baby.

"I don't care how loud I am," The blonde responds, but lowers her voice anyway, The hall is so quiet you could hear a pin drop from across the room. She continues with a whisper, " _Otherwise_ you won't listen to me when I speak. You never even apologise, I'm not sure why I bother with you."

He'd be lying if he wasn't the least bit affected by her words. "Fine... I'm _sorry_."

He means it, but she claims to have every single sense of the world,, even from the sixth to the seventh, and she deducts that the apology isn't genuine at all. And she's already decreed that in this house, her word is the only law.

She frowns at him, shakes her head as if she were disappointed, and the young man can't help but find that to be more impacting than if she were to say anything at all.

Len tugged his lip between his teeth, figuring what to do to melt her into him, and his first move was to tilt her chin up between two of his fingers to break away a solid stare towards their feet and force her to meet him in the eyes.

"You almost missed her _birthday_..." Her gaze is the usual storm in the sky, pale and bright and glimmering all at once. "Do you even know when...?"

"I know," He interrupted, caressing a soft cheek with his thumb. "... I know."

He wouldn't forget. He'd forget anything, but not that.

His chin is suddenly tugged downwards, and he's sure he would've been much more intimidated by the action had it come from someone a head taller than him rather than a girl that weighs seventy pounds. She tries to seem larger than him, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes, but he can't help but resemble her likeliness to a small rabbit.

But he knows if he laughs, she'll be angry even more, and he's already reached the limit of finding ways to dissipate this young woman's anger.

"Apologise again."

"What?"

" _Apologise_ , Kagamine Len."

At this point he's not sure why he questions any of her orders anymore.

If her words are law, his lips are sin.

It burns his tongue to speak, but he does, because as soon as he utters the word in obedience, he can see a smile threatening to brim on her cheeks. "Sorry."

"Louder." She commands, visibly pleased. The corners of her mouth is already curled upwards, he can see her struggling to hold it back.

"Sorry," He repeats, but it's not any louder at all. He'd rather not risk ruining their daughter's slumber, no matter how happy he could get Kagamine Rin to be. "I'm very _, very_ sorry. Forgive me."

It was luck that she decided to stop. "Cosider yourself _forgiven_. But don't make the same mistake twice."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Rin steps away, satisfied. She doesn't look back as she leaves the hallway, bounding towards the kitchen with a skip in her step. He can hear the echoes of her humming all throughout the house, but the elder blond decides not to react with anything more than a relenting sigh.

* * *

not sure if anyone's around anymore, sorry for the hiatus! these few months have been harsh and chaotic, i'm struggling to pick up the pace.


	50. aug1

It's been a while since they've been alone. Often there'd be a baby in her hold at all times, or on occasion where she has to wash up in the bath, he had to take care of Mirai until the young lady's return because of her adamance not to leave an infant unattended, especially when there are too many reasons to be cautious.

Then they would be three again, or _one_ , but never two. Not _them,_ at least.

So when he was in the kitchen working with replacing the gas on the stove at the break of dawn, it came as a surprise when her arrival beneath the doorframe came without an extra companion.

Len looked elsewhere at first. He clicked the fire on to make sure the installation was without mistakes, then pushed it away just in case she was to step any closer.

But she didn't. She maintained that distance, then let out a cough as if to request his attention. When she spoke, he had to strain his ears, leaning over the creaky counter island just to hear her voice. Her eyes went towards the wall, tattered with age and pencil engravings over the surface. No comment was made, nor any odd gestures, save for the trail of her shaky fingers following the lines.

Disbelief showered over him, written like clouds over the sky of a bright summer day.

"You left Mirai alone?" There's nothing hidden on her, and she looks more nervous than she's ever been in the three years he's known her.

Her hair is still a mess, making it evident that she'd gotten out of bed and went directly towards him without bothering to clean up. That long bite of the lip, the _tap tap tap o_ f her finger against her thigh when she can't think of what else to do but wait for him to snap her back to reality.

The mountains are so quiet he could hear a pin drop in the grass, and he can even hear the soft crackles of flame from the living room.

 _But not hearing anything was exactly the reason to worry about._

He rushed past, beyond the room and towards the empty hall, ready to fill that void they were missing, only to be stopped in his tracks when Kagamine Rin strongly grasped on his arm to hold both of them back. He looked to her for an explanation, her lips were moving, but again, he couldn't hear a word uttered even when warm breath hits his face.

"What...?"

Another bite of the lip, followed by the cautious raising of her voice, this time audible enough for him to understand. "I... wanted to check on how you were doing. You weren't there when I woke up."

"Go back to bed," He doesn't think she should be standing here, talking to him, when there's an evident lack of sleep draining her eyes. "I'll be there in a second. Or at least blow out the fire before you leave a baby in a room alone."

Rin stood on her tiptoes, clenching tightly onto the collar of his shirt as if her life depended on it.

When she tugged him lower, every instinct beneath his skin roared at him to shut his eyes. So he did. He gave everything up, as if it were a fall taken many times before.

His body felt no different from paper dissolving in water. His mouth trembled the closer he felt himself towards her.

A smack of pressure was against his cheek and Len thought it was her lips. Only to find out when he blinked open, Rin was already standing a feet away with two guilty fingers staining red from the hit. The corners of her eyes wrinkled, and he couldn't tell whether it was a smile or a frown being held back from her cheeks.

Her feet back-pedalled, and she was gone from sight before he could think of moving himself at all.

/

/

/

/

By afternoon, she became wide awake, sipping carelessly on a malt drink he'd made for her. Her toes dangle off the grass as his own feet pressed into raw earth.

The dirt is warm, she can feel it beneath her even with the grass on the ground.

The eldest of the two walked from each corner of the garden, taking dresses off the clothesline, some small, some _considerably_ smaller. Once finished, the laundry is dropped onto Rin's lap from her spot on the porch where she quickly busies herself with removing any pegs from the sleeves, then folding the clothes without complaint.

Another presence suddenly enters their bubble, apparently just woken from sleep.

Their little girl stands on two, wobbly knees, hands clinging onto her mother's arm to keep balance.

Wide, identical blues scan through the grass, but Rin ruins that line of vision by taking the child into her lap for a _good morning_ smooch then promptly rubbing off any crusts from her eyes.

When Len stretches over to do the same thing, his only reward was to send the loudest possible cry on earth into ringing through the forests, enough to scare every single one of the mountain foxees into running down the hills.

He can't help but wonder whether children are capable of seeing through a person's soul, but then that would force him to accept that he's not as good of a person as he hopes to be, so he opts for the belief that she's the wrath sent from the gods to punish him for having a life full of peace. "... she hates me."

Rin's reassurance is plain, without energy, as if she doesn't actually intend to comfort him at all. "She doesn't hate you."

That only serves to turn him even more bitter.

He gulps down on his raw throat, and when Rin notices, she offers him a sip of her drink which he doesn't refuse. The hot liquid fills his mouth, creamy and soft over his tongue, but before he can have any more, the mug is held back to the young lady's mouth where she finishes the remaining malt with one last gulp.

He nearly begins to complain, but a yank on his ear brings him back to the ground with reality, and _reality_ takes form of a wailing child filled with displeasure.

".. my own daughter hates _me_."

 _To think if he'd ever disrespected his own parents by pulling them on the ears like this child keeps doing, he wouldn't even be alive today_...

Kagamine Rin doesn't even _try_ to sound convincing when she says he isn't despised. She's focused with folding the last of their laundry, putting away a separate pile for the clothes to dress her daughter in after today's bath.

The well-deserved rest she'd been hoping all say for was within close reach.

A deep breath was released when she she finally completed all the chores, only to have the happiness spoilt in an instant when she went to see how her partner was keeping up. "Oh gosh, Len, you're holding her as if she's a python looping on your shoulders yet _still_ wonder why she's sobbing like that."

"No," He checked, then double-checked, lifting his chin as if believing his pride had been questioned. "I'm not. She's being cradled. _Safely_."

In his defense, Mirai wasn't so much crying as she was sobbing soundlessly into his shirt, the fabric quickly becoming damp with snot and tears. His face is suddenly turning white from the cold, but he doesn't know what else to do rather than to hold it in and wrap his daughter tighter in his arms.

"You look like a ghost."

"Have you seen yourself in a mirror?"

She paid his retort no mind. Rin instinctively felt his forehead for a fever, and once noticing the way subconsciously leant into her palm, she yanked that hand away before settling it into her lap as if she hadn't ever touched his skin in her entire life, and never would.

The odd moment shared is taken in one hand and thrusted behind them, unseen.

Len tried not to think too much of it.

"Give her to me," She brings up moving golds at the first opportunity, albeit as another low mumble of words that he has to push every one of his senses to comprehend. "It's her milk time, and her diaper's going to be checked before a bath anyway."

He's still caught in the slightest daze, but manages to scissor through the fog as if its nothing but air.

"Yeah," The blond agrees weakly, releasing the grip he has when she comes closer to take their daughter away, "Of course."

Her tone immediately switches along with the person she's speaking to, voice suddenly sounding like sweet melted candy and puckering her lips to kiss a little girl's nose, "Is baby going to bath with Mummy now? _Hm?_ Bath with Mummy?"

Len leant against the floor as he listened to Mirai blabber something in response, and had Rin mimic the exact same sound in the form of a coo.

He pretends to clasp his ears from annoyance when she's looking at him, but when she looks away, he doesn't allow himself to miss a single sight.

/

/

/

/

Summer holidays will come soon, as it does every other year. While people like Fukase go under training at his mother's office, or Piko diligently tends the flowers at his parents' shop.

He'd spend the entire break locked up in his room to either use his dusty keyboard as a workdesk instead of an instrument, or spend the rest of his time napping until all the hours are taken away from him like a gasp in the wind.

Come to think of it, he's probably the only person he does that does nothing all summer.

The realisation hurries a dark gloom over his shadow. Though the evening sun burns those down, trampling them as if they were weeds in a flower field, when he remembers the cycle will break time around, and he'll do everything within his capability to make sure of it.

Rin's digging through his schoolbag in pursuit of the assignments she'd done in Literature submitted under his name, and he's burdened with the task of wrestling a bottle into a baby's mouth. This time there were no cries, no furious yanking of his collar, hair, or ears, and instead just a lazy lounge on his lap after having been given a bath, as if she were ready for another nap.

He took the thin towel he'd been using to dry his daughter's hair ー a face towel, as soft as a cloud, except he doesn't get to use it anymore ー then chucks it into a distant corner of the room which he hopes he'd remember to retrieve after.

"Len."

His head spun quickly when he heard his name, towards Kagamine Rin, but the younger blonde tucked away the paper she had been observing amongst all his other files.

"What is it?" He wondered, "You can't find your papers?"

He can't blame her. It's been a while since he organised his belongings instead of cramming every little thing with the slightest significance inside the bag in hopes of it proving useful later. So far, not too much benefit, even more strain on his back from unnecessary weight.

An upset sound on his lap took his attention again. Mirai chewed angrily on the silicone nipple, and he caressed one of two red cheeks in hopes it would ease the pain.

He shouldn't have been upset when she was crying earlier... a teething infant doesn't know any better. It must hurt. He rubbed the snub nose with his thumb once again as an apology, wiping away any trail of dampness in the doing.

Her memory flashed to the words she'd just read in fine print, trying to make sense of it.

She shouldn't ask him about it. At least, not now. Not today. When she doesn't bring up the matter, he shoves any curiosity down into the forgotten corners of his mind.

"Have you seen her pacifier?"

"It's missing, I told you already."

"You're wearing the white dress today," Len switches subjects with ease, tilting down to see an identical, cotton-white outfit presented in the middle of his lap, fresh out of today's laundry. The connection came with a flash of realisation, "You made her wear white too.. was this intentional?"

Rin pursed her lips.

 _How cute._ He decided not to wait for a response, absently playing with the fingers of the little person who had been fiddling with the cuff of his sleeves. "I was thinking of going out to watch the sunset. We could have a picnic, we haven't been out together in a while."

He could already tell from the look on Rin's face that she was against the idea. "I don't want to go to the beach."

"Who said we were going to the ー" Her glare put a stopper to his words. His ears turned red, as if it were even possible to heat up in the cold, and it took everything he had not to break into a pool of sweat under the gaze of her eyes. "Alright, no beach. Somewhere else. Do you want to visit a lake? The lake we've been to before?"

He doesn't understand how this girl manages to get so tanned every summer when her distaste towards the ocean is like the sun to the moon.

But it seems he will never find out. Not from her.

This time she took a pause for consideration. And he waited, staring intensely at her lips for the moment it would move and mouth anything he needed to hear. Nothing happened; not a word. She stood up, then left the room to leave him to his own thoughts.

Len shook his head.

He might as well prepare what they might need for the journey.

/

/

/

/

Mountain hiking. Of all things, _mountain hiking._

He doesn't know whether to hate her for it, or to hate himself for even giving someone like this the choice to pick their destination.

The trees are rustling and the cuffs of his jeans are turning dark brown from the dirt, but Rin rushes ahead without a single care in the world, chin turned up without looking back, a skip in every step.

This is while he's left huffing and panting with a one-year old struggling in his hands, trying to balance two different bags and a soup thermos through it's sling.

A sudden burst of irritation fills him, but it subsides into nothing when she finally spins around to show him the first genuine smile he'd seen in ages, and the brightest grin in the world. She's cruel, he can't help but think.

She knows every single one of his buttons to push to get what she wants, and she pushes them all at once, relentlessly. Her teeth are fangs, poisoned needles that sow through his skin like crimson threads.

He does nothing but melt, like sand to an ocean and snow to spring.

Because he'd take it, he'd take more and more and everything she gives him, because he wants everything she has, even if he's afraid that at one point he will give in until he has nothing left.

/

/

/

/

It's like seeing the first glimpse of heaven when they finally reach the mountain peak.

Her arms stretch out towards the sky, as if she were holding the entire world in her hands. And for a moment, he believed that, as if she wasn't nothing more than a girl, as if she could ever be anything less.

"Can we stay to watch the sunset?" At this point he'll be distraught if they went home _early_.

It won't be long until the sun drops, anyway. They've got thirty minutes of daylight, and thirty more before the sky turns entirely dark.

"Well, you've made me spend an entire hour climbing up a stupid mountain, I don't see why not."

The breeze is cold, but the burning sweat on his back is enough to counter it. He takes off his jacket and throws it beside the carpet they've laid out, placing Mirai safely on the extra padding so she'd feel less of the rocks, while Rin stands dangerously near the cliff edge, overlooking the little villages and the blooming flowers hidden in the trees.

Within a second, he hears the loudest sound he'd ever heard in his life bounce off the valleys and send dozens of mountain birds flocking to the skies in search of a new home.

He's frightened at first, wondering if something wrong had happened to their surroundings, only to realise Kagamine Rin had her hands cupped over her mouth like a megaphone, screaming into the wind.

He hesitantly taps the side of her hips to quieten her, thrice, but when there's no response he only cups his ears in preparation of the young lady's next round of yells. It takes moments before he realises she's shouting words rather than sounds, but he decides not to pay attention to them.

He nearly jumps when he realises the young lady is beside him rather than at her former spot by the edge, forcing a little girl to sit still on her thighs when she'd realised the imp had been crawling a little too far away from their safe grounds.

"I can't believe you bought dollar-store candles," Rin jokingly complains, not at all out of breath, as he pulls a few wax sticks out of the duffle bag. " _Nobody_ uses those anymore, they melt within seconds and end up coating the entire cake.".

Her cheeks are red, though he's not sure if it's from the cold or the pressure from their hike. Though through those words, there's an evident smile threatening to tilt up the corners of her lips.

"Shut up," He threatens to flick her forehead for ruining the surprise, but her movements dodge with ease. "Go away! Gosh, you're so annoying."

She peers over his shoulder to observe what else are hidden in his hands. The more things she notices, the more she has to jibe at, especially the lighter he's fumbling with in his hands.

"You've only got one muffin ー how are we going to cut this? In eighths?"

"It's a cake!" He held it to his chest defensively, hiding the dessert from heroine of sight.

"An extremely miniature one with paper wrapping, apparently. How high class."

"Stop being mean to _me._ "

Kagamine Rin was grinning without boundaries by then, securing their daughter on her lap as she watched the young man stick a single pink stick in the direct middle of all the chocolate, hands trembling from the sound of her laughter. "Sorry," She giggled, covering her mouth when it was her turn to be glared at, "I'm only teasing, my birthdays weren't any better. Mirai's so lucky."

"She's not ー"

"Mirai, your daddy loves you _sooo_ much." Rin cooed, pressing her lips down to nibble down on one of those crimson cheeks affectionately as a small finger had been shoved in her nose. She coughed, once, then recovered, making sure that hand would be held away. "So, so much, that he only got _you_ something to eat, and nothing for _me."_

"How could you say that? I spent the entire day cooking chicken porridge just for you ー " The next time he was silenced, it wasn't by being interrupted with her words but rather her lips placed on his own.

They don't fit well, like separate puzzle pieces forced together to fit, and later incapable of being untangled. But he finds that fitting, and he knows that a million other people in the world would have it another way.

But not them.

Len's eyes remain open throughout the entire time they've been frozen in place as her lashes flutter against his cheeks to leave little butterfly kisses in her wake. The wind stops, and he can't have air no matter how much he tries to breathe.

The world suddenly continues, like sunshine after the rain, the instant she moves away. It moves as if it hadn't stopped in the first place, and by the time he comes back to the world, the sun has already left the sky, gone unseen.

He doesn't gasp for air like he's fresh out of water, unlike how he expected himself to do. Instead he inhales, slowly, and he's surprised how calm he managed to be.

He can't look at her in the eyes, so instead stares in a straight line towards the curled wick, moving a trembling hand with his lighter to set up a flame.

The blonde taunted his name for attention, and when he didn't reply, she did nothing more than place her head on his shoulder to watch the struggle in blurring her existence from mind.

He tried to focus on the candle.

The wick finally caught on fire, only for the wind on the mountains to blow it out instantly. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his wrists, trying ahain, the second time succeeding with his efforts. The wax melted at rapid speed and it felt like a century has passed in the time it took to bring out his phone and hurriedly pass the dessert to the other blonde's hand.

Rin moved around frantically, bringing the muffin close to their daughter's face for the picture, then not even leaving it there for a split second before putting it away at the risks.

By the time the candle hit the tip of her finger, her mind was at a loss of what to do but to puff it out herself.

The next few actions happened in the blink of an eye.

/

/

/

/

Positions were switched by the time the moon hit it's peak in the sky and they had to return home, safe under their own roof and between their own walls.

Her head was in his lap, sobbing, and he buried his fingers in her hair, massaging the skin of her scalp.

Apparently she believes that she'd ruined the day by throwing the muffin off a mountain when the wax dripped onto her skin, spilling their chicken soup in the thermos all over the rocks when she meant to open the cap, then forgetting to even blow a wish with her daughter before the alarm on his watch rang midnight.

Now she's convinced she'd ruined 'h _er baby's birthday_ ,' and won't listen to a single objection, even when he's whispered about every last sweet nothings he knows of and made every attempt to push the girl's mind onto something else.

"We'll get a new cake next year, a proper one," He tried to calm her down. "You'll be able to sing for her, and we won't have to eat bad chicken soup, we'll eat a real meal together, we ー"

"It's not bad chicken soup!" She burst into more tears, staining his pants. "You worked hard to make it! _And I ruined it!_ "

He wasn't looking forward to his own cooking anyways.

"You wouldn't be _you_ if you weren't clumsy. Rin, come on, up," Len sent a gentle nudge towards her head. "Listen, you didn't ruin anything. Cake is unhealthy anyways, I didn't want to let her have any."

She refused to move, instead digging herself deeper against his stomach, which he can't help but revolt at the pressure. "You're just saying that because now she _won't_ get any!"

"Stop crying so loudly at least, do you know how hard it was for me to get her to sleep?" A whine sounded against his leg. "Rin, I'll get another muffin tomorrow if it stresses you out this badly. Don't cry."

"As if you could," She finally obeyed his wishes, sitting up so bullets of tears would flow brightly in the moonlight. Her nose is wet but she wipes it off on her own sleeve, trying to dry her face from the mess it had already become. "You don't even have money. _We_ don't have money! You're never around, and I-"

Her bottom lip trembled.

She kept her chin up, staring straight into his gaze as if to force herself to be strong, to prove her wrong ー but it falls to shambles in little more than a minute, and she has to reach out for him to embrace her again, her head buried beneath his chin this time to hide from sight and sniff at the scent of Kagamine Len's familiar collar. His warmth, his smell, _everything that she only gets a little taste of for a day,_ then gone the next.

His arms wound around her tightly, but he knows he can't do anything to comfort her more than to listen.

A smooth palm runs up and down the curve of her spine, and he can feel her body shaking the more she drops her weight against him.

... _It hurts everytime I nurse her but I can't get upset because I know it's not her fault when she doesn't understand..._

 _...she keeps pulling my hair, she doesn't even know how to breathe, she won't eat anything I want her to have... I haven't seen a doctor in ages, I don't know if my own daughters lungs are even healthy..._

Her mouth moves to spit a flurry of words, one after another, nearly indistinguishable from the next.

Her arms are around his shoulders, her fingers around his neck, every single one of her limbs are looped around any part of the young man that she can cling on, desperate as if it every touch would be her last.

"It's not about the muffin, is it...?" He tried joking to lighten the mood. When she doesn't laugh, the blond returns to caressing her back, slowly moving up to her hair once more. "Shh... you're right, we're not handling this the best way we can, are we? I left you alone for so long. I'm sorry, Rin."

One soft nod, which he wouldn't have noticed if he didn't try.

His mouth pecked the top of her scalp, and then her forehead, feeling her body shiver in his hands. "We'll figure this out... we can. I promise."

Rin moved back, pushing against his chest. He held his breath at the same time she released hers.

"... Len," Her fingers reached for his own, hoping to entwine them so he wouldn't be able to slip away. ".. why aren't you going to university?"

His mouth went dry.


	51. aug14

Her eyes fell. He was stiff, even when she placed a hand on his jaw in hopes of bringing him back to earth.

Rin moved position beneath the young man's chin so his downward eyes had no choice but to meet those of hers.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" One of her sleeves rub furiously at her cheeks, scrubbing skin raw, and he found himself instinctively grasping onto the girl's wrist to forbid harming herself any further. ".. that's right, you never tell me _anything_. You don't tell me how you feel, you don't tell me where you've been, you don't tell me where you'll _go.._."

He doesn't find the blame placed on him to be warranted either.

Len doesn't _know_ where he'll go, he never once planned out his destination, he's never thought it through, but if there is _one thing_ he knows, it would be the roads. Every route is a one-way street, written across an unfinished map that is cut and damaged and frayed all around the sides.

But she thinks it's the opposite; she thinks he has it all laid out, with her standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to be pushed into the sea.

She thinks it's laid out, and she has no part of it.

Somehow she manages to free her arms to dry her face, but Rin finds the more she tries to comfort herself, or the more she tries to build a wall between him and her heart, she finds herself chipping piece by piece, further and further into the dark.

At least, that's what she thinks of their relationship. Or lack thereof.

He grabs hold of her again, dragging her weight onto his lap, and surprisingly there is no protest save for her bitterness in her voice. "Everything I've ever asked you about ー your mother, your dreams, your _life_ , you look away as you never hear me."

Of course he does.

"Because they're not important," He snapped. "Because they've got nothing to do with _us._ Why do you want to know so much about me anyway?"

"That's what families _do!_ They... they tell each other things, no matter how small or insignificant it is. But I suppose you don't consider _me_ as _your_ family." It suddenly occurs to him, right after the minute he begins to feel the guilt overwhelm him, that this might be what she intends to do all along. She's _trying_ to make him feel guilt.

One thing is for sure, whether or not this young lady's words are intended to pull on his heartstrings, and whether or not she knows it, she wounds each individual strand along her little finger, those tears are genuine.

She's hurt, _and she wants him to feel it._

He's a pawn, standing directly in the middle of her chessboard to be taken by a king.

"That's bullshit, you and I _both_ know that's not how families work."

"Then _tell_ me how families work, Len."

His face is pulled into a scowl, but it's worthless because she doesn't turn to look at him. Her breath is on his neck and by each passing second, he feels each and every single one of his goosebumps pop up, one after another, lining his skin. This shouldn't be strange to him, _not after so long,_ but it still is. "You're telling me your brothers tell you anything? You're telling me your _dad_ tells you anything? You told me yourself that they don't even look at you."

"... Just because I didn't come from a perfect family doesn't mean _you should treat me the same way_."

He looked down, expecting to meet her grimace, only to see the top of her head, dark brown at the roots, and the clench of her fists pressing gently against his chest.

His own eyes softened, and Len tilted down to nuzzle his nose against her scalp.

"... you're right, I'm sorry.. I've been wrong." He's no longer scowling, he doesn't deserve the right to do so anymore. When Rin takes a step away from his touch, he finds her in a better state than she was before, even when those eyes are still sore from dried tears. "I've been irritated about how you wouldn't share anything about yourself, but subconsciously, I've been doing the same, haven't I?"

He was. Except she didn't expect him to realise that so soon.

In the end, it's _her_ that's caught off guard. Rin moved away, lacing all of her fingers together, but still sitting on the young man's lap for comfort.

She takes the leap to hesitantly wrap both legs around his waist, and he doesn't make a move to stop it. "It's _okay_ ," She sniffed. "You weren't wrong either. Even one hour with you is more than what I get from my family in a year. _So._ "

"I'll try ー"

"Len," Her entire hand pressed against his mouth to silence him, and when the blond parted his lips, he could taste the salty remains of her cries. His brows furrowed at her. "I'll talk."

He had to push her hand out of the way again. " _Don't do that,_ I'm older than you."

She either didn't hear him, or pretended not to, because the young lady effortlessly wrung her wrist free before returning her palm to his mouth.

Len decided not to fight it.

"Just listen first... i-it's actually _okay_. You weren't wrong... you don't have to make me happy, and you're not obligated to take care of anyone but yourself." He fell back, lips sealed, with her body crawling over his as he laid on the wooden floor. Her eyes quickly scanned the room, towards the little lump over the futon. "Well, except for maybe- _her_ , but other than that, I was the one who let myself get carried away when I shouldn't have. I... wanted us to be a family."

 _We are a family_ , he tries to speak, but it comes out as nothing more than garbled words against her palm.

"But Len," Her eyes lowered as she mentioned hom, and he had no choice but to mock a low grumble of the throat as a response. "We _aren't_ a family. No matter how many times I tell myself that we are, in the end, we're not."

His forehead is creased, and brows are knit so tightly it couldn't be told that they were separate rather than one.

Her hand finally releases it's constraint on his mouth, and it slowly slides down to his chest, followed by her ear as the young lady lays her head against his pulsing heartbeat when she closes her eyes.

Her voice is a whisper now, but in that moment, it was the loudest thing he's ever heard in the world. "... but just for tonight, let me pretend we are."

/

/

/

/

Being alone with a teacher in their office after school implies that one is to receive punishment.

So that's what he told the _friends_ he was with before his departure. Only it wasn't exactly the truth. Instead he's trapped helping his teacher rearrange stray files into proper drawers, all while having idle talk so as to let the time move faster.

It isn't a punishment, but it definitely feels like one.

Previously the conversation centred on his poor essay writing, which had been brought up only because he didn't want to feel as if he truly was undergoing something to pay back for his sins, but nothing ever goes the way he hopes. In the end, he has to sacrifice both his energy and undergo a painful hour long lecture.

A topic change comes like a fresh gasp of air, but it's only when he no longer has the voice to talk. "They want you in by twelve-thirty on Saturday, just in case you haven't gotten the letter."

"Yes, sir."

"This is the first time I've ever referred a student, and they were very, very reluctant to accept you because of your age. Keep that in mind."

"Yes, sir."

The lecturing doesn't stop there.

"And you've got your final exams coming by after this break, I don't want you to get distracted to the point your own grades drop. Don't forget that Ancient Greece exercise I've assigned to you either, it's due next week." Before he could mouth his final _yes sir,_ the man grabbed hold of his shirt, making him stiffen in surprise. Those masculine hands, though initially appeared as threatening, slowly buttoned the collar up to his neck. "Wear your uniform properly. And dress nicely when you go to the institute as well... good lord, Len, have you ever touched a comb in your life?"

The blond couldn't help but feel his cheeks redden, especially when the man's touch went to flatten his hair.

It wasn't _his_ fault that his locks naturally rose, he's spent hours in the bathroom when he was nine years old trying to straighten out his curls with his mother's flat iron, only for those efforts gone to waste.

It never worked out.

His fringe was moved to one side of his face, and then the other.

Not that this hasn't happened before. Hiyama Kiyoteru, who has been his homeroom teacher ー _and_ history, for the past three years, continues fretting around his appearance like a concerned parent, nitpicking at every little thing he could spot as subpar.

Except this man was less resigned than his own father, and Len wasn't quite sure how to feel about that.

"Just to confirm one last time, the parental slip you sent in really was from your father, yes?" His teacher pushed the topic as he struggles to hold in a sneeze everytime the man allows a bit of golden hair to tickle his nose. "You didn't forge a signature or anything of the sort."

"I didn't, Sir." He was lying. It was only the obvious.

That's the only reason he drug Fukase into the school library the past week for a _study session_ even when they were both aware the book selection there was the worst they'd ever seen. Aged, out-dated, many untouched by anything but dirt compiled through the past fifty years.

That's the reason he often has to go all the way out to the capital city just to get _one_ book.

Len tried not to let the truth fall from his eyes. His heart screams, _that's your own son's handwriting,_ but his brain is wiser and has control over his speech.

He'll have to inform the other boy of their success after this. Finally, the efforts on his hair have been surrendered. His locks are more messy than it had been before being tampered with, but he dares not mention it. Not if he wants to be freed from the office anytime soon.

He shoves another thick folder into a cabinet, then unwrapped a stack of sheets buried beneath paperwork to look through their dates.

Kiyoteru paused, scanning him up and down from across the room, then sends a glimpse towards the narrow window. "It's going to start raining. Will you be anywhere before home today?"

The skies are dark, and his only plan is a trip to the train station once the oncoming storm settles down. But nobody else needs to know that, so he shook his head.

His teacher had an immediate response. "Right. Well, unless _dear dad_ has a curfew set up, why don't you come over for dinner, and I'll give you a ride home? Seeing as work is finished early today, thanks to you."

"No, er, I don't want to be a bother..."

He can't afford to take any side trips. He _promised_ he'd be back by midnight, he'd rather drown in the ocean than see the look on _her_ face when he breaks another promise.

Kiyoteru shook his head as if he was hearing utter nonsense. "There's steamboat tonight, and 'Kase would definitely appreciate the company. But _only_ if your father is alright with this. If I'm not wrong he's been driving you home everyday, but I haven't seen the car lately."

Not anymore. "He's away on business. I'll.. I'll see if I can. I'll just, uh," He ransacked his thoughts for an excuse. "Sometimes he's home, so I'll give him a call first and see if he lets me."

"If he doesn't, just put me on the line and speak to him."

Len nodded wordlessly, knowing there was no way out of it.

The door clicked open, and another student peeked inside the room in search of their teacher, wanting assistance about banner on the student board. Her face is nearly unrecognisable, likely someone two years his junior, so after sharing a polite nod of acknowledgement he merely looks away to finish his chores.

/

/

/

/

Noodles. Warm, hand-pulled noodles in soft broth. He touched the mushroom with his chopsticks, prodding the tender skin, then bringing a bite up to his lips. It explodes in his mouth with flavour, sugar and soy sauce with vinegar all at once.

In the end, the rain became too heavy to drive back, much less walk, even if he wanted to. The main road on the way home was flooded and Len was left with no choice but to tag along in a car, though reassuring himself that when he leaves, it will be on foot.

It's been ages since he's had a fresh home-cooked meal. At this point he finds it more foreign than any language he doesn't even speak.

He doesn't consider his own cooking to fit the title, his father was no chef, and his brother, _when they were still living together,_ was the type of person to simmer instant noodles everyday without a fuss. This is foreign, certainly, but it's pleasant. It's extremely pleasant. When he closes his eyes, he can feel the ardor around him, pretending he belongs to a real family.

When he opens them again, the dream sips away like sand between the cracks of a broken hourglass.

This wasn't his family..

The mother piling meat into her daughter's bowl wasn't his mother, the father chastising his son for using the phone at the dinner table wasn't _his_ father, and the little girl digging her face into her older brother's stomach for a lift up on the lap was _not_ his sister.

They are inviting, they open the doors to their home and welcome him with open arms, but at the end of the day he's nothing more than another guest soon to be forgotten. At the end of the day, he will leave through those very same doors, and they will close behind him with a lock.

/

/

/

/

A plastic bag was flung into his lap.

Hours after leaving the Hiyama family home, he waited with half-lidded eyes on a bench, uncrumpling a train ticket in one hand when slow, strong footsteps approached him.

The person dropping by didn't leave immediately. After getting his work done (that is, delivering snacks which fitted entirely and _only_ to his little sister's taste), he stuck around to scowl at the blond's appearance; circles around the eyes, sore lips raw from being bitten on, and a frown much beyond his age... not to mention the messy chunk of hair on the top of his head, as if he'd been struck by lightning.

Yuima tapped a foot against the ground, as if expecting something to break the ice.

Nothing came, so he decided to speak first. "Our dad will returning from his trip soon. Whatever you've got planned before bringing Rin back to us, you might as well do it quick."

"I need you to do me a favour." Len refused to look up, around, or anywhere that wasn't his own feet. He soon buried that vision by placing his face in his own palms, finding refuge in nothing but pitch black. "Well... my _father_... has money sent to your family every month.."

Silence overtook them. A gush of wind flew past with the arrival of a train, but it wasn't his ride

After a quick lift of the head to confirm it, the young man returned to rubbing the restlessness off with his hands.

Len can spot a little girl giggling by the opposite side of the dome, laughing with an aged man, likely to be her father, and it takes every last bit of his strength to look away. His arms are cold again, but nobody notices.

D _ing..._ the sound of a thick bell. One of the announcers' voice rang throughout the dome, suave and soft, causing every head beneath the same roof to perk their ears in preparation of news for amy delays or issues yet to be addressed. There was nothing of importance in the words, save for the usual caution to keep five feet behind the border.

They took a long breath after the speakers went quiet once again.

"If you would, I need the money. Just for this week, then I'll return it."

The blond felt a hand on his shoulder, but tries to pay it no mind.

"How do I know you're not going to turn around and spend it somewhere else?"

At this point he doesn't know how, and can't even comprehend _why_ he'd do that, assuming it doesn't already hurt less to swallow pebbles down his throat than have a single thought about leaving that _house in the mountains_ without anything in it's cabinets or a lit fire by the hearth to keep it warm.

Without _him_ in it, with them.

He suddenly feels homesick. Nausea rises up his throat, but he swallows it back down. He's only going to be away for a few more hours. _A few hours_. Two train rides, some hike up the hills, and he'll be there before the sun rises to signal a new day.

To him, everything is at the point where there isn't a need to explain.

But in the end, he accepts that in the eyes of an outsider, there is no decent argument to stand on. There is nobody to trust him, and words are forced to flow even when every letter strangles him, tighter and tighter, into golden chains. He speaks his final thoughts,. "... you can't. _But your family_ doesn't have rights to that money either. Not when it belongs to Mirai."

That was all he had to say.

A weight was brought upon their conversation as if an anchor to the sea.

Yuuma took a pause. Narrowing both eyes, then softening it. _Considering_. He doesn't know how it happened, but in the blink of an eye Len managed to get the trust he needed.

"I don't know about the money. Our dad never mentioned anythingー _hold on."_ Without any explanation, lest a single order to _wait_ , Kagamine Rin's brother straightaway dug into every crevice of his own jacket, fumbling through the pockets in search of whatever he was hoping to find.

Len observed the floor as if he could help look for the missing object, even when he doesn't know what it is.

His lip snagged between his teeth, and before he knew it, there was the taste of metal on his tongue. "Could you ask your father about it?"

A part of him, the dirty demon overcome with pride, yells at him for degrading himself. _Rin has never begged,_ it whispers in his ear, prods at his heart. _Rin has never asked for help._ He tries to convince himself he's only doing this for Rin, and slowly, slowly, he begins to accept it.

Yuuma's goal was finally achieved. Bringing out a single, dirtied wallet on it's final span of life, ripped open by the leather, just before thrusting a third of the contents into Len's hands.

The cash was released as if it burnt him, as if his arms would fall off so long as he felt it with any fingertip, "Here. Just- _just take this,_ I don't have access to his back account, he only sends an allowance once every month. I'll find a way to get more."

"Is this your money?"

A hasty nod. "Yes. So make sure every last bit of that goes to my little sister, do you understand? Don't fuck around, because it takes more than an inch of hell to get me to trust _anyone_ that isn't my family, and you're stepping dangerously over the boundary."

As if their family was trustworthy _in the first place._ But the boy was smart enough not to voice that.

"I don't need _your_ money ー"

"It's not for you." Yuuma scowled, moving out of reach when the younger blond attempted to return the money in hand. "My sister. And the baby. Make sure _that_ ," He gestured towards the plastic bag he'd brought from the store; "-gets to them too."

"..."

Len looked up.

"I'll pay you back."

"No, because I need you to do me a favour in return," The wind shifts. "By the end of the month, I want to see her in person."

/

/

/

/

He made it just before midnight. As if fate was cursed, although managing to avoid any rain on the way to the train station, the dark skies were covered with even darker clouds when he left.

The mountains are filled with gloom around him, offering no shelter while he sprints uphill, his schoolbag being the only refuge from the downpour. It balances on his head, soaking up all the water, and he's trying not to break down from the weight when he finally arrives outside the front porch.

The door is locked, to both his relief and disappointment. With both hands occupied, the only way he could escape the storm was to bang against the grill with his knees, hoping Rin would still be awake at this hour, instead of being caught in another one of her long dreams.

But luck was on his side tonight. Every shooting star, every four leaf clover he'd ever made a wish on ー must have been spent on this one moment.

The door platform trembles, he can see the lock churning, and in a moment the frame is slid open.

"You're...!" Her eyes widen at his current state, voice almost yelling in surprise, but she sows her lips upon the memory of a sleeping infant in the next room, one she'd spent hours working to get asleep. The young lady's speech drops below a whisper as she drags him in, "You're all _wet_... didn't you bring an umbrella?"

He flings all his baggage onto the floor.

"No," He whispered just the same, "I didn't, uh, didn't have time to get an umbrella. It wasn't raining earlier." The soft trail of her fingers reach his brows, sliding all the way down to his cheeks, checking his temperature out of concern. Those blue eyes, which he'd once seen as so blindingly cold, was now the warmest thing he will ever know.

She's warm, he doesn't know how long it's been since he'd last felt this kind of warmth.

It fills him up to the core, as if he swallowed the sun.

She begins to move away, exercising her eyes in search of a towel or any other cloth to dry his hair, but a solid yank on her hand keeps her from moving away.

"It's been raining here all da- _mmmph...!_ "

The storm doesn't stop for them. Outside the house, the trees sway dangerously, threatening to fall.

And inside, Rin is pushed backwards with only the support of a palm to keep her from collapsing to the floor. Her mouth is sealed with his own, to cut off her words. She can feel hot fingertips rush to her waist, sliding beneath the hem of her (his, but she's already laid claim on plenty of his clothes) ー jumper, the new taste on her tongue reminiscence of both mint and hot chocolate at once.

Her skin is lava beneath his swollen fingertips.

She flinches at first, but later swallows it up, like it's her final breath; the last thing she'll ever have.

The kiss is broken just as quickly as it begun, and the younger blonde can't help but think how cruel it is, the way he sets her back on her feet then so calmly moves away, with those half-lidded eyes and swirl of his tongue that quickly moistened over his own lips.

The hallway, Rin realises, is suddenly _freezing_ when she isn't being touched by someone else. Her own arms wound around herself like tightly-knit woollen cables as if it would help her body from turning into ice, not to mention the water transferred on her clothes when he embraced her.

But she isn't angry. She seems far from it. She meets his eyes once, touches her lips, then looks far away without thinking twice.

He doesn't say anything else as he makes a direct line down the hall, turning only at the last minute to enter the bathroom.

/

/

/

/

"Did you have hot cocoa?" Is the first thing she says upon his return to the living room. "I could smell cocoa on you earlier."

He did, when he was at the train station and the wait seemed to be longer than he had hoped for.

Now he's dressed fully in pyjamas, the ones as smooth as silk which he rarely wears, and smells entirely of the same soap she uses in the bath. The storm has been washed from him, but it still goes on outside, unrelenting.

She hopes the work they'd previously done on the roof will hold this year around.

The fireplace is crackling dim, but there isn't any firewood left to fuel the flames, so Rin's only solution is to wrap the blanket around her shoulders a little tighter, watching the rain fall on the grass through the wide-open back doors. She wonders when would be the next time she'll be able to go outside.

He takes a seat next to her, issuing a sneeze which is covered quickly by his palms, while Rin removes the towel slung around his neck to dry his golden hair, complaining about how the young man now has definitely contracted a cold for foolishly travelling unsheltered in the rain. As if the reason he couldn't wait to get home wasn't the same person lecturing him right now.

If he arrives home late, she gets upset.

Now, even when he's _not_ late, she's _still_ upset. There is nothing he can do right.

"You're really like a Mum," His comment seeps out with the slightest hint of amusement. "My Mum never let me stay wet for more than three minutes. As if I could actually get sick from _that_."

She isn't _like_ a Mum, she _is_ a Mum.

For some reason, the comment irks her. The young lady didn't even bother to hide the irritation on her face.

Not that Len seemed to noticed.

He could no longer hold back from blurting out what he'd been holding in the entire day. "Hey, Rin?"

"What do you want?"

"Let's get married."

As if flipping a switch, within the next second, the young lady transformed entirely into what she wasn't before. Her hands drop from his head, flustered. Her normal composure breaks and the towel in her hands falls suit, crumpling in his lap.

She's quickly and effortlessly speechless, mouth opening and closing as if she couldn't believe her ears nor his existence. Nothing could possibly leave her throat no matter how much she tries, and he understands why. She doesn't hesitate to cover visage, from her mouth to her eyes, avoiding the older blond's line of sight when she realises he's staring too deeply into her.

Len licks his lips, reminding himself of their kiss.

She's like sugar, he realises. Add in a bit of fire, to become nothing more than a pool of sweet caramel on both knees. The young lady's chin is cupped in one hand, cheek is caressed with the other, much softer than his own.

 _By the end of the month, I want to see her in person._

His eyes flicker, then flash. A spurt of anger fills him, overcome with fear.

"What... what's with you, suddenly? That came out of nowhere." Rin somehow manages to choose her words, albeit breathless, yet she's not the only one surprised by it. Len frowns. Her face is warm beneath his palms, as if she holds the sun in her grasp. This makes him question which one of them really _did_ spend an hour walking in the rain. "Stop coming so close... _it's.."_

Did the fire get larger? Her body suddenly feels warm.

He doesn't allow her to speak. If last time was her time to talk, this time it is _his_.

"Softly, you'll wake her up..."

" _Len..._ "

"You know, yesterday... you told me that we weren't a family."

"That's not _really_ what I s ー"

He brushed over the top of her head, then made them both eye-level, where every one of her paths to flee is blocked by his stare. The act was meant to comfort her, but only aided in the opposite, causing every single one of her hairs to stand on end. "I disagree with that. I completely, _wholeheartedly_ disagree."

Her hands push against his chest, trying to free herself from his touch. It's not that she craves the distance from him, but her body is becoming too warm.

Her forehead burns, and her cheeks are the darkest shade of crimson.

He tightens his grip, unrelenting. The more she protests, the more he holds on as if it's with his last breath. "You wanted this, didn't you?" His voice is gentle, but his questions are not. "Why don't you want it now?"

 _Do it quick. Do it quick, do it quick, do it quick._

"I never said I didn't want- ah!"

Her wrists are sore, and she looks up to pout as if it could work the magic on his heartstrings once again, only to scowl when he doesn't seem the slightest bit affected. That was the moment she realised the desperation in his gaze, causing her own heart to soften without explanation.

 _By the end of the month._

If he doesn't have her, somebody else will take her away. Snatch her up, directly from his grip, only to leave him walking a lonesome road empty-handed. He will be a dog without water, and a man without air.

He has spent years watching everyone around him with happy families, he has to hear laughter, love, knowing that _none of it_ belongs to him.

And now, all he gets is one, little bite, being told that's all he will ever have.

How unfair.

Silence overtakes, with nothing but the sound of the rain and their daughter's little yawn.

His gaze falls on her eyes, then her lips, and he shuts it down to the green demon of envy in the depths of his chest. Reality slams down on him, like a knife to the throat. Rin yanks furiously on the collar of his shirt, even as he maintains the grip on her hands. Her forehead touched his own, nose against his cheek, and he can finally feel the extent of the burn in her skin. "... I never said I didn't _want_ to. But I have five conditions you need to fulfill."

He pursed his lips in obedience, waiting for her to speak, even when her warmth has him dizzy on it's own.

But her eyes are a different type of emotion, freezing him to the core. "Do you have any protests, Kagamine Len..?"

His only response was a shake of his head.

* * *

surprise c'est moi avec un nouveau chapitre. and i didn't take more than a month to update this time :) thank you everyone for your patience!

also the past few chapters have been about crawling around the map without a destination. this is where it finally picks up, i promise.


	52. sep15

All he has to do is make eye contact for little less than ten seconds before she bursts into a montage of nervous giggles, begging him to turn away.

Unless there was a reason forcing her not to be, Kagamine Rin was a walking, bouncing, _screaming_ chaotic ball of energy hovering over his shoulder at any time of the day.

However, their daughter's personality ー in contrast, was like fire against snow.

He can think up of a saying on the spot; if boys, _as the poem goes_ , were made of rats, snakes, and puppydog tails, then Mirai was formed with a convoluted mixture of an impatient temper, a whole litre of crocodile tears and features so stoic, it could be compared to porcelain.

He lifted one of the little girl's feet to his face, opening his mouth and pretending to gobble down on her toes (making sure nobody else, _namely Miss Rin,_ was present to witness because he'd rather be dead than caught in this state of embarrassment). But when he glanced upwards with the hope of that mouth spread into a toothy grin, he instead met with only the wall of disappointment staring back at him.

Her cheeks were eerily red, darker than crimson, but that's likely because of the warm weather and the result of her teething.

He can't help but wonder what his daughter's smile would _really_ look like.

 _A gummy smile like yours_ , Rin says, as she claims she has seen the little girl laugh a million times before. Although believes it to be nothing short of a lie.

There are many things Len can accept, but he absolutely refuses to acknowledge that his one-year old daughter has developed favoritism at this young of an age.

He doesn't work this hard for nothing.

His effort is and has always been _boundless_.

Not to mention the energy draining him merely to supervise her. They left the porch open for ventilation to keep fresh air circulating the house, but that served the drawback of sparking initiative in Mirai to desperately crawl away from his grip in seek of an adventure outside.

As if there were anything more to explore than a wooden wall, a mound where tulip flowers once grew, and dirty bugs between grass. Len couldn't help but scoff at the idiocy, then immediately felt _horrible_ when he realised he could've been just as, if not more, _foolish_ at this age than Mirai was now.

Hopefully not. Stupidity can't be heredity for all he knows, but if it was, then there _is_ another person involved in her creation..

Although, again, thinking your daughter _is an idiot_ is not exactly the best thing one would do as a parent.

Just as he took his own sweet time to ponder on that thought, Mirai broke into the bubble by slamming her forehead against his jaw.

Both of her little palms push on her father's shoulders for leverage, almost as if it were a warm hug ー wiith lips puckered into a focused pout, but he doesn't have to guess to know what her next move is.

 _As if he'd let her escape_.

If this keeps up, be damned with breathing, because he'll slide the door shut for good.

Len doesn't hesitate. Her legs are wriggling as she stands. He places a single finger against the child's forehead, knowing that's all he'd need, then with a smirk ( _after_ _double-checking the soft landing of a futon behind her),_ pushes _just enough_ pressure f _or_ his daughter to topple backwards onto her bum.

Mirai blinked, confused, as if to wonder why she was no longer on her feet and found farther away from her destination.

Only once the realisation of what had just happened dawn upon her did she send the loudest cry of the evening into the mountains, drowning beneath all those lemon grass hills.

He'd be lying if he said this didn't amuse him.

While he cannot get her to smile, it took absolutely no effort to break this little girl into tears.

Len watched instead of jumping as a concerned parent would, like a crying infant was nothing more than a show to enjoy. But the entertainment is cut short when Mirai realises she won't be receiving any comfort unprompted for, obvious with the absence of her mother, who's lost deep in a nap in another room instead of rushing over instantly to ease every single one of her pains.

His daughter looked lost, as if struggling to decide what to do next, then finally seemed decided to clench a grip onto his jeans, then move into his lap.

Despite the painfully obvious crocodile tears, which he has no choice but to wipe away, he still assisted by lifting the little girl's entire weight into his arms, closer to his eyes.

Maybe she _wasn't_ so stupid after all.

Once she felt the safe spot by his chest, another wail sounded by his ear, this time knowing he wouldn't be able to avoid it no matter how he tried.

The young man had to hold back a laugh in favour of faking concern, smoothing fine golden hair and keeping her head by his heartbeat. He can't help but think how well his daughter would do as an actress once she's older, voicing that opinion even if she can't comment back, then allows their moment to stay as for as long as time wills it.

His lips brush over the surface of her forehead, to her cheeks, then the tip of her nose.

He tells her of a dream, and she listens, as if it's all that matters, and it's all that ever will.

/

/

/

/

Only a few months away from their final exam, and his classmates are already locked inside their bedrooms, climbing mountains of books in preparation of the upcoming date. In complete honesty, so was he. So was Utatane _Piko_ , until the both of them were called out for a fresh gasp of air.

None of them knew how much they needed it until they felt the wind and saw the velvet skies.

The seagulls are screeching, cawing, crowing, as if they were the ocean's screams. The scent of salt air brings him memories to the warmth of a woman's palm and the length of her smile.

He used to fear it. He used to loathe it with every fiber of his being. His chest rises and falls when he takes a whiff.

 _Not anymore._

There were still many things in this world he was frightened of, but _she_ is no longer one of them.

The eldest of the three took a bite of fruit, stripping away the seeds before throwing them into the sea.

His voice is evidently rough, only recently recovered from a recent cold, but continues to speak as if the pain doesn't bother him at all, even when his own crimson hair pokes at his skin.

It's ironic that Hiyama Fukase, the teacher's son, _the often uptight between the three of them,_ despite any occasional academic drawbacks, had been the one to suggest a break. Even if that _break_ was only a chat by the beach with fruit and melted ice pops, all finished into nothing but memory.

The ocean is filled with nostalgia.

When Len closes his eyes, takes a whiff of everything in, from the foam to the seashells, he can feel the rise of the tides being one with the shore. His head is nothing more than uninvited weight on Utatane Piko's shoulder, who had been silent through their entire outing, immersed in a video streaming on his phone rather than participating in idle conversation.

"I just don't understand why you _have_ to do it."

"It's not for the money." A fib leaves his lips, though its not entirely far from the truth, explaining why he's signed up to do work ー or rather, _training_ , when he hasn't finished school and they're only weeks away from an important exam. "I need a reference letter in case my results don't turn out well."

"For university?" His friend sounded doubtful. "Are you trying to head overseas? Dad said he saw you submitting the top choice application papers as blank."

"Something like that..."

Len's replies come out vague as always, as if they were only meant for him to understand. But, he'll digress, it's entirely warranted. It's not like telling the school, or anybody _irrelevant_ to his studies, where he'd like to go does _anything_ unless he's good enough for a scholarship. That would be nothing more than wasting time and effort on hope.

And he hates being wasteful.

There's no point skirting around the subject with a person like this, but shoving common sense aside and morality aside, he does it anyway.

His friend was not convinced to stop the line of questioning. "Len, you _are_ going to university, right?"

The tides call out to him, like a lovely lullaby, and his toes shiver beneath his shoes. His nstincts beg giim to touch the water, but the childishness is slammed to the ground. He can walk by the beach some other time and do whatever he'd like. Today simply isn't one of those days.

He has a train to catch tonight, and he'd rather return to the mountains early rather than late. "Don't think we can afford it. Haven't asked my dad."

A light kick at his ankle, which he didn't even bother to dodge in time. "Bullshit, he's more anal about your schooling than _my_ old man is about mine."

In certain situations, yes, especially particularly dire ones. But nothing he's been doing lately, in the eyes of a parent, has been a matter of concern.

His grades aren't failing. He ontinues to excel in the subjects he excelled in before while averaging in what he's _always_ averaged. His direction after graduation will be a certain change, but it's an issue he refuses to discuss with anybody but himself.

So with another shrug, he dismisses the subject, throwing it into the wind like shells in the sea.

Right now, he'll keep doing what he's doing, then figure out the rest along the way.

He is a person to walk a path, and does not leave breadcrumbs in his trace.

/

/

/

/

Mirai is rocked in his arms even hours after she's quietened, his shoulders swaying gently to the rhythm on his phone even when Rin comes stumbling into the room, ultimately disheveled from sleep. Panic shows in her movements when she rummages into her own bags, then progressed over to his, as if it were already second nature.

Len doesn't bother lowering his voice when he asks what the young lady is looking for ー their daughter isn't _asleep_ anyway, despite those eyes so narrowed it's possible to believe they're simply closed.

Rin, on the other hand, jumps on the balls of her own two feet, surprised to see him after two days of absence. She must not have expected him to home so early. Perhaps he hadn't announced his return loudly enough to hear throughout the entire house, as her gaze is fixed onto him so oddly as he were no different from a ghost.

She narrowed her eyes at the school uniform he hadn't yet changed out of.

Her voice, after moments of stiffness, barely manages to croak out the answer to his question as she bends over, clutching desperately at her abdomen.

"ーds, and _next time,_ change out of your clothes before you touch her, I don't want any germs to transfer when she's barely _even_..."

It took until the song on the phone ended and a different one began did he finally register her words.

"Len! Are you listening?"

"Sorry, er, pads? I brought some for you last week." And they should still be there, in the very same bag she's tearing apart. "Look carefully."

Unfortunately that wasn't the reply the blonde had been looking for. "Not those, _why would you even get those?!_ " She's on the brink of tears, searching each and every bag in hopes of a flat wrapper she might have hidden as a spare. "The stupid cheap ones my brother always gets I have no choice but to ask him. Which is why I make sure to _never_ ask!"

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You know which ones I normally use! Why didn't you just get those?!"

Because the _stupid cheap ones_ she's so hatefully complaining about really _were_ supplied by her elder brother, who seemed none the wiser about this girl's personal preferences. As if she even _needs_ to have a preference.

All _Len_ did was carry them over with the mint biscuits and vitamin packets in that very same bag they were brought in. So, in a way, his fault. Of course. But at the same time it's not _his_ job to remember every little thing about her, despite how she thinks this world works, and it was unfair to place the blame on him.

The towel around her waist began loosening, and it took more of her energy to stretch out and secure the tie with her hands crumpled into fists.

If she's _really_ upset, and if it _does_ come down to it, he can simply lie and say the store was out of stock. The blond his lip when she released another groan. "I'll get what you want later, alright? Just wear what you have first."

"I am! They're _bad_. They can't hold anything."

"Then don't just stand there." He coughed when his daughter stuck a finger in his nose, and had to shake his whole head to wring it out. "Run to the bathroom."

One, two, one, two, she tried to breathe as calmly as she possibly could.

"Okay! _Okay."_ The _self-convincing w_ orked well for only ten seconds _. "_ Ohh, fuck, _fuck fuck fuck_ ー "

He covered Mirai's ears, gripping his hand firmer and firmer the more vulgar that line of speech progressively gets. It unsettles him more than he'd like to admit, that every time he hears Kagamine Rin do so much as hiss a _complaint_ about something, much less _swear_ and condemn her pain to hell, it feels like the world has performed a twist, flipped, and stayed into permanence.

Though that's only because recently the young lady hasn't been so reserved to him as she once used to be, and that should be a good thing.

It _should_.

But it causes him more trouble than he'd like to bear.

"I can't run," Rin wailed in her hands, "I can't even _stand."_

"Does it _really_ hurt?" He asked, question laced with genuine curiosity rather than doubt, but she took it the opposite way, as she always does.

A disgruntled shriek ripped from the blonde's throat, frustration driving her to lose her temper over the edge. " _Len!_ "

He learned to be silent, not to make the same mistake twice, even when an apology is stopped just seconds short of rolling off his tongue.

The older blond took the increasing hysteria as cue to set their baby on the floor, offering nothing more than a stray rubber duck from bathtime as a makeshift distraction to make sure the little one wouldn't get up to no good with the open porch, then ran over to her mother's side.

/

/

/

/

"Lennie, you're not _holding_ me."

Her whine is louder than their daughter's when she felt him move away, and what's even worse, that deathly grip is much stronger as well.

This girl is more of a burden than an _actual infant._ Warmly dressed in one of his thickest jumpers, two layers of socks covering her feet, and entire body bundled up inside the spare blanket like a caterpillar wrapped in it's cocoon, she strangled him tightly with her arms to limit the older blond's movements with no regard towards his discomfort.

They are right in the middle of summer, yet she somehow finds more joy in the weather rather than complaint.

The blond coped by rolling on his sides, increasing sweat on his back clinging to his skin. He ogled his partner as if she'd fallen from the sky when she places her head on his chest, making the entire situation a whole lot worse than it had been before.

She's even making him sleep under the same blanket as her while he's _dying_.

Before this, she wouldn't even share during _winter._

And to think, this only comes _after_ she spent hours sobbing in the bathroom, refusing to let her face be seen because he supposedly _doesn't care_ for her. There was also the demand to bring over her _usuals_ within the next few hours, otherwise threatening to stay her entire life in the tub no matter how desperately begged her to come out.

She did get what she wanted.

And although he was made to travel _after_ midnight, taking an empty train with a dozing baby in his arms merely to find an open store to get her... _supplies, (an_ d mint biscuits, because she's been finishing an entire packet in one day rather than a week), she doesn't respond to him with any kind of special treatment.

Just a _thank you_ would've been nice. Or a peck to the cheek. At the very least she could've left the bathroom to take care of her own daughter instead of giving him another entire job to do. That was the first time he'd ever brought Mirai out in public, and he was only thankful his daughter slept like an angel through the whole journey.

Steam was beginning to puff out of his ears. "I'm going to wake up as roasted meat the next morning."

"That's fine with me," She sighed. "Your skin is so pale. You know rice dumplings...? Yeah, you look like those.. it would be nice for you to get a little tan."

 _How kind of her to comment on his skin tone._ As if it's even possible to get darker without the sun.

It hurt to keep himself from rolling his eyes, but he knows, for certain, that this is where he draws the line. "That's it, I'm getting out."

"No! _Noooo_!"

Len wrestled out of the young lady's cling, surprised at the sheer amount of strength and energy within that petite body despite the endless complaints about her dysmenorrhea.

It took a long time before he could finally break free for his own space, but the hot glare he was faced with afterwards was hot enough for him to slide back into the blanket, tightening his lips, and bearing the heat with the grit of his teeth. In that moment, he saw hellfire reflected in the eyes of a teenage girl, and he definitely wasn't eager to face it again.

Maybe it wasn't so bad to give in, every now and then.

Even if, that _every now and then_ with Kagamine Rin, is just another way to say _always_.

/

/

/

/

Her companion is a few metres away, below the porch, with his legs folded on the grass and arms leaning at an angle to admire the night sky.

The moon is bright and blinding, like nothing he's seen betore.

Her honeyed voice broke into his thoughts with a nag, complaining how he's dirtying his trousers by sitting without a mat or any cloth beneath him, but her silence is bought the moment he stretched his arms towards her, an invitation without words.

Her hesitant sock-clad feet padded off the wood onto the ground, damp dirt between her toes, and she has to jump across the rocks and fallen leaves to make the little distance where he sat, waiting.

Her body continues to be blanketed by a thick cloth and she refuses to release it in her state of pain, even when she's tired of standing merely to keep it clean.

When Rin was about to land on the ground beside him, the boy quickly adjusted her waist, allowing her to fall into his lap.

The summer heat is unbearable, truly, but her head on his shoulder is what engulfs him in flames. He can feel the younger blonde's lashes flutter, even when they aren't on him, and her small breath below his chin. He broke their silence, and in doing so, broke their peace.

"My parents had an arranged marriage." The words come out stiff and strange, like it pained him to talk about it when in reality the sentence was merely too foreign for him to say.

"Oh," Rin breathed, pleasantly whimsical, "Are we having this discussion today?"

"It's long overdue, isn't it?"

"You've been putting it off for a while," She agreed. "At this point I didn't think we'd ever have it."

That's false. She did. To assure it, se even made him _promise_ the other day. Sealed tight with both of their little fingers to boot.

But he'll play along just to amuse her.

"Well, they don't call me the _anti-pinocchio_ for nothing, do they. I just _can't_ tell a lie. So would you be a doll and get _off_ for a second? You're a tax on the heavy side." Rin gaped in disbelief. At his groan, the young lady resolved to make the pain worsen by grinding firmly into his lap, not with suggestiveness nor affection ー instead as if he were a ginger inside a mortar, and she was the pestle, elbowing his stomach to bits. "Ugh! Rin, you're heavy! Cut it out!"

She whacked the back of his head gently, but wasn't tender in pushing all of her weight deeper against him. " _Nobody_ calls you that!"

"Oh, the _irony_. Ouch! _I told you!_ " Her nose huffed air on his collar. "Get off! You're killing me!"

The fleece blanket around the young lady's body easily causes his skin to itch, but he grits his teeth and carries on as if it were nothing but a mere triviality, even when he has to rub his nose to stifle a sneeze. Rin jumps slightly at the sound of a coo, peering above the stilts to make sure the baby hadn't woken up in the course of their quarrel.

There are many things she is looking forward to, but spending another hour of nursing an infant back to bed was not one of them.

She spun an entire one-eighty in his lap, making him grunt at the weight, then greeted him with a smile where her nose was close enough to nudge his own. "Hi, Len..."

"Hi, Rin." He closed the distance, out of breath, and she giggled at the contact even more. "How can I help you?"

Of course she doesn't respond with an answer his question. She rarely does.

 _"Mmm... Lennie_. Len Len _Len_... you smell so _goood_ , Len."

She babbles more than a child.

He knocked her back by smashing his forehead against hers. "Alright, enough.. do you want to know about my broken family or not? If not, I'm going to sleep."

She laughed, only to drop her voice when she realised this time, he wasn't smiling back. Her attempt for humour wavered only slightly, before throwing another chance like a game with a dice.

"You don't _have_ a broken family, you have a pretty baby, an even _prettier_ Rin," He looked down. This time, her smile fell as well. ".. Len?"

He inhaled when she stared at him, round pools of blue turning wide and timid. His voice croaked when he spoke, but he carries his speech out to the end. "Sorry. I just, I don't know ー I really prefer not to joke about this." It's not an easy subject for him to talk about, and she should understand that.

That means she shouldn't react like a kicked puppy for being turned away.

He tried to make up for the stiffness by combing his fingers through the ends of her hair.

Rin placed her palm on the back of his hand, following the sway of his movements. "... well, your Mum's a good person, for starters."

His scoff caught her off guard. The young faced him inquisitively, and his first instinct was to shrug. "You don't know that."

His words were meant to be truthful, raw, but not cruel. He was being honest. This girl in front of him could never know whether or not Kagamine Lily is a good woman, and she never will. That isn't her mother, and Rin isn't _him_. She hasn't seen what he's seen, nor felt what he's felt.

"She is." But she speaks as if she does, and it infuriates him more than he'd like to admit.

 _"You don't know that."_

Her blatant disregard in defense of _that woman_ made him feel sick to his stomach. Some people place that woman on a pedestal, and that pedestal is sculpted from gold.

Rin hasn't stepped in his very own shoes, watched as the world went on, burning, as he dangles with burnt fingers the edge of a cliff. She wasn't the one to stay awake that night to feel lips brush _goodnight_ over the top of his head with the promise of a return, only for it to be the very last kiss that woman ever leave on his skin.

 _She doesn't relive the morning after over and over again the way he does in every moment he can think to breathe._

The memory overwhelms him, and he has to bodily shove the blonde off his lap so he can heave on the ground. His breath leaves his chest, and he's suddenly frantic for air.

Rin fell on the grass beside him, feeling lost for just a moment before she rushes to smooth his hair behind his ears, then with her free hand, strokes the length of his spine.

"I hate her," He chokes out, voice halfway between weakness and fury. "I _hate_ her. She put me in hell. _I hate her_."

"... you shouldn't hate someone." She coaxes, "It's not.. good for you."

She's trying to comfort him, he knows that, but hearing her deny his feelings burns oil beneath his skin.

"Fuck your sentimentality." He accuses her of bias, and she has nothing to respond with but to purse her lips. "You think she loves you because she cared for you, but she's a doctor, that's only her _job._. do you really think she'd get paid otherwise? Do you think she'd spend long hours at work if her home was even _mildly_ tolerable? She wouldn't. She wouldn't think twice."

"That's not what I meant."

The younger blonde's eyes are becoming red as if in disbelief towards her words, and guilt overwhelms him, screaming for control, begging to apologise. But pride showers over his thoughts, and coats everything else.

He clasped her jaw with a hand, forcing her chin to face him. "How do you think my Mum left me, Rin?"

He tells himself to wipe her tears, but somehow, and he doesn't know why, he does not.

The warm weather suddenly turns stiffening cold, unsure if it's the sign of a coming autumn or if the blood running beneath his skin. She's flinching in his hold, suddenly afraid to keep those deep twin pools open, but at the same time, afraid that if she were to close her eyes, this might would be the last she'd ever be able to see.

Rin relaxed, breathed, then tensed again when was met his gaze.

So when given no other choice, she memorises him. Each line in his eyes and each stroke of his lips.

After the moon and the stars, _she memorises him._

"You thought one day, she got in a car on the way home, drove off the side of the road, skidded straight into the sea, and that's it? You think that's why I'm angry? You think it's because she never thought to breathe? You think that's why I'm _like this?_ "

"I don't ー"

The dimples on his cheeks that appear even when he doesn't smile, the deep flush, whenever he brims in embarrassment, though now unseen, and the untouched skin that puts her freckles to shame. There are imperfections to him, of course, and she clings onto it because that's what reminds her that they're human.

His voice may be cruel, but it does not take every last bit of her sanity to convince herself that he is different. "How do you think she left? Tell me. Look me in the eyes, and tell me." His fingers clench her jaw, pushing at her teeth.

 _"I don't know..."_ The younger blonde expressed, hands flailing in frustration, flying to tug at her hair. "I don't know!"

He's right. She doesn't know his mother.

But he is different. _And he is different._ His voice dipped low, and she wondered when it would rise again.

Len pins the tension away, grasps it in one hand, then thrusts it into the unseen. "She met another man, fell in love, and never came back."

In the end that woman shouldn't matter.

Because _in the end,_ she doesn't know his mother, but more than anything, she knows _him_.

* * *

bad news and good news! bad news is that i took an entire month to update, good news is that its mostly because this doc was the length of three chapters and i had to cut it up like a cake, so that means next chapters may come sooner than they have been before.

... also what's this about miku no longer being a vocaloid?


	53. sep25

Dark circles beneath his eyes, the markings of teeth on his lips.

It doesn't immediately occur to him who this unkept, disheveled boy was, but his own reflection continues looking down on him until realisation comes as flash of lightning. He's trapped, staring at himself, as if swimming in a pool of pity.

Gel locked in place within his locks, sweat running down the back of his neck that somehow manages to not break. Kagamine Len has never been good with children, yet the universe finds it wise to carelessly place him inside a room with twelve of them, as if to laugh in his face.

The mirror mocks him with a scowl

He cups a handful of water in his hands, leaving the tap running as ice cold liquid makes a splash, harsh against his face.

One, deep breath, as he grips onto the sink, heaving in and out slowly to calm his thoughts down.

 _Well_ , he reasons with himself, looking at his ghostly reflection in the mirror. _This is what he chose_. There is nobody else to blame, and he's grown long beyond the years of running away from the road in front of him.

So he flattens his hair, dries his eyes, and lifts his chin high as if it were any other day.

/

/

/

/

Another weekend passes before he's home again, on Monday morning, as classes are off for the rest of the month before the final exams arrive along with their upcoming summer holidays.

Len's entrance to their home was nothing short of clumsy, stumbling over his own feet when he rode onto the platform, not failing to drop a pair of umbrellas in the process. It rained on his way back, and he thought it wise to bring a spare just in case.

He ran a hand up and down the back of his neck, suddenly feeling small under her astonished look. It's bare, with no band tying his locks together, but he hadn't thought she'd notice immediately.

"You cut your hair."

Odd thing for her to mention.

Especially when he'd forgotten having it done in the first place. Not that it was particularly memorable, because unlike the usual trip with his dad to the hairdresser on a weekend, _which he hasn't gone in years,_ the only thing he experienced was life as reckless seventeen year old boy, hunched over a cramped bathroom sink with bothing more than kitchen cutters to scissor off his hair.

Thinking about it, he probably should've asked someone for help. It's not as if Piko was busy that night.

But whenever he runs his hand across the spot where a stub of hair once stuck out only to feel nothing but short, chopped locks under his palm, he decides there aren't lingering regrets.

After all, in front of him are more important things to worry about.

Standing here, staring at him, Kagamine Rin is more bright and blinding than any star he's seen, to the point where he has to force his own eyes open to look at her. The young lady somehow mistook his squinting as a glare and did not hesitate to return it with as much venom possible until he diminished it by making one, quick, swoop, where her face met with his lips.

Rin's eyes softened. The spot on her cheek turns over, radiating heat as if it had been engraved by the sun.

Her tone remains accusing as she speaks. "You didn't come home at all last week."

It's not like it was on _purpose_. "Couldn't. I had mocks, and my dad was home. Here's your money, I forgot to return it last time."

He deposited a bill in the palm of her hands, then walked away into the living room as she trailed behind in his footsteps.

Rin wordlessly crammed the money into her pocket to cling to his side, refusing to separate from his touch for even one moment as they tiptoe around the sleeping lump on the floor.

His lazy scan of her body went from the young lady's huffed cheeks, to her pouted lips, down to the dark grey of her jumper. Or rather, _his_ jumper.

Len exhaled . He didn't want to make a loud fuss when it seems Mirai had only recently been put down for a nap, but he _does_ have to complain every once in a while if he doesn't hope to be lugged around like a dog on a leash for the rest of his life.

"Oh, come on, I _just_ washed that." He whined, tugging at the sleeve. She recoiled at the touch. "You've _got_ to stop taking my clothes. What do you expect me to wear once you've taken everything away? A leaf?"

She stepped back, offended. "It's a shirt, Len, not _pudding_. You can wear it tomorrow."

"Easy for _you_ to say. It's not your jumper now, is it?"

Her face looked as if he'd broken her ears, even when his voice was hardly louder than a single flake falling on snow. Although it was quickly getting difficult to keep the peace in the room.

"Fine then."

After taking a moment of reorganise her thoughts, the young lady's fingers flew to the hem of the shirt without giving him any time to turn around.

Rin faced him head-on with a deepening scowl.

Len's instincts told him to watch instead of protest, but his conscience forced the opposite at first glimpse of her skin. His limbs sprung to action. "What do you think you're doing?!" He hissed the question, yanking the girl's grip from the clothes when he realised the newfound motive to strip herself bare. "Stop! _Stop!_ "

Rin's voice got softer, nearly unheared when she mumbled that she only wanted to return the jumper to him.

He yanked on his own hair, nearly ripping them from his scalp, then dropped his hands to his sides in exhaustion. Living everyday is a chess tournament with her; he walks on eggshells every minute in fear of making a wrong move.

No, no, it's his fault. He's reacting too much over this. Rin has already taken plenty of his shirts, and another one won't hurt. He doesn't even notice when she wears his clothes most of the tikes, soon enough he'll barely even miss it. "You know what? You can keep it."

"Don't _want_ it if you're going to be mean about it."

A tick grew on his forehead. He massaged his brows with two fingers, then lowered them to face her directly.

"Stop being childish." He thinned his lips when the young lady responded with a look that spoke more then any words ever could. "Alright, I might have been a little mean. I'm sorry."

"You _usually_ let me wear your clothes..."

"... I mean, it's not like I find sharing _gross_ or anything. The thing is you wear my clothes and _never_ give them back. I have to dig around to find where you've crammed them, but that's only _months_ after I actually need it when we know you have your own clothes, too, but never bother to wear them."

"Because they don't _smell like you_."

It's a wonder that one sentence is all she needs to drive hom speechless.

His lips parted, as if he had something to say, then closed his mouth again when he realised he had no words at all.

When she asked if she could continue wearing the jumper they were arguing about, or if he'd prefer she dress in her own attire, he insisted the young lady do whatever made her most comfortable. By doing so, suggesting that _his clothes_ are what suit her best.

But in the end the young lady still took it off, replacing it for her own silk pyjamas. She tucked in the sleeves on her lap and folded the cloth as neatly as she can before returning it to his possession with both hands.

He took it. Even if, instantly, Len felt regret fill him for mentioning anything in the first place.

/

/

/

/

He set his daughter on the bathroom sink, letting her gaze at herself fondly in the mirror as he brushed his teeth before bed.

That was only after he'd done hers ー with one of those little hand brushes where you have to rub your silicone-gloved finger all over your infant daughter's mouth and hope she doesn't come across the idea to bite you.

The blond pushed the little, pink, rabbit toothpaste dispenser aside, making room for his own brush, as Mirai toches a single fingertip against glass as if to test the waters and see whether it was safe to the touch

Once she was sure of that, she placed her entire palm over her reflection, letting out the noise of a happy sigh.

When she spun her entire body around to look at him for affirmation, he lit his lips into a smile which she quickly returned.

The gesture was so instant, so sudden, he refused to believe it was real.

Len blinked, several times, unable to do anything but wonder whether what he'd seen was nothing but another mere illusion. And when he opened his eyes clearly once again, hoping to god and every little penny he'd thrown in a well that he was wrong, the young man was disappointed to find that the very same smile is nowhere to be seen.

/

/

/

/

"I borrowed from my Dad," He referred to the camera in hand, as Rin listened from her spot in the tub with soap lathered between her short fingers.

The sunrise meets the tip of her knees from where it peeks out of the water, and she settles in the warmth with a relaxed sigh.

She doesn't seem particularly interested in whatever he has to say, but didn't mind having the company either.

It's not like she has anything else to do, and it's felt like years before she's experienced any type of entertainment, though that might just be age getting to her.

Her fingertips reach the glass of the window pane, and Rin turns it lower to allow more light inside the room so they wouldn't have to squiny at each other in the dark. Although, of course, she would prefer if they were talking in a more... appropriate area. Like the back porch, or the living room, or anywhere that she isn't meant to be in the _nude_.

And it's rude, because the young lady knows if the roles were reversed, he would lock the door before she could even think about coming in.

"It's not called borrowing if you take it without permission... look, Len, I don't actually care what you're planning to do with that camera ー just _don't_ bring it in here while I'm bathing."

Her nag barged into his head among many other voices of his own, but he easily cut the noise out by tinkering with the portrait settings, as if those words are nothing more than background music in an elevator.

The blond quirked a brow, the rest of him somehow remaining unresponsive.

" _Len_." A warning tone. "I'm not joking around."

Merely for the joy of testing her limits, he brought the camera up, positioning the young lady's body into the frame.

Rin was too busy wringing her loofah of any foam when the telltale sound of a image being captured echoed across the room.

She didn't even come across the thought to scream. By the time she hurried to cover herself, he'd jumped the distance from the bath to the door, making sure to keep his device safe from any water splashes had she been overwhelmed with the potential urge to damage the camera. But she didn't.

He took a glimpse of the screen in the midst of the younger blonde's confusion to check how well the photo turned out, only to see nothing but an odd blur of white and overexposure from the sun.

There's nothing to see. _Except Rin doesn't know that._

Humouring himself, he took another one, purposely blinding her with the flash.

Rin lips pursed, followed by a deadly glare. Wet streaks threatened to run down her cheeks when she refused to blink, and his own tongue fell limp at finding her visage genuinely upset instead of stretching out her limbs in an effort to tug him towards the water. "Delete those. _Now_."

 _Maybe_ if she was nicer about this. "Shall I have them printed?"

Her personality switched in the blink of an eye. Rin's skin bloomed red when she grabbed each corner of the tub, preparing to leap out and chase him down the hall.

Realising that intention, Len was wise enough to take a head start and dash for the door.

/

/

/

/

Eventually she _does_ manage to tackle him, even if it is hours after her bath while he's taking his turn in the tub, not for a rinse, but instead for some peace with his books instead of studying in the living room as there would be too many _distractions_ running about.

And by distractions, he means Mirai.

Not that their daughter _wasn't_ quiet, _vocally_ , but those pudgy, sweaty little hands spoke more words than her lips ever could.

Forgoing even the cries, as she grasps paper, pencil and every little thing in reach to gnaw between her gums. His refuge used to be the spare room they rarely ever use other than Rin's occasional solo naps, but... well, let's just say that _his daughter is an explorer_ , and by now doesn't hesitate to roam each and every corner of the house in search of something new, and that means anywhere but the bathroom.

Oddly enough, this is the only place Mirai has an adversity towards unless one of them brings her in themselves.. it could be because of the wet floor.

In that case, he doesn't disagree with her. He doesn't like getting wet socks either ー but that's because he has to do his own laundry.

Len takes a deep breath.

The scent of the sun and the growing grass seeps inside, and it's now sunset rather than sunrise, but the burning star in the sky is as comforting and warm as ever. A shake of his shoulder forces him back to reality, but he keeps his eyes closed, as if to make the moment last.

Even when he spreads the truth directly on top of her face, she stubbornly doubts it. "It's illegal. You _know_ it's illegal."

"I _told_ you, I already deleted it." He promised, and he _did_. Right after taking the photo, because even if the original shot _was_ clear, which it's not, he simply isn't stupid enough as a person to keep something like that in possession. "I'll show you the proof later, alright?"

"I want it _now_."

At this point he wonders what she _really_ wants it for.

Just leave him until he's done with this essay. _That's all he asks for._ Len clicks his mechanical pencil, once, just to relieve some stress.

It doesn't work as Rin climbs into the bath to rest on his legs, causing Len's grimace at the expectation of soreness he'll experience later.

Evidently, he can't provide her the proof at _this exact moment_ because they're trapped in a dry tub with a whole litter of books scattered across his lap alongside his cellphone, but this young lady constantly refuses to side with reason, instead telling him to get out immediately even when all of her weight is shamelessly rested against him.

She isn't _heavy_ , of course, but he isn't exactly what one would call strong, either.

"Why are you even bringing this crap in the tub? You know if you turn the water on, everything's going to get damaged," So she says, as her elbow dangerously hovers above the bath faucet on the side. At some times, Rin can be breathlessly thoughtful yet extremely thoughtless at exactly the same time. "Are you actually doing your homework in the _bathroom?_ "

Yes, because he wanted some _peace and quiet._ Now he knows he won't get that. "Mirai rips apart everything she can lay her hands on... so _yes?_ "

If he had known this would happen, he would've avoided any interaction with Miss Rin until the end of day, especially the moment when he thought it'd be interesting to take a picture of her before running off like a guilty toddler.

Then again, it isn't entirely his fault that she's reacting this sensitively,.

Some people can't take a joke. Not to mention, he's done what she wanted, even though she doesn't believe he has.

Len took hold of the young lady's elbow, dragging it away from the risk. "Rin? Go play somewhere else, _honey_. I'm busy."

His accentuation of the pet name made her fume further.

"I'm not playing!" Rin huffed, shaking her arm free of his grasp and returning to that spot by the faucet. Either she was intentionally being cruel to taunt him, or she is stupidly oblivious. Whatever it is, Len wouldn't hesitate to bet all of his money on the latter. "Give me the camera!"

"I told you where it is! Just get it yourself!" He groans.

His energy is getting drained out, and fast. The younger blonde snatched his penxil out of his hands when he made a gesture to jot down a note into his writing pad as a method to ignore her, but she caught on quickly, and hell would freeze over before Kagamine Rin would think to give him a second of tranquility if it meant sacrificing her own ease.

Finally reaching the brink of his frustration, he placed both hands on the blonde's shoulders, pushing her back to create a space between them. "Fine. Then at least get off me so I can bring it to yo ー"

That miniscule action turned out to be another mistake he'd commit on that day, because when she fell back, it was directly against the metal of the faucet.

He had nothing left to do but watch, with a pale face, as the tub began to fill with water.

/

/

/

/

He's not sure why _she's_ crying. It's not like there's anything for her to actually cry about.

Last time he checked, he's the one with fifteen paragraphs due by Wednesday _,_ a malfunctioning phone from contact with water, and hours of patting his schoolbooks dry with nothing more than a damp cloth in hopes that the newfound fragility won't cause the entire spine to fall apart. But _no_. He's not crying, he's not allowed to, because she's taking reigns of sobbing in his lap, spilling his collar with tears.

Len doesn't know how someone can become like this if she wasn't _already_ born a mess. He didn't blame her, he didn't scream at her, and he definitely didn't turn over the cold shoulder because of a mistake he knows he had a part in.

He coaxed the young lady, tucking a strand of her blond hair behind her ears, saying she shouldn't be upset over something that wasn't her fault.

Rin assured that she knows it wasn't her fault, she's just astonished and overwhelmed with how somebody can be so stupid as to even _think_ of bringing fragile items into the heart of it's weakness.

But as she says everything, her mouth moves against his neck and her legs wound tighter and tighter against his waist, holding him, suffocating him, as he has nothing to do but caress the spine of her back.

The scent of lime shampoo intoxicates him, and he has to hold his breath, take in air through his mouth, trying not to be driven wild.

She offers to rewrite all of his notes after fixing up a bowl of rice to leave his phone in, but he assured he'd rewrite whatever he can and hand in any remains of the spoilt sheets with a good excuse by the date it's due.

It is eventually seconds, minutes, and hours that pass before he manages to get Rin inside a blanket, sworn to silence with a mug of hot tea.

And even though she still doesn't stop leaning against him, at least her lips are sown as she watches him write across paper with the aid of nothing more than a pen and dim candlelight.

The wind outside is heavy, the skies already dark, and a thunder claps somewhere louder than it had when they heard it before.

"There's a leak in the roof. _Right_ where we patched it up last time." Her voice is so sudden after what felt like years of hearing any sound, that his wrist jumps in the midst of a line, causing a stroke of black ink slides across the sheets. "... um, sorry, I really didn't mean to distract you."

As if she's not _already_ distracting him by sitting on him for the past few hours. Rin releases a soft yawn by his ear, and leans back to meet his gaze. In doing so, she allows her lips to touch his chin.

That's another surprise for him on it's own. She hasn't been the one to initiate a kiss in _ages;_ even the little ones on the lips.

One of her fists go up to rub her eyes, whilst the other arm makes sure to be firmly looped around his neck so she doesn't fall away.

The young man has to nearly close his lids to look at her. "... hey, you fell asleep, didn't you?"

Of course she did. Nobody can stay awake and motionless for _that_ long without having a complaint about it.

Both of his legs are already numb and he can't feel anything anymore, even if someone were to pierce the entire length of a sword through his thigh.

Her stubbornness is evident when she refuses to answer him. "Mmm.. Lennie, you're warm..."

It doesn't take much for her to drive him to the edge. One breath, or one sigh, that's all it takes, and it weakens him to the core.

Len makes a weak try to push her off now that she is aware, but her resistance makes the rest of his efforts futile. "Oh, you're _insane_. Go lie down on the futon instead! You're killing me right now."

"Don't want to." Before he can protest, her mouth latches on the side of his jaw, leaving a soft warmth on the skin. She leans back to meet his eyes, and he can see that shimmeer, that _glimpse_ he meets everytime. "..because I know if I do, you'll leave without saying anything, and I'll have to wake up alone again, every.. other day.."

That glimpse that, with no effort, with nothing, takes only one second to drive him insane.

The bags of her eyes are still red, but he doesn't know what to do to kiss it away.

/

/

/

/

Len woke them up early on Saturday morning, declaring a trip outside without providing any other explanation.

Thankfully, there was no reluctance or protests on Rin's end, although she did take her own sweet time at getting ready.

He somehow managed to be lax, even when it takes until afternoon has long passed, after he's finished the mile walk to throw away the trash, taken a bath, and tied up two little stubs of antennas on the top of his daughter's head as her curls are far too short for braids. (But, if anything, those lashes are definitely nowhere near thin, a pleasant surprise as he suffers a severe lack of eyelashes and her mother hasn't got a natural curl in her own either.)

So in the midst of his distraction, trying to get his daughter to finish up her milk bottle without fuss, his blonde companion finally returned to the living room _dressed_ and ready to go.

"Are we heading out for a date?" Rin's lashes flutter at him delicately, though he can tell her tone is teasing when she skips to the hall outside and straps on her shoes.

Len lifts their baby, _already dressed in a pretty pink_ romper, into his arms. "Something like that," He reaches for the keys off the rack and only closes the lock behind him once they're all waiting outside the door.

Subconsciously, he stares at her.

There's something different about Rin today, but he can't put a finger on what.

Feeling conscious under him, the young lady looked down at her attire ー that same white dress, and despite their heated interaction a few days prior, she dons a crimson ratty pullover he identified as his own, which must've been thrown on without giving it a thought.

Rin hadn't done it on purpose, but obviously _he_ doesn't know that.

She must've realised what he was thinking about, because she hugged Mirai a little tighter, as if to bury her shame.

A quick excuse comes to the tip of her tongue, rolling off like caramel on chocolate. "I don't have any warm clothes... I really don't mean to touch your things, I promise."

"No, I wasn't saying anything," He assured. He's learnt from his mistakes, and by all honesty, he feels better this way. "It's going to be cold tonight. You can go back in and choose one of my thicker clothes if you'd like."

A heavy head bobs against his shoulder, making a noise about being directly beneath a sharp ray. Len lifted a palm to shade the little girl's eyes from the sun, moving his body backwards so they could use the trunk of a nearby tree for cover.

A sudden gust of wind blows past, and Rin's toes shiver beneath her shoes.

She looks back at him, and his eyes are suddenly so warm and concerned and caring which confuses her because she hardly ever sees him act _genuine_ ー so she slams it down, refusing the offer then blaming any thoughts on a dream, because she's been fooled once before and would rather stop breathing than have it happen again.

/

/

/

/

She was lacing the scarf which previously hung around her neck, around her daughter's fingers into makeshift gloves when he returned with a can of cold lemon tea.

They're at the train station, uncannily familiar scenery, just a few stops away from their old home.

When she asks again, for confirmation, what they were really out for if _not_ a date, he only looks at his own feet and shuffles the tip of his boots together, as if willing time to move faster rather than at the pace it was going at now. As always she is being kept in the dark and she doesn't like it one bit.

If anything, she _loathes_ it, despises it to the very core.

She pulls his sleeve, then the hem of the young man's jacket, demanding to know what he's allowing to go on while keeping her in the dark.

Rin's questions are answered when she looks up, across the dome, she feels the rush of bile roll up her throat at the sight of her brother sprinting towards her.

* * *

ten days is later than i hoped but... my schedule is not in a good place right now. anyhow, thanks again everyone for reading (+reviewing) the story and i'm glad i managed to get a surprise in the last chapter!

also more on len's mum comes later but i'm not a fan of cramming in information so soon without any breaks, or else it leaves no room for air... although that's why we suffer this snail pace we're at at now. anyways, with the upcoming ending i hope soon there will be more questions are left unanswered ;


	54. dec4 II

Every single nerve beneath her skin is yelling at her to get up and run.

She has no idea how, but _they_ found her.

Her heart leaps to her throat as she quickly grabs onto Len's wrist, taking advantage of the crowd in hopes of getting away. When she yanks the older blond to the side, yet he remains rooted on the spot to without a single sign of panic, she finally understood what, in that moment, was truly happening.

This situation they're in isn't a coincidence.

No matter how much she prays, _this isn't a coincidence._ Reality is bitter, pointing fingers at her and sneering when she faces a corner with nowhere left to scream.

"Rin," He was careful to keep his words low, as if he were the voice of reason rather than the devil whispering by her ear. "Listen to me."

He must have planned this. _No_ , how could she have been so _stupid_ , _of course_ he planned this. There was nobody that held her in so much vulnerability in the way that he did; she should've known it was only matter of time before that mask of submission on his face eventually falls apart.

It crumbles from paper sheets to dust and ashes, leaving her to wander a long maze with only dead ends.

Her eyes show fear, and it is the same shade as the darkest time of night.

Even as naivety pushes her into a trap a million times, she continues to lean over it as if it were the only pillar left in the world.

His nose made a move to peck her forehead, but her resistance pushed away, even when his voice drops softer than a pindrop. "I'm not letting anyone take you away from me... you'll be back here, _because he'll bring you back._ He promised to bring you back."

Rin should have known better.

"Let me _go!_ " She shrieked. Her pulse pumps through her ears at the realisation the only person left to defend her was turning his back on her as if she will only be a memory. One half of her body wrestled away from his grip, and the other half was struggling to pry her daughter from his arms.

"No. Rin, listen, five o'clock, I'll be waiting for you."

They're drawing a scene. Plenty of eyes surround them, running short as the tick of a clock sounds louder and louder to warn her of the coming end.

Their daughter stirred from sleep in the midst of panic, and he has no choice but to release her weight to her mother who quickly took opportunity of a sprint. Rin whisked around to escape only to freeze in her tracks when her brother appeared right before her.

Her chest sparks with pain when two hands rest on her shoulders, slowly reaching up to cup her face.

She closed her eyes in hopes of mocking it as a dream.

This isn't true. She is in the garden, she is stepping over the grass, and _he_ is kissing away her tears ー

But when Rin opens her eyes, the picture in mind loses colour from blue, red and violet to nothing but grey.

Soon enough there is no image, and the only place she stands is in a crowded train station during the morning rush hour, and those warm hands on her cheeks, touching her skin so tenderly, aren't _his._

The grasp moves from her face to renew a grip on her hand, and the young lady can't help but look back as if expecting him to follow behind her, grab her, explain _everything_ and keep her from being ripped away of everything she has.

Though as she is dragged away he continues standing right where they were, by that little wooden bench, not making a single move to stop her dreams from becoming a nightmare.

/

/

/

/

He needn't be so devoted when his only job is to jot down notes, merely to make the teachers' lives easier. But by doing so, it makes his _own_ miserable, and the constant reminder of his aversion towards children looms over his head like crawling through the muddy waters of a swamp.

They tell him to stand in the corner and take note of what's being taught in class ー logs, methods, _anything_ of the sort which is decent work when one isn't running on two hours of sleep. In this situation, however, that is exactly where he stands.

It doesn't help when the younger kids have difficult behaviours depending on how many of them decide to wander about the school that day.

The young man tries not to let his troubles show as he rounds up a group of energetic preschoolers, keeping them from leaving the classroom even as they whine incessantly in his ear.

Then again, there is always a silver lining to every cloud, and not everything is as bad as it seems.

 _At least these ones don't pull his hair and yank on his nose, unlike a particular little nightmare under his care._

When he's done for the day and headed for the lockers to retrieve his shoes, it is only to realise the presence of soft bare footsteps following behind his own.

Len's lips stretch out into a thin line.

He turns around as if expecting the sound having been only from his imagination, but is surprised by the sight of a boy, one of the older ones, strangely not from one of the classes he assisted in ー peering expectantly towards him.

He lets out a sigh, recollects his bag, and prepares to be of all ears.

Seconds passes to minutes, and soon enough it's been hours since he's been stuck here waiting on the same child.

He has explained the exact same thing for the _hundredth_ time to no avail. There's suddenly a renewed level of respect grown for all of the teachers he's ever had dawning upon him, but he manages to shake the thought out with a firmer motive, intending to start from the beginning. There was no time to waste.

"I just can't get what it is that you don't _understand_."

"... am' sorry."

Downcast eyes, somehow beginning to fill up with water.

Oh, he bit his cheek in realisation once he recognises what it is. _Oh,_ he thinks again.

Guilt burdens him once he realises he'd been harsh enough to bring a child to tears. Swallowing down a sigh, he gently lifted the pencil from the younger boy's grip, taking another look at the paper before getting to work. "Don't be sorry. It's alright to ask for help, that's what I'm here for."

Strangely enough, no, it isn't. This _isn't_ his responsibility.

On the contrary, the teacher he assists is Ms. Ann, whose classes consists a majority of children beneath the age of seven.

This boy seemed a bit older than half his age, likely around nine or ten, perhaps one of those from the evening tuitions rather than the weekend nursery programme which Len is personally involved in. This makes one of the seniors (amongst the college students who rushed out the doors as soon as the schedule ended,) responsible for this.

Unable to hold the curiosity back, he wonders why one of _them weren't a_ pproached for help, much less the actual _teacher._

Then again, he _does_ get paid for doing this unlike most other people here who get a good reference letter on their resume at most.

Although he wasn't holding back his tongue, it wasn't like Oliver was listening in the first place. Nevermind how these are supplementary classes to already help grasp whatever is too difficult during _school_.

Len takes one glimpse at his watch, then bites his lips again.

Sunset isn't far from the clock, and he can see the sun falling through the window of the small waiting room. The hall is nearly quiet, with only the ticking of a clock on the wall and the receptionist typing manicured nails over her keyboard.

If he wants to get anything done, he might as well grab hold of it all and do it now.

/

/

/

/

She told Yuuma to leave her here ー he had college, anyway, and she was sure Len would be on time.

Now, she's not sure anymore.

It's seven. He promised five, and it's already seven. She feels less significant than a little bug, watching the hours drift by and people along with it, around and past her little wooden bench. She was so _sure_... or maybe this is just another one of his tricks.

Maybe this is his way of telling her to politely _go off,_ as he wants nothing to do with her anymore.

Yet even when the idea comes to mind, bitter to the taste, she no longer has the heart to think, cry, or to scream.

It's not like it would make a difference.

She won't stay here forever anyway.

Her brother promised he'd come back to make sure she wasn't left waiting; and he didn't wish to leave her in the first place.

A scowl dirties her face when she thinks of having to see Yuuma again, how she'll have to lower her gaze and find an excuse as to why Kagamine Len, despite her foolish tongue-tied loyalty, left her in the dark without following word of return.

(She'll have to explain that he never meant his promises in the first place.)

Her daughter is fussing against her chest, weeping against the cloth. Rin kisses the top of those little curls, wishing for the tears to be swept away.

A larger hand suddenly lands on her shoulder, forcing her gaze over the bench to see who it is. She expects to the form of her elder brother finished with his classes, ready to take her home. But instead she sees that same boy, ladled in sweat as if he had ran across an entire country to get to where they stood right now.

Anger bursts inside her, ready to demand him where he'd been, and how he had the heart cruel enough to leave her.

That emotion is quickly replaced with relief, and hot, warm tears bubble up to her eyes ready to be released the moment she falls against his chest.

/

/

/

/

The young lady curls herself into the corner of the room, by the fireplace, keeping her child on her lap as the older blond leans over their aged mantelpiece, poking a stick against the flames as if life depended on it.

Mirai has dried streaks down her cheeks, evident upon hours of wailing, and he whirls around to run a finger over the skin until Rin forcefully shoves his hand away. He recoils, disbelieving, as if he'd been shot by a surge of lightning.

She took opportunity of his shock to crash the wall of silence between them, that same scowl from the station never once leaving her features. " _Just so you know_. I've been waiting since three."

He remains aghast, and his expression doesn't hide the slightest bit of astonishment. "It's not my fault _you_ decided to wait earlier than I told you to."

"That's right. It's never your fault."

Never mind that he was even two hours later than the time he promised he'd return, never mind that _their_ child has cried so much until there are no tears left to spill. Never mind how he'd reinstilled that same fear of being left behind she thought she had rid of in the shadows a long time before.

"But if you're going to wash your hands off as if you haven't got to do with anything, next time, learn to use a _fucking_ condom."

The fire licked up the wood, steering Len back to reality by the time the heat touches his finger.

He calms down soon enough, but is ignored whenever he makes an attempt to meet her in the eyes.

The house is a stifling kind of warm. The burning sun over their roof does nothing to help cool down the heat, and yet he finds it a good idea to bring more of it in their home.

The peak of summer has come, and for once, she isn't the slightest bit happy about it.

When she complains about the fire, he explains that the grey clouds in the distance are looming closer, and he's only preparing comfort to last the storm.

She's midway between pulling off her daughter's socks, exchanging them for new ones from the baby bag, until two warm hands interrupt the plan by taking her cheeks between their palms. The fingers pressing against her skin are more timid than they are slender, his touch more cautious than it might ever be loving.

He tilts her head down to level with his own eyes

She's sitting on top of two pillows, and he has to look up at her, keeping her gaze only on him and nothing else.

Soon enough Rin takes hold of the older blond's wrists, mustering just enough strength to push them away. Her throat is lit in fury, threatening to burst at him, scream profanities, curse him to the depths just to make him feel even a _fragment_ of what he's done to her.

But nothing happens.

Instead, being the timid, stupid little girl she is, she stares down, right at her feet, avoiding him despite her wishes to act otherwise. "Let me go." She protests softly, yet that's all she does. "Enough, Len. I don't want this right now."

He didn't intend to, no matter how much she wished. Yet all it took was the mere sound of a yawn, and the remembrance of the baby laid across Rin's legs swiftly grasps his attention away.

Mirai, who had been asleep in her mother's hold throughout the entire train ride followed by the walk home, only _just_ broke out of her dreams.

Their daughter blinks sleepily, staring off into space, and when her mother forms the sound of a coo ー turns towards the direction of sound as if it were all that is needed to calm her down.

"Did she cry?"

As if there wasn't enough evidence to answer that. Rin couldn't keep a scowl off her face, holding back every urge to grab him by the back of his head and shove his eyes towards that little purple band-aid plastered beneath the child's sleeve. "... Obviously. She got a jab."

Patience is a virtue.

Despite the growing list of things she wants to do to him, she sets back, stretching her arms out warmly towards a whining infant in search of comfort by her chest.

"What did the doctor say?"

"Doesn't _matter_ what the doctor said, because you didn't bother to come with us." Rin tucked her daughter beneath her chin. Even through his own frown, Len can't help but feel his heart soften at the sight of it. "Sometimes I wonder what _really_ matters to you."

"I _couldn't_."

To her, those words are only a roll of butter off his tongue.

His lips have long since cut through her skin, and she no longer bleeds by it. "No, Len. You never can."

When he leans in for a kiss later that night, as a goodnight before bed, she doesn't bother to turn her lips away.

But they are cold and unsettling, and he wonders whether it's really from the same person he's felt before.

/

/

/

/

A harsh whack to the back of his head forces him to jolt awake.

Just before he took a blink he saw himself in that same room in his late grandparents' little house above the valley, watching the rain hit the grass and the pale green mountains whimper under the heavy storm as _she_ breathes gentle sighs against his neck.

The water would drip, drip, _drip_ from the roof, falling onto the bucket beneath, and golden strands of her locks would tickle his chin whenever he draws her blanketed body closer in his hold. He'd move back for a comfortable position, and she'd whine for him to stay put.

Then he opens his eyes again, and he finds himself regretting it the instant he realises he's no longer home.

Rin is no longer close, albeit resentfully, asleep against him, and the sunny weather is greeted by a view of the sea outside his classroom window rather than the storm that forces them to lay only inches apart.

He looks down to find his test sheet missing, then turns his chin upwards to see the paper in his English teacher's hand, wringing her wrist after the impact she'd shot to wake him up.

The room surrounding him is silent, whether in fear or respect, he doesn't know. In the end, he has nothing more to do than mumble a weak apology for dozing off and pick up his pen to resume his writing.

/

/

/

/

The usual spring flowers are, saddeningly, gone, as the end of summer replaces space on the shelves with seeds or flower bulbs rather than anything else.

His friend's mother grins at him beyond the glass door, shooting a little wave of acknowledgement at his trimming of the roses while the boy beside him finishes penning cursive letters across greeting cards.

He doesn't have any time to smile back when before being shoved roughly in the sides.

"I'm _telling_ you, I am _not_ attracted to your mum. That's _gross_." Len scowled, earning a disbelieving grunt. The thought of bubbly, bouncing young lady barges to mind, with her attraction to the lake and the mountains and summer, young and unbelievably louder than anybody he's ever heard in the world.

Not that she's very happy with him as of this moment.

Upset, he purposely allows a thorn to pierce the skin of his thumb, and doesn't so much as flinch when a drip of blood stains the stem.

"Watch it." Piko chastised. "Dad told me you've been doing some volunteer work in the capital lately."

"Yeah. Well, I get paid, so it's not actually _volunteering_ per say."

It will also look good on his resume, seeing as he doesn't have a clear image of what he's going to do after this. Thinking about it stresses him out. The young man takes a deep breath, instead bringing his mind to think of lighter thoughts, such as whether he should grab some more bread on the way back or if there's plenty enough that they haven't finished at home.

Soon enough, using his brain for _that_ stresses him out as well, so he simmers in his own pity.

At least now he remembers he has to send his dad a message that he'll be staying over at a friend's house again tonight.

The warm weather turns his cheeks an unearthly magenta, and he glares at his reflection through one of the hanging mirrors.

"Maybe you should.. you know, stop?" Piko's voice is suddenly soft, unsure. It takes the older boy a second to remember what their subject of conversation even was. "Take a break, maybe? You've been falling asleep in classes often lately, everyone notices it. I don't know why you're exhausting yourself but if it's the money you need-"

"It's not about the money," Len cut in.

He doesn't want to hear anymore.

A blatant lie, if anything. But he doesn't have any other excuse left to give. And in all honesty, he can't afford to lose this either.

Of all times, not now.

His friend reached across the counter for some antiseptic wipes, reaching for his hand then dabbing the cloth against his finger without any warning. The blond winced at the sting, but still made an appreciative grunt- he wouldn't have bothered to clean it up himself anyway.

".. right. Sorry. It's just, I overheard Dad say he's going to call your parents, then tell the centre to let you off if it's getting in the way of school. Final exams are soon, Len, you _know_ that. It's not the best time to focus on anything but _study_."

It's not as if it's a real problem. Sure, he doesn't pay attention in class, sure he's been having sleeping spells more often than he used to.. but hr scores the same grades in tests, and that's all that matters.

"Thanks," He sighed, taking the wipes into his own grip. "But I can take care of myself _, you_ know that."

At this point, it feels like he's the only one who believes it.

/

/

/

/

"How is she?"

"Hm..."

"Doesn't sound good." Her brother slid out an envelope from his backpack, depositing it into the younger blond's hand. "You should've told her that you were sending her to me. That day."

 _Family_ his arse. A scoff rose to his nose, but he held it back. To think you could be raised with someone for a decade and a half yet still not understand a dominant aspect of their attitude that Len quickly grasped under only three years of knowing her.

Vaguely he can't help but wonder whether there is anyone in the world that truly comprehends the way her mind works, or whether Rin has already built a shell around herself long before history was written. If she were to build her own home, there would be no windows and no doors. It's impossible, even for someone like him, to take a peek inside.

On one hand are her wishes, on another sits their priorities. There is never a balance.

Len glanced at the money in the envelope, then pocketed them within his own jeans. There wasn't time to chat anyway. He had to catch the train back to Ooda, or else be forced to wait at the station for another hour if he misses it. "If I had told her _that_ , she wouldn't have set a single foot outside at all."

Nobody knows her that well. Admittedly, not even him.

Though if there is one thing that he's confident in, it's that Kagamine Rin is headstrong, and does not listen to anybody's opinions but her own.

/

/

/

/

 _You're back early,_ she says, not in a spiteful way but instead as if she were genuinely surprised.

In all honesty, he's later than he should've arrived considering he'd waited to help out at his friend's family florists rather than come home immediately after school. But that would do nothing to water down the fire she's ignited towards him the past few days, so he mentions nothing other than a nod.

Though for once. Just _one_ time, he prays she won't whine about every single decision he makes.

That prayer isn't granted today; Kagamine Rin wrinkles her nose, watching him whilst she roughly massages a towel through her own damp hair. "Who sets up a fire during summer?"

"It's going to rain." Another poke to the flames. "I don't want to take any chances."

"That's what you said last time."

And it _did_ rain last time, so her point is entirely lost to him.

Today the young woman's attitude is less angry, more nonchalant, and he finds her ignoring him more often than spiralling them against the ground for a fight. Her feet suddenly lands on his lap, bare, this time without socks, and before he can scowl at her for the blatant rudeness, she gestures towards them with her gaze.

Len understood that as a request for a massage.

He resists every urge to roll his eyes, wipes off the remains of soot against his shirt, and earns a disapproving sigh at the attempt to make his hands clean. The complaints fall into the unseen, however, the instant he begins to knead at the gap between the toes to her heels.

She was just about to fall asleep, back leant completely against the wall, when his offer stirred her away from losing consciousness.

"Do you want to hit me?"

"What?"

"Hit me, kick me ー don't you want to do any of that? Aren't you upset?"

A snort left her nose. "Do you _want_ me to hit you? I'm not one to resort to violence, Kagamine." Not that her hits ever hurt, anyhow, and not that he believes he particularly deserves it, but it's odd to see someone carry on for this long without any retaliation.

"You've done it before." In any case, he finds the way she's treating what's happened this week nearly like nothing more than a passing wind even unsettling than if she were a raging storm hurtling a million punches against his chest from dawn until night. It's a risk and it drives him to the edge; as if he were blindfolded and being led to the core of the sea.

But her touch isn't cold. If anything, Rin is nearly the same, if just not as cheerful as she normally is on any other day.

She lets him kiss her, touch her skin, hold her body to asleep ー and unless it involves questions about her daughter, she doesn't push him away even once.

If this is her method to drive him insane, then she's far wiser than he'd thought, because he's quickly pushing at the brink of his sanity.

The blonde left just one eye open to look at him beneath the rising moonlight. "I did, but it doesn't change anything, did it? No matter how much energy I spend, no matter how much I try, you stay the way you are, and as much hope as I build, it only hurts me in the end. At this point I've stopped believing at all."

"I don't do anything to hurt you." Len argues. "You don't understand _why_ I did what I did!"

He still doesn't regret it. No matter what, he's certain that an appointment at the doctor was _crucial_ , and her refusal to be anywhere outside does them more harm than good.

"It's not that I don't understand, it's that you could've gone about this a different way, but you _chose_ not to."

Her words sting more than he'd like to admit, so he takes the cue to remain silent. Biting his lips, hoping the taste of metal will rid of the taste of salt.

"You could've told me you're in contact with my family, you could've _told_ me where we were going on that day," She continued weakly, pulling her feet away from him. She raised herself, towards the other side of the room just to retrieve a blanket and settling by the hearth. "If you were honest, I wouldn't have wasted so much time getting my hopes up."

And because he wasn't, because honesty avoids him as if they stood on opposite sides of the scale, those hopes were all for nothing.

Still ー getting her hopes up for _what?_

It's only a random date he hadn't put any thought to, her brother suggested it, so he agreed without protest.

Nothing struck as oddly different. She dressed up prettier than usual, she was more affectionate than usual ー or maybe that was just Rin being Rin.. her smile was perfect, until the moment it all went down the drain, at least. The summer is ending, and the realisation strikes him more bitter than sweet.

 _Happy Birthday, Rin,_ but with a tongue tied into a million knots, it's impossible to get himself to say it.

Right now the seawater is warm, but he alone walks knee-deep, barefoot on seashells, as the young lady stands far to watch him from shore.

* * *

got into an accident & managed to get an arm injury several months ago, so that added in with exam preparations caused a major stall in the updates; sorry for the delay! i'm trying to get the updates out as fast as i can.

to answer on some questions, the end is close. the final chapter has already been written a long time ago, and quite honestly the climax has already come and passed. mostly i've been rewriting everything that goes in between to fill up any gaps or things that haven't yet been explained. tell me if i've missed anything.


	55. dec13

The man flicks his wrist upwards to take note of his watch, shaking his head in worry at the sight of the time. The flight is taking off in two hours, and he should've already been at the airport a long while ago.

Not that Len's really complaining. He himself had just gotten back from hours of training in the capital city, alongside the allowance check he has tucked within his pocket the last thing he wants to do is interact with his father for an entire night. It seems his wish was granted, because that man is already bustling around the apartment packing up the last of his things.

At this point they can barely even stand each other.

In all honesty he could care less about his father's absence when there are plenty of other things on his mind.

Not to mention there are his final exams at the end of next month, which, thankfully, his family wasn't making a big deal out of; his _dear old dad_ barely acknowledges it, his brother can't do more than wish him luck when staying on the other side of the country, and Rin... _well_ , Rin doesn't have to know anyway.

Right _. Rin..._ hell _._ Maybe he should tell her.

His head hurts thinking about it.

Len stares down at his feet, pretending to be wistful, then looks back up to meet the man in the eyes.

He's holding onto his juice box, taking little sips of milk though the straw, while his father takes the time to straighten a tie, calmly, despite the panic in everything else. "How long will you be gone?"

The response he gets is far from what he wished to hear.

"... two months. Listen, Len, I'm telling you not to bother that girl's family while I'm gone." The sudden attack catches him off-guard, especially when this is the one conversation they'd avoided having for a whole year.

When he scoffs, as if hoping their subject of discussion would change into something else, his father forgoes the discomfort and faces him with a stern glare.

"I'm not trying to be _funny_. I don't want you to make the same mistake twice."

He breathes through his teeth when he his father looks at him impatiently, expecting a direct answer. "Alright. But even if I _do_ see her, what do you expect to happen? Bet you she'll immediately get pregnant just by breathing in the same air as me, yeah?"

"I _said_ I'm not joking around."

Of course, Kagamine Leon is never joking around.

It's so sudden, with a bitter reminder, that his father has never once been proud of him. That's why Len is _always_ getting chastised, that's why he was never allowed to let a single toe out of line or else he'll be forcefully reminded of it until the end of his time. It's times like these where he prefers his mother, but then he remembers what _she's_ done as well.

Even as a child, to this man, he was likely nothing more than a black stain on the sky.

And to that woman, he was only a cloud ー she remembers him, but does not miss him even if he isn't there.

"All I asked was how long you'll be _gone,_ you're the one who..." Oh, fuck, he doesn't know why his eyes are betraying him now. They're wet, and his tongue follows suit, turning numb into nothing more than dead weight in his mouth, but he tries to continue speaking, avoiding defeat, "... y-you're the one who..."

Leon's eyes softened at the sight of his son's trembling shoulders. "I have to go," He rests one, soft hand on Len's arm, but when the boy stiffens at the touch instead of finding comfort in it, the hand is released as if it were shot by ice. "I mean what I said, I don't want you to get hurt. Do you understand?"

No, he _doesn't_. He's lived his entire life understanding, and now refuses to be running in a circle. "Just _go_. You're going to miss your flight."

"Len, look at me." The older man lifts one of his carry-on bags over a shoulder. "Everything I've ever done, I did it for _you_."

The words are familiar, but Len's not quite sure where he's heard it before.

But when he looks away, towards that dusty cabinet glass, just to see his reflection scowling back at him, the blond already knows the answer. And it disgusts him to the core.

/

/

/

/

Naturally the first thing he did upon arrival to their home in the mountains was to tell her to take a shower, pack her bags, and ready their daughter so they could return to the beachside town.

She was groggy and half-asleep when he told her the news.

Her words came out in a slur of what he hoped wasn't curses and insults, but through the indistinct mumbling he did manage to understand something along the lines of _you know Len you're absolutely bloody mental_ , then threatening to bury him in an unmarked grave hidden beneath her future garden of roses and lilies.

He hopes those are merely the doing of his ears playing tricks on him rather than actual words slipping from her heaven of a throat.

"It's summer break, my dad won't be home until maybe, I don't know, Christmas, and the final exams are coming up. This is the best thing we can do."

"No." She took a minute, making him hold his breath and believe the younger blonde was only pausing her speech so she could get over with brushing her teeth furiously in front of the bathroom mirror, involving a glare towards his reflection with all the fury she can muster.

Then she spat out the foam.

He blinked, as if waiting for her to continue talking, but one more look at Kagamine Rin told him that she was very, and completely, finished.

Nothing could be done to change her mind either.

"You've got anything left to say?"

"No?"

"Right ー I mean, you took a pause there, so..." Len cleared his throat when the girl spun around to glare at him. His own toothbrush, gel coated nicely on the brush as he was still taking his own sweet time to put the damn stick in his mouth, nearly fell out of his hands. Rin was stepping over a very thin boundary of rushing over to do it herself. "Please consider it."

" _No._ And brush your teeth."

But he's already brushed his teeth _nine times_ today until his gums taste and feel nothing but mint and green tea. At this point he's only doing it because he has nothing better to do.

That, and consuming toothpaste wasn't the worst thing in the world to do. On the _contrary_...

Before he could finish his thoughts, she roughly bumped shoulders with him on her way out, leaving to take their clothes off the pegs before the small ray of sun they have stops shining and the dark clouds come by to pay them another visit. She can't be bothered to deal with another mess of rain. They haven't seen clear skies for weeks.

Len decided to put the brush aside first, leaving it on the sink with a mental note to clean up any mess _after_ he gets his point across.

Only, well, you need two willing participants to have an agreement, and one of them refuses to respond even to the slightest hint of reason.

The young man follows their path to the living room, where she doesn't think twice to leave through the back porch and step onto earth.

"Remember those five conditions? You can up them to ten. Just follow me on this."

"Oh, forget _those_. You've never kept your promises anyway."

"What are you saying? You've never even told me what they _are_. Rin, come on, don't be upset with me."

He hesitates to get his feet dirty. To think of putting his toes between all that mud and grass was more exhausting than he'd like to admit, not to mention having to clean up the halls once they dirty the house _all over_ again.

But right now this irritating younger girl is standing too far away and he has no choice but to jump off the wooden platform and onto the ground.

He can almost hear her groan once she realises he's standing next to her.

"Hi," He greets, with upturnt corners at his lips. She's not sure if it's meant to be seductive or friendly, but she decides not to find out.

Her reply is instant. "No."

Len felt his face fall.

/

/

/

/

"Smile, _Mirai."_

 _A scowl._

 _"... Smile, Mirai!"_

 _An even bigger scowl. His heart couldn't help but ache at the lack of improvement despite several hours of effort he'd so easily wasted. He turned away from the camera lens to focus on the scent of salt air, seashells beneath his feet and that sour face directed towards him so bitterly as though he'd committed every single sin against earth._

 _At this point it'd be easier to train a puppy to walk on two feet rather than to get his daughter to smile. And that alone was difficult in itself._

 _Deciding better not to push, he raised his thumb and pressed on the capture button_

/

/

/

/

"No. I'm saying no, she's too young to be outside." Rin doesn't budge, "She's young, she can't even stand for ten seconds without falling over, and I don't want to risk getting caught."

Bullshit. They've brought her out before.

He has her daughter, and he has the house keys, both in his hold. She fears they've reached the point of no return.

Len spun around to reassure her. "We won't be going anywhere public. She'll be fine."

It's the _one day_ nearly all summer where the weather is forecasted to be sunny; he's not about to waste an opportunity so brazenly.

"We don't have money for train tickets," She made an attempt to take Mirai out of his arms. He resisted, turning his to stride ahead, ignoring any protests she allowed to float in the air. "If we spend any on today, we might not have anything to eat tomorrow. Or the week after that. Or the week after the week after that,"

Rin was pretty today, wearing that same white dress from her birthday while one of his rattier cardigans covered her arms.

When he complimented her, she responded with a scowl.

He would've wrung his hands from exhaustion had a child not been in his hold. Len quickly cut in, jumping to the easiest conclusion to please her if he ever dreamed to have one single day of peace. "I've got it. We'll go somewhere that won't need train tickets, alright?"

Only silence came. She had nothing more to say or do than a purse of her lips, followed by a firm nod of the head.

But Rin had been hoping to be brought to the empty festival grounds they'd visited once before, where he'd be able to prove the theory of tulips before any trace would be buried beneath snow. She was, however, _not_ hoping to be brought to the nearest seaside, where she's given no choice but to stay by herself on a nice little carpet higher up the shore to avoid any contact with the ocean.

Len's ankles were in shallow tides, the push and pull of the sea dragging skin into water, soon returning to kiss land.

A small hand clung onto the cloth of his jeans and he had to squat down, holding onto the owner's body, helping her stand on her own feet.

Little footprints could be seen imprinted on whatever there was of sand.

"Come in the water!" He cupped a hand over his mouth, as if the gesture would help his voice echo in the air, "It's warm!"

His partner grimaced with every last bit of refusal. "I think ー I think I'm fine where I am, thanks!"

The beach couldn't be described as pleasant. Not particularly, in comparison to their hometown ー then again, you can't compare an iconic ocranside town against a district famed for their water springs and mountains.

The sky is purple, and there's the reflection of the crimson sun waving at them through the water.

There's no soft, white sand in sight. Instead the entire shore is cliffs, rough rocks, and pebbles, similar to those reflexology paths often famed by middle-aged women in the park. After a while, his daughter turns restless enough to sob in distress at the sharpness beneath her bare feet.

The camera he had in hold was left to dangle on the sling around his neck when he had prop the child up on one arm, waving the other towards Kagamine Rin in hopes of luring her in. On other matters, he took a sniff of Mirai's scalp, of citrus and roses and the newest shampoo of the week, then wiped away a gooey trail of snot from her nose into a napkin.

Maybe it really was a bad decision to take them out. It's not the hike of morning anymore, and he personally doesn't feel too cold even when the sun is raining on his back, but maybe if he were any younger or any smaller...

"Can we go home yet?!" Rin yelled over the sound of the waves, grimacing over any surface the carpet couldn't fully blanket. She was certain her thighs would be full of scabs the next morning, and she wasn't looking forward to it by one bit. "She's going to get even fussier if we're not home by the time she's filled a diaper!"

"I brought the baby bag, we can just change her here."

"Stop being inconsiderate!"

Given that response, it was only natural that he wordlessly cross the gap into dry land, making sure to place their child safely onto the carpet, then watch Kagamine Rin shrink a million times in size as she tried to flee from the boy's outstretched hands. A shriek sounded in the air, throwing birds flying up into the skies as she, in just a few seconds, found herself in his hold on their journey to the sea.

Her apologies were nothing more than dry words to his ears.

"No, no, no, put me down!" Blonde hair tangled through his fingers. "Len, down! _Please!_ I'm sorry! I'll enter the water myself!"

It's too late now. "Gave you the opportunity to do so earlier."

"And I'll take it! I'll take it, alright, I'll ー " She let out another scream when he pretended to lose his grip. Len felt his cheeks flush red from a mixture of amusement and enthusiasm, holding in a grin from bursting over his face as both knees submerged beneath the sea. "Let me down! I'll listen to you from now on! I'll do anything you want ー "

"Oh, you want me to let you down?" An audible splash of the water, made with a single swish of his leg. "Right here?"

Another scream of his name, followed by hands roaming every part of his body that she could grasp on. Oh, he hasn't had this much fun in ages.

To think the girl is actually _this_ worried of drowning when the tides are at their weakest and nobody at her height would be underwater unless they were to crawl on both hands and feet. Her arms soon wound around his neck in nothing but pure desperation, and this time, the laugh bubbling up his throat nearly escapes.

Only, when he looks down to see the young lady's eyes clenched so tightly, a gentle tug to the heartstrings drags him across the ground.

He blew at one of the hairs tickling her nose. Her response is confused, and she blinks her gaze back open, staring back towards him.

This won't do.

While his first love is the sea, she wants absolutely nothing to do with it. In a moment, every breath of air kicked out from his lungs.

The last thing he registered was a tug on his collar when she fell, dragging him along with her.

/

/

/

/

As guilty as he felt, he couldn't deny the laugh that escaped this time.

He hadn't meant to drop her. That would've been the last thing on his mind. Rin was lovingly drenched from head to toe in saltwater, and any more efforts to reach out for her only resulted in a harsh punch against his chest. So he succumbed to grinning ー teeth on display, stretching to both ears and reaching his eyes.

All he wanted was to view the sea, not to bathe in it.

He told her it was an accident, out of every last bit of sincerity left in his heart.

It's too bad she would never believe him with what he's already done.

He made her wear a change of clothes they'd brought along ー only her school skirt and one of his jumpers. It's saddening, because now the outfit in their pictures wouldn't match the little white frill dress he'd carefully chosen out for their daughter (who, apparently, had to be guarded at all times because of a newfound interest in tasting any pebbles off the ground.)

Well... on the bright side, at least he managed to avoid the camera getting wet. A few testing shots proved the quality to be in top condition.

Rin wouldn't look at him even once during the walk home.

To be fair, she was barely talking to him at all this past week. Today has been a drastic improvement, and it's only because she had no choice but to communicate or else Len would get everything done his way.

He makes up for her coldness by closing their distance, walking just inches away rather than feet, stepping with his shoes in the trail of mud she leaves on the path.

Their daughter wakes eventually, but only long after the visit to the beach. He's been pestered to change out of his soiled clothes, rid his body of dirt, then return to bed. And by then, he was available to tuck the little girl back into her blanket with a soft pillow, with those blue eyes set to be closed until morning.

The sound of footsteps from the outer hall rushes past, and he's surprised the person in question can run around so energetically despite her complaints of pain.

Rin offers a mug of chocolate she'd brought back from the kitchen, made fresh, and the sweet liquid fils him with warmth directly to the stomach.

The mixture in itself wasn't perfect; powder was badly mixed in, curdled with chunks of air, but when she looks at him with those wide blue eyes, questioning how good it tastes, he doesn't hesitate to say it's the best thing he's had all day.

She flushes crimson from head to toe, smacking an embarrassed hand against his back when he takes another sip of the sweetness.

The boy cried defensively, nearly snorting out hot water. "What are you hitting _me_ for?!"

In all honesty, he'd be lying if he said he didn't understand _why_ she'd want to stare... this girl has never made a drink for him before. By the large mound of sugar sitting at the bottom at the cup that refuses to be mixed no matter how desperately he stirs the spoon, he doubts she's ever made any for herself at all.

"Does it taste good?" Her voice is harsh, but the worry is genuine.

That's the seventh time she's asked already.

"Why?" Len decided to voice his concern suspiciously, turning their interaction into a play, "What did you put inside it?"

Rin was in the middle of standing up with her long blanket dirtied at the hem, crumpling it to the side to search through his schoolbag for a spare jacket. She frowns, as if offended he ever dared to question her, but dropped the subject once concluding that she didn't have enough energy to start an argument on a problem so minor.

To think

Lucky him, he couldn't help but think. Lucky, _lucky_ him.

/

/

/

/

Blonde tufts of hair tickled his chin, then bumped his nose in attempts to get a better look of the bright pictures on the book, barely visible in the darkness.

"' _Very well,'_ thought the old woman." Len narrowed his eyes at the lines on the page, making out whatever words he could from a blur. The moonlight is dim, and the night was much too warm to light a fire. "So she planted the seed, and that very seed bloomed into a tulip, _and out of the tulip sprouted a girl,_ no bigger than the size of a thumb."

As he brought the piece of literature lower, it resulted in his daughter's delight, trailing pudgy fingers over the paper and dwarfing over his own hands.

She'd woken up only half an hour prior, in the dead of the early morning, refusing to go back to sleep. Pushing the child by the forehead back onto the futon, no matter how many trials he'd put into effort, didn't work as he'd hoped it would.

Her nails scraped over the drawing of a frog.

Then as if all that curiosity was finally satiated, leant back to her former position against his chest as he continued reading on. A few drops of milk from her bottle spilled on his jeans as she moved around.

He was unsure whether this little girl truly understood anything spoken or was merely enjoying the comfort of a warm body encompassing her, but he found it didn't matter enough to know.

Babies are two dimensional anyway. He'd worry about emotions, _hers_ , namely, later down the line, when it will actually matter. As of now, in all honesty, he's getting sick of storybooks.

This specific one, for example, he's already read over fifteen times in one single week.

But it was the only book he has with pictures, and the infant is certainly not getting tired of it. "... a pretty young maiden, to wed with a hideous frog? How _absurd_. The fishes, determined to help her, responded to the girl's..." _Squint_. Lord, the moon surely was too dim tonight. "... _pleas,_ biting at the lotus stalks to set her free- _ow_ ," His narrating stopped short when his daughter decided to suddenly stand up on two feet, putting her entire weight onto his groin. "Oh _-_ argh, Mirai!"

Out of shock, Len flung the book somewhere he didn't bother to trace.

He turned to face his source of torture.

Inocent ocean eyes blinked at him, as if she didn't just curse his wellbeing to hell.

Len somehow managed to get her off his body and onto the floor, leaving space for him to double over, bending his stomach on his knees. "... you little brat, you _hate_ me, don't you? What di-did I ever do to you?"

He stared forwards as if she could actually provide him a logical reply.

The young man took a deep breath to settle his thoughts.

He pulled his daughter back into his lap once he felt the pain slightly (and excruciatingly slowly) ebb away. The water took ages to blink away from his eyes.

Leaning against the wall for support, he then unfolded the book cover to reveal the very same page with Thumbelina sobbing, maybe less drastically than himself, on a lotus petal. Mirai pointed at one of the orange fishes, babbling indecipherable sounds, and he let out a hum of pained agreement as if he understood exactly what she meant.

But he wasn't going to let whatever just happened immediately forgotten.

"If you do that again," He squishes her face in one hand, which he thinks is done _gently_ , though it's really not ー forcing those plump little cheeks to bulge between the gaps of his fingers. "You're going to sleep _without_ any more stories tonight. Do you understand me?"

The command reaped no fruit. Mirai doesn't say a word (not that she could in the first place.)

See, this is _exactly_ why he struggles with babies.

But the little girl does respond in her own way eventually. Those icky little hands reach up to his ears, confusing Len as his eyes returned to the book, ready to keep reading, only to gdt caught off guard when she yanks down with what felt like every single force in the world.

In that moment, his ears had nearly been ripped from his head.

The blond had no choice but to push Mirai off, hunch down, giving himself another five minutes to breathe.

But when he looks up, expecting to see the child stare at him with that same, stoic look, he was surprised to see those lips spread out into a smile. She giggles, a sound more akin to a hiccup rather than a laugh.

Only a few teeth can be seen from her gums when she smiles.

He wrinkles his nose, reaching out one hand to pinch the cherub face in mock punishment.

It only occurs to him when the storybook is finished for the hundredth time and she's safely tucked inside her blanket, asleep after hours of his hard work, that this was the first time he'd ever heard his daughter laugh.

And it was soft, like raindrops in the sea.

/

/

/

/

The bathroom door is knocked on by the maximum of five times before it disgracefully bursts open, a young woman barging in without awaiting an answer.

One of the irritating rubber ducks made way through the water, coming over to poke at his skin. Irritated, he flung the offending toy to the floor to rid of any distractions, especially when it's bothering his head space.

It releases little squeaks as it bounces, then a final quack once it hits the wall ー or, rather, Kagamine Rin's leg.

Len drew his knees up to his chest, the cold bubbles of his bathwater running along with his movements as he glared daggers into his companion for so blatantly disrespecting his privacy. Then again, he's done the very same thing to her over a dozen times, so he's not standing in a place to complain.

She picks up the toy, squeezes it in her palm, then throws it back into the water against his chest.

Before he can demand reasoning behind such brashness, she announces loud enough to echo several times down their hall about how she's finished packing up everything they would need.

Her tone is sour but her face remains the same, the picturesque perfection of nonchalance.

He releases a hum of admiration, praising her in hopes it would make the young woman leave faster. But when she doesn't, he takes a moment to properly analyse her words, then ponder about what they might even mean. "What are you packing for?"

"What do you mean what am I-" Rin cut herself off, considered her next choice of words, then looked him in the eye. "Think for a moment, _you_ said you wanted to go back."

Her hands scoop under the water, feeling the temperature, than nearly recoiling at the speed of light at how he's practically bathing in _ice_. The older blond met the subject as cautiously as she did, lowering his tone and reaching just one hand out of the water to stroke her chin.

"Yeah. But you said _you_ didn't want to have anything to do with that. So I dropped it."

"Since when have you ever cared about what I want? About anything that I want?" Rin can't help but grit her teeth at the touch of cold liquid. Luckily the air is warm, and the green summer crickets chirping outside the window reminds her that he won't easily get sick over doing something as foolish as taking a cold bath in the middle of the night.

She stands up with a scowl, searching for one of the old towels in the sink cabinet, then demanding him to get up as she laces it around his damp shoulders.

"I do care!" He argued defensively. The way he shot his arm back into the water as she grasps it, trying to pull him up, nearly got her to fall forwards into the bath. Her balance is caught only at the final second, and it's only after she releases a scream.

He's not sure whether it's the shock of slipping or whether it's the water temperature.

The young lady stumbles back, the bare skin of her forearms catching onto cold bubbles, and Len slowly helps her return to her perch.

Once she settles down, she begins speaking again, calm enough that he'd nearly believe nothing had happened.

"Are we going or _not?_ " Her voice is slightly trembling, but an outsider wouldn't be able to tell. Her skin is flustered, but since the first time he's ever met this girl, her cheeks have always been red.

At the back of his eyes he can see her folding up the sleeves of her shirt to keep it from getting wet ー then dipping her entire arm in the water, even when the pain bites through her like hail against skin.

He can't help but protest when she finally digs underneath his legs, locating the plug of the bath and letting him sink deeply as the water slowly drains. He's not even sure why she's doing this. Len scowls, taking grip of the towel she passes over nearly resentfully, telling her to mind her own business and leave him some time alone without anybody barging into his space.

Only for nothing to change.

Her response is another nag for him to get out of the tub, then to wait until she boils some water for him to have a proper bath, as she's worried about him catching a cold.

Her entire existence overwhelms him. He doesn't know whether to be angry, or to be touched.

"We are," He reached for her cheeks, then apologised once the younger girl instantly recoiled at the lack of warmth in his touch. "Just not today."

Nonchalance is not something he normally associates with Kagamine Rin ー instead it is impulse, arrogance, and sugary sweetness which despite her being upset towards him, she never fails to deliver.

She passes him a robe, and he orders the younger blonde to turn around with eyes closed for the sake of his decency, as if they hadn't thrown that out the window so many times before. As he's stepping out of the tub, donning the robe, Rin only does half of what she's asked to do.

She stares at the opposite side of the wall, towards the door where she can see the shape of his rising shadow, allowing a frown to touch on her lips. "Since I'm going along with this... you promise not to leave me with Yuuma again.. not with my _family_..."

"I promise."

Despite himself, Len can't help but delight in the warmth of the towel, breathing in the smell of laundry softener she'd left it to soak in this morning. And something else, sweet and citrus-like, that he just can't place. Or perhaps it's just the scent of the sun, and the lilt, even as small as it can be, of her touch.

He can put his heart, raw and pumping in her hands. He turns her around to face him once he's ready, pressing his forehead against hers and sharing their breath.

But she doesn't smile back at him, and he cannot see the faintest trace, not even the _slightest_ linger of faith nor trust remaining in thd young woman's eyes.

* * *

thanks for the well wishes! (and ty all sm for sticking around oh god,) i can't say anything about delaying the ending as i believed we can agree the fic has been prolonged for enough, but hopefully i've managed to cover any loose holes in the story that previously hadn't been tied before.

regarding consistency i just might be able to upload a new chapter about once to twice every two weeks.


	56. dec31

If he thought those tests he had back in January was difficult, he had never imagined the horror of pinning an impatient one-year old to the wall as she releases desperate squeals for her mother to rescue her from being touched by the bloody pencil he is putting so much effort to draw above her head.

All he wants to do is mark her height, _not_ cause the end of the world.

By the sound of these cries, Len might as well commit to the latter. At least then his ears wouldn't have to be in unending pain.

He tries to release his grip on his daughter's leg. Before he can go and find the favoured parent, maybe beg her to write the growth records instead of him, the toddler rushes forward, lacing her arms around his shoulders and throwing herself to cuddle against his neck. Len finds himself freezing. He thinks it's sweet at first, twirling blonde little locks of hair around his fingers as he stroked the back of her head, assuring her that he wasn't really leaving her alone and not to cry, it would be alright.

That is only until his daughter goes ahead and sinks her teeth into his cheek.

/

/

/

/

He glares at the entrance mirror, towards the mark of a bite stretching out from the curve of his jaw.

Whenever he touches that certain part of skin, he can't help but flinch.

Karma is unrelenting, and it pulls threads through his lungs. It's with a bitter memory that he recalls until the age of six, one of his favourite past-times had been to bite both his father and his brother anywhere his teeth he could land on. To a child, something like that is seen as _hilarious_ rather than distressing, especially when the victim would jump back to wallow in their pain.

At least his own daughter does it out of defense ー or, if she's grumpy through a late-night feeding, because her teeth would never-endingly ache.

Most of the time, he's not even the victim, so he shouldn't complain.

The bag in his grasp leaks water onto the cement, and he roughly kicks off his shoes before stepping onto the wooden platform.

Rin's presence is found deeper inside their home, sitting at the porch, nose in one of his study books with her legs swinging above grass while their daughter is completely in the midst of it, observing some dandelions by her waist. She looks serene whenever she is reading, like the world stops around her and she is the only one moving in place.

Their daughter, on the other hand, emits a different picture. Storming bare feet over the uneven mounds of dirt where he once buried tulips beneath, occasionally yelling for her mother to keep attention on her, then moaning out little noises of complaint whenever a few shreds of grass would dare come in between her toes, almost as if she were born into royalty.

It's a sight he doesn't often see. Not because it's rare, but because he's never here to witness it.

Luckily tonight was a chance.

He's home earlier than usual; grocery duty had him leave in the morning, and normally his return is only once afternoon has come to an end. Right now, however, the sun hasn't even reached the peak of the sky. Though considering how Rin hasn't turned around to greet his presence, she is either continuing to ignore him, upset, or she's exceptionally clueless despite how loud his footsteps have been.

Len crept forwards, taking advantage of his companion's lack of awareness.

He shocked her with a sudden ruffle to the head, and a blow of wind to her ears

Goosebumps rose immediately at the first touch of skin, and he wrapped both ams around her neck, causing the girl to jump forwards and drop her book to the ground. "Len! Don't surprise me like that!"

Regarding his former curiosity, it proved to be the latter.

"Did you miss me?"

"Not anymore, I don't."

"Fine with me. Guess what I brought for us." When the younger blonde raised her brows instead of giving him an answer, he took the reigns to wave the bag in her face, causing her temper to hike. She looked as if she was seconds away from tackling him into the earth. "Come on, _g_ uess."

"If you keep this up there won't be anything _left_ to guess."

Eventually he decides to stop pestering her. Moving her fringe behind her ear, he clears the young lady's line of vision before bringing out two fresh icepops melting under the warm weather.

She suddenly wasn't so upset anymore. Rin couldn't help but smile with all her teeth, every hint of irritation melting away when he peels open the top of the plastic and gives the tip of her tongue the taste of strawberries.

For once, after _so many_ wasted days of summer being spoilt by the rain, they finally have an excuse to spoil themselves with a little of something cold and sweet.

When she realises she's looking too much happier than she should be, she wiped the grin off her face. Her mouth is about to take the entire thing through her lips until her conscience held the urge back, making her ask whether he really bought this for her and if it was alright for her to eat on her own.

Of course, his reply wasn't ideal. "No, because I'm a greedy bastard and bought two whole pops just for myself. You can't have any, Rin, you can't have any at all."

Her excitement, however, was far too overwhelming to contain that she managed to look past the sarcasm.

The younger blonde didn't even bother to get upset towards his snarkiness this time, nor start an argument when she saw him teasingly roll his eyes. She is happy, and it's the only thing that matters.

He hasn't seen her in this way for a _long_ time. He knows better to appreciate the moment rather than spoil it while it's raw.

Len unwrapped his own dessert, his free hand carelessly caressing the spine of her back.

Instantly, however, as the plastic film peels away from the chocolate and he's about ready to gnaw the ice, miniature hands grip onto his trousers, effortlessly snatching his attention away. The young man looks down to find his infant daughter, who had been happily minding her own business with the fallen leaves on the ground only a few minutes prior, suddenly gazing up at him in awe with those big, blue eyes.

No... _in truth,_ her face barely had any emotion other than a blank stare, but he had instincts only a parent could have, and he can tell when she wanted something. Especially when that _something_ lays in his hands.

His mind scrambled for an excuse. "You're too small to have any." He pushed out a fib. "Do you know what would happen if you had a lick? You'd turn over, belching, then your stomach would _burst_. We wouldn't want that."

That attraction didn't falter even the slightest bit. She had a hand in her mouth, eying him carefully as if it were a chess tournament and she was his opponent in the final match.

When he takes a bite, trying to ignore her, the next few seconds holds peace by the reigns and flings it somewhere far, far away. Mirai buries her face in his lap, wailing enough to send his entire body rippling like pebbles thrown into lakewater from head to toe. His determination quickly diminished.

He really has no choice, but if he's being honest, he knew that from the start.

Rin stretched out her arms, trying to pull their daughter over to herself, as if coaxing would _actually_ work. "Baby, do you want to try some of Mummy's instead?"

To no avail, the offer fell on deaf ears.

Len could barely hear anything himself, drowned out by the sobs and _shrieks_ and rivulets of tears dampening his clothes. When his daughter gets a little older he should weigh all their options and consider sending her off for acting school considering such natural flair for dramatics. Crying on demand is a _talent_ , really, just not one he appreciates.

"Come on, sweetheart, you don't have to cry! We can share mine!" He has to give Miss Rin some credit for trying, at least.

The older blond took a deep breath. Raising the toddler off the grass and onto his lap, caressing all fingers from the dark brown roots of her hair to the lighter ends. She was sobbing at him when he wiped away her snot, and she was _still_ sobbing when he smooched her scalp, whispering little apologies only to those ears.

The cries ended immediately, however, the moment he let sweet, cold milk chocolate touch her lips. Mirai opened her mouth to slurp on the ice, evidently surprised that her father relented so quickly by the look in het eyes (though likely knowing he would, he always does).

Both of her hands encased just one of his, stabilising the popsicle stick.

Salty tears were no longer forming at her eyes, and Len was left to clean up those plump cheeks with nothing more than a sleeve.

"Now you've got nothing..." Rin watched on with pity, paying no mind to the fruit syrup dripping onto her hands. "... poor Daddy."

 _"Don't call me that."_

She ignored him, "You should've only let her have a lick. Think of what that's going to do to her _teeth._ "

"I'll brush them later. The last time we let her have any chocolate has been a month anyway." He was trying to keep himself from being blamed. "It's not going to rot just because she's had a little bit more than she should."

"Keep telling yourself that."

He brushed her worries off with a huff. "Does yours taste any good?"

"Yeah. You want some?" It doesn't take long before Rin moves her treat in his direction.

At first he rejected the offer, assuring that he got it for _her_ and there was no need to compensate. It was only until the ypung lady reminded him that his precious icepop was coated entirely in baby drool, so unless he wanted to live in misery, he might as well savour a little bit of heaven before there's nothing left to enjoy all evening.

The older blond was grateful he listened; that little chunk of ice made the hot weather slightly more bearable.

Although such happiness is always short lived.

When their daughter realises they're enjoying their lives enough by sharing, those pudgy little hands reached for the strawberry popsicle, demanding a taste, which her mother taunts by dangling it high away, above their heads. She has already lost interest in chocolate and an entire rod of ice is forcefully shoved into Len's mouth, down his throat.

Somehow his heart manages not to stop even as he chokes.

/

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/

/

His eyes are blurry when he stirs out of his sleep at eleven in the evening, feeling around beside him for a warm body. He fell asleep with her in hold, only to find, hours later, there's nothing of the sort within reach.

Panic fills him as always. He nearly injures himself by standing up as quick as he did, the blanket roping around his legs.

For once the fear doesn't last long. A sudden noise echoes beneath the roof, hushed and gentle, which upon recognition, doesn't fail to calm him down.

It did, however, cause his curiosity to spike. Len crept to the halls on the tips of his feet.

Any stronger steps would send the woods to creak, courtesy of flooring that's a century old. He doesn't want to alert his family that he was awake, especially this late. All he aims for is a glimpse to make sure they're alright, then after a confirmation he will go back to bed until the sun rises from the east.

A soft gurgle, the sound of running water, followed by a voice which is more affectionate than it is chastising. "You are so spoilt. You know that, baby? Spoilt."

The bathroom door is halfway open, and a small beam of flickering candlelight makes it's way to glow throughout the hall.

He somehow manages to creep by unnoticed, peering inside to spectate the scene. His baby is babbling through foam, sitting on the sink, while her mother brushes all around her gums with a silicone fingerbrush. Rin props the little jaw open with her other hand, constantly repeating her warnings not to swallow any saliva no matter how tempting the fruity taste was to the tongue.

They had a separate toothpaste ー one of those pink ones meant for infants that came with a bunny dispenser, tasting like berries in comparison to spearmint, only for her.

A soft sigh sent the hairs at the back of his nape to rise. "... Daddy lied to me. He said he was gonna brush your teeth tonight, but he fell asleep immediately after sunset..."

Through what he can only guess was motherly expertise, she somehow managed to rinse her daughter's mouth with the aid of nothing more than a warm cup and fresh face towel, completing what he would take an entire minute to do only in the span of seconds. It is impressive, but he can't even let her know.

When he breathes in the walls, he can smell strong bath salt accompanied by the fog hovering beneath the ceiling.

Len allows himself a second look, squinting over the dim fire.

He realises that the ends of both their hairs are dripping wet, fresh with water that puddles on the mat beneath.

Both mother and child must've just finished having a bath, causing him to frown. It's not that hygiene is an unimportant factor, it's that they're having one _this late_ that concerns him. Especially when they've already had one earlier this evening.

Before he can burst in, demanding a reason, Rin continues speaking. Her words stop him in his tracks.

"But that's okay. Daddy rarely sleeps so early, so we have to give him a break, right? He's working hard on his studies.. we shouldn't bother him." Rin releases a happy giggle when she scoops up her daughter in her arms, kissing every part of skin she could land her lips on. And he can tell, by the look on her face, that her fragile heart has melted into nothing but water when their little girl wraps both her arms tenderly around her neck, soon imitating that motion.

Only babies don't really _know_ how to kiss, so rather than a peck, it ends in a sloppery open-mouthed smooch.

Rin's face is completely wet, licked up by an infant in a show of affection, and she doesn't hide how she adores every last bit of it to the core. "Mirai... is that a kiss? Thank you! Should Mama kiss you too?"

...

"You're absolutely right, Mama should kiss you more and _more_ , everywhere."

It's a strange thing to experience, just standing there in the dark, watching a teenage girl audibly mumble unstoppable mwah, mwah, _mwahs_ , to a toddler squealing in excitement at every kiss. It's even stranger to feel _comfort_ in the sight rather than disgust in the way that he would've years in the past.

His chest is warm, and he can't even blame the red cheeks he has on the summer weather.

Maybe it's because he hasn't seen a show of affection in a while. Or maybe the display comes from his own family, and that's why it drives him to feel more strongly about it than he should.

Len closes his eyes, counts to ten to recompose himself, before deciding the time was up. He makes his way back to that spot on the floor where only half of his body lays on the futon. His family, albeit as little and small as it is, is _still_ his family, as they return to the living room on tiptoes around his head. He can tell Rin's doing her best not to wake him up, and it's even more evident when she curls into his chest, under his warmth, as her daughter rests in her arms.

His eyes are tightly shut, and he begs under the name of every god he knows that the young lady doesn't realise when his eyelids flicker.

She doesn't. Instead she presses her lips against his own, twice, to bless him good night, leading them both to a pleasant dream.

/

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/

/

Summer is tolerable once you get beneath the shade, and a breath of relief reaches both of them once they arrive at the bus station.

Rainy season has ended, for better or for worse, and although the sun is unbearable, the beginning of autumn is soon coming upon them.

She paces infront of him, reminding him that the only reason they're going so far back to a place she loathes is for his own good. For his studies, for his health, for his exams, for everything that has to do with only him.

"I don't want you to come back and forth, in the middle of the night, spending less time on your studies because the house is far away. Don't forget it." Her sandals aren't protecting her from the wind, and she gets down on both knees to fix the strap on Mirai's shoes. "Your studies are important, so once the time comes, don't neglect it."

"Yes, ma'am.." Because deep down, they both know she really is doing it for him. Genuinely, truly.

When Rin sands up, she brushes the dirt off her pants, o _ne of his jeans that don't fit her at all_ , as if to wipe away the ache in her knees before she pushes the toddler forwards to walk as she's gotten tired of carrying nearly thirty pounds of weight on nothing more than those two sticks she calls arms for the past hour and a half.

Sensing his daughter's excitement for freedom, Len quickly clutched the little girl by the hand before she could develop any _good ideas_ about sprinting into the forest or down the opposite road before they could catch her. It's not that she could walk very fast, so she wouldn't get very far even if she tried... but, still.

His partner hadn't finished complaining, either. "Had you given me any other reason, I wouldn't go along with your plans at all. I don't trust you enough for that."

"Understood."

Rin is bitter, and she doesn't hide it. It's been nearly two years and he still doesn't allow her to go outside without his eyes guarding her every movement. (Unless he's dumping her in her brother's hold like weekend garbage, that is.) Right now, she doesn't like what's happening even one bit.

It is also with a bitter heart, despite walking several feet ahead of him, so far apart it feels like they're strangers heading the same direction never to see each other again, she feels like the older blond has her on a leash.

She kicks the luggage bag forward when the wheels are jammed on the staircase, and her daughter reaches out for her with a whine, wanting to be led by different arms.

Len's grasp is like solid metal. There's no way you can rip free, even a bird would feel as if it were clipped by the wings and held by chains just by flying above him.

"Mama's not going to lift you anymore, give up."

He blew half of his school allowance getting her those shoes, they're warm, perfect size for her feet, and he's not letting the money go to waste.

Somehow, though, even words as simple as those manage to make Rin snap. "Yes Mama will," Her angry face disappears immediately when she 'rescues' her daughter by scooping the toddler directly into her arms, peppering that mouth and nose and cheeks with more kisses than anyone could ever count. "Stupid Daddy doesn't get to say anything. You're tired... poor angel, we made you walk _soooo_ much. Too much."

All he's made her walk is twelve steps. _Twelve_. And they're moving forwards at the pace of a snail.

Nevermind that he's supposed to be carrying this bundle of weight on his lap for the next seven hours of sitting in a bus. Nevermind how she once ran at the speed of lightning, back and forth, bare-bummed to avoid him changing her into a fresh diaper.

Yet somehow this same baby gets pampered when they have to go out on a rare occasion.

The blond huffed through his nose, taking over the bag and lifting it up by the strap, trying not to look back.

Thank the gods that transportation would be easier on them today. He didn't want to move around in a train.. although journey time would be shorter, they'd be forced into making too many transits and run from one station to another, all while juggling an infant, a teenage girl, and a heavy bag that's half of him in both height and weight. That was unnecessary trouble.

Within the next half hour they're seated comfortably in their chairs, raising the armrest between them for more space that their daughter could crawl between.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Rin questions, as he claims the seat by the window and spreads his shoulders behind her own chair.

Rin doesn't take the hint. Instead she sets their daughter down on his lap for a better view of the mountains outside, which Mirai reacts happily by fondling the windows, and she keeps to her own space with a huge gap of distance in their seats.

If there was anything worse that could happen, it would be for her to place the baby bag between them as a sort of barrier.. but not even a fre seconds later, that's exactly what the young lady did.

And she doesn't even take notice of his change in expression.

"Like what?"

"Like... that. I don't know, you've been smiling at me all day," She waved her arms over her head, accentuating his facial features, trying to find the right word to describe what she was thinking. "... like a pervert," The young lady finally finished, lamely.

His cheeks fell, the dimples along with it. "Well, _sorry_ that you think I'm a pervert. I suppose I just won't smile ever again."

Despite the loss, she doesn't even try to comfort him. "Why are you stretching your arm out like that?"

"For you to rest on it." They needed to get all distractions out of sight. Len threw the bag between them off the cushions, kicking it roughly beneath the seat before gesturing the younger blonde closer towards him, right as the bus began to jolt forwards, running on it's wheels. "Come here."

Rin doesn't take the hint. A nervous, strained laugh leaves her throat, and she shifts only to make more distance from him rather than less. "You're being really weird..."

She, on the other hand, is _be_ ing really difficult. But nobody sees him making any complaints.

 _Fine_. Len huffs through his nostrils, rescinding the invitation by drawing his arms back to his sides. He's not desperate enough to beg her all night long for something that would end up sending _his_ body to ache rather than hers.

His daughter yawns on his lap, and he has to exercise to get his arms out of his jacket before surrounding the toddler in his makeshift blanket, which is only one of his brother's old jackets previously slung around his waist.

Eventually, however, as the night rolls by and hours past with his daughter nestled under his chin and a book in his hand, he finds that Kagamine Rin's body follows. She leans against his shoulder at first, peering over his limb to see what he's reading, then upon concluding it's nothing of interest, falls completely asleep. Her head in his lap, infant feet kicking her cheeks.

He strokes her head and makes teasing pinches to her nose. Although she whines at him, she makes no motion to turn away.

/

/

/

/

No matter how many nights have passed, he still can't get over the fact that, _granted only if he's fallen asleep first,_ he receives a kiss every night before she goes to bed.

The smell of sea salt is fresh and strong for them, overwhelming every single sense with the reminder of their town. Rin is antsy over her return, as if expecting any moment for one of her brothers to turn up unannounced, grab her by the cuff, and for Kagamine Len to turn around, walking away from her without a final glimpse.

It's only until they reach the apartment building, inside an elevator with the doors closed behind the flat, does she release the breath she's been holding since they got off the bus. The tenseness in her muscles finally fade away.

Their shoes are the only ones by the entrance; his father is evidently not home, away on his trip, and his elder brother hasn't visited in years.

Rin's fingers point together, feeble, and he can feel the guilt feed on his sanity as he allows the young lady to wander around the living room, observing the array of photo frames lining up the walls. It suddenly occurs to him that although his family relations are supposedly strained, there are family portraits at every turn you look. Birthdays, holidays, every special dinner during new years.. even wedding photos aged two decades in the past.

Her own home was the complete opposite.

He thinks the only picture he's ever seen of her as a child was the one Yuuma let him have a look at. No where else.

Then again, he shouldn't be jumping to conclusions. They could very well be the type of people to keep photos inside albums rather than on display. Trying to make light of the situation, Len jibed the sudden switch in behaviour, but his voice is too soft for her to hear.

She stopped in her tracks. Her eyes were fixed on one single photo; a woman with a smile identical to his, long hair falling beneath her waist, both arms spread out as if to lure one in.

Rin turned away once she realised he was watching her, as if she was found guilty. "Sorry... you were cute, Len."

Pity overwhelmed him, and he smoothed a hand over the top of her scalp, bringing the young lady's gaze to level with his. "... you know, she would've taken care of you even if you were nothing to her."

"Hm?"

"Mum. In case you were thinking about what I said a while back. She's not a bad person," Len admitted, burying half of his face in his sleeping daughter's curls, hiding his shame. "But I need to make this clear ー you're _not_ special. Even if you were any other sick little girl in the world, she'd adore you the same. Mum _is_ caring, it's simply nature for her to put herself last. But that means, regardless of sentimentality or blood, _nobody_ comes first to her. Not even her own children."

"... I don't think that's true."

"I know her, Rin. I know her more than you'd _ever_ know her."

"I spent more than half of my life sitting around like a dead fish in a hospital." She breathed, scoffing at her own memory. "She was around for a good portion of it. I don't think you _do._ "

"That's just it, isn't it? She chose _work_ over her _family_."

"She loved you."

 _This_ again. As if she hadn't once apologised for this very same reason on repeat.

She clung to the hem of his shirt, refusing any place for him to turn away.

"She did," He wasn't denying it. "But not more than anyone else."

/

/

/

/

Her breath was warm on his neck.

He was caught off guard, leaning over the simmering pot alone, trying to heat up the milk in a bottle without disturbing anyone at night.

Rin's sensitivity, however, forced her awake. She left the safe confinements of his cramped little bedroom in search of him. So there they stood, a pair of teenagers at three in the morning with one's arms wrapped tightly around the other's stomach, her face buried into his back while he kept his focus on the kitchen stove.

Eventually he wonders aloud if she isn't able to sleep, and the response he receives is the nod against his shirt.

The fire is quickly switched off, and he turns around, urging her to rest and promising he wouldn't take long to return.

But she stays rooted in the same spot, refusing to move an inch away from anywhere he went, and not going back to bed until he did himself.

* * *

happy holidays! ffn locked me out of my account for a few days, not sure why... the captcha lock wouldn't load.

there were absolutely no kagamine anniversary fics published in the archives this year... often i can't help but miss the 2014-2015 era.


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